1. It was hot, and my son wanted to eat sorbet on weekends. I ate one in the morning. In the afternoon, he couldn't help it. He quietly ran to the refrigerator and opened the freezing door. As a result, I found out, and I shouted: I can't eat! My son was very wronged and muttered: An sorbet told me that it wanted a warm home and I wanted to help it!

2. When I was crowded in the subway at night rush hour, I saw a big brother calmly put away his mobile phone, so I crowded next to him and waited to take his seat. As a result, my big brother didn't want to get up for a long time. I couldn't help asking: Brother, why did you put away your mobile phone when you didn't get off? Big brother looked at me with a stupid face: the phone is dead!

3. Me: What's the price of your beer? Attendant: One for 11 yuan and one for 12 yuan. Me: How much do you think a person like me can drink a bottle? Attendant: Sorry, we don't have a bottle of 2 yuan here!

4. I once quarreled with my boyfriend and cried on the phone. My best friend came to comfort me. Suddenly, he stared at my eyes. One sentence popped up: What brand of mascara do you use? You cried like this and didn't drop it. I was so angry that I stopped crying when I threw the phone away.

5. I went to see a doctor once for a toothache. The doctor said that my teeth were a little worn and asked me if I would grind my teeth when I slept at night. I said I don't know. How can I know if I'm grinding my teeth when I'm asleep? The doctor said, Oh, single.

6. I deliver takeout in a restaurant, and a customer always likes to order takeout from our store. Once, he asked: your take-out is not expensive, but your chef is an old chef, right? Me: Yes, I'm experienced. My cooking is first-class, and the taste is different. Can you tell that this is the skill of an old chef? Customer: I can't eat the skills of an old chef, but I can always eat white hair!

7. I am nearsighted. The other day, I saw a woman carrying a bag with a white background and blue tassels, which was particularly beautiful. I felt that it matched the lake green dress I bought, so I ran up and said, Your bag is very beautiful. Where did you buy it? As a result, I took a closer look: two green onions were hung in a plastic bag.

8. My mother called me and said, Son! Come to the hospital, your sister is going to have a baby! ! I said: good! By the way, is it a man or a woman? My mother said: I don't know yet, so I don't know if you are an uncle or an aunt. . .

9. When I went to the shopping mall and saw the clothes in a franchise store were beautiful, I took off my coat and gave it to the waiter to try on all kinds of clothes. After trying on a lot of clothes, I thought I would forget the price. I asked the waiter later: Where is my coat? The waiter looked at me for a long time and said, There were too many guests just now. I seem to have sold it.

11. It was my buddy who arranged the seats at the wedding. He said I was unmarried and wanted to arrange a table for me to be single. I was so excited that I thought I might have a single goddess or something. Later, I was placed in a table full of children, and TM asked me to take care of the TAs and eat well!

11. After drinking too much with a few friends, I went to a path without street lights, and I had to pee immediately. Looking to the left, several girls are coming, thinking that they can't see in the dark. Who the hell would have thought that those eight bastards took out their cell phones, turned on flashlights and took photos for me, saying they were afraid I would pee on my pants.

12. I often tell my girlfriend that when she is in a panic, drinking water will calm her down. That day, I slipped and fell into the water. When she saw that I was very flustered, she shouted: Don't panic! Drink some water!

13. I walked my dog with my girlfriend in the park. There was a girl with big breasts opposite, and I couldn't help glancing at her secretly. Girlfriend "pa" slapped Erha's head hard and scolded: Did you say you were cheap? Big fish and big meat feed you full, and your eyes will shine when you see a lump of shit!