In life, humorous jokes once became a necessary accompaniment at dinner. I wonder which humorous jokes you have seen at ordinary times? The following are the humorous jokes I compiled for you every day. I hope you can enjoy them.

excerpt from humorous jokes every day

1. A female spy was caught by the enemy and said, If you don't tell me your mission, you will be raped. Female spy said: even gang rape, I will not say. Enemy: Yeah, yeah, yeah, look at your beauty.

2. A good friend is like underwear, even if you have ups and downs, it contains you. A better friend is like a condom, always thinking about your safety. A best friend like Viagra always gives you support.

3. A lover is a watch, the more beautiful the better; Xiaomi is a pocket watch, the more secret the better; Miss is an electronic watch, the fresher the better; My wife is an automatic watch, so she runs without winding. Take all kinds of watches, control the time well, and don't let them make noise!

4. The child asked: Mom, do the heart and liver have legs? Mom replied:? Silly child, how can the heart and liver have legs? The child said doubtfully:? Then last night, why did dad say softly, sweetheart! Spread your legs?

5. On the night of engagement, my wife was taking off her makeup, and I hugged her from behind stupidly. Honey, this time, the uncle can be redeemed for you, and you can really be the uncle's person in the future! ? The wife asked:? What do you mean? I explained:? In the past, my parents-in-law were your guardians, but now they have been handed over to me. Shouldn't I be the one who redeemed you? The wife turned her face:? Shit! You tell me that you will be better to me in the future, or I will go back to my old job! ? Darling ~ ~ ~ ~ She can say that!

6. The husband reads a book in bed and puts his hand between his wife's legs from time to time, so the wife undresses and coquettes. Why does the husband ask? The wife asked: What are your hands doing? The husband said solemnly: wet hands are good for turning pages!

7. My wife and I both have the habit of sleeping in on weekends. Once we stayed up for half a night the night before. As soon as I opened my eyes, I felt like I had slept for several days. I woke up my wife who was wrapped around me and slept like a dead pig. Look at your watch. What time is it? My wife sleepily took out her watch from under the pillow and looked at it. What are you kidding? It's just seven o'clock. Go to sleep! ? I touched my stomach: Why do I feel so hungry? Want to get something to eat. ? When my wife heard it, she got excited:? Why don't we go on (making love)! Didn't you read the message that this kind of thing can be eaten as food and drunk as wine? Let's give it a try. Do you dare? I still refused to accept this provocation, so I raised my knife and mounted my horse, and I had another hard fight. Things just finished, my mother called, chatted with her family and asked me if I had eaten after 1: 11 noon. Only then did I know that my wife, a pig, had turned her watch upside down, and it was 7: 11 at half past twelve. I hung up the phone and was about to settle accounts with my wife. My wife made a look of worship. Honey, you are so brave. This time we actually worked for more than six hours! ? Vomiting blood ~ if that's the case, I'll have to have a good death!

8. The wife is a TV and the lover is a mobile phone. Watch TV at home, go out with your mobile phone and go bankrupt to sell TV, get rich and change your mobile phone to watch TV occasionally, play mobile TV all day for life without charge, and stop when your mobile phone is in arrears.

9. The township head made a report in shorts. When he was excited, he put one foot on the chair, and his little brother was exposed. The venue was in an uproar. He thought everyone was impatient, so he said loudly: This is just a head, and there is still a long way to go!

11. One day late at night, the Public Security Bureau had a case and had an emergency meeting. A policewoman was a dog trainer. In a hurry, she forgot to wear her underwear. In desperation, she opened her skirt, let her trained dog smell the lower part, and ordered the dog to get her underwear back. After a while, a male policeman rushed over and said to the policewoman. No, no, your dog bit off the director's egg shaped thing! ?

11. Nowadays, girls, with their hands, feet and legs, send friends to circle even if they get a little bruised? Provoked a bunch of people to comfort and feel distressed! You said that my period is bleeding so much, why not take a wound and send it to a circle of friends?

12. A nun and a monk live next door. Unable to bear loneliness, they cut a hole in the wall. Every night, the old monk puts JJ into the hole and says, "Sunrise East" and "Sunrise East"! The nun took off her pants and went to JJ for a while. Over time, the old monk's behavior was seen by the young monk, who also wanted to see what was inside. It happened that one day the old monk wanted to go down the mountain and live outside for one night, so that the young monk could watch the door at home. At night, the young monk, like the master, shouted at the mouth of the cave, "Sunrise in the East", thinking: There was still light, how could it turn black? He took the candlestick, pulled out the candle, inserted it into the hole, and only listened to it' huh? The next day, when the old monk came back, he was so lonely that he shouted at the mouth of the cave. Sunrise East? No response,? Sunrise East? Haven't responded, let out a cry again? Sunrise East? Only heard a nun say? Always getting hurt? ，? Always getting hurt? !

13. At night, my wife was sitting on the bed, her hands and feet were moving around, and suddenly she grabbed her husband's penis and rubbed it violently, so it was as hard as a stick. The husband wanted to take off his wife's clothes, and the wife asked: Why? Dave asked, what are you doing? Wife: I will take my driver's license test tomorrow and practice shifting gears.

14. Once upon a time, there was a monk who kept thinking about Shakespeare when he died. At that time, there was no such person. Later, a scholar had been studying and finally knew that the monk had never touched a woman. He was thinking: What is B?

15. Liu Bei and Guan Zhang were trapped on a desert island. A few days later, Zhang Fei wanted to cut off his younger brother to satisfy his hunger. Guan Yu said: SB, knead and cut, there is more meat! At this moment, seeing Liu Bei in SY, Guan Yu asked, Brother, what are you doing? Liu Bei: Order the whole sauce and eat it!

16. In Chinese class, the female teacher asked; How to pronounce the pinyin of "soft"? The boys all shouted, "End of the day? Soft "teacher:" Your boys' pronunciation is not standard, please ask the female students to supplement the answer "Female students should" finish me in unison? Soft "

17. One day, Mosquito and Mantis saw a beautiful woman taking a bath. Mosquito said, hey, I bit the two swollen places on her chest two days ago. Mantis said, what's the point of losing it? Look at that scar on her thigh. I cut her a few months ago, and it hasn't healed yet. And still keep the blood once a month.

18. On the bus that day, a pretty girl suddenly yelled at a gentle white guy: "Rogue!" Maybe the young man is dishonest. The young man looked very wronged and immediately refuted. The two sides began to quarrel. Later, I heard the girl scold, "You are a big rascal. You have been a gangster since childhood. When your mother gave birth to you, you don't forget to look back." After listening to it, the passengers full of cars were silent for a moment, and then they burst into laughter. My colleague shook his head and said that it was the first time he had seen that swearing could be so bad. It was really a curse, and no one could beat him. After being scolded, the young man couldn't say a word with his mouth open. It's really amazing that this curse is really a curse of the ages. It's probably unprecedented, and it's said that there is really no more malicious and damaging swearing than this. I guess it's time for that young man to shut up. At this moment, I suddenly heard the young man say loudly, "You are the big rascal! See your dad three times a day while you're still in your mother's belly! " After hearing this, the crowd burst into laughter. The conductor couldn't keep his back straight, and the driver took a break before starting off.

19. My sister and brother went to school, and when they were riding in the car, they saw two dogs mating. The younger brother asked the elder sister what it was doing. ? Fighting? Sister hurried to perfunctory him. At this time, my sister found that two hooligans were always looking at her, and their eyes were still on her. ? What are you looking at? Do you want to fight? Sister said loudly.

21. Early one morning, firecrackers sounded. I don't know who opened a small cinema. On the first day, a film was shown, and the advertisement was written "The Story of Seven Men and a Woman", with instructions: a beautiful woman fainted inexplicably, and seven men were forcibly dragged into the forest; Waiting for a beautiful woman? Everyone found it attractive to buy tickets one by one. When the movie was shown, Snow White appeared on the big screen, and everyone left in a rage. The next day, everyone passed by the small cinema again and saw that the advertisement had changed. The advertisement was written in The Story of Seven Men and One Woman, and it was explained that a few days of ecstasy like a beautiful woman and seven men was by no means Snow White. This time, people found it more attractive than last time, and it showed that it was not Snow White, so they bought tickets and the big screen appeared? Eight immortals crossing the sea? Words!

Enjoy humorous jokes every day

1. A man went to see a psychiatrist:? I really can't stand it! My wife cheated on me! ? Psychologist:? Relax, how can I be unfaithful to you? Man:? She goes to the bar every night and is interested in almost all men. I'm going crazy! ? Psychologist:? Don't get too excited! Tell me, where is this bar?

2. I was still in bed this morning, and a buddy in the dormitory was discharging water in the bathroom, and his mouth was still eloquent: Get up early in the morning to wash the trousers, countless children follow the water, not that dad doesn't want you, but that mom doesn't take you in. ?

3. At the end of the Eastern Han Dynasty, Dong Zhuo abandoned Xian Di and took Luoyang as the capital. Not only was he ambitious, but he was also puzzled by his beauty and took The Story Of Diu Sim as a concubine. Gradually, he found that the courtiers around him were drooling over The Story Of Diu Sim, so he carefully arranged a banquet one night, and the courtiers attended. The Story Of Diu Sim danced in the banquet. In advance, Dong Zhuo had painted ink on The Story Of Diu Sim's chest. Suddenly, the lights went out, and the bottom was in chaos. For a long time, the lights came on again, and the hands of the courtiers were all black. Only Lu Bu was very clean. Dong Zhuo was so happy: Lu Bu. Say, "lyu3 bu4 smiled, revealing black teeth.

4. Although my wife was born prematurely, she gave birth to a big boy who was fat for nothing. All her colleagues came to congratulate her, and even Director Wang came in person, and she was full of praise for her son. After everyone dispersed, my wife mysteriously said to me:? Once, a master helped her calculate her life. If the first child is an old godfather in wang xing, the whole family will be rich and expensive. ? I said:? What about this person? My wife poked my forehead: You are silly. You see how much our Wang Bureau likes our son today. Besides, the position of director of our office is vacant now. I think my wife is really considerate. Considering that knowing her was introduced by Wang Bureau six months ago, it's all fate. I think this relative is confirmed!

5. On a certain day, a restaurant held a family activity for the police and the people, and the police had free meals. A policewoman went straight to the door after eating, and the hotel waiter hurried forward to stop her. Waiter: The police are free. You are not a policeman at first sight. You have to pay! Policewoman: I'm a secret policeman with a beard below!

6. The man said to his girlfriend: Dear, I dreamed about you yesterday, and woke up in the morning with my pants wet. ? His girlfriend asked shyly:? Honey, what did you dream about me yesterday? Man:? Yesterday, I dreamed that you took off your makeup, which scared me to pee. ? With a slap in the face, my girlfriend turned and left.

7. The sky is blue, the sea is deep, and nothing a man says is true; Love is eternal, blood is bright red, and it is impossible for a man not to fight; If a man is rich, he is predestined friends with everyone. If a man can rely on it, pigs can climb trees.

8. A beautiful woman found lipstick too heavy, wiped it with a wet tissue and threw it on the road. An old man picked it up, looked at it for a long time and suddenly woke up. He caught up and said, Girl, this ultra-thin one is easy to fall off!

9. One night, my boyfriend and I played a race, and I was soon left behind, so I shouted at him: Robbery, robbery! ? Passers-by looked at us one after another, so my boyfriend had to slow down. I overtook him at once, so he had to run with me. I couldn't shake him off at first sight and began to shout: Indecent assault, indecent assault! He was so scared that he fell to the ground! ?

11. Two old couples had a whim at dinner one day: naked meals! Find the old feeling! After undressing, the old woman said, I still have a reaction! The breasts are still as hot as when they were young! The old man glanced sideways and said, it's drooping in the soup!

11. A man is always smiling and his eyes are flashing. He is either ill or cheating! Women with breast enhancement and thin waist are slutty and coquettish, either taking out your pocket or letting you have a black knife! These days, freak and banshee, be careful!

12. A conversation on a crowded bus one day is as follows: A pregnant woman standing said to a man sitting next to him, Don't you know I'm pregnant? Want him to give up his seat. I saw that the man was very nervous and said: The child is not mine!

13. Male: My parents gave me a gun, and I always hit it in the old place. Now the reform and opening up are open, but it's a pity that all the bullets are used up. Female: My parents gave birth to a hilly field, which was wasted for 21 years. Now the contract responsibility system is in place, and whoever cultivates it will pay.

14. One winter was particularly cold, and my wife and I went to the park to play one weekend. Seeing many people skating on the ice of the lake, I invited my wife to skate with me, but she didn't dare. In order to prove the firmness of the ice surface, I took the lead in setting an example and ran to the ice surface to play for a while, which made my wife itch, and finally I had the idea of trying. I picked her up from the center of the lake to the shore, and when there was still about one meter offshore, I jumped up to prove that there was no danger, and I only listened? Hey? I fell into the ice hole with a bang. Fortunately, the water on the shore is shallow, and the water only reaches my waist. My wife screamed with fear and almost cried. I struggled to get out of the mire, and after making sure that I was all right, my wife asked me seriously: Is your penis not frozen? I resisted the terrible cold and nodded hard:? Not bad, the little thing belongs to the polar bear! ? Psst ~ I feel cold when I think about it now!

15. My wife asked me: What do you men always say about women, man show and man show? I said:? Man show means dignified appearance and fiery heart! ? The wife asked again:? Do you think I can count? I pretended to look at her carefully, and then shook my head. You don't count! ? The wife nodded:? I think so. I should belong to Ming Sao. ? I snickered in my heart: Accurate but not comprehensive! ? The wife wondered:? What is that? I proudly replied:? You belong to Quan Sao! ? Sweat ~ this beating is inevitable!

16. Lai Changxing and Yang Yuying were walking by the sea. Lai pointed to a warship in the distance and said, I have spent enough money on you in recent years to buy this warship. Yang Yuying said, "The cannon you have shot at me in recent years can also sink this warship!"!

17. I took the subway early in the morning, and a beautiful young mother was sitting next to me holding shota, who was 13 or 14 years old. After a while, I may be hungry and have been pestering for milk. Mom said: Are you still breastfeeding at this age? The child shouted while picking up his mother's neckline, and her mother was good at blocking her chest. shota struggled for a long time and couldn't help it. Suddenly shouted at me: uncle help me take it off, each of us is me?

18. I went to KTV with my client one night and came home late. I just got home and thought my wife was asleep, so I crept into the bathroom to take a bath. Just undressed, my wife suddenly appeared and snapped:? Are you trying to destroy the evidence? I was shocked and quickly said: No, no, I put my sword in storage before I went out! ? My wife gave a bad laugh twice and reached out and touched my jj:? Well, the gun hasn't been lost yet, but I want to check if there are any bullets! ? Darling ~ is there a way to check this? Is that why she stayed up all night?

　19. ? How do you change your husband's problem of staying out at night?