Putonghua sketch comedy:

A: Excuse me, can you speak?

B: How refreshing!

A: I'm asking if you can speak human language.

B: What do you mean?

A: Don't get me wrong - I mean, there are blacks, whites, and yellows in this world, Asians, Europeans, Africans, and Americans, as well as Chinese - Japanese, Koreans, Vietnamese, Filipinos, Indians, Arabs, Iranians, Turks, Israelis. Italians, Greeks, Bulgarians, Czechs, Romanians, Poles.

Russians, Ukrainians, Finns, Swedes, Danes, Icelanders, Norwegians, Belgians, Dutch, Spaniards, English, Portuguese, French, Irish, Swiss, Hungarians, Germans, and Canadians, Americans, Mexicans, Brazilians, Venezuelans, Peruvians, Argentines, Chileans, and Tunisians.

Guinea, Mali, Ghana, Egyptians, Zaire, Uganda, Botswana, South Africans, Tanzania, Kenya, "Kahari Mile, Rafiq, Kuchi Fonsa, Kamala non ware". Do you speak the words of all these people?

B: Ouch, so many countries where I can speak ah, I can speak Chinese - Chinese.

A: Oh, you can speak Chinese?

B: Yes.

A: There are 56 ethnic groups in China, including the Han, Hui, Miao, Tibetan, Yi, Li, Manchu, Zhuang, Shui, Tu, Wa, Qiang, Dong, Nu, Bai, Jing, She, Yao, Dai, Mongolian, Korean, Buyi, Brown, Dongxiang, Maonan, Naxi, Xibo, Salar, Lahu, Gelao, Mulao, Menba and Luba. You can also speak the words of the Menba, Lhoba, Jinuo, Hani, Lisu, Pumi, De'ang, Yugu, Bao'an, Hezhe, Achang, Dulong, Jingpo, Benglong, Gaoshan, Uyghur, Daur, Tatar, Tajik, Kazak, Ewenki, Oroqen, Russian, Uzbek, and Kirgiz ethnic groups. Do you also speak the words of these ethnic groups?

B: Don't tease me, I can speak only one language, Chinese.

A: What? You can speak Chinese?

B: Yes, I can speak Chinese.

A: Our Chinese language is divided into the northern language, the southern language, in detail, there are Shenyang, Dalian, Harbin, Changchun, Tangshan, Tianjin, Cangzhou, Hengshui, Handan, Taiyuan, Yuncheng, Xi'an, Baoji, Shaanbei, Chengdu, Chongqing, Guiyang, Guilin, Kunming, Suzhou, Hangzhou, Wenzhou, Ningbo, Jinhua, Shaoxing, Nanchang, Ganzhou, Fuzhou, Quanzhou, Xiamen, Hainan, Hainan Province. Quanzhou, Xiamen, Hainan, Leizhou, Chaozhou, Shantou, Meizhou, Guangzhou, Yangjiang, Changsha, Yueyang, Zhuzhou, this kind of language, that kind of language, which kind of language do you speak?

B: It seems that I only speak Mandarin!

A: In fact, if you can speak Mandarin, you can go everywhere without fear!

B: Really?

A: Of course, Mandarin is the common language of our country, from the north of Heilongjiang Desert River south to Zengmu Dark Sand, from the east of the East China Sea west to the Pamir Plateau, only Mandarin can cross the barrier of dialects, communication between the various ethnic groups, so we have to vigorously promote and actively popularize Mandarin in the country.

B: It seems you are quite good at promoting Mandarin.

A: That's right, I'm a professional in promoting Mandarin.

B: Then you must be very knowledgeable, can you introduce us to the promotion of Mandarin?

A: Let me tell you a few stories. Once in a scenic spot in Guangdong, I accompanied a few old comrades on a mountain tour, walking and tired, look at the guide map, the map marked "cableway".

B: It is the cable car. The annual meeting skit script

A: I have to ask where the cable car ah. It just so happens that there is an old man on the side of the road - old man, may I ask where this cable car is?

B: What did the old man say?

A: The old gentleman told me enthusiastically: "lǎnce? It is very convenient ah, forward, a turn."

B: It's not far.

A: I went forward and turned a corner--

B: Cable car?

A: Where ah, men's restroom!

B: Yo, what's going on here?

A: The Cantonese, n and l can not distinguish, zh, ch, sh, z, c, s, j, q, x can not distinguish, as a result, the "cable car" heard "men's room"!

B: That's not even close!

A: There is another thing. There is a university in Changsha, held to welcome the new students of the gala. At the meeting, a student from Loudi went on stage to recite a poem of his own creation, the first line of which was: "magua, magua, fong magua." The audience below heard a very strange: "Oh, the red vest?" Changsha people were even more surprised, because in Changsha they call "frogs" "magua", "Aren't frogs green? Why did the frog become red?" Later, when I got a copy of the student's manuscript, I realized that it was "rose, rose, red rose"!

B: Ahem, where is this going?

A: Another time, I followed a leading comrade to Guangxi to conduct research, to the time of the meeting there is a comrade did not come, presiding over the meeting of the people said: "time is over, not wait for him, we 'damn'!"

B: damned?

A: That's "start".