The "towel" said to the "coin": Son, if you put on the doctor's hat, you will be worth a hundred times.
The "minister" said to the "giant": My area is the same as yours, but I have three rooms and two halls.
Jing said to Pin: Didn't you decorate your house?
"Qian" said to "Sun": It's sunny, why not wear a straw hat?
"Bing" said to "Qiu": Look how cruel the war is, and both legs are blown up!
"Zhan" said to "Dian": Did you buy a car?
"Tian" said to "Yue": It's time to lose weight.
Man said to Cong: Why haven't you had the separation operation yet?
"Inch" said to "Guo": Grandpa, did you buy a recliner?
"You" said to "A": Is it tiring to practice one finger meditation like this?
Mu said to Shu: If you have a mole on your face, consider yourself a beautiful woman.
"Xin" said to "Yan": Just talk empty words, and no one will believe you!
"Chuang" said to "Ma": "I also have a housing project!"
"Fire" said to "Inflammation": You are so angry that you are inflamed!
"Ear" said to "Smell": Don't think that you can't hear when you close the door!
"Lan" said to "Lan": If you want to enjoy the cool, plant trees quickly!
"Flash" said to "people": it is safe to enter the house!
Gu said to Gu: I live in a quadrangle!
"Suddenly" said to "Japan" "I also installed a security door!
Zhong said to Ren, "Am I good at acrobatics?"
Drought said to Liver: Do you always work on a moonlit night?
"Servant" said to "Bu": What, are you still single?
"Yuan" said to "Rabbit": I have my own nest!
"Kay" said to "Bing": It looks good to wear a croissant braid!
"He" said to "Kou": Don't plant crops, wait for starvation!
Qi said to Ji: Go your own way!
"Donkey" said to "Horse", Big Brother, it's no use running fast. Close your account quickly!
"Moon" said to "Xiao", Sister, please tell me quickly, how can I get such a cool hairstyle?
"Filial piety" said to "teaching", if you have a little culture, should you run classes to teach people?
"Don" said to "Don", Dude, hurry home, your backyard is on fire.
Ugly said to Niu, have a good life with her. It's not easy to find such a woman.
"Bear" said to "Neng", "Dude, you are poor. Are all four bear paws sold out?
"Mouth" said to "back", honey, you have been pregnant for so long. Why don't you say something?
"Force" said to "Bureau", that's awesome! If you have money, you can go out with two bags.
Second, the story about Chinese characters:
The first story
On one occasion, the Xiongnu in the north wanted to attack the Central Plains, and sent someone to send a "battle table" first. When the emperor opened it, it turned out to be "heavenly heart takes rice". None of the ministers of the Qing Dynasty solved the mystery. The emperor couldn't take it easy, so he had to post a list to recruit talents. At this time, an official named He Tang in the palace said that there was a plan to withdraw troops, and the emperor urgently declared He Tang to go to the temple. He Tang pointed to the four words on the "battle table" and said to the emperor: "God, my country is also; Heart, Central Plains also: rice, holy also. Taking rice from the heart is to seize the country and take the position of king. " The emperor said urgently, "What should I do?" He Tang said, "Nothing, I have my own way out." He said, holding a pen in his hand and adding a pen to each of the four words. The original letter was returned to the sender. Marshal Xiongnu, who led the troops, thought that the Central Plains did not dare to fight. When he opened it, he was shocked and retreated urgently. It turned out that He Tang became "not necessarily dare to come" after adding one word each to "heavenly heart takes rice".
The second story
It is impolite to say that a man and his wife are entertaining two friends at home. Friend A toasted the hostess and said, "An alcoholic's wine is not wine". The hostess pointed out that "drunkenness is meaningless" and said that friends deviated from the original intention of catching up with their masters to drink; The man is a little unhappy, too, as if criticizing that friend for saying, "The drunkard's sake is not wine", which is simply nonsense; Friend B is snickering, suggesting that the host "cares that Weng is not drunk". I was very impressed when I saw it. This is the charm of Chinese. I'm afraid it's hard to find such a wonderful example in any other language. It's a pity that I haven't learned Chinese well since I studied. What a pity! Not from the patriotic point of view, I also think Chinese is the most beautiful language in the world. Not to mention that Chinese is the richest and most expressive word in the world.
The third story
The History of Lions Eating Lions is a limited article written by Zhao Yuanren. The full text * * * 9 1 word (including 96 words of title), and the pronunciation of each word in Putonghua is stone. You can understand the short article "History of Lions Eating Lions", but if you read it to others, he can't understand it anyway! This article is the most difficult to read in Chinese. If you want to try, please prepare a glass of water and a stick to avoid hurting your tongue and teeth. History of lions eating lions: "Shishi poet Shishi loves lions and vows to eat ten lions." Shi always sees lions in the market. At ten o'clock, ten lions are suitable for the market. Shishi is in the right market at the right time. Stone regards it as ten lions, relying on the vector potential to make its ten lions immortal. Stone picks up the bodies of ten lions, which is just right for stone chambers. The stone room was wet, so I asked the servant to wipe it. The first taste of the stone is ten lions. When eating, the first thing I know is that the bodies of ten lions and ten stone lions are real. Trial interpretation is one thing. " Use only one pronunciation to describe one thing. I'm afraid no other language can do it except Chinese. The story of the stone eating the lion There lived a poet named Shi in the stone house. He likes lions and is determined to eat ten lions. He often goes to the market to see lions. At ten o'clock, ten lions have just arrived at the market. At this time, it happened that Shi also came to the market. When he saw the ten lions, he shot an arrow and killed them. He picked up the bodies of ten lions and took them to the stone room. The stone room was wet with water, so Shi told his entourage to dry it. The stone room was dry before he tried to eat ten lions. While eating, I found that the ten lions turned out to be ten stone lion bodies. Try to explain.
Three, Chinese homophonic xiehouyu:
Bag in the air-pretend to be crazy. (install wind).
Sung river's strategist-useless. (Wu Yong).
The old lady went to the henhouse.-idiot. (running eggs).
The straw hat seller lost his pole-be careful. (leaving the rope).
Brother is not at home.-Come on. (sister-in-law).
My nephew plays lanterns as usual. (According to uncle).
The rain hits Huangmei's head-bad luck (falling plum).
Half cotton.-no way. (bullet-free)
Bald man holding an umbrella-lawlessness. (no hair can't).
A short transition-inner peace. (Pan Xin).
Horse shops buy pigs-that's not true. There is no such city.
December weather-hands and feet. Frozen hands and feet.
A father kowtowed to his son-outrageous. There is no such gift.
The toilet is still stone, which caused public anger. (causing male feces).
Wear a fur coat backwards-pretend. Pretending to be a sheep.
Confucius moved-it was a complete loss. All the books.
Pregnant women walk on a wooden bridge-despair. (The risk is quite high).
Grandma's dead, son.-It's hopeless. (No uncle).
The husband slapped a face. (wife is cold).
Scholar lost the towel bag. (Bao Shu).
The tortoise climbed the threshold-but look at this. But look at this page.
It's not surprising that the needle is still picking out towels. (Not enough for a flag).
The blunt knife breaks the bamboo-it's hard. (it won't ring).
Tie a chicken feather to a telephone pole-how dare you have such a big duster.
Knock melon seeds, knock bedbugs-everyone has them. There are all kinds of benevolence.
Lights and drums.-I don't want to (Silence).
Walking stick-can't be the master. I can't do it.
Chatting at the salt shop-doing nothing. It's too salty to cook.
Zhang Tianshi doesn't need a boat to cross the sea-it has its own laws. (have their own methods).
Blow the horn from the window-it's famous. (singing outside).
The dragon king moved-fierce. (out of the sea)
Laojiu's brother.-Really? (old ten).
Buried in an empty coffin-arrogance. There is no one in the Woods.
The tortoise solves the problem-the rules. (turtle lifts).
Wear gloves in June-conservative. (hand protection).
Raw peanuts-you must make noise. I'm going to explode.
The shoemaker doesn't have an awl-that's good. (needle and thread)
It is just right for the girl from He family to marry Zheng Jia. (Zheng Heshi).
The monk's home-the temple. (wonderful).
Wash Huang Lian by the river-why bother? The river is bitter.
Blind people wear glasses-false intelligence. (pretending to be clear).
Dreams become butterflies-daydreams. (Want to fly).
Monkeys learn to walk-pretend. (fake orangutan).
Hardcover maotai-very old. (Good wine)
Spider trawl-selfish. (from silk).
The busier the blind take care of the blind, the busier they are. (blind and blind).
Long live Grandpa with a nosebleed-Zhen Hong. I am red.
Get to the bottom of it. (tattoo to the end).
Walking in the watermelon field-both sides meet the source. (the circle where the left and right sides intersect).
Take off your old shoes for new ones-turn over a new leaf. (changing shoes).
Sacks and straw bags-each generation is not as good as the next. One bag is not as good as one.
Beans at the bottom of the bowl-lifelike. (the grain enters the eye).
Selling cloth without feet-bad intentions. (deliberate accident).
A poor carpenter starts a business-only one sentence. There is only a saw.
Brick kiln fire-rumor. (kiln smoke).
There is no oil in the lamp-it's a waste of effort. (Waste of energy).
Zhong Kui marries a younger sister-fooling around. Ghost marriage.
The dung boat crossed the river-playing dead. (loading shit).
Stick to Huang Lian —— Suffering year after year. (sticky)
Open the drawer of the drugstore-for fun. (looking for pills)
Frogs dive well-I don't understand. (poop-poop).
The singer rides a horse-no (on foot)
Saute pickles without soy sauce-it's a deal. Salt comes first.
Eating jiaozi without stuffing-naughty. (pick the skin).
From Henan to Hunan-more difficult. (South Canada).
Play lanterns and move stones-do it. (copy).
The earth temple was washed away by the flood-be careful. (Liu Shen).
Whip in the farmland-brag. (urging cattle).
The backbone of children-the generation of small people. The back of the villain.
Aviation somersault-from wrong to right. (inverted flight test).
The mouse fell into the water tank-fashionable. (wet hair).
The old monk lives in a cave-there is nothing. (No temple).
The cargo ship went out to sea-a layman. (Foreign Airlines).
Burn the flagpole-sigh. (long charcoal).
Weasel in the henhouse-speculation. (stealing chickens).
Soak the stone in the sauce jar-it's a long story. One salt is hard to get in.
Set off firecrackers in the well-everything happens for a reason. (with a round sound).
An old hen has an empty nest-it's not easy. (No eggs).
Eat ginseng in your ass.-spare. (added).
Pi Di's mother-too thick-skinned. (Empress Dowager Pi).
Millennium stone Buddha statue-honest man. (Old Stone Man).
Lead a sheep into the photo studio-make a fool of yourself. (Make a sheep face)
Growing vegetables on the wall-no chance. There is no garden.
Crazy chat with a fan. (rumor)
Twelve taels of silver-for sure. (one ingot).
Sleeping in the toilet-not far from death. It's not far from shit
The Tang Priest's Book-Serious. A true sutra
Eat a small bowl and watch the weather. (author Tim).
The meat pot was thrown into the river-groggy. (heavy meat).
An asshole with chicken feathers in his stomach-anxious to return. The turtle's heart is like an arrow.
There is a hole behind the temple-great. The temple is finished.
Qi Xianhe, the birthday girl-there is no road. No deer.
Put down eighteen dollars twice-I've heard that for a long time. (nine articles).
Girls in dyehouses don't wear white shoes-naturally. (self-dyeing).
Tie a pigtail behind your ass-breaking the law and discipline. (tail hair disorder).
The stove turned over-what bad luck. (Pour coal).
The rice cooker is smoking (the rice is burnt)
Nephew plays lanterns-as usual (uncle)
It's good to nail shoes without awls (needles)
Asshole's ass-regulation (turtle)
Walking in the Watermelon Field-Both sides meet the source (round)
Blind people go to school-don't give up (books)
Masons' tiles are painted with knives.
Mud Bodhisattva Wash Face-Lose (Wet) Face
Blind people enter the smoke room-modern (touching lights)
Mother's Sisters-Suspicious (menstruation)
The crib on the stage-No (Bucheng)
The whip on the stage-overweight (fake horse)
Fire in Kannonji-Miao (Temple Disaster)
Monkey Sun sits in the golden hall-unlike a kind king.
Birthday Shooting-Same tune (gun)
The birthday girl plays the pipa-a cliche (playing)
Wheat straw fire-blowing economizer
Horse racing in the alley-the problem (hoof) is hard to come by
Cross the river by pulling the beard-modesty (pulling the beard) is excessive (crossing the river)
Ring the bell and pull it into the air-fantasy (ring)
Catch bees and eat honey-Tian (sweet) is shameless (stinging)
Buy camels at Huguo Temple-There is no such thing (city)
Zanthoxylum bungeanum is caught in the rice crisis (rice)
The fly flies into the cow's eyes-tired of looking for it (tears)
Bean dregs stick to the door-not sticky (sticky)
Beans and firewood are on fire-hurry (dustpan)
Dried Tofu cook the meat-How many portions (vegetarian)
Cooking with tofu-no words (salt)
This couple hoes the ground-regardless of (hiring) people.
200 yuan peanuts-you have to refute (peel)
Peach in both hands-reasonable (gift)
Blow the two speakers into a tune-they want to ring together.
The charm of drought worships witches-damn it
Bamboo shoots outside the garden-nephew (raw)
Men don't beat their wives-it's a blessing (husband and wife)
A scholar writes poetry-he has two hands (the first one).
Bald man takes off his hat-the first name (Ming)
It's just right for a girl from He's family to give it to Zheng Jiazheng (Zheng Heshi)
Abdominal rowing-expert (navigation)
Measuring Rice with a Turtle Cover —— What Sound (L)
There's smoke in the rice cooker-the rice is burnt.
Light mosquito-repellent incense under the bed-there is no bottom (mosquito)
Frozen Tofu-Difficult (Mixed)
Stir-fry hot beans in a cold pot-the noisier (stir-fry), the colder.
Kitchen God sticks to the door-there is something in words (pictures)
Sand versus bluestone-solid (stone) versus solid (stone)
Sailing on the beach is shallow.
Cows without horns-fake scolding (horses)
You missed the temple fair-don't rush (squeeze) a bottomless coffin-you are not a person.
No money to buy conch-save (suck)
A pregnant woman crosses a wooden bridge-taking risks at the same time.
Holding a horse spoon-sincere (sheng) heart
Holding cotton in your arms-a soft (warm) heart
Put the comb in your arms-relax your heart.
The poor buy rice, per liter.
A poor carpenter started his business-only one sentence (saw)
The tinker planted a somersault-handstand (iron)
Zhang Tianshi went to the seaside, feeling very strange.
Zhang Tianshi knelt in the mud and begged (sunshine).
The donkey is riding-no wonder (riding a horse)
Cock wears a hat-official (crown) plus official (crown)
Knock dust on the chicken's head-how many (chickens) suffer from anger?
Chickens peck at ants-just right (food)
Just accept the sole without an awl.
A paper railing-you can't lean on it.
Paper stool-you can't do it (sit)
A papery stove-it won't work if you step over (the pot)
Paper pipa-talking (playing) is not allowed.
Donkey skin stuck to the wall-what a shame (painting)
Kidnappers go to the hospital-consciously (treating feet)
Frog jumps on the drum-understand (knock)
Walking down the coal mine with crutches-bad luck is coming step by step (coal)
Cross the road with a beard-modesty (with a beard)
The horse in the painting-not surprising (riding)
Jujube core cutting board-a few words (saw)
Sell cloth without a ruler-it's intentional.
Selling shrimp without scale-catching blind people (shrimp)
Bonfire bug's ass-not much (bright)
Monks open umbrellas-lawlessness is impossible.
Separated monks-troubled (temple)
Monks sitting in caves-nothing (temples)
Monk dragging wood-something happened (temple)
Monk's home-temple
Monk's skull-can't (send)
Chopping bamboo with an axe-in a hurry (section 1)
Cast a net in a fish pond-excess (fish)
Foxes quarrel-a set of Hu (fox) characters
The fox rides a tiger-the fox is a fake (driving) from the tiger.
Dogs have horns-foreign (sheep) gas
Dogs eat tofu brain-leisure (bit)
Dogs eat grass-pretend (sheep)
Dogs eat cucumbers when they are wrong.
Blind people make fried dough sticks-blind people (fried paste)
Blind people wear glasses-smart (Chongming)
Cattle herders eat crabs-needless to say (with salt)
Sauté ed pickles with salt-too idle (salty)
Install a pot on the kang-transform (the stove)
Washing Huang Lian by the River —— Why is it bitter?
Vegetables grow in rivers-they are not burnt (watered).
Oil pouring candle-a heart (core)
The plasterer fooled the mouse-perfunctory (eyes)
Masons have no ash-wait for bricks.
The plasterer beckons-looking for you (mud)
Masons' tiles are painted with knives.
The clay idol has grass on her body. She is crazy.
Muddy loach playing drums-talking nonsense (playing)
Fear of carpenters-just a word (saw)
Hanging lanterns in the air-mystery (hanging)
An empty shuttle for mending the net-there is no rule of law (weaving)
Empty coffins go to the funeral-there is no one in the eye (wood)
Empty steamer on the table-contending for (steaming)
Put a dry cage on your shoulder-get angry with the fire.
Needle on the thread board-hold it (don't)
Orchard in spring-makes sense (peaches and plums)
Watching the field in the Spring and Autumn Period-Specializing in finding fault (fork)
Selling steamed bread-Yu (steamed)
Zhao Kuangyin has a nosebleed-the red one is (me).
Who gouged out his eyes-the blind judge (ghost)
Chenghuangmiao Drum-Ghost Watch (Knock)
Huang Cheng's master's horse-no wonder (riding)
Lord Huang Cheng's Hu Dou-Ghost Noisy (Fried)
Dai Xiao, Lord of the Town God-Running in vain (robe)
Licorice in the drugstore-an indispensable kind (taste)
Open the drawer of the drugstore-look for (pills)
There is a fire in the teahouse-indeed as expected (burning)
Bo is in the teahouse-Hu (pot)
Straw as a lamp-carelessness (core)
Rumbling in the grass mud pond-laughing (fermenting)
A straw hat is a gong-I can't think of it (loud)
Grass Beach Fire-Kindness (Green)
Buckwheat shells are mashed-they are not sticky (sticky)
Vitex negundo L.
Sitting in the lobby and using the toilet-stealing (dirty) officials
Little trees have little shade-they can't take care of them.
The tree has fallen-there is no shadow (shadow)
Bacon soup-needless to say (salt)
Eat too much salt and salt-just relax (salty)
Kimchi and Tofu-the word (salt) comes first
Boil tofu with pickles-needless to say (salt)
Pickles dipped in soy sauce are too strict (salty)
The crooked monk confessed-something happened (neck)
Do it when you meet a chicken.
Once upon a time, there was a landlord who loved chickens very much. The tenant rented his land, but it was not enough to pay the rent. He must give him a chicken first. A tenant named Zhang San went to pay the rent to the landlord at the end of the year and rented it out the next year. When he went, he put a chicken in a bag and paid the rent. He told the landlord about the lease of the land next year. He insisted that his hands were empty, opened his eyes and said, "There are no three kinds of fields." Zhang Sanming understood the meaning of this sentence and immediately took the chicken out of the bag. As soon as the landlord saw the chicken, he immediately changed his tune and said, "If you don't give it to Zhang San, who will you give it to?" Zhang San said, "Your words have changed so fast!" The landlord replied, "That sentence was nonsense (chicken talk) just now, and now this sentence is" play it by ear (chicken talk) "
Ears are here.
The new magistrate is from Shandong. Because he wanted to hang a list, he said to the master, "Go and buy me two bamboo poles." As soon as the master heard that the "bamboo pole" in Shandong dialect was "pig liver", he quickly agreed and rushed to the butcher's shop and said, "Master Xinxian wants to buy two pieces of pig liver. You are a smart man, you should know! " The shopkeeper is a clever man. He immediately cut off two pieces of pig liver and gave a pair of pig ears. Out of the butcher's shop, the master thought, "My master told me to buy pig liver, and this pig ear is mine …" So he wrapped the pig ear and stuffed it into his pocket. Back to the county government, I reported to the magistrate: "Report back to Grandpa, I bought pig liver!" " The magistrate was very angry when he saw that the master had bought pig liver, and said, "Where are your ears!" " Hearing this, the master turned pale with fear and quickly replied, "Ear … Ear … here … in my … pocket!" " " "
Have a chance.
A commodity salesman went to Guangzhou on business. After arriving in Beijing, he wants to go by plane. Afraid that the manager would not agree to the reimbursement, he sent a telegram to the manager: "There is an opportunity, do you want to seize it?" When the manager received the telegram, he thought it was an "opportunity" to conclude the transaction and immediately called back: "Take it if you can." When the salesman came back from a business trip to reimburse the travel expenses, the manager refused to reimburse the air ticket expenses on the grounds that he was not qualified and would not be reimbursed by plane. The salesman took out the manager's call back and the manager was dumbfounded.