1, someone in the office cursed: the Secretary counted a ball! The director happened to come in: I count a ball, what do you count? This person reacted sharply: we count the ball Mao, closely united around you.

2, sorry, I accidentally deleted the phone book! Are you Shen Jin and? Or Liu Mang or Qin Shou? Could it be Mei Renxin? If none of them, then you must be Zhu cast! Zhu cast!

3. You are simply amazing! Encountered do not understand the problem can ask you to teach you, encountered danger can rely on you to defend themselves, usually can also put you in the home to do decorative ...... you really are a multi-functional super chubby encyclopedia ah!

4, and a buddy dinner, suddenly came to a phone, let him go to the blind date. Introducing people said the girl is very good-looking, big eyes, double eyelids melon face. Buddy went half an hour back. I asked why, he said no. I said big eyes, double eyelids, melon face how can not. He said it is indeed big eyes double eyelids melon face, but the melon face pointed upward, upward, upward.

5, the doctor: "I want to give you a prescription, but how can not find my pen?" The patient cautiously reminded, "Doctor, didn't you put it in my armpit?"

6, about the college entrance examination is coming soon, I want to tell you, be sure to enroll in Jiangsu, Zhejiang and Shanghai, the school is not important, the specialty is not important, anyway, find a job, the package is the hard truth! Save the postage to dress up their own, rely on their own face to play a piece of genius is your only way out! Then find a male ticket, do not ask too much, rich on the line.

7, on the train, the neighboring two people talk, one: Ronaldo, my worship, he earned a lot of money through soccer. The second: we all the way, I also play soccer. One: You're wrong, I'm a surgeon.

8, I and my girlfriend plan: "so, after we live in four square meters is enough, put a 2 × 2 bed inside, hang a TV on the wall, make do, you see into it?" Girlfriend glanced at me: "The size of the house I have no opinion, I just want to know, go home and go to bed on the day, you can not."

9, micro-chat a sister, talking about getting objects. I said my cousin graduated from a prestigious university, there are cars and houses but no girlfriend. She asked why. I answered, my brother's long and scary, the girls are scared away. As a result, she called me a pervert. I wondered what my brother's ugliness had to do with me. I'm not sure what I'm talking about, but I'm not sure what I'm talking about," he said.

10, your parents will not be on the TV every time there is an English conversation, are eager to turn around and ask you "can understand? I'm not going to be able to do that, but I'm going to be able to do that," he said. Can you understand it all without reading the subtitles?"

11, I want to hold you in the palm of my hand, for fear of breaking; I want to hold you in my mouth, for fear of melting; then there are only two choices, to embrace you in the arms or put you into the heart. We are our own people, give a suggestion first?

12, one day the bull met the snail, the bull sarcastically said: "are called cattle, do cattle gap is so big it?!" Snail said unhurriedly: "That's right, we have our own house from birth, you still live in that broken shack it!"

13, the teacher asked students to write tuition and grades of the proposal, a lifetime of writing: pay tuition should use Alipay, the opening of the school payment, after the class after the test to give the results, and then confirm receipt of the goods, positive and negative reviews to see how to do. Teacher comment: I see the line.

14, the evening, a few family gatherings, dinner together. Drinking. A said: their wives and fat N pounds, not as good as before by the look of the B. B put down the glass, came to the sentence: not on the change. A wife of the incurred A angrily, B did not panic, said: not on a different scale.

15, when I was a child, the two of us, I sing you dance, I can sing two hundred songs, you can dance two hundred dances, so people affectionately called me two hundred songs, called you two hundred dance!

16, the child asked his mother: "Why do you call Mr. Chiang 'ancestor'?" Mom said: "Because 'ancestors' is the name of the dead." The child said: "Then to the dead grandmother is not to be called 'fresh milk'.

17, two people are more than who knows the rules of soccer, A said: soccer matches I watched a lot! No soccer knowledge I do not know! B asked: really? A said: of course! B said: that you say how many holes in the soccer net?

18, spring, there are flowers on the embellishment of the fragrance; summer, there is the sun shine will be enthusiastic; fall, there are fruitful harvest is no longer depressed; winter, I give you more grass you will not be cold. Haha! I wish you happiness!

19, Zhen Huan went to the roadside to buy pancakes. Zhen Huan: "Auntie, this broken a touch of verdant, as if the chaos fell on the girl's eyes, spread in the sun, very refreshing. It is very good for refreshing the mind! If you can't bear to roast and fry, wilting and burning, is not a failure?" Auntie: "Speak human!" Zhen Huan: "Don't put onions in the pancakes!"

20, lunch heard that our neighborhood the day before yesterday a murder case, the reason is a twenty-something young man and forty-year-old landlady hooked up with, and then was the woman's husband found out, the result is that the male landlord and his son and the gang in their own home to the man to kill.

21, recently often go to the company across the lazy to eat ribs and rice, the boss child in order to draw close to a few of our brothers pointed out a clear way, said, after you use takeaway first point on, directly over from work on the table child meal. Good, decisively tried, the results, people arrived, rice away!

22, to tell you a few ways to quickly solve the summer heat: the hottest time the best and coolest way to solve the summer heat is to take a look at themselves in the mirror, look at the bank card balance, and pinch their stomach, look at the sweetheart QQ invisible status. The first thing you need to do is to get your hands dirty.

23, osteoporosis to do lumbar X-rays, the nurse MM over to let me stand by the machine, when the room on our two people, mm whispered: take off the pants! I was shocked, fortunately, today wearing boxers, or that pile of hair scared you to death.

24, my sister's bear child, second grade, in school a little like to hit other children. There is a time when other people's parents in the school to find trouble, brother-in-law apologized, said the children go back to a good education! Other people's parents said: "My child told me, your children do not hit him one day, he was like New Year's Day!"

25, son: I can not have a little brother ah. Mom: No, your father is now very busy, no time to help mom give you a little brother. Son: Why don't you find a neighbor uncle to help?

26, the flowers are red, grass is green, I am true to you. The sky is blue, the sea is deep, without you is ten thousand.

27, in this day for women, I have a word to say to you, which I have always wanted to tell you, that is - I have two lives: one is born, and one is met you!

28, once in the morning I took the bus, the weather is a little cold, I have a cold, standing next to a man, he is making up, I suddenly sneezed a sneeze, hit him in the face, he rubbed his eyes, muttering to himself how it was raining, I was embarrassed to turn my head away.

29, I put the happiness into the "tube" son, health wrapped on the "strip" son, sweet set on the "ten thousand" son, happy with the "fortune", happy carved into the "fortune", "happy", "happy", "happy", "happy", "happy", "happy".

30, a village chief raped poppy a goddess, just one into the bottom, the goddess said: come in is dead. The village chief was busy withdrawing, and the woman said, out of the living can not. The village chief asked the godmother how to do? Granny said: in and out to keep you safe.

31, husband and wife quarreled, wife is a shrew, swearing a lot of dirty words; husband is a professor, will not swear, but can not stand it, so shouted: ditto, ditto!

32, Lan: sleeper and sitting tickets and no? Ticket agent: Yes, (next88) but can not be sold to you. Lan: Why? Ticket salesman: The state this year expressly provides that a student will not be allowed to stand home for the New Year!

33, from tomorrow onwards, be a happy farmer / digging, fertilizer, swim 139 community / from tomorrow onwards, care for food and vegetables / I have a piece of manor, facing the sea, spring flowers, from tomorrow onwards, go to every friend.

34, a lady to take snapshots. After shooting, they went to take the automatic development of the photo, look at the end of the alarm: how I photographed like a monkey! Behind the woman coldly said: that's my, your still have to wait.

35, not everyone needs to be slim, not every slim person will be beautiful. There is a class of people, plump is her capital, thin embodies not her temperament, like you, the more round the more people love, my dear wallet!

36, true, from work to take a friend's car home, let it under the footbridge parking, friends look out the window, said you live here ah, I thought about it: ah? I can live under the bridge?

37, lived for more than twenty years until today to understand, what is called the dog's eyes look down on people. That is, you walk on the road to meet a sports car, sitting on top of a dog, looking down at you. Do not say, I want to be quiet!

38, before the school said to engage in physical examination, to stool to do laboratory products, and then every one of them to bring a little bit to go, and then, there is an alumni, with Chow Tai Fook bags and boxes. Then go halfway, was driving a motorcycle snatched away.

39, work, the factory director called him to apprentice with a master, he went to do what you do. Later, the master went to the toilet, he also followed the side of the station, after the master: you do not relieve yourself with what to do? The young man said: the leader wants me to follow you!

40, when I was a child, my parents took me home, walking, they held me in the middle, I'm fine, I sang "left hand a chicken, right hand a duck," my father listened to staring at me, almost slapped my mouth. But then my mom sang a line that made me vomit blood. "There is a toad in the middle ah, hehehehehe Deer feed ~"

41, in order to show that we? z relationship, I think we two best to get a similar pinyin name, for example: I called Silk Silk pull, you called shit shit pull, this is a better example, you think?

42, a month the third time to lock themselves out, open the lock brother's phone, he opened the lock and I said: do not you consider joining our vip member it, the next lock discount, on call. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that, but I'm sure I'll be able to do it.

43, the workplace subterfuge: can write as running errands, can do as well as can blow, can say as well as will send, this is not as good as the publicity, to comply with the discipline as to listen to, adhere to the principle of as well as will be able to adapt.

44, a classmate after smoking always love to throw the cigarette to the ground, and then stamped out the cigarette with his foot. This day, we went swimming, he smoked on the shore, not long, heard a scream. We looked up and saw that he had stepped on the cigarette without shoes.

45, "the mouse meets the cat" mouse: I should not be quiet and go away! Cat: Don't you know I'm waiting for you? Mouse: Why am I always hurt! Cat: Because the person who is holding you is me!

46, dinner back when the girlfriend angry, stride forward, I chased behind while shouting: "Beauty! You dropped a boyfriend!" Girlfriend turned back and said fiercely: "Dropped and then buy one!" I asked, "Where to buy one?" Girlfriend: "What? You want to buy one too?" "No, I'm going to sell it." At once, I felt that many passers-by had internal injuries.

47, four-year-old Ming, in the park square to see a group of big brothers mechanical dance, happy to clap and cheer, "big brother you are great oh." When jumping to the slow dance steps, Ah Ming surprised to ask: "big brother you guys stuck screen? My dad said that if you get stuck, you can just "reboot" the program."

48, life on the road a few more worries, not to find excuses for failure, only to find reasons for success, the ideal road to pursue, flat ground up ten thousand feet building, you and I together to refuel, cooperation and smooth cow everyone.

49, "I heard that yesterday you and his wife had a disagreement, how did it end?" "Of course, she begged me on her knees!" "No way! How did she beg you?" "She said: 'I'm not going to hit you anymore, come out from under the bed!'"

50, one day it was dark, a pair of lovers walking on the road, walking on the road rushed out a woman, hugging the male to cry, crying: I have, I have. Girlfriend instantly stayed, crying away, the male looked at his girlfriend and said: I do not recognize her. Chased the girlfriend and left. The woman looked at the two went away, laughing and said: Damn, let you last time you saw the old lady break up laughing, hahaha.

51, the cat ran into the cow, polite and courteous and cow greetings, the cow made fun of the cat, said: "You're so small on the long beard!" The cat was angry and said: "You *** how so big also do not wear a bra ah!"

52, today at noon on the way to buy food, see a suit man on the phone, on the phone a variety of complaints reprimand, I passed by him, only to hear him on the phone to continue to roar to: I suspect that your ability to understand is not as good as a rural woman. I look at myself, have a look around, this is to compare me to the rhythm of ah! The man in the suit, you're the rural woman, your whole family rural woman. The first thing you need to do is to get your hands dirty!

53, life is like a fire, he has you and I; work is like a rope, unity and power to line; life is like a wind, southeast, northwest and north where all pass; for the sake of the community and the family, only the most glorious labor.

54, hair growth water - Mr.: "Since I bought the hair growth water, hair fall out, this is how it is." Waiter: "Sir, that's right, you always have to make room for hair growth hair to grow."

55, Dad hit me twice today, the first time because he saw the two-point report card in my hand, and the second time because the report card was from his childhood.

56, love is not a test question, life is not a sharp turn. The first time I saw the report card in my hand, I saw two points in the report card, and the second time I saw the report card when he was a child.

57, Dear Customer: China Mobile reminds you that due to the recent sun ion is too strong, the sun under the phone will appear no signal phenomenon, please play the phone with the other hand high above your head to cover the sunlight! Remember, the higher the better!

58, the husband drove out. Wife at home listening to the radio, heard a report, quickly picked up the phone: Husband ah, I just heard on the radio that the highway there is a car in reverse, you must be careful ah. Husband: Which is ah, I see hundreds of cars are traveling against the traffic.

59, high school brothers once drunk to go to the concert hall, when the school friends, Ka Kui what is more popular, a brother point a slender love, not yet had time to BS, this goods has been a huge sound to open the song: a pair of sister's chest a big wave! The brother's crotch a long snake! I'm going to take my sister off at the top of my lungs. Laughing spit two brothers, next door to a table of girls hurriedly check out. Boss face black line.

60, geese talk a lot of tongue always love to call, ducks strutting frame high, kittens gentle love love love pampering, puppies come and go always love to run, think about it or you're the best, only know to stay in the pigsty sleep.

61, although success is equal to one percent of the inspiration plus 99 percent of the sweat. But this one percent of the inspiration is far more important than the sweat of the ninety-nine ten thousand times, Newton can be associated with gravity from an apple. And you are the apple in the sky to smash you to death, you just die in peace.

62, the wedding, the groom: In fact, I fell in love with you, but also loved many people. The stage was in an uproar, and the bride was stunned. See this scene, the groom satisfied to continue to say: many people, including your parents, your family, your friends. The stage applauded. The bride paused and asked: also include my best friend?

63, the five organs of the five elements, the liver belongs to the wood, the heart belongs to the fire, the lungs belong to the gold, the kidneys belong to the water, the spleen belongs to the earth. I helped you calculate, so you lack of fire and gold in the five elements, no wonder so long do not invite me to dinner, so you have no heart and lungs ah! I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do that!

64, the office of a female colleague for people hardworking, every day to take a rag wipe wipe the table, wipe the chair. Yesterday afternoon, I came out of the toilet, just sat on the chair, she slapped me on the shoulder: "Brother, fast *** lift up, I help you wipe!" I am a red face: I, I, I have already wiped in the toilet.

65, Wang went to the grocery store to buy food, took the scale of the dishes, he felt a little wrong. So Xiao Wang took out his newly bought iPhone 5 and put it on the scale, looking at the numbers on the scale, Xiao Wang said, "Grandpa, I have 112 grams of this cell phone, but your scale shows 150 grams, you have a problem with the scale, right?" "Silly boy, you have downloaded so many software in your cell phone, it will definitely become heavier." Little Wang thought, is this reasoning, so he carried the dishes home.

66, today home on the bus a lot of people, behind me there is a woman is always taking her chest rubbing my back. I was not willing to show weakness, with my back rubbing her chest. So rubbed all the way, and then get off the bus and found that the wallet is gone.

67, the farmer led his son to accompany the leader to visit the pig farm. The leader looked at a head of piglets, turned back and said with emotion "how cute little guy", the farmer thought that his son, said "where, compared to your son is much worse"

68, the first month of the fifteenth alarm, thousands of lights shine. The flavor of the dumplings is wonderful, and the moon is beautiful. The moonlight is a beautiful moonlight, and the moonlight is beautiful. The moon is full of spring light all night long, where to smell the lights do not seem? The Lantern Festival to see the lanterns to go!

69, the woman's four ideals: men's heads are broken, send me money every day. But also queuing up for me to pick, they have not been old!

70, you look really beautiful, mouse eyes, pig arched mouth, talking to spray saliva, like a toilet with big water. Happy Valentine's Day!

71, a certain A and three gangsters hands fight. Afterwards, people will blow: the whole two hours they did not knock me down. Everyone was in awe. A person with knowledge of the situation: he let someone tied to the tree to beat the whole two hours.

72, do not call their children "little brat", because from the genetic point of view, this is not favorable to the parents.

73, LZ male, nothing to do to go to the morning market shopping, happened to run into a former female colleague in the purchase of vegetables, see her basket put a few cucumbers I asked jokingly "so early out of the matchmaking? The first time I saw this, I was able to see the woman's face, and I was able to see the woman's face.

74, usually home from school, Xiaoming is not spirit, today his mother saw him very active, said: baby, today's state of mind is good Oh. Xiaoming: Of course, I will meet with Zhou Zhou during class time.

75, the white rabbit from the gray wolf that fled after the wolf indignation in hot pursuit, the rabbit to soil wipe body play gray rabbit, wearing glasses to read the newspaper, the wolf asked: can see a white rabbit? Rabbit: Is that the white rabbit that the wolf spoiled? Wolf: Shit! The wolf is not a man, but a man, and he is a man.

76, a businessman to go out by cab, the car suddenly skidding in the mountain highway, the driver screamed in fear: the brakes do not work, what should I do? The businessman yelled at him: turn off the meter, you idiot!

77, the weather forecast: today's early morning to daytime sometimes have thought you, the afternoon turned to big to stormy thought, the mood is expected to be lowered by five degrees as a result. Affected by the extended low-pressure zone, such weather is expected to continue until you see you.

78, the idea to be emancipated, dress up to fashion; life to be harmonious, work to be comfortable; husband to be powerful, children to be beautiful; go out to be reserved, go home to be high-pitched.

79, the doctor carefully checked the beautiful female patients, said happily: Mrs. Wang, I have good news for you. Patient: no. I am Ms. Wang. Doctor: Oh, then, I have bad news for you.

80, see a MM sent a tweet: sister is not Mona Lisa, there is no need to smile at anyone! A friend is very talented, actually on the next line: brother is not Paris L'Oreal, you do not deserve to have!