A son of a rich family went to take an exam, and his father gave him a test in advance. He got good grades and thought he would be admitted. Unexpectedly, there was no son's name on the list. Father hurried to the county magistrate to judge. The county magistrate turned to look at the volume, only to see a faint layer of fog on it, but

I couldn't see any words.

As soon as my father got home, he scolded, "Why is your examination paper so hard to read?"

My son cried, "No one grinds ink for me in the examination room, so I have to dip my pen in water to write on the inkstone."

old lady recites Buddha

There is an old lady who recites Amitabha, Amitabha, and shouts, "Han, Han,

There are too many ants in the pot. I hate it. Please burn them with fire for me." Then he read: "Amitabha, Amitabha < P > Buddha." Then he called out, "Han, Han, take some ashes off the bottom of the pot for me, and don't use your own dustpan, because if it burns out, just borrow it from your neighbor's house." Remember, remember. Amitabha, Amitabha "

Never a vegetarian

Monks visit people. Seeing that he was a monk, the master asked, "Master, do you drink?"

The monk smiled and said, "Drink a little wine, but never be a vegetarian."

Except for the idiot

A man complained to the county government: "I lost a hoe tomorrow, please check it out."

The county magistrate asked, "You slave! I lost my hoe tomorrow. Why didn't you report it yesterday? "

when the clerk nearby heard this, he couldn't help laughing. The county magistrate immediately concluded the case and said, "It must be you who stole the hoe! What on earth did you steal

for? "

The petty official replied, "I want to get rid of that idiot."

The old man is sad

There was an old man who was rich and wealthy, and his descendants were full. On the occasion of the centenary birthday, the birthday guests crowded the house, but the old man was < P > very unhappy.

People asked him, "You are so blessed, what are you worried about?"

The old man replied, "I'm not worried about anything, but I'm worried that when I celebrate my 211th birthday, the number of people who come to congratulate me will increase by hundreds or thousands.

How can I remember them one by one?"

Fighting for cheap

A man was playing outside the door with his son in his arms. The neighbor joked, "The blood of father and son really runs down in the same vein. Just look at your

son. His face is really the same as mine."

The man holding the child said, "Yes, you and this child were brothers born of a woman. How can you have different faces?"

Heart is broken

There are two villains, both of whom have poisonous sores on their backs. Please ask a doctor for treatment. After reading one, the doctor looked at the second one, pretending to be frightened, and said, "His heart is worse, but it can be cured. Your heart is so bad and rotten, how can I be cured?"

Sparrows treat

One day, sparrows treat birds to wine. It said to the kingfisher, "You are wearing such bright clothes, so naturally please sit on the < P > table."

He said to the eagle, "Although you are bigger, you are wearing black and ugly clothes, so you have to be wronged to sit at the next table."

The eagle replied, "Why are you such a snob, you slave? !”

The sparrow replied, "Everyone in the world knows that I am a sparrow with a small heart and shallow eyes."

Animals bully the poor

A man asked a beggar, "Why do dogs bite when they see you?"

The beggar replied, "If I have a good coat and hat, the animals will respect me."

emperor's clothes

a beggar came back from Beijing and boasted that he had seen the emperor. Others asked him, "What clothes does the emperor wear?"

a: "wearing a hat carved from white jade and a robe made of gold."

Q: "How can you bow in gold robes?"

The beggar spat at him and said, "Haha, I really don't understand the world! Now that you are an emperor, who do you bow to? "

I'm afraid of drowning

When a guest comes into the store to buy a drink, he will say "Dun" after a drink, and talk endlessly. Others asked, "I think I drank too much wine. < P > Are you afraid of diarrhea? Do you go to go to the lavatory in the hairy pit?"

The man pointed to the glass and said, "No, I just want a chopping block so that I can climb it so that I won't drown in this thin water."

signboard painting knife

The owner of the hotel asked someone to write the signboard of the store. After that, the man drew a knife on it.

The boss asked in surprise, "What do you mean by drawing a knife?"

replied: "I want to kill the water vapor in the wine with this knife!" "

step on the gourd

There is a hotel rule that any guest who comes to buy wine and eat wine will be punished by tying him to a wooden post as long as he says that the wine is sour.

One day, a Taoist priest came into the shop with a big gourd on his back. When he saw the man tied to a wooden post, he asked why. The boss replied:

"He lied about my sour wine, so he was punished."

The Taoist said, "Please give me a cup to taste." The shopkeeper brought the wine, but the Taoist priest only took a bite and ran away in a hurry.

The boss was very happy because he didn't say that the wine was sour, so he called, "You forgot the gourd."

Taoist priest said as he fled, "I don't want it, I don't want it. You can keep it as a vinegar signboard."

A banner

There is a family in Huizhou who has been suing others for years, and they are both resentful and bored. On New Year's Eve, the father and son discussed < P > and said, "Next year's New Year, we should all say something auspicious to bless the next year's good luck and avoid lawsuits."

The sons said, "Dad, say something first."

Father said, "Good year."

The eldest son answered, "Less bad luck."

The younger son also said, "No lawsuits."

They asked someone to write a banner in three words and put it on the nave, asking their families to recite it from time to time in clear voice, so as to win

good luck.

In the early morning of the first day of the New Year, the son-in-law came to pay New Year's greetings. When he went to the hall, he looked up and saw the banner. Then clear voice read, "This year is very unlucky.

No lawsuits are allowed."

The father and son were so anxious that they stamped their feet, saying in succession, "Bad luck, bad luck!"

scold farts

a group of friends were sitting together, and suddenly someone farted. I don't know who it was. Everyone suspected someone and blamed him. In fact, the

man didn't fart, and he didn't argue, just laughed.

The crowd asked, "What's so funny?"

replied, "The one who laughs at the fart also scolds me with everyone."

"pay off" every year

A man borrowed 6 taels of silver from someone, and agreed that the interest in January and February would be 5 cents, and the interest at the end of the year would be 3 taels of 6 taels. One year has passed, and the borrower asked the creditor to give back 4 yuan and exchange it for an IOU of 11 taels, and the creditor agreed.

at the end of the second year, the interest should be 6 taels according to 11 taels, and the person couldn't pay it back, so he asked for another 4 taels and replaced it with a debit note of

21 taels, and the creditor agreed.

at the end of the third year, at the rate of 21 Liang, the interest with principal and interest * * * was 32 Liang, but he couldn't pay it back, so he asked for the change of 8 Liang and another

41 Liang IOU. The creditor hesitated, and the borrower was angry and said, "You have no conscience! When I borrowed your principal and interest, I didn't count it clearly, and I found all the change. Why aren't you happy? "

Yellow croaker is afraid of smelly

There is a fishmonger who picks yellow croaker with a brisk pace. A rich man loved his strong feet and hired him to straighten them. Who knows that he was very slow when he walked the

road in sedan chair. The rich man asked him strangely why, and the bearers replied, "Yellow croaker is afraid of stink, so hurry. What is Xianggong afraid of

?"

a strange order for execution

A prisoner will be executed according to law. When the officers tied him up, he unbuttoned his coat, put his hand on his chest and asked him what he meant. He said, "I'm afraid I caught a cold. This is no joke."

The officers escorted him halfway, and suddenly he heard crows crow, so he knocked his teeth three times and recited the scriptures seven times, and asked him what he meant. He

said, "Crows crow, which means there will be a quarrel. The purpose of knocking his teeth and chanting the scriptures is to avoid competing with others."

Finally, when he was about to cut the knife, he pleaded with the executioner: "Please wipe the blade clean with thick paper. It is said that

if the razor is not clean, you will get sores when you shave your head; If the decapitation knife is not clean, I will get sores in the future. When will I get better? "

a drunken monkey

someone bought a monkey, gave it a coat and hat to wear, and taught it to bow down, which was very similar. One day, the host gave a banquet to invite

guests and asked the monkey to perform a bow. Everyone thought it was very cute. A guest rewarded him with wine, and he got so drunk that he took off his coat and hat and rolled around the floor. The crowd laughed: "This monkey looks like a human being when he doesn't eat wine, but if he drinks wine, < P > he doesn't look like a human being."

Learn a lesson when you are dying

A criminal who was about to be punished heard that there was a fool somewhere, so he recruited him to take out 111 taels of silver and said, "All this money is

for you. Go and buy good clothes and food, and his wife and family will get a lot of credit. Later, the government sent officers to check people, annoying

you to let them tie them up instead of me, and you will be released home in a few days. "

When the fool saw the table shining brightly, he quickly agreed to bring the money back. An elder in the neighborhood knew about it and quickly came to persuade him, "Give him back the money quickly. If you lose your life, what's the use of Wanjin? "

the fool said, "it's really stupid to live that hard life again with the money returned." The old man sighed and went away. Fools

use money, and the whole family is very happy.

not long after, the official document arrived, calling the fool by name. The officers tied him to the altar and cut him. Only then did the fool cry, "I regret

listening to people's advice and getting where I am today!" But I also learned today. Only this time will you suffer! "

Hei Chi Baiya

There are two prostitutes, one with black teeth and the other with white teeth; One tries his best to hide his black teeth, and the other tries his best to show off his white teeth.

Someone asked the prostitute with black teeth what her last name was. The prostitute closed her lips, bulged her cheeks and muttered in her throat, "Gu." Asked how old she was, she clapped her cheeks and replied, "15."

Finally, when asked what she was capable of, she replied in her throat, "I can play drums."

When someone asked the prostitute with white teeth what her last name was, the prostitute opened her mouth and replied, "Qin."

when asked how old Fang is, she took another piece of her mouth and replied, "17." Asked what she could do, she opened her mouth wide to show her white teeth and said, "I can play the piano."

boasting about his son

A father walks with his son. An acquaintance of his father met him and didn't know his son, so he asked, "Who is this?"

The father replied, "Although this man is the ninth-generation first-hand son-in-law of the real grandson of the official department's senior minister, he is

my son."

Give me back my red face

Before going to a friend's house for dinner alone, I was half drunk and my face was red. When I went to Shangyou's family's banquet, I felt that the wine

was very weak, and the more I drank it, the more tasteless it became. Even the wine I had drunk woke up and my face faded. After the banquet, he said to the host, "Your wine is < P > very good, but please return my red face!"

I would like to be a son

An old man is haggard and weak, but as long as he is old, he is annoyed. If he is praised for his youth, he

likes it endlessly.

When one person knew this, he deliberately took advantage of him, saying, "Although your beard and hair are all white, your face is delicate, which is not only better than

throwing a child, but also as fresh and tender as my newborn child's skin."

The old man was overjoyed and said, "If your face can be so fresh and tender, I would like to be your son."

From fast to slow

The teacher was very angry that the host didn't invite him to drink. When the students went to the library to study, they quickly taught poetry with anger: "Spring outing

Fangcao."

The students reluctantly followed with tears in their eyes. However, having understood the teacher's mind, he said,

"Father"

The teacher asked, "What does father do?"

The student replied, "Buy meat."

The teacher slightly slowed down the pace of teaching poetry: "Enjoy the green lotus pond in summer." The students still couldn't follow, and the teacher asked, "What did your father buy

meat for?"

a: "please, sir."

The teacher's anger gradually subsided, so he slowly taught the third sentence: "Drink yellow wine in autumn."

asked again, "When will I be invited?"

a: "today."

The teacher was overjoyed, and slowly and clearly taught the fourth sentence: "Poems on Snow in Winter."

Open a skylight

There is a man who is happy to steal money, and his relatives and friends are working. He always takes the lead in asking everyone to chip in for wine, but his share

is often kept secret, and he has to pocket the extra wine money. Yan hates that his conscience is too dark. Catch him in the underworld and put him in a black prison

to suffer.

But as soon as the man entered the prison door, he shouted, "This room is so dark. There are several people here. Hurry up and chip in to open a skylight.

it's also bright and bright. " (For advocates who gather money from all people to deduct corruption, the proverb is called "opening a skylight". )

At the wedding banquet

There was an idiot son who often liked to say discouraging things.

One day, my brother-in-law's family got married, and my father took him to a dinner party. When my son was about to speak, my father said, "His family is happy to get married, so don't say anything depressing."

The son said, "I don't need your adult's instructions, but I know:' Getting married is not a funeral.'

asking for pig's head debt

When a person went out on New Year's Day, he came across a bird dropping feces on his hat. He thought it was unlucky, and he wanted to sacrifice to the Bodhisattva to eliminate the disaster, so he owed a pig's head to the butcher

as a sacrifice.

Not long after, the butcher saw him and said, "Pig's head owes money for many days, so it's time to pay."

The man replied, "I owe it for many days, but I have an analogy: If this pig doesn't start, will you come to me for pig money?"

The butcher said, "Which pig has no head?"

The man said, "Since this doesn't make sense, I have another thing to say: If I paid back the money last year and you ran out, wouldn't you have no pig's head money?"

The butcher said, "You are talking nonsense. If you had paid me back last year, you would have saved me other money."

The debtor bowed his head and thought for a moment and said, "This doesn't make sense. I'll just make it clear to you. For example, if this bird droppings is scattered on your head, you

will definitely sacrifice the pig's head to god to eliminate the disaster. Where is the pig's head money?"

a pair of storms

a teacher likes to drink, and he often goes crazy with alcohol. Once, he occasionally put out the word "rain", asking students to be

right and students to be "wind".

He added three more words: "To urge the flowers to rain."

The student replied, "It's crazy to spread alcohol."

five words are added: "There are bursts of flowers in the garden."

The student replied, "There is always a wind of drinking (madness) at the table".

Mr. Wang said, "Yes, that's right, but you shouldn't say anything about my husband's shortcomings."

The student said, "If I don't mend my ways, I will be Mr. Wang's husband."

Fart article

A scholar is good at talking and is used to helping people with lawsuits. The county magistrate hated him very much and said, "Scholars should close their doors and read

books with peace of mind. Why should they go in and out of the yamen? It must be absurd to want you to write an article, and wait for the official to test you. " As he spoke, he thought about the topic, and suddenly

farted, so he asked him to write a composition with the topic of farting.

the scholar immediately respectfully.