① Nowadays, primary school Chinese is too difficult. Look at one of their homework questions:
Requirement: Connect the following four sentences with related words:
1. Zhang Haidi My sister is paralyzed;
2. Sister Zhang Haidi studies tenaciously;
3. Sister Zhang Haidi has learned many foreign languages;
4. Sister Zhang Haidi has learned acupuncture (Note: The correct answer should be: Although sister Zhang Haidi was paralyzed, she studied tenaciously and not only learned many foreign languages, but also learned acupuncture.)
As a result, one child wrote: Although sister Zhang Haidi She tenaciously learned acupuncture and many foreign languages, but she was still paralyzed.
Later, I discovered that the more powerful child wrote:
Sister Zhang Haidi not only learned foreign languages, but also acupuncture. She studied so tenaciously that she finally became paralyzed.
The reason why sister Zhang Haidi was paralyzed was because she studied tenaciously. Not only did she learn many foreign languages, she even learned acupuncture.
Sister Zhang Haidi studied so tenaciously. Not only did she learn many foreign languages ??and acupuncture, but she also learned to become paralyzed.
Sister Zhang Haidi has learned many foreign languages, learned acupuncture, and is still studying hard to become paralyzed.
Sister Zhang Haidi learned many foreign languages ????and acupuncture through tenacious study, but ended up paralyzing herself by reading a foreign language acupuncture book
②The most powerful history lesson in history This is how it goes~~~
In a history class at a famous university, the professor was asking students from all over the world: "To survive or to perish. Who said this famous saying? "
After being silent for a long time, Furuta stood up and said: "William Shakespeare."
"Very good, who is known as the "Conscience of Europe"?
"Romain Rolland. ”
“Give me freedom or let me die.” Who first said this famous saying?"
"In 1775, Bartrick Henry said it. ”
“Very good, then, who said ‘of the people, by the people, for the people’. ”
“In 1863, Abraham Lincoln said. "
"That's absolutely correct, students. The person who answered the question just now was a Japanese student, but as a student from a European country, he couldn't answer it. It's a pity. "The professor said with emotion.
"Fuck little Japan!" Suddenly someone shouted.
"Who! Who said that!" The professor was so angry that his voice trembled.
"In 1945, President Truman said it. "John stood up.
"What do you think you are doing? "The professor said angrily.
"Madonna said it. "Jack also stood up.
"This is really disgusting and simply lawless. "The professor was shaking with anger.
" In 1991, Bush Sr. said this when he met with the Prime Minister of Japan. "Stephen couldn't sit still.
The class immediately fell into chaos. All the students began to talk about it, and some students began to boo: "Yeah! Really powerful. "
"Clinton said to Lewinsky. "Mary answered expressionlessly.
The whole class fell into chaos. Some students shouted at Furuta: "You piece of shit, if you dare to speak again, I will kill you." ”
“What Gary Condit said to Levi in ??2001. (Note: Levy was a White House intern who was murdered in Washington in 2001. Her ex-boyfriend, Democrat Condit, was resisted arrest as a suspect)
The professor was so angry that he could not speak. After a while, he strode out the door. When he reached the door, he gave everyone a cold look: "I will be back."
"Arnold Schwarzenegger Said." Bob finally interjected.
Gutian spread his hands in grievance: "I didn't do anything bad, why is this happening?"
"Leslie Cheung said it." Li Xiaoli replied with an expression of admiration
< p>All the students gathered in a circle, and Tom was a little dejected: "Damn, we're done.""Hitler said that." Ikhanova answered immediately.
A student said: "We are in big trouble this time."
"In 2002, Arthur Anderson said it." Jane replied.
(Note: Arthur Anderson, Arthur Andersen, one of the five largest accounting firms in the United States, went bankrupt in 2002 due to the Enron scandal)
Wright sighed Tone: "Today will be a very meaningful day."
"Ben.**** said it." Chris was finally proud that he could name a name.
"This is by no means my proudest day." Gutian said ashamedly.
"Tony Blair said it." I don't know who is answering.
At this time, the principal and the professor came in together. His face was ashen and he said almost word for word: "You have to pay for this!"
"Stalin said that.
"The whole class answered in unison
1 Question: If after death you saw Po Meng at Naihe Bridge and gave you Po Meng soup, what would you say?
A: No Let me forget about my relatives, okay?
B: No coriander and green onion, thank you!
2
The teacher asked Xiao Ming: "Is there any way to protect the environment? Stop cutting down trees indiscriminately? ”
Xiao Ming replied: “One less paper will be distributed every day, and there will be no killing if there is no buying and selling.” ”
3
The chef in the cafeteria must have lost his love, because I found that the newly changed menu has a unique scenery:
Ecstasy lotus root slices, heartbroken cucumbers, Fat facelift, remembrance of lentils, sad tofu shreds, innocent Mushu meat
4
I was playing checkers with my 5-year-old daughter when my phone rang. , it was a call from my friend Lao Hou, and he said hello: "Hello, Brother Hou! "I started chatting with him enthusiastically.
At this time, my daughter ran over and stared at me with eyes full of reverence without saying a word.
I chatted with Lao Hou After finishing, he put down the phone and asked his daughter: "What's wrong with you? Why are you looking at me like this?" "
The daughter asked softly: "Dad, how did you and Sun Wukong know each other? ”
5
Why did I put my phone in airplane mode and still broke it after throwing it downstairs?
Answer: Because when the phone was grounded, you didn’t Adjust to landing mode.
6
The captain flattered the new flight attendant: "Ask each other, if you don't know it, give me 5 dollars; if I don't know it, I will give you 100. Dollar. "
The stewardess said: "Okay. ”
The captain asked: “What is the cruising speed of the 747?” ”
The stewardess lost $5.
It was the stewardess’s turn to ask: “What is that thing with 3 eyes, 6 noses, 9 legs and a tail?” "
The captain gave the flight attendant $100.
The captain asked unconvinced: "What is the answer? "
The stewardess gave another $5 to the captain.
7
I was on a date with my boyfriend today. He texted me: "I'll be there in 5 minutes." If not, please read this message again..."
8
A science student cursed: "You are simply the solution of X+2>4! "It took me a long time to figure out that the answer is "two to positive infinity"
On September 9, Xiaozhen's mother saw Xiaozhen's father rummaging through the boxes and cabinets looking for something, and asked Xiao Zhen: "What is your dad looking for?"
Xiao Zhen said doubtfully: "I don't know, maybe he's looking for you, or maybe he's looking for grandma. "
Mom was puzzled.
Xiao Zhen continued: "Because while he was looking for it, he said it was really hard to find grandma. ”
10 IT people all know that it is normal to work overtime every day, stay up late, and there is no possibility of double breaks. One weekend, everyone was busy together all morning. At around 11 o’clock, a colleague suddenly got up and dropped a sentence Then he rushed out. He said: You are busy, I will get married and come back.
11 A young man sat at the door of the Bird's Nest, looking depressed. Come over and ask: “Didn’t you buy tickets for the 30th anniversary of the Rolling Stones today? "The young man took out two tickets. The policeman was surprised and asked him why he didn't go in.
The young man said: "I originally wanted to make an appointment with the girl I had a crush on, so I called her. The girl asked what kind of concert it was, but as soon as I said ‘get out’, my phone died? ”
12. The boss asked me: “Can you come to work this Saturday?” I know you love to have fun on weekends, but we really need you here. ”
“Okay, no problem. But as you know, the public transportation is so bad on weekends, so you might have to arrive a little late. "
"Well, when did you say you could come? "
"Monday. ”
13
The husband asked: What should I do if I have an affair?
The wife smiled sweetly: I am very gentle. Damn it!
The husband said with emotion: You are so kind!
The wife smiled and said: If we can’t be husband and wife, we can still be sisters!
14< /p>
A dating website has a test question: If a poor guy pretends to be a rich man and falls in love with you, how will you react when you find out? 90% of the candidates: resolutely cut off the relationship, honesty is the most important thing. One of the qualities.
A month later, the website asked another question: If a rich man pretends to be a poor man and falls in love with you, how will you react when you find out? 90% of the candidates: Continue to date, me. What he loves is his person, not his money.
15 Xiao Ming’s father beat him twice yesterday. The first time, Xiao Ming was seen by his father holding a test paper with only 20 on it. point.
Then he beat him up. After the beating, Xiao Ming’s father discovered that the paper was from when he was a child, so he beat Xiao Ming severely again...
16 One day, a friend went to the supermarket. On his way home, he encountered a knife-wielding robbery. He calmly looked at the knife in the young man's hand and took out the 42-centimeter-long watermelon knife he just bought from his bag...
A friend said He has never forgotten the young man's expression when he saw the watermelon knife...
17. A classmate wrote in an exam: There is always love in thousands of mountains and rivers, can you give me some points?
The corrector looked at it and replied to him: There is love in the world, and giving 0 points is also love.
A classmate in dormitory 18 went to the toilet and accidentally dropped his phone while playing with it.
Then, he went back and got a pair of chopsticks to pick them out. Just as he was about to take off his chopsticks, a buddy entered the toilet.
Seeing this, the man asked with concern: "Brother, you haven't eaten yet."
19 Question: What is the most self-deceptive thing in the world?
Answer: In the first step of website registration, I have read and agreed to accept the above terms.
20 I remember that during this year’s Lantern Festival, someone posted a picture.
There are six glutinous rice balls in the bowl, which read: wealth, happiness, success, wishful thinking, health, and joy.
It’s a pity that such good things have come to nothing.
22. You were walking on the road.
A female dog pounced on you and bit a piece of meat from your foot.
She swallowed it quickly.
When you stretched your foot to kick it,
the dog said with tears: Go ahead, I already have your flesh and blood in my belly!
23 Yesterday I dreamed about God and said that he could fulfill my wish.
I took out the globe and said I wanted world peace, but he said it was too difficult to replace, so let’s get one.
I took out your photo and said, I want this person to become beautiful. He pondered for a moment and said, "Let me take a look at the globe."
24 On Women's Day, the daughter came home, pulled her father to sit on the sofa, turned on the TV, and then said to her mother: "Mom , today is my and dad’s holiday, you cook!”
Mom was surprised: “Whose holiday is it?”
“It’s my dad’s and my dad’s!” "My daughter announced loudly.
Female 29: "The happiest moment of the day is when you ride a bicycle and take me to the corner of the street to eat braised pork rice after get off work."
Male: "Tell the truth."
Female: "You take me on a bicycle to eat braised pork rice."
Male: "Tell the truth."
Female: "Braised pork rice... …”
30
The company has hired a new group of employees, and there is a test for job placement. There is only one question: 1+1=?
The answer from the Human Resources Department is as follows:
If the answer is equal to 2, you will go to the technical department.
If the answer is greater than 2, you will go to the sales department.
< p>If the answer is less than 2, go to the finance department.If you don’t answer anything, go to the office.
Anyone who says this question is SB will not be admitted.
31
Q: Looking for a costume TV series. The plot is that the male protagonist falls into a cave, eats mushrooms and becomes very powerful in martial arts!
Some people say it is "The Golden Sword and the Eagle Feather", and some people say it is "The Legend of the Condor Heroes".
The last person answered: Super Mario!
32
For physical examination in the morning, blood needs to be drawn.
The nurse who gave me the first injection said I was too fat and couldn’t find the blood vessels.
The nurse who gave the second injection said that my skin was too thick and the injection could not be penetrated.
The nurse who gave the third injection said that the first two nurses were new.
33
When my brother was two years old, I was eight years old. Play games with him at home.
I said: "Let's play the game of picking mushrooms. I will dress up as a mushroom and you will pick it." My brother happily agreed.
So I put on a quilt and wrapped myself into a big mushroom. My younger brother came over and stamped on my head.
34
When the college entrance examination results came out, the teacher took a deep breath and said to me: "Actually, not passing the exam is a blessing to you and the university."
40 My classmate and her friend went to eat pizza. When my classmate was paying,
As soon as the money was given to the waiter, a boy suddenly called me to come, come to me,
Then he snatched the 100 yuan from the waiter,
put it into his wallet, and then took out 100 yuan from his wallet to pay the bill.
The whole action was amazing One smooth move, leaving a row of girls behind petrified.
On the day of 40, three people were sent to the funeral home. Strangely enough, their smiles after death were all ^_^... The manager of the funeral home was very puzzled and asked pol.ice: Why did they My face after death will be ^_^? Pol.ice said: This... it's a long story... Look at the person on the left... He was spending spring night with his wife in ***... .At the most passionate moment... I couldn't bear it... After the failure, the administrator replied: Alas... I would like to die under the flowers... I can be a ghost even if I die. ...How did the middle one die? pol.ice: That one in the middle... He... What a tragedy... He was walking on the road... Suddenly he heard that he had won the jackpot... ....The prize was more than 700 million... When he laughed happily... he was hit by an oncoming car... and ended up... dead. ..... The administrator replied: Alas... He is really not blessed to enjoy this glorious and wealthy life for the rest of his life... What about the remaining one? pol.ice: ...This one's death is a bit pitiful... He was struck to death by lightning while climbing a tree. The administrator replied: ...That's it. Something is wrong, why are you still smiling after being struck by lightning... Pol.ice said: Because after he climbed the tree, he thought... there was a sudden flash of lightning... He thought... ...Someone took a picture of him...
41 One day when I was in school, a phone call came to me. After receiving the call, my classmate handed it to me and said, "Your mother is calling for you." I took the phone call. As soon as the phone call came, he casually said: "Male or female" and everyone laughed wildly. I was laughed at for 4 years...
49
1. The Red Mansion: mostly women; Water Margin: mostly men;
Journey to the West: mostly Not human beings; Three Kingdoms: Most of them are human beings.
2. The Red Mansion: The girl is thick-skinned; Water Margin: The court is thick-skinned;
Three Kingdoms: The military advisor is thick-skinned; Journey to the West: The gods are thick-skinned.
3. Journey to the West: Brother Monkey, save me; Red Mansion: Sister, save me;
Water Margin: Uncle, save me; Three Kingdoms: Military Advisor, save me! !
50
A teacher said to the students: "Any students who think they are stupid please stand up."
After everyone was silent for a few minutes, a The boy stood up slowly.
The teacher said: "Why do you think you are stupid?"
The boy replied: "No, teacher, I can't bear you standing alone..."< /p>
51 My sister enrolled her six-year-old son in many weekend classes.
The day before yesterday, my nephew didn’t want to go, so he cried and said to me: “Auntie, I feel like my life is just a pants.”
I asked: “Why?”
< p>He said: "I have to catch whatever my mother farts."52 Fill a large jar with coke and put a white mouse into the jar. After a while the mouse died.
Experts believe that there is an ingredient in Coke that can poison mice to death, but what ingredient is it? Is it harmful to the body if people drink it?
After three years of careful research, spending a lot of manpower, material and financial resources, and hundreds of verifications and discussions, we finally came to the conclusion:
Too much Coke is too small The white rat drowned!