A county magistrate with a strong accent went to the village to give a report: rabbit, shrimp, pig tail! No pickles, pickles are too expensive! Attention, comrades and villagers! Stop talking and have a meeting now! After the county magistrate finished, the host said: Sausage pickles, please! Now, please talk to the township head! The township head said: Rabbit, the dog ate today's meal, and everyone is a big jerk! Comrades, that's enough for today. We are all big bowls! No pickles, I'll pick up a piece of shit and lick it for you. Don't talk, I'll tell you a story.

One day I went to a restaurant to eat jiaozi with a foreign friend.

The beautiful waitress came to ask. Friends always miss any opportunity to practice Chinese and say, "How much is your sleep?" ?

The young lady was very embarrassed, so she was very angry. I quickly explained that he was asking jiaozi how much.

.....

Jiaozi served it, and I asked him if he wanted mustard.

He invited another young lady. Is there a "program"?

The young lady said brightly, "Yes, what program do you want?"

"It's yellow ..."

1. Q: What chicken runs fast in the world? What chicken is slow?

A: Chicken nuggets (quick)

Nicole Kidman (slow

2. Q: What animal sticks to the wall most easily?

A: Sea (newspaper) leopard

3. The eleventh book is incredible (book 1 1)

A person painted gold is a blockbuster (a golden person)

Jade told Xiaoming that her father was impotent and couldn't stop (jade dad couldn't).

6. Eat with chopsticks (chopsticks to the population)

7. Which song has the lyrics of "CoCo Lee"? The moon represents my heart (

CoCo Lee, how much I love you ...)

8. What color can best imitate? -Red (Mill) Imitation

9.2 Which country has the largest army, China, Japan or the United States?

A: Japan ... There is a singer named Ayumi Hamasaki (soldier quick march) ~ ~ ~

10. The sheep called the eagle, and the eagle picked up the phone and said, "Feed Yang, listen to Yin." (sheep phone eagle feed.

1 1. Ten sheep, nine squatting in the sheepfold and one squatting in the pigsty.

12. Celery was walking when he suddenly felt a pain in his stomach. Then he hissed. What did you say he took out? That's celery dung (diligence)! ! ! What color is celery (vegetable) dung?

Answer: yellow.

Because: Qin Shihuang (Qin Shihuang)

13. Which Chinese character is the coolest?

A: thong (cool).

1. The soldier asked the company commander: What should I do if I step on a mine in the battle? The company commander was greatly annoyed: Shit, what can I do? Pay the price for stepping on it.

2. Woman: "I can marry anyone as long as I have money." Man: "Will you marry the safe in the bank?"

3. Patient: "Doctor, you left your scissors in my stomach." "Never mind, I have another one."

4. Two counterfeiters inadvertently made counterfeit banknotes with face value of 15 yuan, and they decided to spend them in remote mountainous areas. When they bought a 15 yuan candied haws with 0 yuan, they cried and the farmer gave them two 7-dollar ones.

5. Minimum standards for college students; Peasant woman, mountain spring, a little field.

7. I said you were a pig, but you said: I am a pig. From then on, I will call you "pig head monster"! Finally one day, you can't help shouting at everyone: I'm not a pig!

Judge: Why do you print counterfeit money? The defendant said innocently, because I can't print real money.

9. Thief A: "Count how much money you robbed today?" Thief B: "No, just read the newspaper tomorrow."

10. The sunshine last night was really good.

1 1. One day, a rich man wanted to buy a car, but he hesitated because the car shop didn't have Geely's license plate number. The owner of the car dealership came over and said with a smile, "This license plate is good, 00544 (let me try), and no one dares to mess around, right?" !

The rich man was moved and bought the car at once, but something happened the next day. The rich man got off the bus angrily, thinking that you would dare to hit this car, but as soon as he got off the bus, he left in despair. The other party's original license plate is 44944 (just try it).

12. Dialogue between a fortune teller and a lady: "Your life is bad." "Why?" "Because you have a bad omen."

"Then can I take off my bra?" "No, as soon as you take off the bad omen, there are two big waves in life.

Ears are here.

The new magistrate is from Shandong. Because he wanted to pay the bill, he said to the master, "You give it to me."

Go buy two bamboo poles. "

When touts heard that the "bamboo pole" with Shandong accent was "pig liver", they quickly agreed and ran away.

Go to the butcher shop and say to the shopkeeper, "Master Xinxian wants to buy two pieces of pork liver. You are a clever man.

You should know it! "

The shopkeeper is a clever man. He understood as soon as he heard it. He immediately cut two pieces of pig liver as gifts.

There are a pair of pig ears.

After leaving the butcher's shop, the owner thought, "The owner told me to buy pork liver. This pig ear, of course. "

This is mine ... "So he wrapped the hunting ear and stuffed it into his pocket. Back to the county government, to the magistrate of a county.

"Come back and report, Grandpa," he said. "I bought pig liver!"

The magistrate was very angry when he saw that the master had bought pig liver, and said, "Where are your ears!" " "

Hearing this, the touts frighten forward, hurriedly replied:

"Ears … ears … here … in my … pocket!"

Do what you see.

Once upon a time, there was a landlord who loved chickens very much. The tenant rented his land, but he couldn't just pay the rent.

I have to give him a chicken first.

A tenant named Zhang San went to pay the rent to the landlord at the end of the year and rented it out the next year.

When he went, he put a chicken in a bag, paid the rent and told the landlord about the lease for next year.

However, he looked at the sky with empty hands and said, "There are no three kinds of fields in this field."

Zhang Sanming understood the meaning of this sentence and immediately took the chicken out of the bag. basic concept

After eating the chicken, he immediately changed his mouth and said, "Who will I give it to if I don't give it to Zhang San?"

Zhang San said, "Your words have changed so fast!"

The landlord replied: "that sentence was nonsense just now, and now it is' seeing'."

Machine (chicken) making. "

There is a chance.

A commodity salesman went to Guangzhou on business. After arriving in Beijing, he wanted to fly before.

I used to send a telegram to the manager, fearing that the manager would not agree to the reimbursement: "Seize the opportunity."

No? "The manager received the telegram and thought it was an" opportunity "to clinch a deal. He immediately called back:" You can take it.

Multiply "

The salesman came back from a business trip to reimburse the travel expenses, and the manager took a plane with insufficient level.

The provisions of the plane will not be reimbursed, and the plane ticket fee will not be reimbursed. The salesman killed the manager and came back.

Electricity, the manager was dumbfounded.

Geographical name correlation

On New Year's Eve, my brother took two overseas Chinese students home for dinner. One is cheerful and the other is more cheerful.

For form.

During the dinner, the cheerful classmate smiled and said to us, "He is."

I come from Myanmar, so I am shy. "Then he raised his glass to propose a toast to everyone and stayed for a drink.

Then he said, "I'm from Yangon."

The headmaster is angry.

At the school affairs meeting at the end of the term, the headmaster was furious at the inefficiency of personnel management.

It thunders He said: "the person in charge of the director's business is not sensible; The consciousness of personnel management is not strong;

As an officer, I won't do it! "

After the county magistrate finished speaking, the host said, "Please give me sausages and pickles!"

Now, please talk to the township head! )

The township head said, "Rabbit, the dog ate today's meal, and everyone is a big jerk!" " "

Comrades, that's enough for today. We are all big bowls! )

No pickles, I'll pick up a piece of shit and lick it for you. ...

Don't talk, I'll tell you a story.

A county magistrate with a strong accent went to the village to give a report: "rabbit, shrimp, pig tail!" No pickles, pickles are too expensive! ! "

Attention, comrades and villagers! Stop talking and have a meeting now! ! )

The coach said, "Class One kills chickens, Class Two steals eggs, and I'll cook porridge for you."

One kind of shooting, the other kind of bombing. Let me show you. )

Responder: angry little Q- magic apprentice level 111-1816: 25.

Homophonic jokes. In the resources.

You can't send too much here. You'd better visit my website.

Responder: homophonic joke-probation level 111-2123: 46.

Andy Lau took May to drink water in Stephen Chow. Suddenly Nicholas Tse blew and a Nicky Wu emerged from the water. Nicky Wu and Ekin Cheng rode Ka Kui Wong together and took May. Holding Emil Wakin Chau, Andy Lau stepped on Deric Wan, crossed Zhao Benshan, Rosamund Kwan, Pan Changjiang, grabbed May, returned to Aaron Kwok and hung up in the city.