Original author: The stomach is yellow and drumming

Original link: The Lost Tongue (1)? The Lost Tongue (II)

Detective novels, especially the opening chapter used to ambush pens and set suspense, can't be torn to be honest.

However, although the general direction can't give opinions and suggestions, you can still nag about small details.

Highlights:

First of all, as a detective novel, the author's opening is good.

The death of an entertainment tabloid reporter leads to the main line of the story, which explains the general environment of the story and keeps the reader's appetite. This must be praised by the author!

Secondly, it is obvious that the author has a certain knowledge of writing. There is no doubt that (above me), the two chapters did not drag on and fill in the story, but instead created a tense suspense atmosphere through compact words, with a strong sense of picture. Give me another compliment.

that's it. it's time to find fault. There are no big problems, but there are still many small problems. )

Slot point:

1. The characters' movements change too quickly and the details are unclear

Example:

Joe Buliu is sitting in a good position in the middle of this breakfast shop, facing the gate, enjoying himself and sucking the most famous crab soup dumpling in this shop. Suddenly, he looked up and saw his daredevil assistant Lu Xiaofei running towards him like being chased by evil spirits.

"another one, another one!" Before Lu Xiaofei sat down, he grabbed a soup bag with his hand and sent it to his mouth. The soup in the steamed stuffed bun was a little hot, so she swallowed it in a hurry, but she couldn't help sticking out her tongue and steaming, and what she said in a hurry was a little vague.

Joe doesn't fall in the transition between "eating soup buns" and "suddenly looking up". The author did not explain why he suddenly looked up.

The sentence "Joe is sitting in a good position right in the middle of this breakfast shop facing the gate" is not paved enough, so that the "suddenly looking up" action behind him is somewhat unexpected.

In addition, it was explained in front that "Lu Xiaofei seems to be chased by evil spirits", but it was said later that "Lu Xiaofei didn't sit still, so he grabbed a soup bag with his hand and sent it to his mouth." Still a problem, the details are unclear, and the action conversion is too sudden.

2. Words and sentences are too slow

Example:

"Where was the crime?" Joe grabbed the coat on the back of the chair and said to Lu Xiaofei, who was lifting the chopsticks he had just put down and reaching for the next soup bag, "Take me to the scene quickly."

This sentence should exist to describe Lu Xiaofei's "eating goods" characteristics. Just explain the action clearly. However, the author is obsessed with "chopsticks", which makes the whole sentence seem long and awkward.

If the sentence "Say to Lu Xiaofei who is lifting the chopsticks he just put down and reaching for the next soup bag" is converted into "Say to Lu Xiaofei who grabbed the soup bag and was about to put it in his mouth", it will have no effect at all. On the contrary, it can more vividly explain that Lu Xiaofei's move to change her name to "Lu Xiaofei" is due to her female character. Unless the "chopsticks" here have ulterior motives, that is another matter.

What I want to say, however, is that a good sentence doesn't need complicated phrasing. Instead, it should be easy for readers to read, and it can better reflect the author's pen skills.

the above is just my personal opinion, so I can choose to listen to it. As a family, don't be angry or annoyed!

Du Weiwei is the "gentle frog" of "You and your novel".

She is modest and serious, but occasionally more serious! Haha, this is the same as a little assistant!

single dog, is it sexy?