A colleague who just graduated from college talked to me and said: "Due to the impact of the epidemic, there have been a lot less red envelope bombs recently. But we can't take it lightly. We have to save some money for the explosive weddings in the second half of the year to avoid losing money." "I still remember that not long after she joined the company, she asked me whether a wedding ceremony for an unfamiliar colleague was necessary. In fact, this problem has always troubled me. It's been 10 years since I graduated, but I don't have any good ideas about gifts. I knew I couldn't take back a large part of the gift money before I went with it, but I had to go with it out of favor.

This kind of red envelope bomb is not limited to colleagues, but also happens among relatives and friends, and some people are keen on hosting banquets for various events. Sometimes you can’t get people, but the money must come.

The reasons for holding banquets are all kinds of strange. One day I moved to a new house, another time my uncle-in-law got married, and another time my child had a full-moon reception. In my mother's words: "It's just a sow giving birth to a pig and a lamb without a treat."

Maybe some people really want to celebrate, but some people really just want money.

In the past, if you didn’t want to follow the courtesy, you might as well hide it. If you can’t get in touch, you don’t have to follow the greeting. But now, mobile phone WeChat, Alipay transfers and various methods of receiving gifts are used. Even if you hide in the cracks of the ground, you can still be found.

01 The wedding will be held this week and the resignation will be held next week.

The first company I just graduated from, during the two years I worked there, I must have received six or seven gifts. At that time, wages were low, and apart from paying rent and eating, there was very little left. Just when we are worried about living expenses. I still have to wait in fear, and from time to time a red envelope bomb will fly from the sky. For some of them, I may have only spoken to them a few times, and I couldn’t even call them by their names, but I was helpless because I was too embarrassed not to go after being given an invitation.

My colleague Xiao Li joined the company at the same time as me. Although we were at the same time, we were occasionally assigned to a group in different departments, that is, during the company's centralized training, and we talked several times. About a year after joining the company, one day she was moving a cardboard box, which seemed quite heavy. I walked over and helped her move it together.

Ask her: "What's in the box? It's so heavy?"

"The invitation, I'm getting married next month."

" How many are there?”

“All colleagues in the company should receive one.”

I put the box on the desk with her and handed it over. I have an invitation. Of course, I couldn't avoid meeting her in the afternoon. She was handing out invitations to tables one by one. Just after she walked out, her colleagues started talking, saying that I had never seen this person before. Why did she give me an invitation? She was crazy about money. Feeling unhappy, finally on the wedding day, everyone either attended the wedding or asked colleagues to bring the money there.

Later, a colleague who attended the banquet said: "The seats at the banquet were very crowded, and almost as soon as the food was served, it was gone before we even walked around. Later, he was too hungry, and after attending the banquet, he went with several colleagues Let’s meet for a barbecue.”

Although everyone expressed their displeasure when they came back, what they never expected was that the week after the wedding, she came back to work and resigned. From then on, we She was never seen again. At that time, the gift money was about 200 yuan per person. There were 150 people in the company, so the gift money received was almost 30,000 yuan. Later, some colleagues notified her of a wedding. She would say she was abroad, then she wouldn't be able to come, and then she wouldn't answer the phone at all. At least several people I know did not invite this big shot to their weddings.

In a sense, China's "suizizi" are interest-free loans advanced in advance. If they can't even repay the interest-free loan on time, such people have no credibility at all, let alone making friends. .

If you are really not familiar with it or you know it is a gift that cannot be recovered, just find an excuse not to go. A wise person will know that you don’t want to go. If you really can't shirk it, just follow the minimum standard and be casual. This can reduce losses as much as possible. After all, it's not easy for anyone to make money these days.

02 The college entrance examination ended the day before, and a banquet was held immediately the next day.

There used to be a custom in our hometown. When a child was admitted to a key university, the family felt proud of their ancestors and invited the neighbors to a banquet. Later, as people's eagerness to receive gift money intensified, the form seemed to change. In April last year, a sister from afar contacted me on WeChat. Although I haven't seen her for more than ten years, I have forgotten her voice and smile. If it weren't for her straightforward introduction, I wouldn't be able to remember this person. With her reminder, I remembered that shy and unsmiling image.

She said: "Oh, sister, how are you? How is my aunt? I haven't seen you for many years, and I miss you so much. Come back to your hometown to get together when you have time. The children also miss you. "I only met her child once when she was a baby. What surprised me even more was how that introverted, shy and inexpressive person completely changed his appearance.

Later in June, she contacted me again and said: "Sister, my child is going to college.

”

I stupidly and enthusiastically helped her recommend school majors, and then she continued: “We have thought about it, and we will take the exam in the province and not travel so far. "Then he asked, "Do you and my aunt come back when you have time?" We will hold a college entrance banquet on June 10th. ”

“June 10th, sister, you must have remembered it wrongly.” Is it July 10th? "

"How could I remember it wrong? It was the day after the exam. "

"At that time, the scores were not estimated, and the volunteers were not applied yet? "I secretly thought about how to hold a banquet for college entrance examinations if I don't know whether I passed the exam or not.

"It's like this in my hometown now. As soon as I pass the exam, I have a banquet. ”

Later I asked my mother, and she also said that this was the case. She had started doing this many years ago. After deciding whether to go to school or not, she said that money for banquets and gifts was important.

I Mom has been living with us for five or six years, and we always receive news about hosting banquets. None of my children have weddings in my hometown, let alone birthday banquets. But they don’t care whether they owe you or not. Gifts and money must be given to everyone, and even us children must be notified. Later, I advised my mother to stop with gifts. Normally, relatives are not contacted throughout the year, and when there is a banquet, we go separately. If you want to love you, this kind of relative is enough. You are also old and you are still frugal. With my strong supervision, my mother has less money for gifts.

But since last year, contact with relatives has stopped abruptly. At first, my mother asked me in confusion: "Why do I feel that my relatives don't contact me much? Have I offended them?" ”

I promptly answered my mother’s worries and said, “Because your daughter has given birth to a baby, who still dares to contact you and take the initiative to give gifts?” "

My mother said sadly: "This is too sophisticated. ”

I broke off the relationship with some of my relatives invisibly, and my mother also figured out that from now on, if we are no longer close relatives, and we don’t have much contact with each other, we will definitely not be polite. If anyone contacts me again, just tell me that my daughter’s family has also moved. When it comes to a new house, or birthdays, etc., I usually just give up. For my sister who I haven’t had contact with for many years, I just turn a blind eye.

The higher the debt of favor, some simply pretend that the person does not exist, accept the gift money to blackmail the other party, and do not show up even after being notified. How many people have conflicts because of the gift money?

My husband and I didn’t have a wedding, and of course we didn’t take any money from them, but we didn’t lose an invitation just because we confiscated their money. At first, we paid for each wedding and everyone was present. Later, we felt that this was not only a waste of money, but also a waste of time, so we simply gave the red envelopes to each other, or simply pretended that our weekend did not exist. As for being occupied, I also save a lot of money. Of course, there are many colleagues at work who never want to be in debt. Just a few years ago, a colleague held a wedding and invited her husband to go. We only paid a few hundred yuan in gift money at that time. When the banquet was about to end, the groom called my husband aside and asked my husband to take the four-piece suit he had prepared in advance and said, "Look. You don’t have a wedding either, so we can’t just take your money. "It made us feel guilty for a long time. Finally, when they gave birth to a baby, we sent the prepared gifts and red envelopes together. Although we have resigned, this friend has always been in contact with us.

Sharing money is not a test of favor. The only criterion is that one can see a person's character.

A true friend knows how to reciprocate, rather than being like a wolf who can only get in and out.

My mother often laments that they are. When I was young, people didn't give any gifts. They gave me daily necessities, such as thermos bottles, sheets and quilts. I felt that people had deep feelings and would take the initiative to help anyone who had something big or small. It's better now, the money for gifts is getting more and more, but the favor is getting thinner and thinner. If we don't contact each other, we will need money.

This epidemic has made it impossible for many families to hold various banquets. Can we let the banquet fade away? If we really want to do it, just have a meal with a few close relatives and give some thoughtful gifts. If we eliminate the share money from now on, it will be a good choice for most people. It must be a good deal, because when you hold a banquet, a large part of the money goes to the hotel, but how much of it actually comes to you? And after all, most people want to repay the gift, and the amount of the gift is usually high. Doesn't this also increase the burden on the amount the other party gives you?

About the author of the article: Ran Li, use words to record life, and hope you and I will make progress.