"Eat sesame cakes and beer covers, eat wonton and moth balls, shoot flies and nail nails, go to Qingsongguan to burn incense, and the mobile phone can't be taken out when it falls into the merit box."
"A BMW is coming to you at a speed of 280 yards, followed by a Mercedes-Benz racing car, and so on, followed by a tractor, so much the better, but also with a left lane change light. He wants to overtake! "
"The somebody else is Chen Yuanyuan, and you? (aiming at the chest) Chen "?
"Let's split it fifty-fifty. Say it first. okay. Who is five? "
"Quiet as a virgin, crazy as a rabbit."
"The two of them are just separated by a wall and have never met. Because one of them always goes to the left and the other always takes the elevator. "
"Hello, I want a rape popcorn."
"It is the duty of every citizen to despise you."
"Accidental, absolutely accidental, very accidental, too accidental"
"Your eyes are clear and moving, your hands are gentle and delicate, and your heart is crystal clear;"
"Your arms are strong, your chest is broad and mighty, and your skin is invulnerable."
"Don't be lazy with me, I'm too lazy to compare with you."
"Tell your unhappy things to make everyone happy."
"Hey, put in a coin, swipe your card or get out of here. What are you looking at?"
"It's really ~ I can't afford a bus, and I dare to pretend to be the mother."
"When your mother gave birth to you, she must have thrown people away and raised the placenta."
"Riding a white horse is not necessarily a prince, but also a Tang priest ..."
"It is not necessarily a monk who will burn incense, but also a panda ..."
"Those who have tattoos are not necessarily bad people, but those who are willing to be Yue Fei ~"
"It's not necessarily a big bird that can fly, it may be Li Ning."
"Never hang yourself on a tree. Try to hang yourself several times on the surrounding trees ... "
"I am a born actor. When I was a child, I saw beautiful MM eyes were round. "
Audience: "I fell in love with my colleague Archie, but I didn't tell him." I told my colleague Ahao that he promised not to tell anyone, but my colleague Ade told me that Ahao secretly told another colleague Alin that he was very familiar with Archie's ex-girlfriend Allen. I'm worried that Alin will tell Allen, and then Allen will go back and tell Archie, so I'll be embarrassed. Fortunately, Allen is in love with Ade now, so. " I went to Ed to help me solve this problem. Ed told me that Allen and he had broken up. Now he is dating Alin and asked me to find Alin, but Alin told me that A Hao didn't tell him anything. Now I'm dizzy. Who should I trust? "
Ceng Xiaoxian: A Ou
Audience: "I said Archie, not Ou. Oh is my colleague in another department. Ou is my younger brother, but I can't tell him that the person I like is the ex-boyfriend of your brother's girlfriend, which will make the relationship more chaotic. "
Ceng Xiaoxian: "Achu"
Passerby: "A T? How do you know that there is another colleague named T in our company? He has a grudge against Alin, probably because he secretly loves Allen, but A T has a good relationship with A Hao. "
Guan Gu: "Honey, what shall we eat today?"
Xiaoxue: "Whatever."
Guangu: "Then let's eat hot pot?"
Xiaoxue: "No, you will get acne on your face if you eat hot pot."
Guangu: "What about Sichuan food?"
Xiaoxue: "I just ate Sichuan food yesterday. Today?"
Guangu: Shall we eat seafood?
Xiaoxue: Seafood is not good, and it will cause diarrhea.
Guangu: What did you say you wanted to eat?
Xiaoxue: Whatever.
Guan Gu: E! ~ ~ ~ Then let's stop eating and do something else.
Xiaoxue: Anything will do.
Guangu: Then let's watch a movie. I haven't seen a movie for a long time.
Xiaoxue: What's interesting about movies? This is a delay.
Guangu: How about bowling? Exercise. Exercise.
Xiaoxue: What's your luck on a hot day? Aren't you tired?
Guan Gu: O! ~ ~ ~ ~ Then let's have some more coffee.
Xiaoxue: Eh ~ ~ ~ Drinking coffee affects sleep.
Guangu: Then what do you want?
Xiaoxue: Anything will do.
Guangu: Then let's go home.
Xiaoxue: (smiling, then taking the bag) Look at you.
Guangu: We'll take the bus and I'll walk you.
Xiaoxue: The bus is dirty and crowded. Forget it.
Guangu: How about taking a taxi?
Xiaoxue: It's not cost-effective to walk such a short distance.
Guangu: Let's go. Let's go for a walk.
Xiaoxue: What way are you going with an empty stomach?
Guangu: Then what do you want?
Xiaoxue: Look at you.
Guangu: Let's eat first.
Xiaoxue: Whatever.
Guangu: What to eat?
Xiaoxue: Anything will do.
Guangu: ~! # #
At that time, the sky was still blue and the water was green. There is no bird flu in chickens and ducks, and pork can be safely eaten.
At that time, you had to wear clothes to take pictures, and you had to pay back your debts. Your mother-in-law married her daughter because she didn't want your house, and the father of the child knew it very well.
Hu Yifei: "Zhan Bo and I used to be conjoined babies. Before the age of two, our brains grew together. "
Ceng Xiaoxian: "Yes, and then the doctor gave all his brains to Zhan Bo with a sharp knife."
That was when I was in high school. One day, I dreamed that I was taking an exam. Then I suddenly realized that something even more terrible had happened. It turns out that I am really taking an exam!
Ceng Xiaoxian: I am not a casual person!
Hu Yifei: You are not human!
Guangu: Do you think our cabbages can be picked at will?
Yifei: Of course not. You are a radish.
I allow you to walk around in my world, but you are not allowed to run around in my world.
..... Zhanbo: No! Relax! We don't know the number of friends and enemies yet! I don't want to take any chances ... Zi Qiao: There are four and a half people in our car, and they basically have the advantage! ... Zhan Bo: Are you three and a half years old? ... Xiaoxian to Zhanbo: one (pointing to himself) two (pointing to Joe) One Philippines counts as two, and you count as half! Just right!
Bus master (to Zhan Bo): You are a pervert. You can either swipe your card, put in a coin or get out. What are you twisting?
Bus master (to bodyguard): Hey, come back! Either swipe your card, put in a coin or get out. what are you reading? (Bodyguard gets off the bus) You can't afford a car, and you pretend to be the matrix, huh!
Xiaoxian: Xiaoxian has such a roommate. He lives in two suites in the same apartment with a girl. It's a pity that one always goes to the left and the other always takes the elevator.
Zi Qiao: I'm Chen Yuanyuan. Is it? (glancing at his chest) Chen, flat, flat!
Zhan Bo: People use eight words to describe her: as quiet as a virgin, as moving as crazy.
Zi Qiao: Your eyes are clear and moving, your hands are gentle and delicate, and your heart is crystal clear.
Meijia: Your arms are strong, your breasts are broad and mighty, and your skin is impeccable. ...
Yifei: Zhan Bo and I used to be conjoined babies. Before the age of two, our brains grew together.
Fairy: Yes, and then the doctor gave Zhan Bo all his brains with a sharp knife.
Zhanbo: Let's start with five "Rape Flower Chicken"!
Wan Yu (to the waiter): Then we'll have five copies of Rape and Chicken Rice Flower.
Yifei: Two prodigies. They are "awesome".
Zhanbo: Oh, really, changed its name?
Joe: At that time, the sky was still blue and the water was still green. There is no bird flu in chickens and ducks, and pork can be safely eaten. At that time, you had to wear clothes to take pictures, and you had to pay back your debts. The mother-in-law doesn't want to marry her daughter, and the father of the child ... is also very clear.
Zi Qiao: That was when I was in high school. One day, I dreamed that I was taking an exam. Then I was awakened, and something even more terrible happened. It turns out that I am really taking an exam!
Guangu: Isn't The Promise a romantic film?
Zi Qiao: Ha! I can't understand the movie at first sight! ... The Promise is a horror movie!
Lisa: It's you! Ceng Xiaoxian!
Ceng Xiaoxian: You know me?
Lisa: My classmate's cousin's neighbor and your brother-in-law's cousin are in-laws!
Lisa: (pointing to Ceng Xiaoxian's face) It's not the software. You should change the monitor!
Ceng Xiaoxian: Hello, I'm Xin Xiaoxian and a good friend of your. ...
Yifei: Tell your unhappy things to make everyone happy.
Passerby: Eat sesame seed cake, beer lid, wonton and mothballs, pat flies on your nails, go to Qingsongguan to burn incense, and your mobile phone falls into the merit box and can't be taken out.
Sister Flash: Canned sardines are more promising than you!
Sister Flash: There is not enough money, the actors are undecided, and the script is temporarily unavailable.
Yifei: I don't think it is reliable at all. In fact, China's winning the men's soccer World Cup is almost as outrageous as yours.
Meijia: Look at your big face. Every time I stand next to you, my cell phone has no signal, and I can't see the sun when I walk on the road!
Zi Qiao: Did you get your head squeezed by the door? You dinosaur that degenerates three times a day!
Zhanbo: Do I look unhappy?
Yifei: Hey, you wrote the word depressed on your face. Illiteracy is really hard to tell.
Yifei: You are a fool! The world is big, but you lack that heart.
Yifei: Let me see, astronomical observation team, pesticide testing center, and ... primitive animal society. Is this social?
Zhan Bo: This is the Association of Primitive Animal Researchers. There are many girls in it. Haven't you seen the photos?
Yifei: Eight girls, four with steel teeth, three cups thicker than beer bottles, and one bigger than you ... Now I fully understand why it is called the Primitive Animal Association. You can study each other without buying specimens.
Wan Yu: It is the duty of every citizen to despise him.
Zhanbo: Sister, have you ever had a dog?
Yifei: No, but ... I raised you. I used to keep many animals, such as birds, rabbits, fish, squirrels and rich trees. Within three days, they were all dead. Zhan Bo, you are so lucky!
Wan Yu: Dog biscuits are rich in conditioner and anti-dandruff formula. Eat them, hair disappears, and dandruff is more prominent!
Yifei: Did your mother throw people away and raise the placenta when she gave birth to you?
Zi Qiao: Don't be lazy with me, I'm too lazy to compete with you!
Meijia: If you have a caesarean section, I will ... I will clean the floor again. ...
Xiaobo: I have been divorced for three years, and my son is half a year old.
Zi Qiao: I also want to find a place where I can print my head on money.
Meijia: It's not difficult. Why don't you find a place to print money?
Zi Qiao: In our men's world, there are still strong people like clouds and strong people like stars.
Yifei: But looking around, there are no clouds and stars in Wan Li.
Guan Gu read Princess Zhu Huan: One day, the duckling met four brothers.
The May 4th Movement said, "You are heartless, cruel and unreasonable!"
The duckling said, "Then you are not heartless, cruel and unreasonable?"
"I'm ruthless, cruel and unreasonable! ?
"Where are you not ruthless, where are you not cruel, where are you not unreasonable! ? " ...
Guan Gu (singing): Long Long, you are missing two years, forever and ever. ...
Guan Gu (singing): I'm not a locust, I'm not a centipede, I just want a cheap brother and perfect love. ...
Yifei: If I don't see that person, I'll make you disappear! The disappearance in the double sense of biology and sociology!
Yifei: You are shameless, despicable and unreliable!
Zi Qiao: So you are not shameless, mean and very reliable?
Yifei: I'm shameless, mean and unreliable! ?
Zi Qiao: You are not shameless, despicable and reliable! ?
Yifei: I am shameless, despicable and unreliable, and I will not be more shameless, despicable and unreliable than you! !
Zi Qiao: OK, OK, stop swearing. This is the battle for the president of the United States.
Yifei: Is the Ceng Laoshi Project about to start?
Zi Qiao: Do you want to hear it?
Yifei: Yes.
Zi Qiao: Gee, you said I was bored.
Yifei: Didn't you listen?
Zi Qiao: Listen! Who bored us?
Wan Yu: Did you pass the GRE exam?
Passerby: I ... have no aunt.
Wan Yu: What about TOEFL?
Passerby: Thank who?
Wan Yu: Ugly, but ugly is special, just ugly!
Fairy: I allow you to walk around in my world, but I will never allow you to run around in my world!
Zhan Bo: Sister, if someone hurts you deeply, how long will it take you to forgive him?
Yifei: Forgive him? Forgiving him is God's business. My task is to send him to God!
Meijia: My period came early to see me. My back is sore and my stomach is very uncomfortable.
Guangu: Meijia, your period is really good for you. Otherwise, she will sleep in my room and I will sleep on the sofa today.
Wan Yu: Guangu, the period you mentioned is different from what she said.
Guangu: Oh, does Meijia have many menstrual periods? Your grandmother is really fertile. I only have one, but I have three young aunts!
Yifei: It doesn't matter. Failure is success.
Zhanbo: I already have many mothers, but none of them are pregnant.
Zi Qiao: Huh? This cup has no mouth!
Meijia: You said it backwards.
Zi Qiao (turning over a cup): Not only does it have no mouth, but it also has no bottom.
Yifei: I don't care whether I write poetry or not, it's all nonsense, smelly and long anyway. As a result, the estrogen finally stimulated by girls suddenly turned into cholesterol.
Wan Yu: Feifei wants to make her own chocolate for Dongzi Shen.
Fairy: Really? What did he do to you? You tried to poison him!
Yifei: I want poison. I will poison you first!
Zhanbo: My sister's cooking won't kill anyone. Only when the poison looks attractive will someone want to eat it. Last time I saw her chocolate, she was really a good guy! !
Fairy: Ha ha ha, I see. You're not trying to poison him. You want to scare him to death!
Gu: It's so touching ... The little dragon girl is really beautiful ... but Yang Guo doesn't know how to cherish it. He only has an aunt in his heart!
Zhan Bo: Well, Little Dragon Girl ... is his aunt.
Guan Gu (surprised): Ah! It's so sinful. Is it okay for Yang Guo to do this?
Zhan Bo: Er ... to be exact, there is no such thing as an uncle.
Guangu: Oh, my God! Then Yang Guo ... became his uncle! ! The little dragon girl ... became her niece! !
Wan Yu: The little dragon girl was raped.
Guangu (crazy): Nani (what)? ! That will be a day!
Wan Yu (smiling): Yes, it was Yin Zhiping.
Guan Gu (continues to be mad): Stop it! Stop it! ! (Suddenly calm) ... Is Yin Zhiping Yang Guo's uncle?
Zi Qiao: 10 thousand is the same as 1 million, because I have neither!
Yifei: I really want to put my size 37 shoes on your size 42 face now! A vegetable can speak better than you. Do you believe it or not? I'll plant you in a flowerpot now! !
Riding a white horse is not necessarily a prince, but also a Tang priest …
It is not necessarily a monk who can burn incense, but also a panda …
Those who have tattoos are not necessarily bad people, but those who are willing to be Yue Fei ~
It is not necessarily a big bird that can fly, but Li Ning.
Ipartment landlord rule
1. A pair of QQ can't beat 745 because QQ is only 30,000 to 40,000, but BMW 745 is very expensive.
2. The bomb can't hit 1 19 because the fire brigade can put out the fire. ...
3. Your Majesty doesn't play 9 1 1 much because the FBI in the United States is very powerful.
4. Straight flush can't beat four-color cards, because it is better to be colorful than to stand out from the crowd.
5. Congratulations on getting 1258 1. China Mobile touches itself for free.
6. Girls will be congratulated for taking 3 or 8 exams. Stop shopping once because of the holiday.
10. Get 5. 1 10. 1. Stop playing cards because of national holidays.
Yifei: Yes! That's right! The red carpet is 80 meters ... Why? I'm five meters short. This boss is so wicked. The pork carpet is not heavy enough for me either. Their carpet is not made of pigskin, is it?
Yifei: If the carpet is not long enough, let him sew up his red underpants and make up the five meters!
Fairy: I am not a casual person!
Yifei: You don't look human!
Accidental, absolutely accidental, very accidental, too accidental
I'll spray you to death with a bite of salt and soda.
Never hang yourself from a tree. Try to hang yourself several times on several surrounding trees. ....
I am a born actor. From small to large, I saw beautiful MM eyes are round.
Zi Qiao: I am a born actor. When I was a child, I saw beautiful mm with round eyes.
Fairy: There are four and a half men here. What are you afraid of?
Zhan Bo: It's obviously three and a half years old.
Fairy: One, two (referring to Joe and Fairy), one Philippines counts as two, and you count as half.
Zi Qiao: Why do I feel that if you sit here, it will be "a hundred mountains without birds, a thousand roads without footprints".
Meijia: I was once harassed on the Internet. Later, I found it important to choose a user name ... work account, no chatting, and if you want to chat, you can charge 50 cents per word, punctuation, and half price! /kloc-voice and video with a 20% discount above 0/000 words have not been opened yet.
Pay first, talk later, talk when you arrive, pay online and provide invoices.
Yifei: Did anyone bother you later?
Meijia: Nobody talks to me anymore.
Zi Qiao: "Miss! Were you kissed by a pig when you were a child? "
Wan Yu: "Ah! That's fun! This man is handsome and has been cut! I guess this person must be ugly! "
Ceng Xiaoxian: "Hehehe ~ ~ That's my name."
Later ~ ~ ~
Wan Yu: "Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha! This person is ugly and needs plastic surgery! "
Zeng: B. Khan, this is my new name! "
Wan Yu: "Ha ha ha! This man's name is Tang Priest, and his hair is soft! "
That's Zhan Bode.
The traffic police asked Zhan Bo, "Can you drive?" Zhan Bo: "I won't."
The traffic police asked Wan Yu again: "What about you?" Wan Yu: "I can, I can drive a go-kart."
Child: Where are you from?
Guangu: Far away, far away.
Child: Is it Altman's hometown?
Guangu: Well, I'm from Altman's hometown.
Child: You are my child.
Guangu: Do you think we are cabbage? You can pick and choose.
Yifei: Of course not. You are a radish.
I'd better make a long story short with you.
But it's a long story,
Ladies and gentlemen! !
Fairy: I can't marry you. Go buy a cucumber! !
"I want a treasure map, you give me a map, huh? Is this still a map of the world? " -Lu
"Let's split it fifty-fifty. Say it first. okay. Who is five? " Mega Chen
Wan Yu: Your high school math is being rebuilt, and your parents are bigamy.
Psychologist: What was the worst dream you ever had? It's a dream that wakes you up suddenly.
Zi Qiao: That was when I was in high school. One day I dreamed that I was taking an exam. It's terrible. Later, I was awakened, and something even more terrible happened. It turned out that I was really taking an exam.
Yifei: She may need a spare tire.
Zi Qiao: This date was originally to find a spare tire. Now she has found Guan Gu. Then I'm not a spare tire.
Yifei: Well, the second child for short.
Meijia Classic Quotations: 17727 4838 Women's Day May Day Labor Day June 1 day. . .
Zi Qiao: What are you doing to celebrate the anniversary of China's victory over Cambodian women's football team 10?
I haven't seen cowhide blown as fresh and refined as you for a long time.
A three and a five. ...
eat ...
What are you eating? ....
I ate this card. ...
ah ...
Look at my cards ...
Two aces, one two and one eight. Why? ...
With this 5, I make up 1258 1. ...
1258 1 ...
Scared, right? 1258 1 means that just press me and I can help you. ...
Help you with what ....
I have a chance to touch myself. ...
Self-painted ...
Yes, come on, come on, none of you will draw me a card. ...
Hey, what are you doing? ...
I can make you a card. ...
Why should I give it to you? ...
ah ...
Ten points. Look at this. ...
What is this? ...
One for ten, one for one, October 1st, what day? ....
National Day ...
Yes, you have to rest for seven days on National Day, and I can escape seven cards. ...
Dormant card ....
You are so smart, but the effect is similar. ...
Then why do you play cards? ...
I'm Japanese, and Japan's National Day is not that day, so I can't rest. I have to continue working, so I can play cards, but you can't. ....
I won't fall in the same place twice! "
"Of course, green turtles all land on all fours. Let it fall for me. "
Good boy, drink milk, drink milk, drink milk, why not drink milk! Sharapova, why are you crying again? I told you, I don't know where your mother is, Albania or Algeria. God knows, with your real father. C Ronaldo, get down here and don't treat Qi Dan like a horse! Ali, you take Ayumi Hamasaki out to play. Is the refrigerator a place to hide and seek? ! I'm gonna hit you. Why did Beckham pee on the balcony downstairs? ! And you, did you eat my sleeping pills as candy again, Jordan!
You sit next to her and she smiles at you without knowing anything. Then, when you open your mouth, she collapses, then she cries, and then the two of them hug each other and cry their eyes out. Finally, you have to tell her that we can't, so you'd better buy a cucumber!
You talk to her, and then she looks at you quietly, and you burst into tears, and then she pulls you into her arms and says, stop crying, wash and sleep, and you have to go to work tomorrow. Don't be full and talk nonsense here!
Meijia slapped the Tathagata's palm on the bridge, and then said to the sub-bridge lying on the ground, "You owe me 10 slap, and I slapped you, so there is still 1 1! ! ! "