A smoker vomits and goes to the doctor. The doctor told him. He is vomiting because he chews tobacco all day.

"Doctor, can you look again to see if there is another reason for the vomiting?"

"Why?"

"I still want to chew my tobacco." The smoker said.

The tit-for-tat

Several years ago an American wife was traveling in England. There was a train ride. She went into a smoking room where an

English gentleman was sitting smoking a pipe. The American wife sat quietly for a while, hoping that the English gentleman would stop smoking. Soon she began sneezing and coughing, trying her best to show the English gentleman her extreme distaste for smoking.

Finally, upon seeing that the Englishman ignored her hints in the slightest, and had no intention of putting down his pipe, Mrs. American spoke up

: "If you are a gentleman, you should not have smoked when a lady came into this carriage."

"If you are a lady," replied the English gentleman, "you should not

come into this carriage when a gentleman is sitting here smoking."

Popsicles won't light

Somewhere in Canada there was a smoker who had resolved many times to give up smoking, always without success. He muttered hopelessly as he pulled out

another cigarette and smoked it beautifully. His companion advised him, "Smoking is harmful and costly. Why don't you try buying two milk

oil popsicles when you feel like smoking."

He immediately went on to say, "I tried that a long time ago, and it wouldn't light up!"

Quit Smoking

Wife: The nicotine in cigarettes is too much, it is easy to get cancer, for me to quit smoking!

Husband: Really, I'm not smoking for you.

Coughing and quitting

Doctor: "I really don't like your coughing like this, you have to quit smoking."

Patient: "What, I quit smoking and you like me coughing like this?"

Suicidal Methods

The husband was in trouble and smoked cigarettes one after another. One in his left hand, one in his right hand, taking turns, the cigarette case already

had nearly a hundred butts in it, and most of them were still smoking.

The wife exclaimed, "My God! Can't you find a more effective way to kill yourself?"

Mute voices are in vogue now

The smoker's husband saw his wife smoking and said in surprise, "Why are you smoking too? You are a singing actress, smoking will

mute your voice."

Wife: "Ah, that's just right. You know, dumb voices are exactly what's in vogue right now."

Anchor

A drunk staggers out of the restaurant and says to two men who are talking, "Quick! Cab over here."

"You're mistaken, I'm a Navy Captain and he's a Navy First Lieutenant, neither is a cab driver."

"Then get the anchor up!"

Drinking

In the barroom, two old friends met.

"What are you doing here? You know, aren't you not allowed to drink anymore by your doctor?"

"Yes. But you should know that that doctor passed away not too long ago."

Turning Circles

A drunk was spinning in circles around a drum. The policeman walked up to him and asked, "Hey! Sir, what are you doing here

?"

"Going home! It's a pretty long fence, so I can turn right when I get to the end."

Remembering backwards

It was two o'clock late at night when my drunken husband returned home.

"I've told you time and time again that you can't drink more than two beers at a time when you're out, and you mustn't come home until 10:00 p.m. What's wrong with you

?" The wife fumed.

"Is that really what you said? Looks like I got the whole thing backwards ......"

The Alcoholic's Choice

On the third day of their marriage, the wife squarely told Kita that if he didn't give up the booze, she would leave the house.

Kita told his friend about this.

The friend said, "It seems you must be in a very difficult situation."

"Yes," said Kita with a sigh, "it seems that I will have to suffer from loneliness."

No more "dabbling"

A drunkard "walked" into the bar with his feet in the air and his hands on the ground, and shouted:

"Man, give me a nice brandy! "

The barkeep was amazed and asked, "Why do you walk like that?"

The drunkard replied, "My wife forced me to take an oath last night - never to dabble in a bar again, and I'm going to keep my word."

He came out to pee three times

Carl worked at the largest brewery. One day he accidentally fell into a large tub containing 50,000 liters of beer.

Someone told Ada about this unlucky incident.

Ada said, "That's terrible, I've heard that it can drown people very quickly."

"Soon? no! He came out and peed 3 times."

The Alcoholic's Insight

Child: "Why did you wipe my cotton ball before you gave me the shot?"

Father: "That's alcohol, the nurse wipes your butt drunk first, then the zap doesn't hurt."

Child: "But it still hurts?"

Father: "That's your alcohol."

Not to be trusted with alcohol

"You bastard, why were you drunk again when you came home last night?"

"Where! Where was I drunk!" The husband disagreed.

"Don't lie! You admitted it yourself yesterday!"

"And what a ...... man you are, how can you believe the nonsense of a drunk?" The husband grumbled.

Empty Wine Bottle

"Andrei, I found out you bought a car. Who lent you the money?"

"No one lent it to me. I bought it with my own cash money."

"Come on, where did you get that kind of money for a car?"

"I took all the empty liquor bottles in the house and refunded them!"

Drunken Words

Late at night, the drunken barber staggers out of the bar on his friend's shoulder. He said to his friend:

"Remember, Jean, no matter what happens in the future, for example, your house is on fire, your wife runs away, your child

gets sick, you come to me, buddy no matter what, I'll give you a shave, and I'll never charge you a penny ...... "

Drunkenness

Late at night, a drunken tourist returned to the hotel, and in the middle of the night, he called out in dissatisfaction, "Hey! Waiter, is your

elevator broken?"

"Sir, the elevator is still working fine. It's just that the one you entered was a telephone booth."

Recognizing the way with a bag

A drunken man staggers up. He asks a young girl who is walking past him,

"Please tell me, miss. How many bags are on my head?"

"Three." The girl answered timidly.

"Thank you." The drunk grunted, "I still have to touch 5 more poles before I get home ......"

Best Shot

A drunk was on his way home when he saw an astronomy enthusiast who was observing the stars with a telescope propped up on a tripod

"Geez! That's something!" The drunk cried out in amazement, and said to the astronomy enthusiast, "You, I'm sure, quasi

are the best shot in our city."

Getting on the wrong bus again

A man drunkenly got on the wrong bus twice, and the third time he finally got on the right one. The bus met a priest, who

seeing the man's drunkenness, drew a cross on his chest in disbelief and said,

"Wasted on drink, my son, is the road to hell!"

"What, did I get on the wrong train again?"

Advance

Two best friends were drinking in a bar.

"Huh? Didn't the doctor strictly limit you to one drink a day? This is your 8th drink already!"

"Yeah! But he didn't forbid me to get an advance, so I'm drinking next year's portion now!"

I quit drinking

Someone orders two drinks at a hotel and drinks one after another. The waiter said:

"You're a good drinker."

The man said, "No! One glass for me and another for my very sick friend."

The next day, the man went back to the hotel, this time for one drink.

The waiter asks, "Is your friend ...... dead?"

He says, "No, I quit drinking."

The Alcoholic Son

Oleg, who regarded alcohol as his life, came home with a bottle of wine and ran into his father, who was a strict calendar. He had to lie and say, "This bottle was bought with

Ivan, and half of it belongs to him,"

The father angrily said, "Pour out the other half of the bottle!"

Oleg said, "Can't pour it, my half is down there."

The father was so angry that he snatched the bottle and threw it out the window. The bottle broke and the wine flowed all over the floor, but Oleg stared out the window in disbelief

. My father said, "Why are you standing at the window in this cold?"

Oleg replied, "I'm waiting for the wine to freeze so I can take it back and drink it!"

Half drunk

Henry: "You only drink 2 glasses of white wine every night, why did you ask for 4 today?"

Bob: "I thought 2 glasses was enough for myself, but my wife still wasn't happy about it."

Henry: "How is she not satisfied?"

Bob: "Every day when I arrive home, she always complains about me: damn, half drunk again!"

The drinks are over

A man gets a call from a chastened friend. "I'm in real trouble," he says, "come on.

Oh, and don't forget to bring the booze."

The man then hurried to his friend's house with the wine. As soon as he entered he asked,

"What happened?"

"I ran out of wine." The friend said.

The Danish

In a small cafe on the outskirts of Paris. A customer drinks brandy glass after glass. The man sitting next to him with a bottle of lemonade

in front of him couldn't help but say, "Excuse me, but did you know that one in three Frenchmen gets

liver disease from alcoholism?"

"That has nothing to do with me, I'm Danish."

Finding Balance

The passerby asked the drunk, "Why are you looking at the ground as if you are searching for something, have you lost something?"

The drunkard said, "I'm out of balance and I'm looking for balance."

Lemons are hard to find

"Doctor, can you tell me: why is it so easy to forget things when you drink beer?"

"Loss of memory," the doctor diagnosed. "You must eat more lemons; eat four lemons to top one beer!"

"I can't! Where am I going to find 40 lemons a day?"

Four bottles of beer

The doctor said to his patient, disgruntled, "Kovacs, you must have been drinking again!

Honestly, how much do you really drink every day?"

"Four beers."

"But didn't I instruct you that you were only allowed 2 bottles a day?"

"Yes, but the internist who saw me before you also instructed me to drink 2 bottles a day!"

Drunkenness

The factory manager shouted a reprimand to a certain worker who was drinking heavily, "If I wanted to look like a bear like you, I'd shoot myself!"

"Oh, Your Excellency, the factory manager ......, if you were as drunk as I am, I'm afraid you wouldn't even be able to hold a gun."

How does time go so fast Oscar was drinking a lot while eating at a restaurant, when he suddenly saw the electric fan turning he exclaimed, "God

yah, how does time go so fast!"

It's hard to tell the sun from the moon

There was a traveling salesman named Phil who was an alcoholic. One day, he came to a strange city, and in a hotel

drank a lot of wine. Walking out of the hotel, he suddenly saw a man who had just come out of the hotel and had drunk even more than he had, and this man stood in the middle of the road

and pointed his hand up to the sky, "Excuse me, please, is that the sun or the moon?"

Phil looked, then shook his head and said, "I don't know. I'm not from around here."

God is everywhere

A passerby was sitting under a walnut tree in the countryside, resting. He saw a watermelon field across from the tree with many large watermelons growing.

He gazed at the watermelons for a while, then looked up at the walnuts on the tree, and said to himself, "God Almighty, how you made things

! Let the big watermelon grow on a slender vine, but let the little walnut grow on a big tree.

How unfair and unreasonable is this!"

At that moment, it so happened that a walnut fell on the passer-by's head. He trembled with fear, thinking it was God's punishment for him, and hurriedly

begged for mercy, "God, please forgive me! I will not dare to judge You in the future. You are omnipresent and omniscient

and everything You do is wise. If You had allowed watermelons to grow on trees, wouldn't I be finished today?"

Razor Too Fast

A man bought back a new razor, and was frightened when he saw that the knife shone with silver and the blade flew fast. He slashed the knife on a rock

in a chaotic manner. The blade cut like a jagged edge before he used it to shave, and he ended up shaving his mouth in pain and blood.

When others saw this, they said to him, "Your razor is not fast, is it?"

He said, "It is just too fast; if it were faster, it would only scrape away even the flesh."

"How do I know which is right?"

A guest came to Khoja's house. During the night, the guest woke up and said to Khoja, "Sir, there is a candle at the head of your right, please hand

it to me."

"Are you crazy? How can I know which is right in this darkness?"

Muddling the Bedbugs

A Gabrovo man checked into an inferior inn, and in the middle of the night the bedbugs disturbed him for a moment. Suddenly he rose from his bed

and pulled on the light, opened the door, then closed it with all his might, and gently tiptoed back to bed.

The fellow travelers who were awakened by him looked at him, puzzled, but he said to him in a very low voice, "I'm going to let the bedbugs conclude

that I'm gone."

Wearing New Shoes

Hobkins bought a new pair of shoes, which he put in the cupboard and did not wear at once. His friend thought it was strange and asked

why he didn't wear them.

Hobkins said, "It's like this, the salesman told me I would feel a little tight for the first few days in my new shoes, so I had to wear them in a few days

."

No Man's Land

It was a full month after an excursion boat in which a certain duchess was traveling was wrecked on No Man's Land that a rescue team came to the island by boat.

It was a miracle that only the duchess survived.

After the ship docked, the rescue leader said to the duchess, "Madam, you are lucky to be safe! My husband, the Duke, will be overjoyed

!"

Madame, however, said, "My lady cannot meet with anyone without a letter of introduction. You can come back tomorrow!"

The Lazy Man

There was a lazy man who was surprisingly lazy.

When his wife wanted to cut spaghetti, she told him to borrow a panel from a neighbor's house.

He said, "No need to borrow it, just cut it on my back!"

When his wife finished cutting the noodles on his back, she asked him, "Does it hurt?"

He said, "It hurts, and I'm too lazy to squeak."

Beautiful Dreams

There was a lazy man who didn't want to do anything, but he wanted to be rich. All he had was a broken wooden bed and a watt

can of cream hanging over it.

On this day, the sun was already high, and he was still lying in bed dreaming of getting rich with a short stick in his hand.

"I'll have no problem selling this jar of cream for five pesos, and then I'll use the money to buy back five hens. The hens will lay a minimum of

200 eggs a year, 100 of which will hatch chicks, and in a year's time there will be 500 eggs and 500 chickens. When these eggs and

chickens are sold they can be exchanged for 10 female goats, which can give birth twice a year.After five years I will have more than 100 goats, and then

exchange these goats for cows, which can give milk and give birth to calves, and in a short time I will be ...... able to do so."

The more he thought about it, the more beautiful he became, and he couldn't help but dance around. When he was not paying attention, the short stick in his hand hit the tile jar, the jar broke, and the cream

flowed all over his head and face. He was so angry that he threw the short stick out of the window and said chagrined, "It's all because of you, knocking my good life away

."

Finding the Trick

Lazy Jack asked a bystander as he showered, "What a pain in the ass, why do people shower?"

The bystander told him, "For fear of getting the covers dirty in bed."

When he washed the quilt he asked the bystander again, "What a nuisance, why do people wash the quilt?"

The bystander told him again, "For fear of getting dirty in bed."

Jack heard this and clapped his hands, "Ha, there's a solution, I'll neither bathe nor wash the quilt, won't I be afraid of soiling anyone

?"

The Matching Couple

The bride was good at everything, except keeping the house clean. She had been on tenterhooks, but was finally relieved. For one night

her husband had the audacity to exclaim, in a tone of frustration, "Where's the dust on the table? I remembered a phone number

code on it."

Sweeping up the leaves

Wife: "If our marriage is equal, you should sweep up half the leaves on the floor."

Husband: "The leaves that fall to the ground are yours, honey, my half is still on the tree."

We

On a freezing Sunday morning, the husband and wife lay stretched out on their soft, warm bed. The wife suggested,

"Let's pick up the Sunday Special and read it here!"

The husband yawned and said, "That's a great idea, but which one of us is the 'we' you were talking about?"

5

"Because I'm exactly 55 years old, my birthday is May 5, I live on 5 floors, and I have 5 kids, so,

at Happy Valley, I decided that horse #5 was going to win, and I bet $5 on it."

"And how did that turn out?"

"Ahem! He ran a 5th place ......"

Losing it all

Boston was a famous gambler. Once a neighbor asked his wife, "Your husband went to the casino again last night

How did he win or lose?"

"He went in a car worth $10,000; he came back in a car worth $100,000."

"Oh! He won."

"Where, he rode in our minivan when he went; he came home in a bus**** car."

The Good Gambler

A corporal who was transferred to a new job reported for duty with a note brought to his new boss by his former boss, "This man is a good gambler, and a good soldier if he can

quit."

The new boss immediately asked the corporal, "What are you betting on?"

"Bet on everything. Let's say I'll bet that you have a birthmark under your right arm. If it does not, I will lose a week's salary to you.

"Good!" The new supervisor immediately took off his shirt to prove that he did not have a birthmark, and then took over the corporal's week's salary."

Afterward, he smugly told the corporal's original supervisor, "I cured your gambling soldier!"

"Don't be smug." The other replied, "He bet me 2,000 pounds before we left that he could get you to fight

bare shoulders as soon as he saw you, and you let him win the bet!"

Bet with your life

On a whim, a landowner asked the Greek Orthodox priest of his village to answer to the Jewish scribe. Whoever could not answer the first question the other asked

would have his head cut off. The Jewish scribe was unwilling to gamble with his life. An almost illiterate Jewish coachman volunteered to go in the scribe's place. But he asked to be the first to ask a question. Seeing that his opponent was such an incompetent man, the priest

agreed without a second thought. The coachman asked, "What does einei jodea (Hebrew: I don't know) mean?"

The priest, who knew Hebrew, immediately replied, "I don't know." -- and this one took his head.

All the Jews appreciated the genius coachman for coming up with the brilliant idea. They all wanted to know, "How did you figure it out

!"

The coachman explained, "It went like this. A few years ago, I asked the rabbi what eineiAjodea meant. The rabbi

said, I don't know. So I thought, if even the rabbi doesn't know, then surely the priesthood won't know."

Worthless Things

The husband was very fond of gambling, and anything of value in the house had long been pawned. One day the wife said to her husband, "You're not going to take me

as a mortgage on your gambling capital, are you?"

"Of course not, I will not take worthless things to mortgage it."

The Lieutenant's Defense

"Lieutenant Jackson, you are charged with desertion in the face of a strong enemy fire, and that you made a small

difference with your company. Do you plead guilty?"

"No! Never! Because that is not true."

"Then what are the facts?"

"The truth is that the men who deserted were only a small half of my company, and the other half or so I sent them to chase those cowards back

. I ran after them to supervise them so that they would not dare to slip away with those cowards."

Dogs to stop the troops

The commander asked the scouts to find out if there were any bridges ahead that the troops could cross.

The scouts ascertained the situation and returned to report, "There is a bridge that can be used by tank and artillery troops, but not by infantry

."

The commander fumed, "Nonsense!"

Scout: "Absolutely not! Because there's a big dog sitting on the bridge!"

Losing sight of the other

An advertisement for volunteers in a Western country reads, "Join the paratroopers, jumping out of airplanes isn't nearly as dangerous as crossing

the road." Someone else wrote under the ad, "I'd love to join, but the recruiting office is across the road."

Cowardly hunters

In the African bush. A local man says to a hunting tourist from Europe, "Sir, I found

tiger tracks not far from here, to the north."

"Excellent, thank you. By the way, where is the road south from here?"

Only four pairs of parachutes

There were five people on an airplane: the pilot, the cleric, the wise man, the businessman, and the mountaineer. The pilot suddenly walks into the passenger

cabin and announces that the plane has malfunctioned and apologizes that there are only four parachutes on board, but that he needs to report back to the ground about the original

cause of the crash, and with that, he grabs a parachute and leaps out of the hatch.

The cleric said he had to save the souls of 5,000 believers in his diocese, and that God's trust was not to be blasphemed, so he grabbed a second parachute and jumped out of the cabin.

The wise man claimed that he would soon be competing in the World Intelligence Competition and that he had to value his life for the honor of his country. After saying

that, he grabbed a bag and jumped out.

The businessman asked the mountaineer what to do with a sad face. The athlete smiled and replied, "Don't fret, it was my pack that that wise man grabbed

."

Get the second one

Three men went bear hunting together and spent the night in a cabin, all claiming to be good hunters.

Early the next morning, one of the men snuck out, trying to make a head start. Soon he did come across a large, hungry

bear. He was so frightened that he couldn't move for a long time, then he threw down his shotgun and turned tail and ran. The bear chased after him, and when he reached the door of the hut, his legs

gave way and he fell. The bear rushed up to him, and he dodged, and the bear pounced on him and rushed into the house.

The man's mind came to him quickly, and seeing this he immediately unlocked the door from the outside and called out, "Guys, this is the first

one I've caught, so go skin it, I'll get the second one now!"

Wedding Picture

One man looked halfway at Scrooge's wedding picture and asked in disbelief, "Why do you want to take such a big distance

from your wife?"

"It's not for the future," said Scrooge. "If in case of a divorce at any time, wouldn't it be better to just cut the picture out of it

?"

Refusing to make a donation

The fundraising committee of a charity unit asked a wealthy businessman to make a donation: "Sir, you're so rich, it would be

easy for you to do something good."

"You don't know my situation," said the rich man, "My 91-year-old mother has been in the hospital for 5 years; my daughter is widowed and unsupported

and raising 5 young children; and my 2 brothers owe the government a large amount of tax."

The fundraiser heard this. Apologizing repeatedly, he said, "I really didn't know you had so many burdens."

"No," said the rich man . "I just wanted to tell you that I don't give them a penny, so how can I give it to you?"

Buying a car

The miser wanted to buy an old car. At the market, he bargained with the owner of the car for a long time and finally came to a deal. Finally, he

asked, "Tell me, doesn't this car use a lot of gas?"

"That's not true! Don't worry about it. I've tried it and it uses less than a spoonful of gasoline for every 100 kilometers."

Scrooge was clear. But a little while later, he came back to the owner and asked, "You haven't told me what kind of

spoon you're using! Is it a tablespoon or a teaspoon?"

Throwing the river

Two misers met on the road.

"Where are you going?" One asked.

"I don't want to live anymore, I'm going to jump in the river."

"Are you stupid? Why are you still wearing new clothes?"

Injustice

The miser's son said to his father, "Will you give me a few shillings, please? Tomorrow, the teacher is taking us to the zoo to see the python

snake."

"Why spend that money! Why don't you take my magnifying glass and go to the river and look at the earthworms?"

The doctor came to Scrooge's house in the middle of the night and realized that he was not very sick.

"Why did you have to come to me in the middle of the night? You're not very sick!"

"As far as I know, the telephone office works late at night, and subscribers are only charged half-rate for long-distance calls. Doctor, you must not have much to do at this hour

and the charges should naturally be at that rate."

Reporting Accounts

Scrooge walked into the police station. He said to the policeman on duty, "Sir, I want to report my child's household registration, please report a ......"

"Go ahead, the child's name."

"His name is Chuk. May I ask how much do I pay to file an account?"

"There's no money to pay."

"Thanks! Then there's another Jack to report, they're twins."

Mrs. Scrooge anecdote

The party was halfway through when Mrs. Scrooge arrived.

"Where have you been?" People asked her.

"I was at the cosmetics store for over 2 hours."

"Was there a shopping line?"

"No, I was waiting to have my sundress scented by the store's perfume."

Paying the bill

The miser said to his son, who was at school, "Go and tell your teacher that we won't pay for the world map, and say that my

family is not going anywhere in this life."

Sending only ten shillings

The son in love writes to his miserly father, "Dear Dad: if you still love me, please send me 20 shillings

I'm going to take an engagement picture with my fiancée and send it to you."

The father wrote back, "My dear boy: I am going to send you 10 shillings, and all you have to do is send me a picture of your fiancée

and as for you, I don't need a picture to remember what you look like."

Kindness

At the door of a noblewoman's room, a beggar begged his mistress, saying, "Madam, I haven't seen meat for a whole week."

"Merlin," the noblewoman called to her servant, "bring out a plate of meatloaf and show it to this man."

Money for the rope to hang himself A Gabrovo man was tired of life and decided to hang himself. Just as he was dangling by his feet and looking like he was going to die

it so happened that a servant of his family came along, cut the rope, and saved him.

At the end of the month, when it was time to pay him for his work, the servant counted the money and asked the boss what had happened, as it was four leva less than his share.

Instead, the boss said, "I deducted money for a rope. You cut the rope I used to hang myself. I can only

deduct that rope money from your wages."

New is not as good as old

A neighbor of a Gabrovo man borrowed a casserole from his house and accidentally broke it. The neighbor, fearing that this would hurt the two

families, went to the market and bought a much bigger and better casserole to return it. With a smile on his face, he said to the Gabro

Wo man, "I was useless and smashed your casserole. But I have now bought you a new one."

Unexpectedly the other man said with an unhappy face, "A new casserole, no! ...... Do you know how much oil a new casserole has to absorb?

My old one absorbed enough oil a long time ago!"

The Scrooge's Guests

People were talking about a certain Scrooge when someone asked, "Who has eaten at his table?"

"Flies." A poet said.

Gabrovo people's **** same decision

All the Gabrovo people have decided to have February 29 as their name day. Because the date has to be repeated only once after four years

it saves a lot of socializing. Plus, since everyone in the city has the same naming day, there's no need to invite anyone.

Ceremony

Levi, a miserly business consultant, was celebrating the 50th anniversary of the founding of his company, so he told his agent, Crotone, "Listen carefully, I'm going to celebrate the anniversary of the founding of this company. It must be spectacular, and the staff will all be happy, but it must not

spend a penny."

Crotona continued, "Mr. Business Consultant, you can hang yourself! It will be noticeable, it won't cost a dime, and

your staff will be happy."

How worthless

"Did you save my child when he fell into the water?" Scrooge asked a college student.

"Yes, sir. It's not worth mentioning. At the time, anyone who was in that situation would have done the same thing."

"How is it not worth mentioning? The boy's hat is still missing!"

Saving measures

Someone asked Scrooge, "What are you doing?"

"I'm learning Braille."

"Why are you learning Braille? Is your eyesight failing you?"

"That's not true. I just want to save electricity when I read at night."

By boat

A miser is planning to go to America. What was the best way to spend less money on traveling? Finally, he begged the captain of an American-bound

ship. The captain agreed to give him a place on the ship. And so, without spending much money, he crossed the Atlantic.

When the ship reached the other side, Scrooge suddenly realized that several divers coming out from under the water were crawling towards the shore. Immediately

Scrooge regretted it, and said to the captain in displeasure, "You should have given me my money back for the ticket! Why didn't you tell me beforehand that it's possible to come to America from the bottom of the sea

on foot?"

Letter from a reader

The editorial office of the Edinburgh Gazette received a letter from a reader that read, "Mr. Editor: I shall no longer subscribe to your paper if you continue to publish

The Story of Scrooge. For my neighbor is extremely interested in this serial, and he

borrows it from me every day, and I am ashamed not to lend it to him."

Borrowing a Hammer

Long ago, there were two neighbors, one named Sato and the other Aoki.

One day Sato asked his servant to go to Aoki's house to borrow a hammer. The servant came next door to Aoki's house, "Excuse me, my master would like to borrow a

hammer from you to hammer some nails."

"Well, well, are those nails iron, or wood?"

"It's an iron nail."

As soon as he heard about the iron nails, Aoki grunted and said, "What a coincidence, the hammer has just been borrowed."

The maid, who returned empty-handed, told his master what had happened. Sato yelled out, "How in the world can there be such misers!

The nails have to ask for iron and wood. He can't even borrow an iron hammer if he has one, as if it will break as soon as he uses it, so I really have no choice but to take my

own hammer."

Who pays the phone bill

Jackson threw the magazine away angrily and said, "I'd really like to find out who's been making up all these jokes shaming us Scots

about how miserly we are." "That's fine, just call the editorial office of this magazine and ask." The man next to him said as he gave

him an idea.

"Call? Who's going to pay my phone bill?" Jackson said angrily.

Getting it together

A certain town decided to raise money to build a public ****ing swimming pool, and the fundraiser came to Maktar's house and said,

"Uncle Maktar, will you contribute to our pool, too?"

"Sure, sure!" Maktar said, going to carry a bucket of water and handing it to the visitor.