—————————————————————————————

. One day, Xiao Ming visited his future mother-in-law's house, and her mother-in-law said, "You can sit anywhere! The food will be ready in a minute! Then I went into the kitchen and got busy. At this time, there were only nervous Xiaoming and Xiaobai, the dog raised by my mother-in-law, in the living room.

Suddenly, Xiaoming found that his stomach ached sharply.

He thought, "No! I must hold back! But he couldn't help it ~~

"Poof ~ ~" He let out an invincible smelly fart.

He thought, "This is a dead man ~ ~ and he will be thrown out"

I didn't expect my mother-in-law to just yell "Xiaobai ~ ~!

Xiao Ming was relieved to think, "It's a good thing that Xiao Bai is my scapegoat",

Then he couldn't help but fart the second time, and his mother-in-law still shouted Xiao Bai ~~

When he fart the third time, he saw her mother-in-law rush out and curse:

"Xiao Bai! You won't run until you stink to death, will you?

. One day Xiaoming had a plaster cast on his hand, and the teacher asked, "What happened to your hand?"

Xiaoming said, "It's broken."

The teacher said, "Why?

Xiaoming said, "Because I'm too lazy."

The teacher said, "Too lazy will break my hand?

Xiao Ming said, "One day when I was walking on the road, my shoes ran into a stone, but I was too lazy to do it with my hands, so I shook my feet with a telephone pole and let the stone fall out. Passers-by thought I was electrocuted, so ................. hit my hand with a wooden stick."

Teacher: "............

11. How to tell the difference between an octopus's hands and feet? We often say that octopus has eight feet, but some people say it has eight tentacles.

how many hands and feet does an octopus have? How to tell the difference between hands and feet? After you think about it, let's look at the answer.

Method 1: Catch an octopus first, and then hit it on the head with a hammer. The octopus will touch its head with its hands, and the others are

feet.

Method 2: If it's a female octopus, pretend to rape it first. The ones that she keeps waving when she says no are her hands, and the ones that she holds tightly are her feet.

Method 3: Give it a fart to smell, the hand will cover your nose, and the other is your feet.

Method 4: Give it a computer, where the hand is placed on the keyboard and the foot is retracted on the chair.

Method 5: When summer comes, it's the hands that will catch Hong Kong's feet, and of course it's the feet that will be caught!

13. One day, a woman took her child to the train. When another woman passed by her seat, she saw the child and couldn't help shaking her head and saying softly, "Alas! How can there be such an ugly child! After listening to this, the woman couldn't help crying. The unsuspecting train service lady saw

that the woman was crying so sadly for no reason, so she wanted to comfort her and said to her, "Don't be sad any more, have a rest with a glass of water first. Oh, yes,

Here's a banana, just give it to your monkey!

24. The professor said, "Today, everyone has a good class order, but the only drawback is that ...

If the students chatting in the back can be as quiet as the students playing cards in the middle,

they won't disturb the students sleeping in front!

26. Xiaoxin made a new girlfriend on the Internet, and everyone boasted about how beautiful his girlfriend looks ... One day Xiaoxin looked at his girlfriend's photo

and was amazed, saying, "It's really like a fairy coming down to earth ..."

His roommate was curious for a moment, and couldn't help but want to borrow the photo to see the fairy who came down to earth, ready to be "amazing"; As a result, there was only

one question after reading it: "When you came to earth as a fairy ... did you land with your face first?"

29. In a final exam, a student was faced with the questions on the exam paper, and

he couldn't answer any questions, so he simply wrote on the exam paper:

"I planted this year and will come back next year!

the examination paper will be returned, and the teacher will mark it back:

"I will give you a point if you have seed!

a stupid thief sneaked into a house and was trying to open the safe when he suddenly made a loud noise, and the thief was caught. Why?

because he didn't turn to the safe ... it was the radio! ..

44. Ten famous sentences in TV series (the writers who are not creative should reflect! )

[11th place] I already have your child

[9th place] Oh, my God! What have I done wrong? You should punish me like this!

[8th place] He is your biological father!

[7th place] Don't come here! Come here again, and I will die in front of you!

[6th place] You hit me! ? Ok! I'm leaving! I'm leaving now!

[fifth place] Leave me alone! You go! Let's go!

[fourth place] No! I don't believe it! I don't believe it! I don't believe it (drawling)

[third place] Cut the crap! Kill or scrape as you please!

[second place] Cut the crap! Look at it!

[First place] Ouch! Dad, mom, people are not coming ...

45. A foreigner traveled to the mainland and passed by a factory. There was a warning sign in both Chinese and English in the factory, but the foreigner was still electrocuted. Why?

answer: because the English is: YOU DIAN WEI XIAN

46. Xiaojun first entered Beijing, and when he entered the city, he saw many people lined up on the roadside. Curious to find out, it turned out that everyone was seeking the secret recipe of not drowning, so Rong Jun followed suit and lined up. When it was Xiaojun's turn, I saw an old man and a desk in the shed. There was an inkstone, ink and a writing brush on the desk. After the old man charged Xiaojun a fee of 12 taels, he asked Rongjun to pull up his coat to show his belly. The old man walked up to Rongjun with a pen and ink, drew a line under his ribs with a focused look ... and then told him rigorously:

"Remember! After entering the water, never let the water exceed this line ...

56. Party A, Party B and Party C go out together, and Party A catches a cold ...

At night, everyone sleeps in the same bed, and Party A sleeps in the middle. In the middle of the night … A gave a big sniffle, and B and C were covered with the crystallization of A all over their faces. Let us know next time ... After half an hour, A: Pay attention ... B: C got into the quilt at once and made sure there was no connection with the outside world ...

A: Poof ..............................................................................................................

There is nothing missing ....................................................................................................................................................................... "Don't worry. "The driver said," My brother is always like this. After a block, the driver stopped at the green light. "Why stop now? "The passenger asked

" My brother may come from the opposite side!

64. Mother: Why did you hit your son for no reason?

Father: He will bring back his report card tomorrow, and I will go out tomorrow.

66. "Please give me some smart pills! Someone said to the doctor, the doctor looked at him and wrote a prescription.

after a week, the man came back. "I don't seem to be getting smarter. "He said.

"keep taking the medicine. "said the doctor.

another week later, the man came and said, "I'm still not getting smarter. You probably gave me a sedative, right?"

Look, you have become smart. "said the doctor.

71. A man was very upset and went to see a psychologist.

"Doctor, I'm troubled ..." He said.

"What's the problem? You can tell me. The doctor showed a trustworthy expression.

"I urinate at 5 o'clock every day ..." he said.

"Very good, very regular. "The doctor said.

"I defecate at 6 o'clock every day ..." he said.

"That's great, at least your physiology is healthy! "The doctor said.

"But I ... I didn't get up until 8 o'clock ..." He said.

71. Woman: "Is beauty really a mistake?

M: Don't worry, you are always right.

75. One day, Xiaodong and Xiaoyue went sightseeing by plane.

Their pilot was very confident in his flying skills.

He boasted that if the couple took his plane without calling, he would lose to 51 yuan.

Xiaodong and Xiaoyue, who like excitement, agreed at the moment!

In the sky, I saw the driver do his best to turn over more than fifty somersaults in a row,

but there was no cry behind him.

After landing, the driver was very discouraged and said, "You are really amazing!

"hey hey! Give up, right? "Xiaodong said ~" but I'm telling you,

I almost cried out when my wife fell out of the plane just now! !

78. There are four lawyers arguing whether a prisoner is guilty or not.

Three lawyers of Party A, Party B and Party C say that the prisoner is guilty, and lawyer Ding says that the prisoner is not guilty.

Mr. Ding can't compete with three lawyers,

so he said, "God will uphold justice! If it thunders now,

then God supports me!

at this moment, there was a sudden thunder.

Lawyer Ding said, "Ha! I'm right.

But lawyers A, B and C said it was just a natural phenomenon.

Lawyer Ding added,

If it thunders again, then God really supports me!

At this point, another thunder suddenly struck

But the lawyers A, B and C still said that this was just a natural phenomenon.

Mr. Ding said, "God, please tell them that I'm right."

Then a voice from the sky said, "Ding is right!

Three lawyers, A, B and C, were speechless in surprise. When they came to their senses, C said,

"All right! God is on your side, and now it's three to two!

81. The chairman called the directors, the general manager and other supervisors in the morning and went to the office one by one.

Then it was the turn of the small staff to be called in one by one.

Finally, even the younger brother who delivered the official documents in the office was called in.

"tell me the truth! The chairman was obviously in a bad mood.

He growled, "Have you ever fucked my secretary?

"no ... no," the younger brother stammered with fear. "I never dared to think about it. "

" very good! Very good! The chairman suddenly breathed a sigh of relief.

Smiling, he said, "I authorize you to fire her!

82. A scientist and a poet are on the same train.

They don't know each other. Because of boredom, the scientist said to the poet, "Do you want to play a game?"

The poet looked at the scientist and didn't answer.

The scientist went on to say, "I am a scientist, and we

ask each other questions, and what we can't answer will be given to 5 yuan. How about that?

The poet wanted to say that it might be difficult to beat scientists, so he declined.

The scientist still said, "Look at this,

If you can't answer, just give me five yuan. If I can't answer,

I'll give you 51 yuan. Is that all right?

under the temptation of money, the poet agreed to him.

The scientist asked, "How many kilometers is it between the earth and the moon?

The poet couldn't answer, so he took 5 yuan directly to the scientist.

Then, the poet asked, "What has four legs when going up a mountain and seven legs when going down a mountain?"?

The scientist looked puzzled at the poet and took out some pieces of paper.

He began to calculate on it until the train arrived.

He still couldn't figure out the answer, so he had to give 51 yuan to the poet.

The scientist finally asked, "What's the answer? Tell me.

The poet shrugged his shoulders, gave him 5 yuan and left proudly.

83. Daming just got married. One night, my wife was busy with dinner in the kitchen.

Daming wants to help his wife do some housework in order to be considerate.

So he said to his dear wife, "Wife, what can I do for you?

The wife said, "Look at you, you are all thumbs. Just peel the onion if you find something simple.

Daming thinks this is simple enough. But soon after peeling, Daming was choked with a snot and tears.

I thought it was not an easy thing, and I was too embarrassed to ask my wife for advice.

I had to call my mother for help.

Mom said, "It's easy. You just peel it in water.

Daming then completed his wife's task according to his mother's method, and he was extremely happy.

The next day, Daming called his mother and said, "Mom, your method is really good,

But it's good, but the only fly in the ointment is that you have to take a breath often, so tired.

84. An American and a Soviet are debating the freedom of their two countries.

Americans say: In America, we have complete freedom. Anyone can walk up the steps of the White House and curse President Bush!

The Soviets said: In the Soviet Union, we have the same freedom, and anyone can walk up the steps of the Kremlin.

Blame President Bush! !

————————————————————

. There is a psychopath squatting in the corner with a black umbrella every day. After seeing it, the director of psychiatry said, "This must be close to him." As a result, he also held an umbrella and squatted with him. When that psycho saw it, he said to him, "So you are also a mushroom."

17. Xiaoming and Xiaohua went to the zoo to play. When they entered the door, Xiaoming pointed to Xiaohua and said to the doorman, "Look carefully! Come out later, don't say I stole the your monkey! "

18. A man sold popsicles at the market for the first time, and he was embarrassed to sell them. A man beside him was shouting "selling popsicles", so he had to shout: "Me too."

25. A farmer's daughter was so ugly that he had to let her go to the cornfield as a scarecrow to scare crows. As a result, she not only scared away the crows, but even three crows were so scared that they sent some corn back.

26 China people, Americans and Jews drink together, and three flies fly into their drinks. The Americans drank an important glass, but China ignored it and drank it. The Jews grabbed the fly and shouted, Spit it out! Spit out your drink!

27. My colleague and sister, Xiao Wang Gang, learned to surf the Internet and was very willing to chat. One day, just entering a chat room, a netizen asked, "Are you a man or a woman?" Xiao Wang can't type yet, and "female" can't be typed. So she thought for a moment and replied, "I am a young lady." The netizen typed a sentence: "Thank you for your frankness."

29. One day, I finished the withdrawal business for a male customer.