In feudal society, men and women "give and receive without kissing", emphasizing that "there is no cloud and rain in the sky and no marriage on the ground". Generally speaking, both men and women should have a good discussion before "tying the knot", "harmonious Qin Jin", "tying the knot" and "living in harmony". This combination is called "matchmaking". After the founding of the People's Republic of China, "matchmaking" was renamed "introduction". People who do this kind of matchmaking work are called "Yue Lao", commonly known as "matchmaker" and later renamed "introducer".
"Old Moon" is the abbreviation of "Old Moon". According to the novel of the Tang Dynasty, a scholar named Wei Gu passed by Song Cheng in the evening and met an old man sitting on the side of the road, with a big pocket in his hand, reading a big book in the moonlight. Wei Gu asked him kindly what book he was looking for. The old man replied that this is the marriage certificate of everyone in the world. Gu Wei asked the old man what was in his big pocket. The old man replied, "If you tie men's and women's feet with a red rope, as long as you tie a man's and a woman's feet on the red rope, even a sworn enemy or a stranger thousands of miles away will definitely form a husband and wife." Therefore, people say that "a thousand miles of marriage is a thread." "If the elderly don't need the red line under the moon, they can't go to another place." It can be seen that people are in awe of the matchmaker.
The matchmaker is also called "matchmaker". The biography of Yingying written by Yuan Zhen, a talented scholar in the Tang Dynasty, created a clever and lively image of a handmaid matchmaker. She carefully planned again and again, and finally contributed to the marriage between Zhang Sheng and Yingying. Based on this story, Wang Shifu wrote Yuan zaju "The West Chamber", in which the image of the matchmaker is more vivid and lovely. People call the matchmaker "the matchmaker", which shows their importance and friendliness to the matchmaker.
Matchmaking is not an easy task, as can be seen from the fact that matchmakers are called "Iceman" and "Ice Axe". According to the Book of Jin, I dreamed that I was on the ice, talking to people under the ice. Suo's explanation of this dream is: "You talk to people under the ice on the ice, which symbolizes that you are reconciling Yin and Yang. To reconcile yin and yang is to be a matchmaker, and you will be a matchmaker for others. " But this media is not easy to do. You have to melt the ice with your enthusiasm before both men and women can get married. "It seems that matchmaking requires enthusiasm and perseverance.
In the old-fashioned wedding, the matchmaker is also called "Wako", and the matchmaker is "holding Keke", which proves that the matchmaker is an indispensable role. The Book of Songs chants: "How about cutting Ke? There is no axe to cut. How did you marry that wife? Media is not allowed. " It means: "How can I cut off a big branch?" Don't chop without an axe; How can I get my wife? You can't get married without a matchmaker "
Matchmaking is a skill. The matchmaker should not only be familiar with the basic situation of men and women and their families, but also make every effort to propose marriage at home. Moreover, he must basically and accurately reflect each other's situation to both men and women and their parents, try his best to hide evil and promote good, so that both sides can fully understand each other's strengths and are willing to reach a marriage agreement. In other words, if you want to be born, you must have a matchmaker's mouth. To be a matchmaker, you should be diligent in running errands. From the day you begin to bridge the gap between men and women, you should always shuttle between men and women, exchange information, convey each other's wishes and demands, and prevent accidents. Traditionally, both men and women have the obligation to entertain the matchmaker, and it is not an exaggeration for the country people to say that "the matchmaker has a hundred meals". It can be seen that it is diligent in running.
The matchmaker plays an important role in the old-fashioned wedding. After both men and women have basically reached an agreement on marriage, he should guide the man on a blind date, send a modified Geng sticker on behalf of both parties, guide the man to get engaged, choose an auspicious day for marriage, guide the man to take over the marriage, and assist the wedding ceremony until the couple enters the house, and then throw the "matchmaker" over the wall. The media said it well, and both sides were satisfied. In the future, they often exchanged views and became old friends. If the media doesn't speak well and both sides are dissatisfied, they will often blame the matchmaker and be regarded as passers-by from now on.
As a matchmaker, the matchmaker can get some money, which is called a "thank you gift". Money is usually paid by the man (if the man goes to the woman's house, it is paid by the woman). The day before the wedding, together with chickens, elbows, shoes and socks, and cloth, they are sent to the matchmaker's house. The matchmaker must guide the next day and call it "round media" or "initiating media" or "sending media". The amount of money to thank the media depends on the financial situation of the host family, but no matter how much, it needs to be sealed with red paper, which is the so-called "red envelope" or "envelope" It is customary to write "envelope label" on red envelopes.
Book a wedding
Engagement, also called "Wen Ding", used to be called "Naji" and "Zheng Na". Although engagement is not as complicated as marriage, traditional customs still attach great importance to it. Both men and women need to prepare some gifts. The process is as follows:
The groom is getting married on the way! The groom finishes the family sacrifice at home first, and then goes to the woman's house by car with the matchmaker to get married. Get off the bus and enter the door, and the red envelope will not run away!
(1) Gong Guan: commonly known as "Mr. Boxer", responsible for the appointment of gift-giving companies. Tribute officials must control the number of people (even number), vehicles (six or twelve vehicles), engagement money (even number and properly wrapped in red paper) and six gifts.
(2) Family Sacrifice: Before leaving for the woman's home, the man will hold an ancestor worship ceremony at home. At this time, he will give his ancestors a "box cake" or a big cake for harvesting. He will go to a virgin's home to take a job and ask his ancestors to bless this marriage.
(3) Departure: After the family sacrifice, the tribute official is responsible for loading all the bride price into the car, and the groom and the matchmaker will go home in the same car.
(4) Red envelopes: Before departure, Gong Li Palace should not only take care of the number of people, cars and bride price, but also remind the groom to prepare more red envelopes. For example, the uncle who came to open the groom's car door, the "pressing table" and the six accompanying relatives all need to prepare the bride's ceremony, the bride's new friend who washed the water and the gift of the matchmaker.
How to hire after a lifetime reservation? You've always heard of "Marry a good husband after a full meal"! Therefore, sweet cakes should be included in the six gifts. Besides, why prepare four-color sugar? It symbolizes the sweetness of newlyweds and the meaning of growing old together. The bride price represents not only the man's gratitude to the woman's parents, but also the man's face. Therefore, most of them are willing to get a glamorous and decent appearance, and each dowry also contains the symbolic meaning of seeking good luck and increasing perfection. Bridal gifts are usually divided into six simple gifts or twelve exquisite gifts. The amount of bride price is arranged according to personal budget. At the same time, we might as well ask the matchmaker for the advice of the woman's parents to achieve the best of both worlds. Marriage between men and women officially debuted! Firecrackers sounded and the married man arrived! On that day, ancestors should be worshipped, tea should be served, and rings holding hands with each other should be worn until they are old. After the gift, how does the woman return the gift? China people always pay attention to "reciprocity". After the man gives a gift, the woman naturally has to prepare a gift in return, but she can't let the man go home empty-handed.
Kanqin
Ancient women were often "born in a boudoir, and no one knows whether they are beautiful or not." After the blind date, the man often asks to have a look. This activity is called "meeting relatives", and the man goes to the woman's house for the first time under the matchmaker's non-staple food. It was dubbed "blind date".
The date of the blind date is set by the matchmaker in advance and notified to both men and women, so both sides should be prepared. The man should prepare a little gift according to the hobby of the woman's parents; Women should clean the courtyard and get ready for guests. As parties, both men and women should try to dress elegantly and resplendent, so as to leave a good "first impression" on each other.
Seeing relatives is the key to the success of marriage, especially the man, so be careful. Although gifts are nothing more than alcohol, tobacco and snacks, regardless of the quantity and value, you must give them what you like and not violate the taboos of the other parents; Dressing should be generous and fashionable; Be modest and polite in your words and deeds. In ancient times, when men met relatives, they could only rely on matchmakers to create opportunities to secretly see girls. It's different now. Both men and women can talk directly. Both sides have the opportunity to have a preliminary understanding of each other.
China is a "state of propriety and righteousness", and it pays attention to implication. The results of visiting relatives are often not directly expressed, but expressed through various hints. In many places, after the man enters the door, the woman's parents first pour the young man a cup of hot tea. Seeing that the girl was amused, the young man drank this cup of tea in one gulp. Then the girl's parents discuss with the girl. If they agree to get married, they will leave the man for dinner with the matchmaker. If they don't agree, they will let the man leave and go home. Some parents even asked the matchmaker to take away the gifts brought by the man.
In some areas, besides visiting relatives, there is also the custom of "observing others". In fact, "visiting others" is also to visit relatives. The man was led by the matchmaker to the woman's home where he had seen the girl, and the woman's parents temporarily refused to express their views on the marriage, and then the matchmaker took him back to the man's home. Qiyang area is called "Kandang". Look at that time, the man's parents should offer a cup of fragrant tea first, and then talk to the woman's parents. The wife's parents visited the man's house and talked with the man's parents. If they agree to the marriage, they will drink all the fragrant tea. The man's parents immediately regarded him as "in-laws" and warmly entertained the guests. Otherwise, the woman's parents should get up and leave, and the man should not stay.
marry
1. Eat jiaozi: Before getting married, the groom will eat jiaozi with his parents, brothers and girlfriends in the boudoir to show his farewell. Mother fed jiaozi to her daughter, and the bride cried.
2. hi: after the groom meets the woman's family, he will hold a bouquet in the room for the bride to get married. At this time, the bride's girlfriend should deliberately stop the groom, but the condition is that the groom agrees, usually with a red envelope gift.
3. Farewell: The bride has to say goodbye to her parents, and the groom only needs to bow and salute.
4. Going out: The bride should be escorted to the limousine by a female elder with a bamboo plaque or a black umbrella, because the bride can't see the sunshine overhead, and the other party hopes to live a happy life like this female elder. (Note: Prepare a bamboo plaque and paste a happy word on it)
5. Gift car: Bamboo plaque can be placed on the back cover of the gift car.
6. Worship fans: Before the bride gets on the limousine, an auspicious little boy holds a fan (put it on a tea tray) for the bride, and the bride returns a red envelope to show her gratitude. (Note: Prepare a fan and bring two small red envelopes)
7. Never say goodbye: Never say goodbye to a woman's family when everyone leaves her home.
8. Throw a fan: After the car starts, the bride should throw the fan out of the window to show that she will not bring her bad temper to her husband's family. The little boy will pick up a fan and give it to her family. They will give her a red envelope to thank her.
9. Firecrackers: The limousine leaves the woman's house to set off firecrackers.
10. Touch oranges: A limousine will be delivered to the man's house, and a child with two oranges will welcome the couple. The bride should gently touch the orange and then thank the red envelope.
1 1. Guide the bride: When the bride gets off the bus, a lucky elder of the man will hold a bamboo plaque on her head and help her into the hall.
12. Avoid stepping on the threshold: cross the threshold.
13. Step on the tile across the brazier: After the bride enters the hall, she should step on the tile across the brazier.
14. Entering the bridal chamber: The newlyweds took the groom's trousers in advance and sat on the bench together, saying that they both wanted to have a boy in the future. No man is allowed into the bridal chamber. (Choose the time to enter the bridal chamber)
15. Don't bring a new bed: on the wedding day, no one can bring a new bed, and the bride can't lie down, so as not to be sick in bed all the year round. In addition, after going to bed, you should find an underage boy to sleep in bed with the groom on the eve of your wedding.
(of relatives and friends) teasing the newlyweds on their wedding night.
The traditional marriage in China is quite distinctive with its grand etiquette and exquisite scenes. It usually goes through "procedures" such as proposing marriage, engagement, marriage and having sex. Among them, it is the climax for the couple to go to bed hand in hand after relatives and friends frolic in the bridal chamber on the wedding night. In the old society, there were some naughty and unreasonable behaviors, which mostly occurred in bridal chambers, so they were called "houses", "bridal chambers" and "new houses". Because this custom takes the bride as the main teasing object, it is also called "teasing the bride" and "playing the bride", and it was also called "playing the woman" in the old society.
The custom of disturbing houses seems simple, but it has a long history and far-reaching influence. From the scope of influence, it can be said that it is all over the country; Since its existence, it has almost run through the whole feudal society and has been popular until modern times. The custom of haunted house began in the pre-Qin period of Han Dynasty, and the wedding was simple and solemn. Confucius described the wedding scene at that time in the Book of Rites Ceng Zi Question, saying: Marry a woman's family, burn candles for three days, and miss each other; Married for three days, I don't care about my relatives. "It reflects the simple habits of pre-Qin weddings, and there is no noisy scene. After entering the Han Dynasty, the social economy developed by leaps and bounds. People are no longer satisfied with the old-fashioned, boring wedding ceremony, no longer stick to the old adage of "three days without happiness", and start to do big things, which makes the wedding ceremony cast a secular festive color. Yang Shuda, a close friend, made a textual research in the book "Wedding and Funeral Customs in Han Dynasty": "Guests often drink and laugh, and their words and deeds are unscrupulous. For example, in modern times, new houses were created, and they existed in the Han Dynasty. " Yang quoted Chang Yan at the end of the Han Dynasty as saying: "Today's wedding banquet is nothing more than beating the aides with the banter of the governor, spreading obscene words among the people, exposing obscene words among the new ethnic groups, polluting customs, and giving birth to prostitution and long-term rape." "Thus, from the beginning of its appearance, it was regarded as a bad habit. There are two views on the origin of the custom of disturbing houses in China. One theory stems from exorcising evil spirits and avoiding disasters. According to legend, a long time ago, Ziweixing came down to earth one day and met a woman dressed in linen on the road, following a group of wedding procession. Seeing that the devil was waiting for an opportunity to do evil, he followed him to the groom's house, only to find that the woman had arrived first and hid in the bridal chamber. When the bride and groom were about to enter the bridal chamber after worshipping heaven and earth, Zixing stood at the door and refused to let them in, saying that there was a devil hidden inside. They asked him how to exorcise demons. He put forward: "The devil is most afraid of many people, and the devil dare not do evil. "So, the groom asked people to laugh in the bridal chamber and drive away evil spirits with laughter; Sure enough, in the fifth watch, the devil finally escaped. It can be seen that the noisy room was shrouded in the color of exorcism and disaster avoidance from the beginning. The custom of exorcising evil spirits in bridal chambers is spread all over the country. Before the couple enters the bridal chamber, in the middle and lower reaches of the Yangtze River, the groom must sleep in the bridal chamber the night before, and ask two girls to take a photo of the bridal chamber with red candles in their hands in advance; Tianjin people ask the blowing team to blow in the new house for good luck. It is still very important to drive away the evil spirits in the house after the newcomers enter the house. For example, in the East, when the groom enters the house, he will symbolically shoot an arrow in every corner of the new house, or make a virtual knife in every corner with a single knife in his hand, singing "Kill the demon once, the monster twice, the demon three times, the god four times, and leave quickly. "The more common custom is to build ever-burning lamps in new houses. This is what the so-called "wedding night" means. Some scholars have studied that the custom of "listening to the room" is actually a protective measure to prevent ghosts from entering the bridal chamber.
Another view on the origin of haunted houses is that haunted houses first appeared in the north, and at first they were mainly grooms, which is probably related to the living habits of the northern nationalities. They live by hunting and nomadism, which makes men very aggressive and brave. It can prove that a man is a qualified man when he is married. Some backward ethnic groups in the world show their men's qualifications by self-mutilation and abuse, and even take the hunted heads as keepsakes, which is probably the same. The haunted room retains this primitive custom in ancient times.
Return ceremony
After three days of marriage, the bride will go back to her family with the groom, which is also called "returning to the door". This is an indispensable etiquette. The bride's old man attaches great importance to returning home in three days, so the groom should make ideological and gift preparations in advance and try to leave a happy and beautiful impression on his parents-in-law. Gifts are prepared in advance. Buy gifts that the bride and the old man like. There are generally four kinds of gifts. Huimen usually leaves at nine or ten in the morning. The bride and groom should dress up as well as attending the wedding, and maintain a beautiful and handsome image at the wedding. When going back to their parents' home, the bride and groom should greet the old man first. At this time, the groom should change his mind and call his parents-in-law like the bride. He should be natural and kind, and be kind and polite to his relatives, friends and neighbors. He should greet people first and treat them with courtesy. At dinner, the bride should accompany the groom, propose a toast to parents, relatives and neighbors, and thank everyone for their wishes for their wedding. Don't rush home after dinner. You should chat with your parents for a while, listen to their teachings, and then leave and go home. And should take the initiative to invite two old people and brothers and sisters to their homes, or invite relatives, friends and neighbors.
taboo
1, after going to bed, you should find an underage boy to sleep with the groom because the traditional view is that [sleeping in an empty bed will lead to the death of your husband and wife].
2. On the wedding day, before going to bed at night, everyone should try to stay away from the new bed, especially the new bed, which will be unlucky.
Don't let people sit on the new bed on the wedding day.
On the wedding day, the bride should not lie in bed at will, otherwise she will be ill in bed.
5, people who marry the zodiac tiger watch the ceremony.
6. When the bride goes out on the wedding day, the aunt and sister-in-law can't send each other.
7. When the bride leaves home on the wedding day, the more she cries, the better, because [no crying, no hair].
8, the bride's clothes should not have pockets, so as not to take away her family's wealth.
9. On the third day after marriage, the newlyweds go back to their parents' home with gifts, which means visiting relatives. But remember that you need to get back to your husband's house before dark, and you can't spend the night at your mother's house.
10, within four months after marriage, the bride is not allowed to attend any wedding, funeral or festive ceremony to avoid celebration.
1 1, don't lend the bride's mirror to others.
12, within four months of marriage, the bride is forbidden to spend the night outside unless it is necessary (such as honeymoon trip).