Seriously, this can't be changed. We can't change a person's mind. Besides, we are still old people. This patriarchal thinking has long been deeply rooted. However, what matters is how we respond ourselves.
When we meet old people who prefer boys to girls, we just need to live our own lives. When we cannot change others, we can only change ourselves.
Just like Dai Yin in The Last Romance, the mother-in-law prefers boys to girls. She was unhappy in that family for decades. She was no match for her mother-in-law, so she chose to save herself. I don't care about things at home, I just go out to play mahjong. Although it's an escape, it's better than watching my mother-in-law all day.
Alan (pseudonym) and her husband have been married for 20 years, and they met on a blind date. Her family is poor, with seven brothers and sisters. Generally, a family like her will pay more attention to her son. However, her family is fine and fair to her daughter.
However, the family conditions are not good, and there are brothers and sisters under her. Finding someone is relatively difficult. I can only find one with similar conditions, and maybe people don't resent it.
Allen's husband and brother are four years old. Perhaps in today's society, there are four sons at home, which is almost affordable, but twenty or thirty years ago, it was very difficult to raise four sons.
Compared with Alan's family, her husband's family is not much better. When we met, we definitely had no feelings, and finally came together because it was suitable. At that time, as long as the two people on blind date were suitable, their feelings would be gradually cultivated after marriage.
And they all pay attention to "getting married first and then starting a career", and they got married soon after they met. Needless to say, we don't know each other very well.
Allen said that she got to know her husband and his family gradually after she got married. Mother-in-law is a typical son preference. Her four sons are extremely proud every day. When she first got married, she told her daughter-in-law that she must have more sons like her.
As a result, Allen gave birth to two daughters, who had no position in front of her mother-in-law. Her husband took care of her during childbirth, and she raised two children by herself.
During the Spring Festival, four sons' families want to pay New Year greetings to their parents-in-law, but the mother-in-law won't let Allen's two daughters go, nor will other sons' families with daughters. It happened that all four sons had daughters, and only two sons each gave birth to a boy, which was the treasure of her husband's family.
Allen and her husband took their two daughters all over the country and worked everywhere. Now their family is the best of the four brothers. The two daughters study well, too, but for many years, neither Allen nor her daughter went back to their hometown.
Because every time I go back, my mother-in-law is black-faced, and my daughter calls her grandmother, and she ignores it. Allen said that she can tolerate her mother-in-law's anger, but her daughters don't need it. Since mother-in-law doesn't like them, she won't go back.
Usually when I go back to my hometown, Alan's husband usually goes back by himself, but this time my mother-in-law has a birthday and my father-in-law is gone. She asked all her sons to bring their wives and children back for a reunion dinner.
When eating, her mother-in-law arranged for her son and grandson to sit at a table with her, and her daughter-in-law and granddaughter to sit at a table. This arrangement is acceptable to the daughter-in-law. My mother-in-law has always preferred sons to daughters, and she is used to it.
However, after the food was served, Alan saw that her mother-in-law and her table were all vegetarian, both hot and cold, and they were all vegetarian. Several daughters-in-law were very unhappy at that time, not to say who owed the meal, but to be treated unfairly, and it was difficult to balance their hearts.
Aunt said, "My mother-in-law arranged a table for her son and grandson and a table for her daughter-in-law. After all the dishes were served, I left with my daughter. We're here to celebrate my mother-in-law's birthday, not to look down on our mother and daughter. We don't have to cater to it. "
After Allen and her daughter left, other daughter-in-law took their daughters away one after another, leaving only her mother-in-law and her sons and grandchildren to have dinner together. Her husband went back to complain that Allen had lost face. She said: "If you want to lose face, learn to respect people first."
In fact, Allen's husband also knows that it is wrong for mothers to prefer sons to daughters. However, their family lived like that all their lives, and there was nothing he could do but let his wife and daughter suffer that injustice. Therefore, for more than ten years, Alan and his two daughters have never been to see her mother-in-law, and her husband is afraid to say anything.
Alan said, "It's not that we are unfilial and don't go to see our mother-in-law. It is really because she has too deep prejudice against us women, so we can't cut our own retreat. "
Although Alan's mother-in-law prefers boys to girls, her four sons are very filial. It is such a harmonious family that makes this mother-in-law even more unscrupulous and looks down on women. At the same time, she forgot that she was also a woman. When she looks down on her daughter-in-law and granddaughter, she looks down on herself.
She probably thinks men are more capable than women. In her later years, she only counted on her son and grandson, so she always ignored her granddaughter and daughter-in-law.
This idea was developed by the old lady from her childhood and has been with her all her life. It is certainly impossible for her to put down her wrong ideas and accept new ones. So daughter-in-law Allen won't argue with her, but Allen will change herself and her daughter, and they won't appear in front of her mother-in-law.
In "The Last Love", grandma also preferred sons to daughters at first, but she never mistreated her granddaughter Jiang. They all sat together and ate whatever Jiang and his mother ate.
Or, it can be said that now that there is no son to rely on, her attitude towards her granddaughter has changed. But after all, this grandmother has always been very kind to her granddaughter materially, at least much better than Allen's mother-in-law.
This is that everyone has different ideas, even if they prefer boys to girls, there are different degrees. For people born in that era, our current concept may not be suitable for them.
No one can change anyone. Then, just like Allen, we should adapt ourselves to other people's attitudes towards us, and then change ourselves according to the situation.
Although son preference is a conceptual problem, like many emotional problems, it is inevitable at any time. However, with the progress of society, the number of people who seriously prefer boys to girls is gradually decreasing, which also makes more girls get the respect they deserve in their families.
In fact, it doesn't matter that grandparents prefer sons to daughters and don't like granddaughters. As long as the child has the love of his parents, it is enough. What I fear most is that my parents prefer sons to daughters, which really makes her daughter suffer.
I hope every girl is lucky in birth, happy in growth and happy in life.