-01-

Some people say that some things in marriage are unclear, especially in Chinese-style marriage. Many issues must be ambiguous to persist. Therefore, many couples appear normal on the surface, but actually have many conflicts in private. They are all living with each other.

If you think about it carefully, this sentence makes sense, because there are too many interfering factors in marriage in our country, so it is too difficult to have a happy marriage.

People want to pursue a black and white marriage and want to distinguish who is right and who is wrong in marriage. But in fact, this idea itself is wrong, because how can we distinguish right from wrong in emotional matters? I think all couples need to realize this.

Many times, the reason why Chinese-style marriages are difficult to manage is because the running-in process between the two original families is too difficult. As we all know, two families are brought together because of their respective children, but because of different family environments, there will definitely be constant friction when they get along.

At this time, many conflicts in the marriage will appear. Moreover, such marital conflicts caused by the original family are often more difficult to deal with.

So every couple must be prepared and think carefully about how to resolve the relationship with their original family.

-02-

A particularly bad thing happened to reader Xiaojuan. Not long ago, she and her husband divorced, ending their five-year marriage. The reason for the divorce was that Xiaojuan really couldn't stand the exploitation of her by her husband's family.

Xiaojuan said: "After so many years of marriage, my husband and I have always been my brother-in-law's cash machine. My mother-in-law is extremely partial. My husband is also a foolish and filial man. And this It’s too tiring for a man with a family to get married.”

Now Xiaojuan lives alone with her son, and her income is enough to support her children and herself. Parents also help take care of their children on weekdays. And Xiaojuan is also trying hard to get out of the shadow of divorce and welcome a new life.

Xiaojuan’s ex-husband Abin is, at best, a foolish filial piety, but at worst, he is a mama’s boy who supports his younger brother. Such a top-notch man was actually met by Xiaojuan. It must be said that her luck was particularly bad.

In fact, when the two were together, Xiaojuan did not realize that Abin was like this. I feel that Abin has a gentle temper and is very kind to me. Although sometimes he is a little indecisive, it is not a particularly serious problem. Who can guarantee that he is perfect? So Xiaojuan didn't care.

The two have been in love for about half a year and are ready to get married. But at the stage of marriage, conflicts have already emerged.

-03-

It was at that time that Xiaojuan saw how powerful her mother-in-law was. Everything about the marriage was discussed smoothly, but disagreements arose over the house Abin bought before her marriage. .

The mother-in-law asked Xiaojuan and Abin to get a pre-marital property notarization to prove that this house was Abin’s pre-marital property. Xiaojuan felt very uncomfortable and felt that her mother-in-law looked down on her. Even Abin didn’t think it was necessary.

But the mother-in-law cannot get married unless two people do it. Xiaojuan's temper also rose, and she felt that she did not marry Abin just because she wanted his house, so she took Abin and got the property notarized.

In this way, her mother-in-law happily agreed to the marriage of the two people, but Xiaojuan's impression of her mother-in-law was greatly reduced because of this.

Life after marriage is actually quite ordinary, and the couple does not feel that anything has changed. Same interactions, same communication. Abin's career began to improve and his income increased. Xiaojuan is a teacher, and the two of them live a very prosperous life.

But the problem arose at this time. The mother-in-law asked Abin for money every now and then. Both Xiaojuan and Abin knew that most of the money their mother-in-law asked for was given to Abin's brother.

-04-

Xiaojuan became very angry when she mentioned Abin’s younger brother. My brother-in-law is in his twenties and still relies on his parents to support himself at home. Abin and Xiaojuan asked people to find him several jobs. He either disliked the low income or disliked the tiredness. All in all not satisfied.

Now I have been playing games at home, and my expenses are all relying on my parents’ pension. Xiaojuan’s mother-in-law loves this little son very much, so the brother-in-law is selfish and arrogant. He also spends money lavishly, and when he has no money, he just takes care of his parents.

My mother-in-law saw that her eldest son Abin had a good career and earned a lot, so she asked him to give his younger brother 2,000 yuan a month for living expenses. Abin, a mama's boy, actually agreed without consulting Xiaojuan.

When Xiaojuan found out about this, Abin had already given it to her for more than half a year. Xiaojuan and Abin had a big fight over this, but Abin said that it was what my mother asked me to do, and I had to do it.

Only then did Xiaojuan discover that Abin had some signs of being a mama’s boy. But at that time, Xiaojuan had given birth to a child. So I had to choose to be patient.

In this way, Xiaojuan and Abin became their brother-in-law’s cash machines. Her mother-in-law often made things difficult for Xiaojuan. Xiaojuan's life is getting more and more painful.

Last spring, Xiaojuan received a notice from her leader asking her to study in a school outside the city for half a year. This would be very helpful for her personal promotion, so she agreed.

-05-

Xiaojuan has been gone for half a year, and she only talks to Abin on the phone every night about family matters. The conversation was just about children. Xiaojuan didn't bother to care about other things.

Half a year later, Xiaojuan returned home, and Abin went to pick her up. Xiaojuan noticed that Abin's face looked strange, a little guilty and a little anxious. He looked like he was hesitant to speak. Xiaojuan didn't pay much attention, she just wanted to go home and have a good rest.

Unexpectedly, Abin took her to another community, which was not the big house she lived in before. Xiaojuan was very confused and asked him what was going on.

Abin said nothing and led her into the house. Xiaojuan saw that her mother-in-law was also in the house.

The mother-in-law smiled and explained the whole story clearly. It turned out that her brother-in-law was getting married, but there was no wedding room. The mother-in-law thought that Abin's house was very big, so she just sold it and bought two smaller ones. The two brothers would have one house each, and everyone was happy. Abin, the mama's boy, agreed. I didn’t discuss it with Xiaojuan beforehand.

After hearing this, Xiaojuan immediately became angry. This is her own home. You can sell it as you say and give me a smaller one. Who allowed it?

The mother-in-law was not happy when she saw Xiaojuan's appearance, and said directly: "This house is my son's pre-marital property. I can sell it if he wants. What does it have to do with you? I'll give you a smaller one." The house is great!"

-06-

Xiaojuan laughed angrily and said to her mother-in-law: "In this case, I want to change my husband tomorrow! Go get a divorce!"

After that, Xiaojuan packed her things and returned to her parents' home with her son. After two months of entanglement, I finally divorced Abin.

After listening to Xiaojuan’s story, I was filled with emotions. Marital conflicts caused by the family of origin are generally those between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. Conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is also the main reason for marital crisis.

In fact, the root of the conflict between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law lies in the lack of sense of boundaries between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. The mother-in-law feels that the daughter-in-law is not doing a good enough job, and the daughter-in-law feels that her mother-in-law is not like her mother.

Both two people have too high expectations for each other, so once they are not satisfied, they will turn into complaints and further turn into conflicts.

So I think it is best to keep a "bowl of soup" distance between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. The daughter-in-law does not regard her mother-in-law as her mother, and the mother-in-law does not have high expectations for her daughter-in-law. The two get along like friends. In this way, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will be smooth, the family will be harmonious, and the marriage will be happy.