Coaxing his girlfriend to sleep jokes are as follows: 1, an illiterate woman on the second day of their wedding dizziness to see a doctor. The doctor asked: What did you eat yesterday? A: ate eight birth control pills. The doctor asked: Why don't you use the medicine according to the instructions? A: Just follow the instructions, it says one pill at a time! The doctor fell to the ground.　2, the dean of a psychiatric patient said: this time you saved a man in the water, performance is very good, unfortunately he hanged himself again. The mental patient said proudly: I hung him up to dry.　3. The psychiatrist asks the patient, "Do you hear voices but have no idea who is talking or where the voices are coming from?" "Yes." "And when did this happen?" "When I answered the phone."　4. Dr. Lee, an obstetrician and gynecologist, has been practicing medicine for many years, and through his efforts, he has been able to make many infertile families have children. Recently he received a plaque expressing his gratitude to him, engraved with four big words in gold --- creating something out of nothing.　5. I don't know if you have ever paid attention to the doctor's handwriting when you happen to be sick and visit the hospital. Generally speaking, it is a dragon's handwriting, which makes people look confused and not know what to do. That's why I admire the nurses at the medication desk, who can always recognize what medication to take. Once a doctor friend of mine wrote me a letter inviting me to dinner. I could recognize some of the words on the letter, but I couldn't recognize the key time and place. I then ran to the pharmacy of a nearby hospital, handed the letter to the nurse, and asked her to recognize it for me. She looked at it carefully for a long time, brought me two bottles of medicine, and said, "This, twice a day!"　6. One day the ophthalmologist and the internist quarreled. The ophthalmologist said, "Be careful I'll make you eyeless." The internist said, "Be careful I'll make you wolfish."　7、Someone was bitten by a dog and went to the hospital for medicine. The doctor was getting ready to leave work: see what time it is, don't you know you should come to work? The man said: I know, but the dog does not understand ah!　8, in front of the cloth counter, the clerk according to the customer's request to patiently tear the cloth into small strips of cloth after the customer and want the clerk to tie these small strips of cloth into knots, the clerk finally could not stand it, she said: "Is it difficult for you to have a mental illness?" "Yes, I have a hospital certificate."　9: A pair of lovers went to register their marriage. "Have you done a premarital checkup?" "Checked, he house, car all over." "I mean to go to the hospital." The young woman blushed and replied in a whisper, "Checked, it's a boy."　10、A pair of lovers were hugging and kissing under the shade of a hospital tree. A doctor saw, the past to the man said: "you really confused, artificial respiration, should put her flat on the ground only, go away and let me come."　11, middle school, a buddy took me to the bookstore, openly asked the boss: "Have Liu Bei?" I was wondering, only to see the boss from the corner turned out two yellow books handed over. On the way back, I asked, "Why is the yellow book called 'Liu Bei'?" He told me quietly. He quietly told me: "Uncle Huang".　12, classmates outing, climbed to the top of the mountain, a girl especially excited to stand at the top of the mountain shouting: motherland ah, my mother! Then a crush on the girl's boys special vibration shouted: motherland, my mother-in-law.　13, in the supermarket, saw a crab tied up in five flowers from 18.9 yuan in the freezer to 28.9 yuan in the cabinet to climb. I was in tears, you are too TM motivated!　14: Confucius, Mozi, Laozi, see the Jade Emperor. The Jade Emperor is bathing with the Queen Mother. Confucius and Mozi peeped under the window, was found by the Jade Emperor. The Jade Emperor exclaims, "Laozi is still a good, honest man!" Confucius and Mozi replied, "No, isn't Laozi short! He went to move bricks."　15, Somali pirates: "Three million dollars a bite!" Chinese official: "Two and a half million! Pirate:You think I'm stupid? I know you guys say two hundred and fifty is a curse!" Chinese official: "Three million is three million! But the invoice has to say seven million!" Pirate tears and thumbs up: "Robbing money or you guys hard!!!"　16, a place long years of drought without rain. A farmer went to ask the fortune-teller: when in the end will there be rain? Fortune-teller handed him a folded note, said: "This is a heavenly opportunity, can not be divulged. Don't take it out until it rains, or you will be struck by thunder if you reveal it." Three days later, it finally started to rain, and the farmer remembered what the fortune-teller had said and took out the note, which read, "It will rain today." The farmer was greatly surprised, said: really god man ah!　17, high school, envious of the university as long as the pass on the line, the university, envious of the high school flunked all.　18, an old lady after watching the black 100 meters race, wiping tears, said: scared to death! Several coal digging kneeling in a row was shot, did not aim to open the gun, the children were scared that run ah, the rope can not stop!　19, he is a deputy hall inspector, and national leaders have relatives, to visit the West, he only took three attendants, never use the police car to open the road, but also do not use public funds to eat and drink, and sometimes even to go to the begging ...... He visited the West for many years, met with a number of foreign heads of state, the results are very large, and returned to the country did not ask for a promotion, and a lifetime of teaching! Doing good deeds, after his death did not have any family property. He is the Tang Monk.　20, why is the bridge rice noodle more expensive than the general rice noodle? Because it contains the bridge toll.　Reference://wenku.baidu/link?url=UWn94K698_GRuQX0W-jKRONJ3hRGdU7e7_wBbbV4WNzuvnKlDgTwEAUamfp2A5I2U_ 6PvtlERx3G4vJpCMOal4l5aBTYIc0FDd1mQWbmBoa A reporter interviewed 100 penguins about what they did all day, and the first one said: eat, sleep, and play beanies. The first penguin said: eat, sleep, play beans, the second said: eat, sleep, play beans. The reporter asked: Why don't you play beanies? The penguin said: I'm a fucking beaner, your grandmother. The most classic jokes The world's most tricky sentence More than 60 years ago, a friend told me a joke that made me laugh, and then went into the hospital because my stomach hurt too much. Before the doctor operated on me, he asked me why I was laughing like that, so I told him. He laughed so hard that he died laughing. I was sent to court. The judge asked me to tell that joke and let the jury decide if it met the factual elements of manslaughter, and I asked for a waiver. The judge adjourned the case and reopened it a day later, announcing that he was admitting me. So I told that joke in court, which resulted in some people knocking on the table and others rolling on the floor laughing. Later, everyone who heard the joke that day died laughing. I instantly became a celebrity, and reporters from all walks of life asked to interview me. I knew that the telling of this joke might constitute a public *** infringement, so to the camera, I said something vaguely to the effect of: "Reason is always a lie, and faith is always ***. After the program was aired, it caused a huge reaction. But to my surprise, one day, a few mysterious plainclothes men broke into my bedroom and dragged me to a dark room. After a long time, a strong light shone on my face. I barely managed to open my eyes and was stunned that the person sitting in front of me was the only person who was currently as much of a household name as I was - the President. The president gave a general explanation of the purpose of my capture, which was simple: to record this joke and send it to the dictator of a hostile country in the Middle East to die laughing. I had to accede to his request, with the caveat that the joke was a weapon of mass destruction and not to be directed at civilians. The president agreed. Two weeks later, the president announced that he had mastered the key technology for that joke and had successfully tested it in the desert. This caused an international uproar ***, many countries were alarmed, and international military scientists named this "joke deterrence". At this time, a country in the East suddenly announced that it had also mastered the joke, the original joke to me the buddy defected to the country. Thus, the Laughing Deterrent Equilibrium was formed between us. Three years later, on April 1, what I had feared all my life finally happened: a terrorist organization in the Middle East stole the original technology of that joke. As a result, civilization was devastated as never before, and nations were on tenterhooks. The United Nations had to convene a global summit and finally set April 1 as April Fool's Day. More than 60 years have passed, and I am now in my dotage. Before leaving the world, as a witness to history, I think it is necessary to tell this joke to everyone. That day, my friend told me this joke which is very simple and short, just one sentence: I want to die of laughter 1. A soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a landmine in combat? The company commander was greatly annoyed: Damn, what can be done? I'll pay for it if I step on it. 2, a long time did not receive your message, I am very heartbroken. I think of death, I have cut my veins with potato chips; hit my head with tofu; jumped from a building with a parachute; hanged with noodles. But all the ink death into, you just invite me to eat a meal, prop up my death. 3, if you feel the heart digging cold digging cold, please call my phone! Talk about feelings please press 1, talk about work please press 2, talk about life please press 3, to introduce me to the object please press 5, please I eat, please say straight, find me to borrow money please hang up. 4, the giraffe married a monkey, a year after the giraffe filed for divorce: I no longer want to live in this jumping up and down days! Monkey angry: leave on leave! Who has seen a kiss still have to climb the tree! 5, the fish said: "I always keep my eyes open is to be by your side do not want to leave." The water said: "I flow all day long tirelessly is in order to surround you properly to hold you up." The pot says, "It's almost fucking cooked and you're still so stubborn." 6. Have you eaten yet? Please receive a text message. Elephants put poop in the middle of the road, an ant just passing by, it looked up at the cloudy peak, could not help but sing: yalasuo, this is the Tibetan plateau! ~~~~ 7, you are growing up, some things should let you know: the sky, is used to wind and rain; ground, is used to grow flowers and grass; I, is used to prove that mankind is how great; you are used to stew vermicelli. 8, in the railroad next to the large but did not bring paper, do not worry, the train will remind you: pants wipe, pants wipe, pants wipe! In the river on the big but did not bring paper, do not worry, the frog will tell you: stick scrape, stick scrape, stick stick scrape! 9, money can buy a house but can not buy a home, can buy a marriage but can not buy love, can buy a clock but can not buy time, money is not everything, but the root cause of the pain, give me your money, let me bear the pain alone! 10, God, too blue! The sea, too salty! Life, too difficult! Work, too annoying! And you, destiny! Thinking of you, insomnia! Seeing you, too far! What can I do? Thinking of you think I can't eat chopsticks, can't swallow the bowl! 11, send you 12 Chinese Zodiac, wish you smart as a mouse, strong as an ox, bold as a tiger, cute as a rabbit, confident as a dragon, charming as a snake, romantic as a horse, gentle as a goat, naughty as a monkey, beautiful as a chicken, loyal as a dog, looks like a pig! 12, the beauty of learning, lies in making people confused; the beauty of poetry, lies in inciting men and women to derailment; the beauty of women, lies in the stupidity of no regrets; the beauty of men, lies in lying to see ghosts in the daytime. 13, I only care about your I care about whether I care about care about your I care about you, I care about you and care about your I care about I care about you care about your I care about you, little boy, see dizzy you! 14, heard of it? Five hundred times in the previous life, only in exchange for a rubbing shoulders in this life, like you and I such close friends, the last life does not seem to do anything, light h fucking back! 15, there are two counterfeiting accidentally made the face value of 15 yuan of fake bills, the two decided to get to the remote mountainous areas to spend, when they took a 15 yuan to buy 1 yuan of sugarplums well, they cried, the farmers found them two 7 yuan. 16, your life portraits: ten years old to learn to bathe themselves - pig self-cleaning; twenty years old radiant - pig Shimao; thirty years old to find a job - pig Liye; forty years old to hire a maid --At the age of forty, a servant was hired; at fifty, a pig learned how to play basketball! How to distinguish the authenticity of RMB? Prepare a hundred dollars... Fold it in half, fold it in half again, and step on it. Pick it up and see if the person on it has a nosebleed, if they do, it's real. No flow is false male words absolute, female answer more absolute no.1 male: "I can ask you for directions?"　Female: "To where?"　Male: "to your heart" Female: "Sorry, this road does not work"

Male words absolute, female answer more absolute no.2 Male: "Your legs must be very tired it!"　Female: "Why?"　Male: "Because you ran in my head all day" Female: "I think it's okay, because your brain is really too small"

Male words absolute, female answer more absolute no.3 Male: (looking at the label of her shirt) Female: "What are you doing?"　Male: "Want to know if you are made in heaven" Female: "Are you out of hell?"

Male words absolute, female answer more absolute no.4 male: "I'm very bad today, see a beautiful girl smile will make me feel better, you can smile for me?"　Female: "You want to make me today is not good?"

Male words absolute, female answer more absolute no.5 male: "Sorry, I'm an artist, gazing at beautiful women is my job" female: "Sorry, I'm a breeder, I'm uncomfortable being looked at by other people. The answer is even more desperate no.6 Male: "Miss can I borrow five dollars?"　Female: "You want to do what" Male: "I want to call my mom that I saw a great beauty today."　Woman: "I'm sorry I can't lend you that."　Man: "Why?"　WOMAN: "Because I'm going to call the hospital and say I was scared by a frog."

The man's words are perfect, the woman's answer is even more perfect no.7 Man: "It's raining really hard today."　The woman: "Yes."　Male: "That's because God is drooling over you."　Woman: "So the wind that just blew is God on you put p?"