No matter what you plan to do, they always like to "satirize" you with a prescient attitude. Forget it. You can't do it. Stop dreaming. How did you do that? And you often listen to them and automatically extinguish your burning passion.
Chinese-style "throwing cold water" always hurts you to pieces in the name of loving you and being good for you!
Chinese-style "throwing cold water" hurts people invisibly
You must often encounter such a situation in your life:
When you make up your mind to lose weight, he will laugh at you and give up. You love eating so much that you will definitely not lose weight.
When you are ready to give up your civil service job and go out for fun, he will tell you, stop messing around, you can hardly support yourself;
When you are old and want to learn to do WeChat business, he will tell you that it is all a lie. Just don't lose all your money with your IQ.
Sometimes, you will find that when you finally make up your mind to do something, you expect to be encouraged by the people around you, but when you talk about the plan, all you get is "throwing cold water"!
And these people who throw cold water are often the closest people to you!
There was a variety show, and Song Dandan and his son Batu were invited for one issue. In the program, Song Dandan, as a mother, throws cold water on her son all the time!
Seeing other people's children cooking breakfast for everyone, Song Dandan would say, "I gave birth to a loser and can't do anything. Look at other people's children. "
When Batu made a fire for her to cook eggs, she laughed at her son's clumsiness and complained that his soot had stained her face.
Regardless of Batu's face. Batu, who is in his twenties, can only walk away awkwardly. I don't know how Batu felt when he heard his mother say "I gave birth to a loser" and "he can't do anything" in front of everyone.
My son, who never does housework, takes the initiative to make breakfast for you. Instead of encouraging him, he threw a bucket of cold water. This kind of education may never be learned, and he will never grow up!
Zuckerberg once shared a group of pictures about personal education, listing the performance of "irresponsible" parents, most of which were caused by "love to throw cold water".
If children feel inferior and lack self-confidence, it is because parents always belittle them with bad language.
A netizen in Weibo told me that when I was in junior high school, a large family held a song party in KTV. Her cousin said that she wanted to be a singer when she grew up. She said that she wanted to form a women's group with her cousin when she grew up. As soon as her mother heard this, she threw cold water on her in KTV, mocking her for not singing as well as her cousin, which made her feel extremely humiliated and made her unwilling to sing. Later, as long as the whole family get together, she will feel inferior and feel inferior to her cousin!
This incident left a deep impression on her. When she tried to communicate with her mother, she just talked about her hurt feelings, and her mother began to teach her: "How can you be so blx? You can't stand this blow. How can you survive in society in the future! "
Until now, this shadow in her heart has not passed!
Contemporary parents like to show their intellectual superiority by "throwing cold water", thus expressing a potential view that "everything you do is wrong, and only under my leadership can you do it right".
They want to save themselves from losing control of their children in education, but this way will only alienate them.
If our parents can't always recognize us, is it necessary for us to say anything to him?
In Japanese dramas, the ultimate evil BOSS is often produced in this way, and the unscrupulous attempt to surpass his father is actually to gain his approval.
For us ordinary people, parents' "well-intentioned criticism" will inadvertently affect ourselves and constrain our progress.
Seriously, it will also form a personality defect, that is, parents repeatedly emphasize "problems that you can't change", and you really can't change them, because although you know that what your parents say is reasonable, more emotions are against your parents, which will be counterproductive.
Worst of all, this "throwing cold water" interpersonal communication mode will make people mistake it for a symbol of intimacy.
"Say you are for your own good, others don't care about you!" This sentence inexplicably became politically correct.
That's how many people screw up their relationships. They think that criticism and exposure are a kind of "honest quality".
It is often said that good medicine tastes bitter and is good for illness, but good advice is good for action. Actually, this sentence is not quite right.
Criticizing others is not necessarily the cause of bad interpersonal relationships. Pointing out others' mistakes can often gain others' respect.
A serious misunderstanding of contemporary criticism is "denying for the sake of denying".
That is to say, they criticize others more for gaining self-identity, rather than really trying to help and protect others.
Don't think that everyone can't see it. When the former criticizes you, his emotions will be full of a sense of self-superiority, while the latter will show more concern and care.
In other words, whether people accept criticism mainly depends on the attitude of critics. In fact, they may not be able to tell whether the criticism is true or not.
There is no need to listen to the criticism of self-improvement, whether it is true or not. Because life experience tells us that deceivers are criticized more often than helped, and more importantly, they have a strong emotional burden.
"Go forward bravely, take history as a mirror" is the art of remonstration of ancient courtiers, that is to say, a person who really thinks about you will not be aggressive and will consider our emotions.
Always throwing cold water on others, the final result is to be boiled and thrown back.
Interestingly, people who like to throw cold water on me in life find that they are not much better than me. In addition, I found that I don't need to prove myself to them, because I found that their logic is only their own logic, not the logic of the world.
In China, parents always throw cold water on their children in the name of "being good for you" and "being afraid of your pride". This blow of righteous words extends to lovers, couples and friends, and is disguised as honesty, as if it is because I am close to you that I am honest with you, without empty talk or rhetoric.
But often "throwing cold water" will push close people to the abyss.
Sometimes it is really difficult for home to be your shelter, because in the eyes of parents, you will always be a child who is not big and full of problems.
Stay away from those who throw cold water on you.
A person who loves to pour cold water, let him experience the feeling of being suppressed by others several times, in order to understand the benefits of silence!
My good friend A recently got a promotion and a raise. She was very happy and kindly invited her boyfriend out for dinner. Instead of being happy, she was thrown cold water. Her boyfriend degraded her to nothing in one sentence: your salary increase is not enough for others to deduct taxes. Don't be silly!
A was angry and retorted, what about you? You don't even have a chance to get a raise. You just play games every day. Your salary is not enough for me to buy a bag!
Two people instantly entered the stage of artillery fire, and A ran out crying to talk to me. "You said, I finally got over it. He poured a pot of cold water on me and completely drenched me!" !
This kind of cold water people can be found everywhere in life! Their "enlightenment" is nothing more than these words: "I have experienced failures, and I have had them. You are young and ignorant"; "Good work depends on relationships, not struggle"; "You are far behind others in this achievement. Learn it again." "You wanted to start a business as soon as you were born, save it." .......
If you want to get encouragement from them, it is almost impossible. In a word, turn your efforts and struggles into a bubble!
Never stay away from those who love to throw cold water on you. Because in the cultivation of these people, there are no words of encouragement and praise. They regard cold water as honesty and good words as lies, and hurt you to pieces.
Don't be knocked down by "throwing cold water"
There are generally three kinds of people who love to throw cold water:
Number one: I envy you for being better than him. I can't do it well. How can you do it well? So whether you can do it or not, pour a pot of cold water first and put out your fighting spirit!
This kind of person usually happens between friends and colleagues. To put it bluntly, such people are narrow-minded and dare not stay away from him after your efforts are successful!
The second type: deliberately pour cold water on yourself, show that you are awesome, and educate you with past failure experience. This one doesn't work, that one doesn't work, just listen to me. In fact, this kind of person has no confidence in himself, because he has never really worked hard and doesn't know that it is impossible to succeed!
This kind of person will usually be your partner. Family and they usually only let you see their failure, but they won't tell you how to get around the pit he stepped on in those years!
The third type: content with the status quo, all efforts are in vain, life is like this, just live well, why not!
This kind of cold water is not limited to anyone, it may be a friend or your lover, parents, etc. This kind of person, content with the status quo, intends to live in such a mediocre way, thinking that others will think the same as him!
Don't be knocked down by people who throw cold water around you, and don't easily believe the "reality" in their mouth. Who can see through everything early? Everyone is a practitioner who explores in the dark, but some people give up halfway without success, and some people will not compromise easily.
Don't be a wet blanket on others. Praise and encouragement can also express your kindness and frankness. Why not change it?
A good dissuasion, in fact, does not need to "pour cold water", just ask questions. Through a series of questions, you can guide the other person to think about what you want to express.
Confucius once put forward the theory of "six words and six veils", referring to liu de: benevolence, wisdom, faithfulness, straightforwardness, courage and rigidity. Confucius believes that when the six noblest virtues of human beings lose their manners, it will become a catastrophe.
The disadvantage of loving benevolence without learning etiquette is that it will become stupid;
Love smart but don't learn manners, its disadvantage is bohemian;
I like to talk about honesty but I don't learn manners. Its disadvantage is that it is easy to be used by others and harm others.
Love is straightforward but does not learn manners. Its disadvantage is that it hurts people because they are eager for success.
Being brave but not learning manners has the disadvantage of causing trouble;
Love is strong, but don't learn manners. Its disadvantage is audacity.
Therefore, all our excellent qualities, including sincerity, should fully consider each other's positions and distinguish our interpersonal boundaries. In the words of Confucius, this is called ceremony.
Zhou Zeng said: Sincerity is ridiculous if you don't talk about the object and the sense of proportion. Being played with sincerity is as embarrassing as being exposed with hypocrisy.
Therefore, a good interpersonal relationship is that two hearts warm each other, rather than one heart torturing the other.