It's sunny on Friday, July 23rd, 2121.
When I went home to work, I entered a state of high-intensity work. Every day on the working day, I seemed to be unable to stop for a moment, and I was very tired mentally. No matter how hard it is, as long as I recall the hard years of accompanying my daughter to the third year of high school in Beijing this year, I feel that it is not worth mentioning that I am busy and tired now.
Especially in the second half of the third year of senior high school, my daughter's mood fluctuates greatly and she is under great pressure. She didn't want to go to the classroom for evening self-study. She thought it was too noisy for her to study. She asked me to apply to the head teacher for evening self-study at home. The child is very independent. Once she decides something, several cows can't pull it back, so she has to agree.
However, she studies at home, either sleeping or playing with her mobile phone, and basically doesn't study. Watching her classmates not only study hard at night, but also continue to fight after returning to the dormitory, sometimes staying up until one or two in the morning. This contrast makes me really anxious. However, it's no use worrying. She just doesn't want to study at night, and I can't help it. The twisted melon is not sweet.
My daughter slept long enough at night, but she still couldn't get up in the morning. I always invited her three times and urged her four times before she got up. On several occasions, she stepped into the school and was caught by the teacher at the school gate, which deducted the class's points, which affected the honor of the whole class. Later, the head teacher personally educated her several times, and she got up a little earlier and arrived at the classroom a few minutes earlier.
Especially in the last month, as long as it's self-study time, she doesn't read books and study, but wants me to accompany her around, and she wants to relax. In fact, I'm really worried, and I don't have any at all. It's really maddening to see her almost not studying at home sometimes. Fortunately, she can still insist on attending classes and making up lessons. Therefore, I can only comfort myself that she has a high learning efficiency in class and mastered it well, so she can stop studying after class.
This is not self-deception. Her results in every survey are actually good. Although it is not top-notch, it is quite good compared with her efforts, which is more than enough. At that time, if, like some parents, I always had too high expectations for my children and kept forcing them to study, they would naturally become anxious, and even rebel because they could not bear these pressures.
Yes, if, like some parents, I always pressed my thoughts on my children, hoping that their dreams could be fulfilled or that their children could meet some of their requirements, then I would always quarrel with them. Because when we put forward these requirements or wishes, it has already aroused the child's resistance, so don't force her to do this and that repeatedly when the child has explicitly refused, otherwise the two people will be incompatible.
Children's rebellion is largely due to our parents' behavior, and our every move, word and deed will affect children's mentality. If we are always anxious and always vent our dissatisfaction on our children, they will be rebellious. Parents are originals, children are copies, and children are what parents are like. Children are similar to their parents in many ways. The influence of parents on children is subtle, and many children become the parents they don't want to be the most when they are alive.
Adolescent children often have a strong sense of independence and resist others entering their own "private sphere". This phenomenon will often appear, which means that the independence of adolescent children is increasing. When you get along with such a child, you must be careful not to cross the line, you should not enter his bedroom without his consent, you should not peek at his diary, you should not send his photos to a circle of friends, and so on, so that he can have his own privacy and space.
Only in this way can we live in peace with our children. Otherwise, children will become more and more rebellious. I have a very good friend whose son has Internet addiction, so she resolutely sent him to a closed militarized management school without his consent. This kind of school is a school that concentrates teaching, food, accommodation and activities in the same campus. Students don't have to worry about transportation, catering and other things, so they can concentrate more on their studies without being disturbed by other factors.
the school adopts "militarized management". Students are not allowed to bring their own mobile phones and video game equipment, to play cards and read online novels at school, and to put an end to bad campus behaviors such as fighting. Use the management methods and experience of the army to restrain students' own behavior, change students' mental outlook with moral education and military training, militarize all students' daily life, and overcome students' bad behaviors of freedom, laxity, laziness, so as to improve students' learning attitude and environmental conditions, and more effectively improve their learning efficiency and grades.
There are two sides to children going to such a school. There are both advantages, which can help children develop good study and living habits. At the same time, there are some disadvantages, that is, it is not conducive to children's growth, which will have a bad influence on children's mind and body, and there will be a tragedy of "pulling out the seedlings to encourage them", which may also be cultivated as a "bookworm" with high IQ and imbecility. In addition, some closed schools have poor teaching equipment and environment, and there are also great security risks.
There is a great controversy about the closed management school on the Internet. Some netizens said: "Once parents have abandoned their children, they want to find a school that can help their parents cure their children's problems, which is simply irresponsible to their children." Some netizens said: "The fully closed management school is under the banner of educating lost teenagers, but in fact it beats and scolds children. Children are not only physically hurt, but also mentally abused."
My friend who sent her son to a fully enclosed militarized management school later regretted it very much. Although her son quit Internet addiction and began to study, the child hated her very much, hating that she sent herself to a desert without freedom, affection and love, and suffered cruel torture, which led to the psychological shadow of the child, which was his lifelong pain.
Therefore, when children are rebellious in adolescence, parents should not always be eager for success, and try to solve all the problems at once. Instead, they should take their time and gradually change their children with their love and patience.
It's actually very hard for me to accompany my daughter in the third year of high school. When my children don't study or study at night, I'm actually suffering. When children feel stressed and discuss the meaning of living with me, my heart is uneasy; When the children completely give up their self-study time in the final stage and give priority to play, I am in a hurry; Especially in the weeks before the college entrance examination, I was always in anxiety and couldn't sleep all night.
Fortunately, now that all this is over, my daughter has lived up to expectations and admitted to her favorite university and major. This accompanying reading process is difficult and tortured, but the result is really satisfactory and joyful. It's really not easy to recall the past year. My daughter has grown up, and so have I. Don't force a lot of things, especially to train children not to have too high expectations, but to let nature take its course.
Looking back on the particularly long years of accompanying students before the college entrance examination, I feel that such a difficult day has passed. I think no matter what happens in the future, no matter how hard it is, I can bear it and face it calmly, because nothing is more difficult than accompanying senior three children.