I didn't expect to vomit you.

At the end of one year, the boss invited his workmates to dinner, and about a dozen people went to Sichuan restaurant. Let everyone order, and the workers refused: Oh, whatever, we'll eat whatever the boss orders! So the boss took the menu (a thin piece of A4 paper) and pulled it with his finger: "Well, this side is fried, turn it over ... Oh, it's fried here, too ..." Wow ... the waiter and we all have that look.

In high school, my teacher changed my seat and my new deskmate. It happened that my appetite was uncomfortable and I climbed on the table to rest. This male deskmate thought I ignored him and said, "Hello, I hope we can get along happily!" " "I looked up at him, and suddenly my stomach turned upside down and I felt sick. The boy turned green and said, "I know I'm a little ugly, but I didn't expect to spit on you." "

When I was in junior high school, there was a student in our class who carried a schoolbag and slept in class every day. The schoolbag hasn't been opened, so we discussed playing tricks on him. Once he was not in the classroom, and all the books in his schoolbag were replaced by bricks. As a result, he actually carried it for two days until a new teacher came to the class that day. The teacher saw him sleeping in class and told him to get up and take out his book to do the problem. Then he slowly took out the bricks from his schoolbag. Teacher: "classmate, you put it down first and have something to say." . . "

We talked about the origin of the name together. A small partner said silently: When my dad settled accounts for me, he suddenly forgot my name. In desperation, he gave me one casually on the spot.

Whenever I see news on TV that someone has been cheated by simple deception for tens of millions or millions, I can't help but sigh, damn it, why are people with such high IQ so rich?

On valentine's day, I made an appointment with my girlfriend s. After seeing off the blue demon Ji, I took her to a high-end western restaurant for a candlelight dinner! To show my heroism, I ordered French foie gras and said to the waiter, give me a bottle of' 82 ... Sorry, I'm here to visit my relatives today! It happened that the waiter stood by and waited for me to finish eating! I had to bite the bullet and continue: Sprite. ...

The landlord is in the countryside, and the family is still burning firewood. Once my son saw that there was still a spark in the kitchen and volunteered to help make a fire. Before I could say no, he ran to the kitchen, with a loud bang and a big breath! Cold ash in front of the stove sprayed my son in the face! He sneezed, looked at me and said, mom! The fire finally started! Laughing and crying, I quickly helped him wash his face!

I heard an interesting thing. Foreigners can take anything in the examination room for reference when they take the Chinese exam. Then someone brought an China in.

Waiting for the bus by the roadside, a girl and a college student came over. As if asking for directions, I came over and called "Uncle ..." It was not thirty yet. How can you be like an uncle? So I clenched my fists: Sister-in-law, what's the matter?

The husband taught his wife to drive, pointed to the car and said, "This is the gear lever, the brake is in the middle, and the throttle is on the right ..." The wife said angrily, "Don't talk so much at once, okay? Teach me to drive first, and then teach others slowly! "

My buddy bought a suite in Beijing all his life. When he slept at night, he turned over and his cell phone was on. "Welcome to Hebei Mobile."

A beautiful woman called the police: "Hello, uncle policeman?" My car broke down on the expressway and someone spat at me. The policeman asked, "Did you see what that man looked like?" ""No, it's too fast, but that man has a wisp of beard and a cigar in his mouth.

Classic lines that have never been imagined.

"Unexpectedly" is a mini-drama jointly produced by Youku and Wanhe Tianyi. It depicts the story of Wang Dachui, the diaosi king, in an exaggerated and humorous way. The content of the plot covers everything, from hot topics to classic historical stories, and humorous language is unique from the perspective of ridicule.

1, I have no regrets in my life. I remember running in the sunset that day, which was my lost youth.

2, this sad orchid finger is really extraordinary, it must be a clue.

3. You saved me. I want to marry you tonight. I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it.

4. Are you afraid that my ecstasy will flash his dog's eye?

5. Iron Man, Spider-Man, Batman and Ray are all possessed by souls at the moment.

6. I am such a good boy with all-round development in morality, intelligence, physique and beauty.

I have no regrets all my life. I remember running in the sunset that day, which was my lost youth.

8, manager, relax, this nose hair is quite naughty.

9. My name is Wang Dachui. I never imagined that I met my true love in the toilet.

10, I believe that before long, I will be promoted and raised to become general manager and CEO, and I will marry Bai as my wife and reach the peak of my life. Think about it, a little excited.

1 1, mongolia navy: Our journey is a sea of stars.

12, you saved me. I am going to have a wedding with you tonight. I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it, I want it.

13, fat people are human, but they are still heavier than Mount Tai or other mountains.

14 We're going far away to see what else is our Smecta.

15, my name is Wang Dachui. I didn't expect the general to die voluntarily, but it won't affect the signboard of my generation of famous doctors.

16, Zhao Yun almost died in seven in seven out, you are a star! For you, Zhuge Liang suffered from ice and fire. You sang the door star! Zhang Fei bears a huge sword for you, and you sing the door star! Report! General Guan lost, selling the city for you, and I lost another general! Report! Luma died in childbirth. She died in childbirth for you! Cao Jun's here! Cao Jun is coming for you! The laws of nature cannot be changed!

17, if you want to save the princess, you have to, uh, you have to go through my body. Please remember these lines.

18, I have no regrets in my life.

19, I feel that a powerful force is converging on my fist. My left fist is as hot as flame, and my right fist is as cold as frost.

In fact, once there is bad news, you will be sucked into my arms and then thrown to the ground under the action of gravity. This is a natural law and cannot be avoided.

The above lines are compiled and provided by the beautiful sentence website.

Unexpectedly, after reading this, the emotional intelligence is high.

1. How many people use "this is the last time" to convince themselves, but still do the same thing. How many people encourage themselves with "it won't happen again", but they still make the same mistake.

I can afford what I like and go where I want to go. I won't lose the quality of life because of the people around me, but I will be more confident because I spend my own money. That's why I should work harder.

If you owe someone, someone else will pay you back. Others owe you, others will pay you back. What you do to one person, whether it's hurting or paying, will always be repaid or retaliated by another person. Nodes at different times. Generally speaking, the ruthlessness and promiscuity in life are conservative.

"Insecurity is the most common gynecological disease in the world."

With money, it is impossible to support you for life. Handsome, you can't show off all your life. People live by it, not by comparison. It's really good to live a good life. So don't look for handsome or rich people, find someone who can tolerate you. If he can't tolerate your emotions and shortcomings, what's the use of good conditions? In fact, the best day is nothing more than you are making trouble, he is laughing, and it is a warm life.

6. If you have no skills, don't be too angry, or you will be in trouble. If you don't have too many abilities, don't have too many desires, otherwise it will be very painful.

7. Nothing is better than doing three things well: first, knowing how to choose; The second is to understand how to persist; The third is to know how to cherish.

8. Almost all losses begin with fear of loss. Almost all gains begin with loss.

9. Lucky people will know that luck is not wealth and success, nor happiness without pain, but being loved regardless of feelings.

10. The proper place in life is not near money or power, but near the soul.

1 1. What does the world have to do with me? I just want to keep my day, drinking tea, reading, listening to music, walking, staring blankly and making soup.

12. No one likes loneliness, but loneliness makes people feel practical compared with cold and hot.

13. Some precious fragments in life actually come from some trivial things.

14. Smile is the fermentation of happiness after I see you.

15. If someone hurts you, don't thank the person who hurt you. They didn't do anything to make you grow up. What makes you grow is your reflection and strength. So thank yourself and thank the people you are with.

16. Elegance is hard. It's harder than being reserved. It's harder than hooligans. Be reserved and pretend. Rogues are easier. But elegance won't do. Elegance needs temperament. Need qualifications. It takes years of precipitation. Want that peace and light.

17. What others say and do can never determine what kind of person you are; What you say and do to others can determine what kind of person you are.

18. Do something you don't want to do every day. This is the most precious rule, which can make you develop the habit of being conscientious and not complaining.

19. I have gradually developed the habit of not explaining. I can't share many emotions, so I simply digest them myself. What you know will naturally be understood, and what you don't understand will sometimes be explained. Some stories can only be told to people who understand.

20. Many people are sad just to show their sadness. In fact, no one in this world can understand another person's sadness.

2 1. There is no secret to growing old together. Only when you are in love can you save some feelings and know some gratitude during the cold war.

22. I wish I were a tree, quiet, facing the light, safe and sensitive nerve endings, touching flowing clouds and breeze, and whispering joy. Stepping on the meanest mud under your feet is very practical. Also, I grow up secretly every day.

23. Even though I am very young, I still have my life. Even if I am very young, I still have my family; Even though I am very young, I still use my freedom. I have enough; Satisfied, I am no longer small.

24. What you are looking for is often not found. Everything in the world comes and goes in his time.

25. Sometimes people are like this. When something big happens, they will endure, and they will endure. When they hear a word of comfort from people around them, they will be defeated in an instant. Later, I learned that what I was afraid of was not indifference, but sudden tenderness, not suffering alone, but that people around me felt sorry for you, not loneliness, but disappointment.

26. People who love you are often too impulsive and love to call names and swear. But in fact, after these actions, only I know how uncomfortable and painful I am. Facts have proved that such a vicious and soft-hearted person is really not dominant, wronged himself and disgusted others.

27. I like people who treat me well when I am fat, and I will definitely repay you if I lose weight.

28. We understand the truth one by one, but some unreasonable small emotions determine most of our emotions.

29. I am a plain person since I was a child. I didn't know the ignorance of ten years old, the innocence of thirty years old, the recklessness of thirty years old and the confusion of forty years old until I was twenty years old. But all this is a necessary process for me to learn in life. I don't regret, I don't blame others, and I don't blame myself. I just wish I had the courage to look back at myself ten years later.

30. To love someone is to wait until he comes back no matter how late it is. To love someone is to reach out and touch his forehead when he is coughing. To love someone is to cook his favorite dishes every day. If you love someone, you want to be more beautiful, you want to be noticed by everyone, but you can only be owned by him.

3 1. Sometimes loneliness is a good thing. A person can see the world more, walk more, spend time on business and become the kind of person he really likes.

32. The less you study, the less satisfied you are with the environment; The more you read, the less satisfied you are with yourself. People who read less, the more subjective and simple they are, the easier they are to complain about everything. Read more books, broaden your horizons, improve your analytical thinking ability, especially from the experience and analysis of your predecessors, and increase your ability to judge complex problems, know how to look at problems, and know where your shortcomings are. You know how many books you read when you complained.

33. I am most afraid that you will be mediocre all your life, and comfort yourself with ordinary value.

34. More than half of people's core competitiveness comes from non-urgent things: reading, exercising, making friends with wise people and hobbies.

Growing up means finally realizing that the world may not be as beautiful as we imagined when we were young. The people we love and care about may deceive us, may leave us, we may lose the people we love, and may be betrayed. However, we will still accept all the unpleasantness we don't want to face and live bravely.

A classic line from "Never Imagine"

Introduction to "Never Imagine":

"Never Imagine" is a mini-network comedy, which tells the funny legendary story of diaosi Wang Dachui and his friends in an exaggerated and funny way. "Never Imagine" won the Jin Peng Award for Best Network Short Film in 20xx, which was deeply loved by the audience, especially the classic quotations and lines in the film, which often became popular words and mantras. The movie of the same name "Never Imagine: Journey to the West" will be released at the end of 20xx. The old cast of Never Imagine, such as Liu Xunzi Mo, actors, Yang Zishan, etc., will interpret an unexpected story with a brand-new combination.

Inspirational lines of classic quotations from "Never Imagine"

It doesn't matter how low the cost is. The key question is whether you can find people who are willing to share weal and woe with you. Some people call them employees, but I think they are brothers and sisters.