Ask yourself honestly. Is there any time when you look at the "gentle and virtuous mother" in the parenting book, and your home is always clean and tidy, always smiling, and you think that "everything is fake", but you can't help but envy and self-criticize?
Sometimes, when you look at "Online Celebrity Bright Mom" on Facebook, you can always find a way to write what you wear every day. Even the mascara is thoroughly combed, not only beautiful, but even the children in the "most fashionable clothes" next to you look like princesses.
I turned to look at my dusty high heels, my ponytail (or a lump of hair) and my son who always flies around naked. I couldn't help thinking, "What did I do wrong?" Why do others look happy and confident when they are "mothers", but Cinderella's story is the other way around! From a princess wearing glass shoes, she became a Cinderella who knelt on the ground to clean the floor and serve the whole family.
Sometimes I hear that any mother can have her own career. She thinks it is worthwhile to stay at home and look after the baby, but at the same time she secretly thinks, "Can I?" Or "can you do it in the future? Can those super moms be me? Or will it never be me?
Or, in the park, I saw a mommy holding hands with the baby in the cart. She just "lost" a crying child from the nursery and unconsciously ran to the MRT. High heels hurt your feet, but what hurts more is your heart. In fact, you "can" choose to stay at home and take care of your children, but when you return to the workplace after parental leave, every time you see your child's tears, you will feel "I am not a good mother".
The word "good mother" cannot be defined in the dictionary, but it weighs heavily on every mother's mind.
What is the definition of "good mother"?
Eleven years later, I gave birth to two children, often laughing that I raised them in different times.
There are different "latest knowledge" and "expert advice" about pregnancy maintenance, production methods, breast milk or milk powder, non-staple food, sleeping on your back and prone. Before giving birth to my daughter, I took great pains to choose a maternity and child hospital with midwives as the mainstay. I also wrote a birth plan, a very "avant-garde" mother. Up to now, especially in Germany, these contents are "basic equipment". I don't need to say anything more about all the details of my original production plan.
Not only that, but my mother's image has also changed a lot. It is king for a woman to teach her children at home, be a professional woman, and then be a * * * at home ... The definition of "good mother" is becoming more and more diverse and exciting.
However, this does not mean that we have more and more choices. Because after all, none of us can have all the resources and abilities, let alone put all the definitions of "good mother" on ourselves.
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All the mothers I know, regardless of nationality and place of residence, education and financial ability, are determined to be "good mothers" and work hard towards this goal. Sometimes, I even find that a weak woman who seems to have no lofty aspirations can achieve the ultimate goal of being a mother far beyond the enthusiasm and investment of everyone around her. That spirit is really touching.
But when we say the word "good mother", what image comes to mind? Is it really possible to put all these adjectives on one person at the same time?
I began to think about this problem because I began to reread many parenting books I read when my daughter was a child. At that time, I was a novice mother, and I strongly wanted to be a "good mother" who was gentle and firm, applicable to both ancient and modern times, and practiced both inside and outside. Read a lot of classics and new ideas, and get a lot of inspiration from them. However, when I reread these books more than ten years later, I had different thoughts.
Yes, all the mothers in the book are great, but none of them are "me"
Having been a "mother" for more than ten years, I know more about who I am and what unique gifts I can give my children. Of course, I don't care "How do other people become mothers?"
Every mother has the right to decide what she looks like as a mother.
Just as the uniqueness of every child deserves to be respected, every mother has the right to choose her own mother.
"Meet Si Qi" is "Si Qi", and sometimes it becomes too stressful. It is better to "think for yourself" than "see Si Qi". Choose a variety of ways to put your values and the essence of life. As for the degree and details, adjust according to your own nature and family situation. This does not lose growth, but it does not lose its original flavor.
I didn't go into the kitchen before, and I couldn't even tell the difference between onions and garlic. Now I have started to learn to cook in the past two years, and I have also realized the beauty. I enjoy my time in the kitchen with my children. I hope they know the joy of life.
However, I know that I will never be a "master cook", let alone spend two hours just to prepare a beautiful meal. I admire and appreciate that my sisters are good at cooking and preparing delicious food for their families, but I will never presuppose that I can do their level. I am not a good mother.
I like to stay at home, and I prefer to clean the environment by hand. This is my way to relieve stress, but my children's play area belongs to freestyle. I don't have a fixed requirement, that is, children should always keep clean. I think it's enough for me to tidy up once or twice a day.
Some mothers like to dress up occasionally. When they wear beautiful makeup and their beloved dresses and high heels, they will feel happy inexplicably. I also like this feeling of "owning myself", but my "execution details" are to maintain the original dress of a T-shirt and jeans, instead of lying on the balcony and drinking a bottle of cold beer, preferably a glass of Pi? A coke, please.
I like to get along with children, but not 100% of the time. I need to have my own career, colleagues and friends from the "non-mom group". It may make my time with my children very tight, and I often have to shuttle between different identities, but if you ask me, "Do it again, what would you choose?" ",I will still choose to start a business while being a mother's hard life.
At the same time, I also understand that some sisters can enjoy the time with their children full-time, and even have three or five children, which makes them very happy. Because everyone feels that the fields of "self-realization" are different and don't need to be the same.
Recommended reading: Are you a good mother? The child's eyes speak for themselves.
It is our responsibility to be a happy mother.
No matter what kind of way, what kind of dress, what kind of career choice, should not determine our "achievements" as mothers. Even, no one should grade "mom" at all! Also, because we know that we have the right to choose, we must fully bear the joys and sorrows of all decisions, because no one should be responsible for our happiness.
Let's be the "most suitable" mother.
Whatever! The conditions of those "good mothers" and the role models of those "model mothers". If after careful consideration, it doesn't make us happy and willing, it is not "good".
The real "good" is to live your true self through rational evaluation and perceptual understanding. Aside from the pressure of not being a good mother, we can think about what is best for my children and how to be a happy mother.
Mom has thousands of faces, absolutely, don't forget her unique one!