1 The new diva sang rock and roll at the top of her lungs in the dormitory: "I want to change, I want to make a big change ..." The bookworm who was reading a book suddenly looked up and asked in surprise, "Isn't the toilet empty?"
2 The male and female bathhouses in the school share the same door, so students of the opposite sex often meet, which is quite embarrassing. One day, the bookworm walked to the door, and happened to meet a school girl who came out in a slouching way. The bookworm couldn't dodge to say hello and said, "Are there many people inside?"
3 once I had dinner with my friends in a restaurant. We sat there waiting for the waiter to serve us dinner. After a while, a beggar brought a bowl to my friend's back and touched him gently, imagining that he wanted money. My friend was chatting with me and thought it was the waiter who brought the meal, so he didn't look back and took the rice bowl in the beggar's hand and put it in front. We were all stunned at that time, and the beggar wanted to cry even more (even if he was killed, he would never have thought that someone would rob him of his job) ~ ~ < P > When I was in college, a buddy of mine met a beautiful woman on campus, and it was love at first sight, and every day he was emotional. One day at noon, when I went out to eat with him, the beautiful woman was passing by. My buddy immediately pulled me close behind and saw the beautiful woman enter a noodle restaurant, so we also sat in. I advised my buddy: "It's a senior, so hurry up ~" So he got up the courage, stepped forward, blushed and asked: "What's your name, classmate?" The beautiful woman looked at my buddy blankly: "My name is beef noodles." Dude was stupid at that time, and I laughed next to him!
5 Tong Tong asked his mother, "Why do you call Mr. Jiang an ancestor?" Mother said, "Because' ancestors' are the names of the dead."
Tong Tong said, "Are those dead grandmothers called' fresh milk'?"
6 A brother in the dormitory suddenly sat up at 4 a.m. and shouted, "Get up, you're late for class!" Then immediately two people got up and got dressed. I was playing pc at that time.
7 One night after eating my most hated bitter gourd, she said, "XXX (my mother's name), make me some bitter gourd, and you die ..." At that time, she probably yelled loudly, and my mother who slept in another cabinet heard it. The next morning, she angrily interrogated me ... and gave me a crazy meal ... which can be said to be hanging ... Drive! Drive! Drive! Drive! Drive! Drive! Drive! Drive! Drive! Drive! ! ! ! !
9 A classmate likes to smoke while defecating. He just came out of the toilet and said to us loudly, "Ah ~ ~ It's so cool to smoke and shit." The first sentence before going back to the dormitory
11 always asked, "Did anyone call me ...
11 once, he bickered with my roommate, but he said he couldn't beat me and scolded me." The whole dormitory laughed wildly after 1 seconds of silence!
12 when I was a child, I ate something bad once, and the next day I wrote a sick note to my teacher: "Teacher, I ate something bad yesterday, and my stomach was upset. I got up in the morning and vomited. . 。” Cold ah, I don't know what the teacher thinks.
13 Once I had dinner with my cousin at home, I accidentally poured soup, and all the tissue paper was used up. My cousin shouted, "Hurry up, hurry up, get the toilet paper.
14 My deskmate's things fell to the ground, so I bent down to pick them up and stepped on them with my feet, only to be furious when I stepped on his hand:" Dare to step on my foot? ！”
15 when I was in high school, the classroom discipline was chaotic. In a rage, the teacher picked up XXX and said, XXX, stand on the wall for me! ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ The whole class was suddenly cold ~ ~ < P > 16 Once a foreign teacher showed Mandarin in a big classroom. I wanted to give him a face and praise him for his standard Mandarin, but it became your standard. It was so common and cold that everyone laughed at me.
17 and MM were in front of the stall selling soybean milk fried dough sticks, and I shouted, "Boss, I want a bean paste." MM burst into laughter.
18 Even the Chinese teacher in high school said in class, "You are the result of a dead cat meeting a blind mouse. . . Full of laughter!
19 When I was in the third grade of primary school, a classmate invited us to dinner on my birthday night. When I got home, I said to my mother, "Mom, my classmate invited me to dinner today! "
21 There were so many people in the restaurant that I shouted: Boss, please have a pepper without seasoning. . . . The waiter also repeated loudly: 11 table, add a pepper without seasoning! ! ! . . .
21 Me: That's our physics teacher. . .
classmate: what do you teach?
me: chemistry. . .
22 Before my mother went out to play mahjong, she said to me, "You put all your clothes in the refrigerator and pick up all the dishes in the washing machine. ~ ~ ~ ~
23 One day my mother went out to buy things! Suddenly I saw a crow croaking in the sky! Then a sentence popped out of her mouth: "Oh, this frog flies so low! I'm dizzy.
24 I always make such mistakes ... because I talk too much.
Once I read a text in junior high school, XX wandered in the corridor, and I read XX as slutty in the corridor ... The teacher turned red in the face.
When I was in high school, I went out with my classmates. There was a China Everbright Bank next to the school, which just opened, so there was still a red cloth hanging on the sign ... but the cloth was hung on the Chinese character and blocked the word ... I read it as "China Everbright Bank" ... My classmates laughed wildly, and I couldn't hold my head for several years!
25 A person in our dormitory had to pee after drinking too much, and then brought out a cold sentence: If you drink too much, there will be a lot of wine ..
26 Once I listened to the radio, what kind of shopping guide hotline was it. When someone called in, the host asked him, "What's your name?" "
He replied," Don't take your name! ~ ~ ~ ~ "
27 buy oranges, boss: one yuan and 51 Jin. Me: It's too expensive, five yuan and three Jin. Boss: no, no.
28 to a quick-witted grandmother: The other day, when you were sitting on the bus, the driver of 252 braked suddenly, and your center of gravity was unstable, you rushed out and asked the driver, "What can I do for you?"
29 to dear students: Although I am really busy, instructor, when you see me in the toilet, please don't say to me, "Instructor, you have to go to the toilet yourself when you are so busy!"
It was very hot for p>31 days, but the school was blacked out. From day to night, our girls' dormitory was quiet, and everyone was enjoying the cool on the balcony, but the boys' dormitory was very lively. After a commotion, the boys seemed to have reached some kind of knowledge, only to hear organized cries from the opposite corridor: "Call, call, we want to call!" About 11 minutes later, the school actually called, and there was a cheer from the opposite side, and the dormitory area tended to be calm. < P > Until the lights-out time at 11 pm, the boys began to shout neatly: "Delay, delay, we have to delay!" The school, which has always been harsh, actually agreed to this group of people's unreasonable demands, and extended the call time for the first time.
Just as we were preparing for a rest, something happened that I will never forget. Perhaps the boys were too excited because their two usually impossible requests were actually realized by the school, so a more organized and magnificent voice came from the boys' dormitory opposite .............:
"Woman ....... ! !"
31 tigers don't send cats. You think I'm dying!
32 My friend asked me about the computer configuration, and I said that the monitor is a color screen. (I originally wanted to say LCD)
33' s high school classmate (a boy) walked into the noodle restaurant and it was cool to throw his hair away: "Boss, no rice noodles with onions!" After that, I added: "More rice noodles!" Boss: ". . . . Do you want rice noodles or scallions?
34. Once my classmate's mother called me.
I used to say "he's not here", but this time I wanted to say "he's gone out"
The result was: "he's gone ..."
35. In high school, everyone was given a badge. . Before a check-up, the class teacher ran to the classroom and shouted, put on your bras and come to Zara. . The audience was silent. . .
36. Once my uncle saw my sister-in-law wearing a big treasure, and suddenly shouted, "You have such good skin, why do you still use a soothing treasure?"
37. A high school classmate of a classmate in my dormitory called. He said who he was looking for, but I said I wasn't there, and then he said thank you.
38. Before, someone else came to my aunt's house and just entered the door. It happened that my aunt had to go to the bathroom. She quickly greeted the guests and said, "Sit down, sit down, I'll go to the toilet and pour you some tea!" "
39, our unit has a car to pick up and drop off at work in the morning, because the car is not big. Once, a male colleague sitting next to me stood up and warmly greeted her and said, "So-and-so, please sit on my ass!" " I laughed until I got off the bus ~!
41. When I was in college, a classmate argued with me, and I was at a disadvantage for a while. In a hurry, I got up and shouted: You are talking nonsense, I'm not stupid!
41. A buddy of mine went on a blind date. When he came back, everyone asked him how he was. The buddy said: This girl is really rough. At noon, two people went into a beef noodle restaurant. The girl said loudly to the master: Hey, pull two bowls for Lamian Noodles's master and say: Do you want to eat? I'll pull if I eat.
42. When I was a child, popsicles and ice cream were usually sold by pushing bicycles. Once, I heard an aunt shouting in the house: The new ice cream is hot. (It is estimated that Auntie used to sell fried dough sticks.)
43 Once, the leaders of the Education Bureau inspected the recess exercise. After the end, the PE teacher should have announced the "dissolution", but in a hurry, she forgot her words and held back for a long time, shouting, "Retreat!"
44. When I was in college, I went to Hengshan Mountain to play. At that time, I was halfway up the mountain. When I was tired, I just wanted to have a rest, I saw a souvenir-buying Obasan on the roadside. I went up and asked, "Wife ..."
45. When I was studying by myself, everyone was watching the review. GG said to MM, "I just recited the words, so help me write them down." MM doesn't want to be silent, GG asks her, you (touch) me, (touch) me! ! As a result, MM couldn't stand it, shouting, Teacher, you see I don't want to (touch) him, but he insisted that I (touch) him ~ ~! ! !
46. One day, I went to my classmate's house for dinner and drank some wine. Her father suddenly came in. He wanted to call uncle, but he made a mistake and said, "Dad, come and sit down!" " ~ ~ cold! A large group of students laughed to death
47. My colleague argued with others and opened his mouth in a hurry. "Do you think I grew up eating?" I've always wondered what he grew up eating. "
48. In primary school, a very annoying boy asked me to borrow an eraser. If I didn't borrow it, he would pester me and beat me. After that, I shouted with all my strength," I won't marry (lend) you. "At that time, my classmates immediately calmed down.
49. Once in ktv, I ordered songs, and one mm shouted: Give me a song of "Double Jielun" with a stick cut every week ...
51. I spit on your face!
51 I went to work this morning to catch the bus. When I got to the platform, the bus had already started. So I had to chase and shout:
"Master, wait for me! Master, wait for me! "
At this moment, a passenger leaned out of the window and said to me, "Wukong, don't chase."
52 A customer angrily ran into the tailor's shop.
Pointing to the fashion designed by the shopkeeper for him, he said, "I was standing at the corner of the street yawning, and two people put letters in my mouth!"
53 A primary school student was very nervous when he participated in the school recitation competition for the first time. The teacher encouraged him for a long time, but his palms still sweated. It's finally her turn. Pupils gritted their teeth and walked a few steps to the center of the stage: teachers and classmates, the topic I recited was: Red leaves are crazy (maple leaves are red)
54 I was still a pupil, and I was particularly envious when I saw the students who were asked by the teacher to read the composition, and I always hoped that the teacher would let me read it once. The opportunity has finally come.
XXX, read your composition to everyone!
Pupils suddenly stood up: My Teacher. Teacher, I am much like your mother ......
55 This time, I am an unskilled host of a song and dance troupe.
a performance, and I hurried on stage without proper preparation. The performances are performed in turn. It's her turn to announce the curtain: audience friends, let's listen to the Duzi flute ...
56 My family often plants green onions in pots in winter to keep them fresh and tender. My sister saw it when she came home for the New Year, and said to my mother with joy: Hey! Mom, that's rude ... My mom and I both laughed.
57 There is a neighbor named Aunt who goes to work by bike every day. Early in the morning, I met her at the door. I smiled and said politely: Grandmother, big class ... Bah! ..... I wanted to bite my tongue off.
58 jane doe, a classmate, looked at her shadow and felt sorry for herself one day, and suddenly turned to the person behind her and said, Is my chest hair beautiful? Startled, he said, Oh, I want to ask if my eyebrows are fierce.
59 When I was a primary school student, I made a resolution at the general meeting of the whole school: We should learn from the revolutionary spirit of the Red Army, and be deprived of the right to political speech for life!
When I was p>61 years old, my dad told me that there was a text about Liu Hulan in the Chinese book. When Liu Hulan voluntarily admitted to the Japanese that she was * * * to save the lives of the whole village, an old man came forward to save her. The line was: Xiaoxiangzi, are you crazy? ! But in the era of * * *, a poor rural child read aloud: Little madman, are you fragrant?
in high school, the teacher asked my deskmate to read the text. This girl has always been famous for her vivid reading, and she also read aloud with her textbook in her arms that day:
...................................................................................................................... Play the national flag and raise the national anthem ...
63 I take my son to feed the ducks. He chased the ducks around while spreading bread crumbs, and I chased him with his apple (he didn't like it, so I had to wait for a few bites when he was distracted). He kept running, and I kept calling him: Come and eat an apple and chase the duck! Always repeating this sentence, I finally shouted out: Come and have a bite of duck ..... and then cleverly put the brakes on.
64 I remember that when I was in primary school, there was a text called Waterfall. In the middle, it was said that the author turned a mountain and saw a waterfall hanging in the mountain. When one of my female classmates read aloud, she also said with emotion: After turning this mountain, I was shocked, and a rag hung on the mountain. . . The whole class was stunned.
65 There is also a sentence in a text taken from a Russian writer's novel: All the houses here belong to the lords (referring to the rich).
As a result, one of my male classmates read aloud: All the houses here belong to old men. As soon as the voice fell, our Chinese teacher asked him doubtfully: Where do the old ladies live?
66 The most classic thing is that I once watched Dou Wen Tao talk about his embarrassing incident when he first became a host, and he never said that the opening ceremony was a curtain call ... What made me squirt most was that he once hosted a TV show.