First of all, an enviable home
I have an enviable family of three, my husband has his own company, and my youngest son is lively and lovely. On weekdays, my husband is busy with work. I work during the day and take care of my family and children at night. I support my husband wholeheartedly and care about my family. At that time, our husband and wife were very loving, even examples of good couples praised by friends.
Second, there are cracks.
However, a year ago, there was a rift in our relationship.
At that time, I found that my husband came back later and later, at least after twelve o'clock, and didn't come back until two or three in the middle of the night, which was even more common.
I was drunk all day and threw up all over the floor, worried that he would drive home after drinking.
Not only that, he came home drunk and started hitting people. Once or twice, I put up with it silently, feeling that his work pressure was too great and his temper became bad, which was understandable.
But by chance, I received a phone call from a strange woman late at night. As soon as the other party heard that I answered the phone, they hung up immediately.
All kinds of different signs make me feel more and more wrong. After that, I finally found out that there was a third party in our marriage.
My life suddenly changed when I learned that he had emotional problems. Every day, I feel that I have a hard time. I had to wait until he got home before going to bed, which exhausted me. Depression doesn't count, but in exchange, he is as cold as ice and quarrels again and again.
Third, learn traditional culture.
I'm at a loss. When I didn't know how to go on in my life, I got an unexpected opportunity to study in Lujiang Cultural Education Center and attended a lecture on a happy life. During the days in the center, I spent in laughter and tears, listening to the carefully arranged courses of teachers, and every word seemed to be said to me.
One of the lessons impressed me the most-Teacher Cai's Home and Everything. At that time, I understood a truth: "The harmony between young couples is related to the happiness of the elderly in their later years, to the life growth of our young children, and to the stability and unity of the country and society." This is a very important matter. On the way back from Lujiang, I always told myself in my heart that to be worthy of the teacher's teaching these days, I must apply it to my life.
Fourth, practice
After returning home, I listened to the teacher's teaching that "the most important thing for a woman in this life is to teach her husband and children well", and immediately made up my mind to quit that well-paid and trusted job and return to my family. After I quit my job and went home, I was still faced with that cold face and a long night's wait, but at this time, I always mentioned a teacher's teaching: "Look only at each other's advantages, not at each other's shortcomings." I made up my mind to be a wife. But just when I was full of confidence and wanted to work hard, an unfortunate thing happened.
Verb (short for verb) family conflict
Late one night, he came home drunk and began to lose his temper again. Suddenly, a slap came and my whole head buzzed. For the first time in my life, I realized what it was like to see stars. Half of the face suddenly became numb and one ear lost its voice. When he saw it, he was frightened and took me to the hospital.
After examination-"tear and perforation of eardrum". The doctor didn't ask me the cause, but just said, "You don't have to ask. It was caused by a beating injury. Need to issue a medical report, take my medical report, and report to the public security organ now? This has constituted a criminal offence, and the public security organ can immediately arrest the person who hurt you. Do you need it? 」
Just then, suddenly a voice echoed in my heart: "Take care of your family and don't go to court!" " "I shook my head at the doctor, but tears suddenly flowed down.
When the doctor saw me like this, he quickly comforted me, but he firmly said to me, "You don't have to report it, but you must be hospitalized immediately." 」
When the doctor told me that I needed surgery, my first reaction was that if I was hospitalized for surgery, my parents would definitely know. They love me so much, I can imagine how sad and painful they will be when they know. And mom and dad are so big, where can they stand such a blow? As a junior, you have to worry about your elders. No, I can't let my parents know.
So, I shook my head at the doctor again. "No surgery, only conservative treatment." 」
The doctor looked at me regretfully and said, "You are still young. Do you know the consequences of this? 」
Sixth, the feeling of pain.
When I got home, I only took care of my husband and kept myself in my room for a few days without eating, drinking, crying, laughing or talking. I can't figure it out. Husband and wife are interrelated. How can he be so cruel? Is it my tolerance again and again that makes him feel that I am weak? Going home late at night again and again, I don't make noise, I don't make trouble with him, and I indulge him and let him have an affair outside? ……
I am like a moth trapped in a cocoon, struggling and suffering, unable to find the answer.
I often hear the old man say "mother and child are connected to each other". In those days, although I didn't tell my parents that I was ill, my mother seemed to have a feeling that something must have happened to me and asked my father to visit me.
In order not to let my parents know, when I was in front of my father, I pretended to smile and talk with him, and asked him to tell his mother that I just had a little cold. I will visit my parents in a few days and let my father go home safely.
Looking at the back of my father's departure, when I was alone at home, I couldn't help it any longer. I was in tears.
Seven, find a way to
Think about parents, think about children, tears fall down again and again. In my most painful time, I remembered some materials brought back from Lujiang Cultural Center, including Justice and Morality and Cai's Lecture on Happy Life. I want to find the answer to this matter from the teacher's course.
So, in the next few days, day and night, I watched it again and again, I don't know how many times.
Finally, I found the answer. I must listen to the teacher. I can't divorce for the sake of filial piety to my parents and the future of my children. I want to help him change these bad habits.
Everything should be about methods. How can we handle this matter?
Eight, miracles.
When he wanted to communicate with me about it, I told him, "I won't sayno." Look at teacher Yang's course "Fu Yi Fu" first, and then we'll talk about it. 」
After reading it, he told me that he seemed to have all the faults of being a husband as the teacher said. He never knows what a husband is and how to play a husband and a father and son. No one has taught him this. Now I know that as a man, I have a heavy burden to shoulder, that is, I want to repay my parents' kindness in the world and set a good example for my children. Emotional problems will do great harm to my family and wife. The bad habit of drinking will lead to today's result.
When he begged me to forgive him, I told him with tears: "I am both parents and a young son." I won't divorce you. I believe you will get better. " 」
Maybe it's a blessing from God. When I came to the hospital for a second check-up, the doctor found a miracle. My ear was cured without surgery. The doctor sighed: "Unexpectedly, this is impossible!" 」
Although the beating incident has just passed, his emotional problems still need to be solved slowly.
Nine, save the fate of the family
What should I do? Next, I will put my teacher's teaching into practice.
I took out four rulers taught by Mr. Yang's course to evaluate myself, that is, the four virtues of women: "female virtue, female speech, female appearance and female merit." No matter how Mr. Wang does, do yourself well first.
Let's start with "women's words", try to be gentle, and pay more attention and thanks.
At first he refused, saying that you were all hypocritical. I think "if you don't do what you want to do, do what you want to do." If you say it's not good, I'll change it. I will try to "talk more and talk less" and care more about him with my actions. For example, it's late at night and my husband hasn't come home yet. I'll settle my mind first, and I won't call him casually or think about it. Use this time to clean the house and put things in order. When he entered the room, I greeted him with a smile, helped him put down his bag, brought him a cup of hot tea, and then brought him a basin of warm foot washing water to help him massage.
I remember one time, he came home very late. I was worried that he and his customers didn't have enough to eat, so I prepared a bowl of noodle soup for him and sent him a short message: "It's late at night, you have worked hard outside, so I prepared a bowl of noodles for you. I hope you can eat it while it is hot. Not long after I sent this message, he actually went home.
I was surprised and asked him, "How did you come back so soon?"? He said, "After reading the message you sent me, I know there is someone waiting for me at home late at night. I think I have to hurry home! " 」
I am very glad to see him eating noodles while they are hot. In him, I deeply realized that "adults are more willing to accept your actual actions than your words." 」
Ten, began to approach happiness.
Next is "Fugong", because my husband has been eating out for many years, suffering from hyperlipidemia, heart disease and constipation. I decided to study Mr. Zhou Yongshan's class "Healthy Eating in the New Century" and carefully prepare his diet according to his lecture.
At first, he seldom had a chance to come back for dinner. He often prepares a table of food. If he doesn't come back, there will be enough left for my son and me to eat for a few days. So what should we do? I can't eat dinner, so I work hard for him at breakfast. They say breakfast should be like an emperor. I cooked breakfast for him in different ways, and according to his physical condition, I specially designed "nutritious fresh squeezed juice for breakfast" for him.
Through my fruit juice therapy, his blood lipid began to drop, the number of dizziness decreased obviously, his bowel movements were smooth, and his originally purple-black lips gradually became ruddy. Seeing the effect, he also changed from "being forced" to "actively" asking for juice. In this way, through continuous efforts, Mr. Wang's time to go home is constantly advanced, from one or two in the middle of the night to eleven or two later, before the children go to bed, and then he can go home for dinner and play with them.
Eleven, sincere eyes
Once, he went home early, and when he got home, he pulled me to the sofa and sat down. He said, "I've been telling you something these days. I can't help it today. I sincerely apologize for hurting you last time. " I hurt you, but you can still take care of me so carefully during this time. I'm really ashamed. I sincerely ask your forgiveness. From now on, I will never hurt you, never get in touch with people outside, and never get drunk. At this time, I read "sincerity" from his eyes, and tears filled my eyes.
Since he said these words, he has really changed his words and deeds as he said. He drinks later and later and goes home earlier and earlier. Life is really like what the teacher taught us, "Everyone is responsible for turning things upside down; Everyone blames himself, the sky is high and the clouds are light, and the ground is flat. "When I tried to implement the teacher's words, I suddenly found that as long as I am willing to find my own shortcomings, I will find many problems and mistakes of my own. On the contrary, it seems that the other party has no shortcomings, and my life suddenly becomes happy.
Twelve. repeat
Is everyone happy for me about this? You may think that your story may end here. But not yet. It should be noted that when a couple has emotional problems, there may be repeated phenomena. The thing is, we spent a few months peacefully and happily because of Mr. Wang's sincere repentance last time. But not long after, I found that he had emotional entanglements again, deviated from his family, and I fell into an emotional trough again.
So at this time, I began to question my previous efforts and whether the teacher's teaching was ineffective for people like my husband. I complained in my heart: "I am so good to him, but he is still betraying me and has no conscience. I must divorce him this time. " 」
At that time, I was very unbalanced, just like I wanted to compete with the teacher instead of watching the teacher's course. I thought to myself, I must go to see the teacher's course after my divorce, otherwise my confidence in divorce will be shaken and I will be persuaded by the teacher's words.
Say to yourself over and over again, don't look, don't look, just don't look, hold on. But in the end, reason prevailed over emotion. Once again, I took out the "Happy Life Lecture" and "The Virtue of Loyalty and Righteousness" by Teacher Cai and Teacher Yang, and read them. After reading it, my heart calmed down a lot. Listen, I suddenly understand a truth. Whether he does it right or not, I must do it well and do my duty as a wife. I want to believe that "the beginning of life is good", and I will definitely touch him.
Thirteen, influenced by love
So, when my mood calmed down, my behavior began to calm down. I didn't make a fuss, just took care of him quietly, squeezed fresh juice for him every morning, went home late at night to prepare fragrant tea, washed my feet after entering the door and helped him massage. I think I'm still a mortal. When I do these things quietly, my appearance is calm, but my heart is bleeding. Outsiders seldom talk about laughing at me, because I really can't laugh. I am doing this silently, thinking about how I can help the prodigal son turn back. I think I have to wait for a good time.
Life was quiet, and he finally couldn't help it. He lost his temper and asked me how I became like this these days. I thought this was my chance, so I asked him if he had betrayed his family again. At first, my face was full of surprise, and then I answered with a lie. When I produced the evidence, he looked frightened, denied it in every way, and even immediately turned against me and said that it was all because I wanted to have an affair.
At that moment, I almost lost all hope, but I still didn't do well when I thought of what Teacher Cai told us: "What I can't do is what I want to do". So I said to him, "I know what you told me is a lie, but no matter how you cheat me or hurt me, I will forgive you." Because in my heart, you are me and I am you. We are husband and wife, and I have regarded you as one of my internal organs. Actually, I knew you had emotional problems again. I have been asking myself in my heart, what should I do if my stomach is uncomfortable? Will I cut it off because it makes me miserable? One of my hands and one of my feet are ill. Will I chop them off with a knife? No, of course not. I will take care of it more carefully, give it medicine, pay attention to it every day and look forward to its early recovery. I regard you as my stomach, my hands and feet. When you have a problem, I will only treat you as a part of me and treat you as sick. I should give you more love and care. If I get emotional because of you, it's like cutting off my hands and feet, will I be happy? No, absolutely not! That will bring me more pain and inconvenience. I firmly believe that you will get better, I will never abandon you, and we will never be apart. Finally, please forgive my silence some time ago, because I am mortal after all. When I take care of you silently, my heart is bleeding. I really can't laugh! 」
When I finished writing this passage, my husband was in tears. For the first time in my life, I saw a man crying so hard. He suddenly took me into his arms and said emotionally, "Don't worry, I only love two people in my life, one is you and the other is our child." This seems to confirm an old saying, "Men don't flick when they have tears, but they don't feel sad"!
Fourteen I wish you happiness.
Since then, my husband has really changed. He often goes home early and stays at home on weekends. Asked why he didn't go out, he said, "It's boring outside, so it's better to stay at home. He also studies hard to clean the room and cooks for me and my children from time to time. In the evening, whenever I have time, I will take my children out for a walk. Once, I even called a basin of foot washing water and put it in front of me and said, "You work hard enough every day. I should also get you a basin of water. At this time, my heart felt extremely moved and happy!
XV. Understanding after experience
Many people say that I want my lover to "love" me wholeheartedly, so we ask ourselves, do we face our lover with such a heart? If you want to win each other's love, you must first sow the seeds of love in your lover's heart. What kind of seed is this? Is an inclusive, selfless, compassionate, unrequited seed. Love is to feel with your heart and make the person you love feel warm. I hope this seed of love can take root and sprout in everyone's heart, blossom and bear fruit.
Here, I also want to thank my two aunts-Aunt Huang and Aunt Zhang. The two elders helped me selflessly, accompanied me in my most difficult time and comforted me. Whenever I encounter difficulties, whether it is late at night or bad weather, and whether I have time or not, as long as I call, they will accompany me and help me solve the problem. And most importantly, they can always wake me up with Disciples' Rules and the words of ancient sages and sages, and push me forward a little bit and stick to it. So through this incident, I am deeply grateful to be able to learn Disciples' Rules and get to know these kind and selfless people.
Here, I summed up a sentence: No matter what difficulties and problems we encounter in life, as long as we are willing to listen to the teacher's teaching, we will certainly find a satisfactory answer. I believe that if we can put the teachings of teachers and ancient sages into practice, our life will be better and better.
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Today, telling my story to teachers, in my heart, is really like knocking over a five-flavor bottle, ups and downs. But now, it is sweeter. Just because I listened to the teacher's words, I saved the family that was about to break, and now I live a happy and warm life. Today, I get up the courage to tell my story, hoping to help my wives who have similar experiences through my personal experience. Because I know that there are many lights that can't be extinguished in the middle of the night. It is the wife's heart that misses her husband. I can feel that pain. But here, I have a request, please hide my name, because I don't want to hurt my husband, thank you!
This story comes from the website of the Disciples' Guild, a story about the return of a family on the verge of marriage breakdown. If you do something wrong, you must do it right first, regardless of whether the other party does it right or not. Don't divorce for the happiness of both elderly people in their later years and for the future life of their children! Human nature is good, and people teach well. Give each other a chance and give yourself a chance. I wish you an early happiness!