1. Two girls have just arrived in Paris to study in France. In the street, they saw a black man coming from the opposite side. One said to the other, "It's really dark." The black man immediately went up to them and said, "You are white!" "
My friend has repeatedly warned me not to talk nonsense in Chinese abroad. I asked why? He said, "He has met foreigners who know Chinese several times." He ate and chatted with friends at McDonald's, all of whom were from Hunan. Because his friend is from Hunan, a German mm interjected and said, "I know Hunan people. Very good. I have read a book. " My friend froze for several seconds and never recovered. From then on, he never speaks Chinese outside, haha!
What's more, an Indian classmate of mine was once asked, "I heard that you can speak Chinese, right?" The Indian immediately said in Chinese, "What's wrong with you? Can't you see I'm Indian? I can't speak Chinese. " Whip it now!
On the subway in Frankfurt, there is a tall man sitting opposite. I casually said to my companion, "That guy's legs are really long ..." Unexpectedly, the foreigner asked me, "How tall are you?" Scared me, and then we chatted in Chinese for a while. He said: "You China people are fearless, fearless, and they are afraid that foreign devils will speak Chinese, hahaha …" The last guy actually said "goodbye" in Shanghainese, and I almost fainted at that time. ...
5. The true story of a friend: A friend went to Tokyo on business, and in the elevator of an upscale building, she saw a blonde girl come in. A friend whispered to his colleague, "Is this a chicken?" Unexpectedly, the girl suddenly turned around and said with a standard Beijing film: Who are you talking about? Sample! Want to smoke? "
6. One of my colleagues (MM) is in an airport in America. She and another (MM) saw an old white lady walking in front of her, who was very fat. The last two MM said in Shanghai: "I don't know what to eat so fat?" The white granny turned around and said, "Eat!" Use Shanghai dialect.
7. One of our classmates in new york asked us for directions. A blonde with huge pp is very enthusiastic and knows Chinese, so she takes him for a walk and chat. Your classmates praised you for speaking Chinese very well. That mm's answer is very strong, saying that new york is a colony of China people and can't speak Chinese! Ha ha laugh
8. Last time my mother went to the front door by subway and fell asleep. When she arrived at the station, she suddenly woke up and casually said, is it the front door? Lima, a foreign boy next to him, nodded and said, it's the front door! So mom got off the bus. ...
9. It's only interesting when my father and I are in France. The four of us were in the elevator, and then I said to my dad, "Foreigners are so tall." Those people told me that I was a foreigner in France, and now it's really embarrassing to think about it. When I was still in France, I was looking for bread in the supermarket and kept talking about bread, bread. As a result, a person next to me said "the bread is over there" and I also said "thank you". When I was eating in Geneva, a foreigner spoke Cantonese to me, which was very standard. Oh, my God ~
10. My friend met a foreigner in the elevator. Three buttons on the foreigner's shirt have been unbuttoned. A friend told her friend, "that foreigner's chest hair is very sexy." The foreigner immediately replied "thank you" in Chinese.
1 1. I had dinner with a friend in a Korean restaurant. The waiter's hair is the same as taro and watermelon, and we have commented for a long time. The most terrible thing is that the man spoke recklessly when he served us food. After n times, it is estimated that the man can't stand it. Our stove is out. Tell him to light it. The man said in standard Chinese, "Be careful with the fire and eat slowly". At that time, we said it once in English, and then we recovered. What a shock! Completely speechless! I didn't say much in the second half of this meal, so I was scared! You know, we ate vip in that restaurant, and we didn't know how many words we said in the process! Dizzy!
12. Another time is a statistics class. The teacher taught the limit, and the students next to him probably didn't hear it clearly, so he asked, "What?" The teacher said, "Limit!" The students were shocked, and I didn't understand. He asked the person next to him, "What do you mean by limit? I have never heard of this word. How do you spell it? " I went crazy in the same place and shouted, "You can't understand Chinese, limit!" " I suddenly realized. From then on, I turned over a new leaf and never dared to talk nonsense in this blond and bearded class again.
12. A friend of mine is abroad. At that time, he took the subway, and it was too cold to stand at the tuyere. So he walked carefully to a foreign boy and let him take shelter from the wind. Then, he heard the buddy say, "Very clever!" She was stupid then.
13. Another foreigner told me in standard Chinese that he likes the habit of scalding feet in China in winter best. It's so comfortable
14. A friend saw an African foreigner in Nanda: "Hello, your mother is a monkey." Foreigners use pure Tianjin dialect: "Your mother is a gorilla!"
15. I watered here that day and found that many people didn't reply after reading the post. I felt terrible, so I said, "Shit, it must be a foreign devil who doesn't answer! (Because I don't understand Chinese) ",just sitting next to a Yankee. He turned to me and said, "Friend, you are wrong. We foreign devils always reply to posts, because we foreign devils and you are both human beings, and people will reply. This is human nature! Only those who have no humanity will not reply!
After Pan Jinlian fell in love with Ximen Qing, Wu Dalang was angry, but there was nothing he could do. Play, but beat Ximen Qing; Go ahead, Pan Jinlian won't listen. Men can be killed, but not humiliated. In a rage, Wu Dalang decided to throw himself into the river. He drifted in the sea and was washed to an island by the sea. Local fishermen salvaged him and found that there was still breath. They quickly gave artificial respiration, which saved Wu Dalang from dying. The fishermen were overjoyed and told each other that there was a tall, handsome and powerful man on the island. We have been short for generations, so we should use this gentleman's height advantage to improve our people and make him our king. So Wu Dalang became king. Seventy-two concubines in three palaces and six hospitals, Wu Dalang soon had a large group of governors. These princes scattered among the people and intermarried with civilian women, so the height of local residents has improved obviously since then. As a king, Wu Dalang was quite diligent at first. Every day is "play early if you have something to do, and leave early if you have nothing to do." But after a few days, he found it boring. Officials have to talk about trivial things for a long time. So he said, "You will write down the important contents of things as a souvenir and show them to me." The officials were surprised and said, "What is' writing'? We can't read or write. " Wu Dalang said, "OK, I'll give you a cram school to eliminate illiteracy." So he used his limited knowledge to open an official literacy class and learn to write. But Wu Dalang is a person who buys baked wheat cakes. He only knows a few words, and many words only remember some radicals. When officials study communication abroad, they forget some words, so this forms a "false" word, such as Hiragana and Katakana. This is an important part of island culture. After this reform, Wu Dalang won more support. One day, he found that his subjects had no names. So he said, "This won't do. Everyone has to have a name. Of course, Qian Sun Zhao Li and others can't call you. You can call anyone who lives there. " So there are surnames like Tanaka, Matsushita and Yamaguchi. As for the names, let's rank them by one, two, three and four. But the boss can't be called "Dalang". That's my taboo. I can only be called "Taro". The second child can't be called Jiro, which is a taboo for my brother Song Wu. He can only be called Jiro. You can order the rest, which is fine with me. So this country has such names as "Yamaguchi Taro" and "Jiro Tanaka". 6. When Wu Dalang became king, he was always tired of eating delicacies. He remembered that when he was drifting at sea, he had nothing to eat and had to catch raw fish to eat. Looking back now, the taste is quite good, so let his chef eat fish raw? Wave rice to table tennis court? Rose jiaozi? Heir, then, a team? 4. Yo, Shuntian? Mildew? Not good? -"Sashimi". Wu Dalang also found that locals, like China people, slept in their own beds. He was very angry and thought Pan Jinlian was having an affair with Ximen Qing. Ximen Qing often went to his house, leaving him no place to sleep, so he had to sleep on the ground. Since I have to sleep on the ground as a king, you can only sleep on the ground! In this way, we can not forget to take away the shame of our wife! So he issued a decree according to this meaning. From then on, people in this country can only sleep on a mat, which is called "flat rice". 7. Wu Dalang wants to be king in China, crowding round, colorful flags flying all over the sky. In this country, we don't even have a sign, so it's boring. So he took out the apron selling sesame cakes and asked the servant to wash it. It's still white, so use it as a flag! But there must be signs on the national flag. All the impressions in Wu Dalang's mind are only the baked wheat cakes sold. So he branded a red and round sesame seed cake and stuck it in the middle of the apron, which became the national flag of that island country. 8. Wu Dalang was king for several years and died. Before he died, he was still upset that he couldn't avenge his wife because he couldn't beat Ximen Qing, so he left his last words for future generations to seek revenge from Ximen Qing. Later, his descendants practiced day and night and went to Shaolin Temple to steal a few tricks. In memory of Dalang, the King of Wu, it was named Bushido (later it was spread as Bushido because of the low educational level of kung fu learners and the fake Chinese characters), and because Wu Dalang gained the world from scratch, these kung fu moves were also called karate.
A, b and c are on the same plane. At this time, the fuselage of the plane is too heavy and needs to be thrown down. A threw a knife, B threw a bag of rice and C threw a Grenade. After the plane landed, the three of them split up to look for what was thrown. A walked and saw a child crying and asked, "Why are you crying?" The child said, "A knife just fell from the sky and stabbed my puppy to death." B was walking when he saw a child laughing and asked, "What are you laughing at?" The child said, "God may see that my family is poor. Send a bag of rice to my family." C walked and saw a child laughing and asked, "What are you laughing at?" The child said, "My father and I are walking. My father just farted, and then bang. The bridge not far from here exploded. "