A colleague I don't know is chatting with me, and the content of the chat is extremely boring, just talking about what happened to him and his girlfriend. I'm speechless. After he talked for a long time, look at me, which may mean that I should always express my position after he said so much. For an instant, I really didn't know what to say. I blurted out and asked, "Is your girlfriend a woman?" ..... The teacher handed out the examination paper, and the girl at the back took an extra one and shouted, "Teacher, I have it, I have it!" As a result, the boy sitting next to him said, "It's mine, it's mine!" " ..... Once, when I went to buy breakfast, I found that my usually unsmiling boss was also waiting in line, so I was very nervous. After greeting, I said to the chef, "Master, please bring me a steamed stuffed bun and two breasts!" ..... For the first time in two years, I heard my boss laugh so loudly. When I went to buy watermelon that day, I heard someone asking the melon seller: Does your watermelon have skin? The political teacher once said in a lecture, "Let me give an example", and then he felt that it was wrong, and said, "Give an example". My classmates explained to me how to make an inquiry call. I wanted to ask if it was a real person or a voice who answered the phone over there, but I said, "Is it a living person or a dead person who answered the phone?" In my junior year, my classmate went to work in a shopping mall selling fish. The guest took the selected fish, and my classmate gently pointed to the fish killing platform and said to him, "If you go there, someone will kill you." ..... The teacher told us: "Be honest when you take the car for a spring outing, and don't always throw your head and arms out." ..... I wanted to drink soda that day, and I hurried to the cold drink stand to say a bottle of soda. Unexpectedly, I saw the beer in front of me and said in a hurry, "Boss, a bottle of fart water!" ………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… ..... MM told me about KFC's new "flesh-and-blood connection" and asked me to take her to eat. In those days, Beijing was extremely hot and I was groggy. When I arrived at the restaurant, I said to the smiling Miss KFC, "Please give me two' flesh-and-blood', thank you!" ..... A literary evening, the host came to the stage to announce: Please enjoy the following: Xinjiang song and dance, lift your skull! Creepy! Tigers don't send cats, you think I'm dying! When I was in high school, the classroom discipline was chaotic. In a rage, the teacher picked up XXX and said, XXX, stand on the wall for me! The whole class is cold! Me: "That's our physics teacher …" Classmate: "What does he teach?" Me: "Chemistry ..." A person in our dormitory drank too much to pee and then brought out a cold sentence: "If you drink too much urine, there will be a lot of wine." Junior high school art evening, grab the answer link. Hostess: "attention, everyone, don't grab too fast." When I finish, I will start to raise my hand! " Then he began to read the topic and said, "Let's start now ..." At this time, a player rushed to answer. The host said, "This classmate is a little too anxious. I'm still in my mouth, so why did you rob me ... "One day when I was at school, a phone call came to me, and my classmate handed it to me and said," Your mother wants you. " As soon as I answered the phone, I casually said, "men and women". Everyone laughed wildly. I was laughed at for 4 years ... My classmate's high school classmate (a boy) walked into the noodle restaurant and it was cool to throw his hair away: "Boss, I don't want rice noodles with onions!" " After that, I added: "More rice noodles!" Boss: "... Do you want rice noodles or onions?" Once my classmate's mother called, I used to say "he's not here", but this time I wanted to say "he's out". The result was: "He's gone ..." The president of our university used to teach us calligraphy. When talking about his experience, he talked about the birth year and wanted to wear red. He said, "I didn't wear anything (red clothes) that year." As a result, the whole class laughed wildly Another one, when we were in junior high school, we used an electric bell to ring the bell after class. Once, just after class, the bell was ringing and the teacher was still there. Suddenly, a boy who was sleeping in class suddenly bounced out of his seat and screamed, "Mom! Get up and cook! I should go to class! " ..... High school requires wearing school uniforms. We boys sometimes only wear school uniforms. Once we gathered, our classmates were not dressed neatly in school uniforms. The class teacher was furious: "Everyone who didn't wear pants stood up for me!" ..... When the university went to the factory for metalworking practice, the master worker said when distributing machine tools: For the sake of safety, we try our best to ensure a bed for a male classmate and a female classmate. At that time, all the boys burst into laughter and the girls blushed. During the internship, almost all the lathe work was done by the girl who shared my bed. Finally, considering that she couldn't do anything, the master didn't check well, I advised her to practice her hands. Who knows, she said, I'm used to letting you do it. At that time, I occasionally burst into cold. A friend went to the dumpling shop and asked, "How much is a bowl of dumplings (for sleeping)?" Just listen to the waitress "bah!" With a cry, he said, "shameless!" ..... When we were studying by ourselves, everyone was watching the review. GG said to MM, "I just recited the words, help me write them down." MM doesn't want to be silent, GG asks her, you (touch) me, (touch) me! ! As a result, MM couldn't stand it, shouting, "Teacher, I don't want to (touch) him, but he insisted that I (touch) him." ... One day, she went to a classmate's house for dinner and drank some wine, and her father suddenly came in. He originally wanted to call uncle, but he made a mistake and said, "Dad, come and sit down!" My colleague argued with someone and opened his mouth in a hurry. "Do you think I grew up eating?" I've always wondered what he grew up eating. In the computer class, a classmate had a problem with the machine, so he shouted, "Boss, change the machine!" " The whole class is stupefied. When I went to Li Ning with my sister to buy shoes, my sister said, "Miss, how much is this shoe?" Even in high school, I went home with my MM after school. At the school gate, I saw a barbecue seller. MM said that she wanted to eat beef offal. Because there were many predecessors on the grill, I was afraid that the boss could not hear me, so I shouted: "Boss, five strings of bullwhip!" " Then there was silence, and after three seconds, everyone laughed together. I was so embarrassed ... The most embarrassing thing was that MM asked me "What is a bullwhip?" I had to answer MM very, very quietly: "A bullwhip is a cow's tail." On the factory bus to work, MM asked me, "My computer is not working, and I always die." I said, "Then go back and check the virus and remember to upgrade the antivirus software." Early the next morning, I saw MM on the bus again. I casually asked, "Have you checked? How? " Then MM said loudly, "I'm so angry. I checked for a long time and said it was not poisonous.". What do you say? " At that time, it was cold ... Now I remember it especially well. People used to visit my aunt's house, and they just came in. It happened that my aunt had to go to the bathroom. She quickly greeted the guests and said, "Sit down, sit down, I'll go to the toilet and pour you some tea!" " During the military training in the university, the instructor shouted, "Align with the side light (corner light) of your!" One of my classmates whispered to me, "Only his bladder grows on his face." Our unit has a car to pick up and drop off at work in the morning, because the car is not big. Once, a male colleague sitting next to me stood up and warmly greeted her and said, "So-and-so, sit on my ass!" " I laughed until I got out of the car! When a student of a physical education department was in an internship class, many teachers were listening to the class. He was too nervous. When he finally wanted to dissolve the team, his mind was blank for a while and he stifled a sentence: "Attention, attention! Flash! ！” I met a girl I've been longing for for for a long time coming out of the bathhouse, trying to get close, and for a long time, I said, "You take a shower, are there many men in it?" A teacher played mahjong all night, and when he saw that the blackboard had not been wiped, he was furious: "Who is the farmer today?" Don't wipe the blackboard! " I just bought a house and called a buddy in excitement: "I bought a house, but it's only a dime (I forgot to say the word" blank "). It has to be renovated. " The buddy said, "Is there only one toilet? Then where do you live? " The three most popular words during the Iraq war: peace, war and found. Connect these three English words and read them aloud for three times, and you will uncover a major historical mystery. My friend's child is half a year old, so he called to care. After a few commonplaces, he said, "Does your child eat human milk or your milk now?" ..... I bought rice in the canteen and saw the long-awaited tofu skin. When I was excited, I said to the waiter, "A potato skin!" ..... Shocked the people around you. What a good donkey ... Last time I went to McDonald's, I said to the shop assistant, "A bag of potato chips!" " They say no. I said, "What store ... doesn't even have potato chips? ！” Say that finish turned and left ... Politics class talked about Sino-Japanese political issues, and talked about Japanese samurai committing suicide by caesarean section. The teacher said, "Japanese samurai all have caesarean sections before they die!" " ..... once I called a customer named Wang, and the switchboard was answered by a MM with a sweet voice. She told me his extension number. I didn't know if the Wang I was looking for was a man or a woman, so I asked by the way, "Is he a man or a woman?" ..... In college, one of my classmates just bought a mobile phone, got a mobile card, and called 1861 to inquire. At that time, he was excited: "Excuse me, your's mobile phone service ..." From the hands-free phone, we actually heard the telephone operator politely say: "Our mobile phone service ..." The whole dormitory burst into laughter! Yesterday, someone said that he would introduce me to a girlfriend. I wanted to ask "Is it beautiful?" The result said: "Is it cheap?" . Sweating myself to death ... Senior sister in college, attending educational psychology, being late ... walked into the classroom and glanced sideways at the blackboard. The old professor was angry and asked the teacher elder sister to answer the questions on the blackboard. The senior sister faltered for a long time and said, "Sexiness and Sex Theory", which is too difficult to talk about. " The whole class went haywire. The original title of the professor was "On Reason and Perception" ... I heard from my classmates that once a girl in their dormitory went to buy sanitary napkins and said to her boss: a pack of sanitary napkins. The boss actually asked: do you want three fresh or spicy? Then the classmate paused and said, Sam Sun, I'm afraid I can't stand spicy food ... I have a classmate who has been reviewing for computer level 3. One day, while playing football, another classmate took the ball to the bottom line and only heard him shout, Enter! Get back in the car! When I was in college, I heard a girl order: Master, stir-fry a plate of hot and sour potatoes, not potatoes! When I was in college, a teacher gave a lecture and talked about a new type of material. He said, "The sexual function of this material is incomparable to that of the old material ... Oh, no, the performance and function ..." One day, I ate slowly and was hungry at a rice noodle shop, and finally roared at the table because I couldn't stand it. I originally wanted to say that I would lift the table if I didn't go to the rice noodle shop again! The result said: "boss! ! ! ! I'll eat the table if I don't serve rice noodles! ! ! ！” After the whole store was silent for 3 seconds, it burst into laughter under the table ... shame ... my parents quarreled, and my dad said angrily, "I'll get you out!" " I once went to buy mutton kebabs and held out four fingers to say "three mutton kebabs" to the boss. The boss was asked, "How many?" I stretched out three fingers and said "four" ... Our general manager's surname is Zhou. Once he called, I was driving, and when I was nervous, I said, "Premier Zhou ..." Once I booked a hotel for my boss and wanted to ask if there were any services such as free Internet access, but I couldn't figure out how to say it, so I asked him, "Excuse me, do you have any special services here?" The other party said, "What? Special service We are a regular hotel! " Waiting in line in the canteen, I heard a boy next to me say, "Master, a bowl of soup with bullet cauliflower!"! "(laver and egg soup). A colleague asked me yesterday. How to write festivals? I replied: add a festival section under the grass prefix to remove the grass prefix! All the staff burst into laughter! I haven't reacted yet ... The physics teacher said, "This is a thick spring. I'll push it from both ends to see if it becomes dense (constipation)?" Boss, do you have a toilet paper hunger card? One of our colleagues is away on business, so the dealer invites us to dinner. If you want to urinate during dinner, the dealer said there is a bathroom opposite. If you go, you can tell the door that we are eating opposite, so it will be free. In order to save twenty cents, our colleague went straight ahead and confidently said to the toilet manager, "I'm here for dinner!" " I'm from the Logistics Department. After the New Year, the customer called to inquire when the goods before the festival would arrive. Because the holidays were so confusing these days, I couldn't figure out the contents of the order, so I asked, "What are you?" When I was in high school, I went out to work during the holidays and wanted to find a job as a waiter in a restaurant. I was very nervous because I was a child and it was my first time to work. I wanted to ask the manager if he needed to work, but I wanted to say that it would be more subtle to ask if he needed manpower. The result said, "Manager, do you need thugs here?" ..... I went to the market to buy vegetables and prepare for a dinner party. A Korean friend bought lettuce for 2.4 yuan. He gave all the change on his body to the vendor, and there was still a dime missing, so he said to the vendor, "I have given you all my hair, so there is no hair." The peddler was dumb for a long time and replied, "I don't want your hair." Managers usually say to smokers in meetings: smokers are strangled! ! I met my colleague in the bathroom at noon, and suddenly I didn't know what word to say hello to. The tie asked, "Have you eaten?" After asking, I was annoyed and embarrassed. My colleague replied, "Yes, and you?" ..... My colleague asked about the exchange rate between RMB and Japanese yen, and he said, how do apes exchange with Japanese yen? After an impassioned speech by the trade union chairman, the last sentence reached a climax: Comrades, let's do our work better this year than next year! The whole audience fell. I went to the cinema to watch Pirates of the Caribbean 3, and there was a trailer for Transformers before the movie started. I couldn't remember Megatron when I saw the leader of the fanatics, and I couldn't remember that his team was called Decepticons. Because I was so excited, I exclaimed a little "How handsome! It's Nanbatian!" The terrible thing is that at that time, it was suddenly very quiet without any movie sound effects, and more than n people stared at me laughing ... What a shame! Having dinner with a group of friends, one of them was probably betrayed by his brother. He was so depressed that he drank a lot of beer and then stood up with a red face and shouted, "Brother! Not for sale! ！” I guess I meant to say "Brothers are not for selling" … I'm so tired that I'm exhausted from eating shit … My colleague just started eating when the phone rang. She said, I'm KAO, and I'll come to dinner as soon as I eat the phone. In my impression, the squad leader in primary school was extremely serious. During a self-study class, the classroom was full of people. After maintaining order several times, the squad leader finally couldn't bear it. He stood up, slapped the table and roared: Whoever makes any more noise will interrupt his mouth! ! ! ..... The whole class was silent and the leaders and others drank, raised their glasses and loudly said, "Let's die together!" At that time, my brain was too hot ... My classmate named Yu Jingbo wrote a letter one day, and the dormitory doorman shouted at the entrance of the dormitory: "Dry cold skin, dry cold skin letter!" A buddy gets married and gives him a red envelope. Dude, politely say no. I said, "That's ok, once a year, you must take … to buy cakes. I originally wanted to say" two yellow pear pies and an egg tower ",but it turned out to be" two orioles singing egg towers ".What's even more depressing is that the shopkeeper actually understood … There was a girl named Liu Yun in our class at university. Once, another class.