The earthworm family was bored this day, so the little earthworm cut himself into two pieces and went to play badminton, the earthworm mother thought it was a good method, so she cut herself into four pieces and went to play mahjong, the earthworm father thought about it, so he cut himself into minced meat.

Mom earthworm cried, "Why are you so stupid? You'll die if you cut it up so badly!"

Dad Earthworm said weakly, "...... Suddenly I want to play soccer."

A man was about to starve to death in the desert when he picked up the Divine Lamp.

Divine lamp: "I can only grant you one wish, say it quickly, I'm in a hurry."

Man: "I want a wife ......"

The divine lamp immediately changed into a beautiful woman, and then said disdainfully, "Are almost starving to death and still covet beauty! Pathetic!" After saying that, it disappeared.

Man: "...... Cake."

Hundred dollar bill Chinese New Year to his son five yuan wallet a big red envelope, five yuan cheered to open the red envelope, found that inside is his mother.

Panda Man wants to QJ Panda Woman, Panda Woman fights hard and vows not to follow. When Panda Man fails, he says indignantly,

"We're all going extinct yay~~~!"

The panda woman is taken to the zoo and kept there, where experts decide to artificially inseminate her.

Panda Man: "That's disgusting~~ So you like human animals."

Mimi: "Mommy, I'm hungry!"

Mom Rice: "Good boy, daddy can't find a job and there's no more food in the house."

Little Migrain: "But I'm hungry~~~"

Mom Mi: "Ugh...... well, you go next door and borrow some pickles, I'll go and boil the bath water for your dad. "

One day there was a fudge walking down the street.

As she walked, she suddenly said, "Aaah! My legs are so soft!"

There was a Mr. Banana who was on a date with his girlfriend, walking on the street, it was very hot, so Mr. Banana took off his clothes, after that his girlfriend fell

Xiaoming got a new haircut, and the next day when he came to the school, his classmates saw his new haircut, and laughed: Xiaoming, the shape of your head looks like a kite oh! Xiao Ming felt aggrieved and ran outside to cry. While crying ~ he flew...

Once upon a time, there was a dog that pooped out but in 4 separate pieces...

The owner took a look at a button stuck in the dog's P-share

One day, Turtle Dad, Turtle Mom and Turtle Son's family decided to go on an outing, they brought a Shandong big cake and two cans of undersea chicken, and set off to Yangmingshan. After ten years of hard climbing, they finally arrived! They sat down on the ground, unloaded their equipment and prepared to eat. As a result, it turns out that they didn't bring a can opener!

Turtle Boy: "...... Then I'll go back and get it."

Turtle Dad: "Good boy! Quickly! Mom and Dad are waiting for you to come back and have dinner with them.

Turtle son: "You have to wait for me! Don't go back on your word!"

And so the son of a turtle is on his way home. .........

Time flies, and 20 years have passed, but the son of a turtle has not yet appeared.

Turtle Mom: "Do you want to eat first? I'm super hungry ......"

Turtle Dad: "No. We promised our son! We promised our son! We promised our son that we'd wait five more years for him to come, and if he doesn't come, we'll leave him alone."

In the blink of an eye, it's been five years, and there's still no sign of the turtle's son. Turtle parents do not care! The two old men decided to start.

They took out a big cake and were about to eat it. ......

Suddenly, the son of the turtle poked his head out from behind the tree. ......

The son of the turtle said: "Damn! I knew you guys would steal the food! Trick me into going back for the can opener? I've been waiting for twenty-five years, and finally I've got it, right? I hate it when people lie to me!"

A lumberjack applies for a job

The foreman: Try the woods up ahead... See how many trees you can saw in a minute .....

After a minute ....

Foreman: Wow .... 20 trees a minute .... That's awesome ..... Where did you work before?

Worker:Sahara Forest ......

Foreman: I've never heard of them in the Sahara Forest. I've only heard of the Sahara Desert and the forests......

Worker:Yes..... It's been renamed!

Wife: I was blind to step on shit to marry you.

Husband: I am really blind to step on the shit to marry you.

The first time I saw this, it was a very good thing that I was so happy to see you.

The shit: I am so unlucky!

This is the first time I've ever seen a dog with a dog.

A gloomy late night

A group of female school students in the dormitory to play Ouija board, suddenly

They can not stop screaming!

An upstairs sister rushed into their dormitory

and saw the saucers on their desks whirling around at breakneck speed

The speed was both shocking and appalling

"Oh no! What have you done?"

The older sister asked, realizing something was wrong

"We..." the younger sisters said

"We were just asking how fast it could spin...? "

The electrical supplies hold a joke-telling contest,

with the stipulation that each appliance has to tell a joke,

and make everyone in the audience laugh,

or be taken to Aruba. First up was the washing machine,

and when he finished his joke, the whole audience laughed and laughed,

and then suddenly they heard the rice cooker say, "It's freezing cold"

so the washing machine was taken to Aruba. Next up is the smartest computer, and as soon as he finishes his joke, all the appliances burst out laughing,

and the rice cooker is heard to say, "It's freezing cold."

So the computer is taken to Aruba. The computer is also taken to Aruba.

The third is the most humorous lamp,

The lamp is very confident in telling the joke, everyone rolled on the floor laughing,

The rice cooker said: "It's so cold, oh ~ ~ ~ ~"

Just when the lamp was about to be caught in Aruba,

the rice cooker is very angry stand up,

The rice cooker is very angry,

The rice cooker is very angry,

The rice cooker is very angry.

The rice cooker stood up,

turned his head to the refrigerator sitting behind him and said:

"I've had enough of this you smile just smile, don't open your mouth so wide, it's very cold ai"

There is a pair of nude statues face to face standing in the park has been for decades, one day, the god of love, cupid, fell from the sky to come to the front of the two of them, said. He said, "I'm sure it must be very depressing for you two to look at each other every day and not be able to do anything about it, so I'm going to let you become human beings and do what you want to do today! But it's only for fifteen minutes."

After that, the two statues became human, and the two immediately jumped into the grass, and the grass made the sound of a sigh of relief.......

After ten minutes, the two jumped out of the grass. Cupid said, "Alas, there are still five minutes, hurry up and enjoy it again."

After saying that, the two looked at each other, smiled, and jumped back into the grass ......

The female statue was faintly heard saying to the male statue, "I held this pigeon down, and now it's your turn to shit on his head."

A millionaire was driving his luxurious stretch Lincoln through a village when he saw two beggars on the side of the road pulling up grass to eat, the millionaire then stopped the car.

"Why are you eating grass?"

"We really don't have any money ......" A beggar replied.

"Really, get in the car and go to my house."

"I have a wife and two children at home ......" A beggar muttered.

"Call them," the rich man pointed to another beggar. "And you, call your family too."

"My family is very large, with five children besides my wife." The other beggar said.

"That's okay, call them all, go."

In this way, the two beggars and their families are on the car, good thing it is a stretch car. Exercise on the way, a beggar's wife said gratefully, "boss, you are really good, even poor people like us you can invite home."

The millionaire replied, "It's nothing, I just came back from abroad, the family house has been unattended, the lawn in the yard may be more than a meter high, you guys can eat enough."

At the beginning of the new semester, every boy had to go on stage and introduce himself. When a very clean-cut boy introduced himself, the host asked, "May I ask if you've ever been mistaken for a girl?"

"Of course," the boy said in disbelief, "Teachers have been mistaking me for a girl since I was in elementary school, until one day I shaved off all my hair in a fit of anger."

"The teachers must have been surprised then?"

"Uh-huh! But it wasn't the teachers who were most surprised, it was the boy who was so attentive to carrying my school bag for a year."

One man was adventuring alone in the forest,

and suddenly found himself heavily surrounded by cannibals.

So he shouted to the sky:

"I'm dead, God help me!"

Only a to light appeared in the sky

A voice came:

"Not yet,

and then you pick up a big stone on the ground,

and smash the chief who is leading it to death."

So he picked up the biggest stone on the ground,

and smashed it hard into the chief,

just enough to kill him.

The clansmen all froze for a moment,

and then glared angrily at each other,

when another voice came from the sky:

"Now you're really dead."

Six-year-old Fang was so cute that she was often propositioned by the young boys in her class.

One day, Xiao Fang came home and told her mom, "MAMA! Today Xiao Qiang proposed to me to marry him..."

MAMA said carelessly, "Does he have a regular job?"

Xiao Fang thought for a moment and said, "He's in charge of erasing the blackboard in our class."

Bug: Little Flower, did you use my pencil?

Little Flower: No, I didn't use it.

Bug: You really didn't use it?

Little Flower: I'm really useless!

Worm: You're the 17th person to admit you're useless

The vampire bat came back covered in blood, and all the bats were envious, and asked him where he got so much blood, and he took the bats to a big tree.

He took the bats to a big tree and asked if they could see the tree.

The bats answered: yes.

It: I don't see it.

A psychiatric hospital and a group of patients annoyed to be discharged, so the dean relaxed the rules, all want to be discharged from the hospital patients, must pass the following test:

Dean: eyes there?

Patient: eyes here (pointing to the eyes)

Dean: nose there?

Patient: nose here (pointing to the nose)

Dean: ears there?

Patient: ear here (pointing to the ear)

The patient can be discharged as long as he can correctly point out the location.

On a certain day, patient A applied for discharge, also passed the test listed above, so they were happy to go back to the ward to pack their bags ready to be discharged, patient B in the same room shouted in surprise: "Impossible, impossible, your condition is worse than mine, I can not pass, how can you pass it?"

Patient A said, "Shhh~ don't tell anyone, I'm using my back!"

One day I went to the snack street

I found a store selling egg tarts

Each of them looked very tasty and I wanted to buy one to try

I asked the clerk: "This is a single-sale one"

The clerk: "No, this is a Japanese one"

The legend of the red bean and the mung bean

One day a mung bean jumped from a 20-storey building and fell down. 20-story building

The result .... He then became

a red bean...

Because he bled

-----------------------------------------------------------

Then this red bean went home to wash the blood off his body

After the bath, his body was wet, so he went outside to bask in the sun

The sun was shining... He accidentally fell asleep~~

When he woke up, he realized that he had turned into a "dried bean"

-----------------------------------------------------------

Two days later:

The dried bean started to shed its skin

After shedding its skin, it turned back into a green bean,

The nearby neighbors were all amazed at the incident

So they called the green bean a "thunderbolt bean"

And the skin that came off was put on display in a museum, called the "Bean Skin"

---------- -------------------------------------------------

That said, one day, a red bean came to the thunder bean (green bean) to talk about the world situation (history known as "beans to see the world")

The two beans talked to each other happily, and both thought that the world was a mess.

The two beans talked to each other, and they both agreed that the world was a mess, and needed a bean to lead it

So Red Bean went home and started to gather red beans from all over the world, and eventually set up Red Bean Nation to the south of the creek, and Thunderbolt Bean set up Green Bean Nation to the north of the creek

Red Bean set up the Red Bean Nation and felt that he should have a very dopey title like Thunderbolt Bean did

So Red Bean made himself the Emperor and called himself "Emperor Bean". The Emperor Bean

The descendants of the bean also wrote a five-word stanza for this, which reads

The red bean is born in the southern country,

****×.

****×,

****×.

The age is so old that the latter is no longer available.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Emperor Bean, since the establishment of the Red Bean Kingdom, has been indulging in harem beauties every day

often peeping at the concubines' baths, resulting in the eyes growing corns, known as Bean Chicken Eyes

p> Thunder Bean heard in the Green Bean Country that the Emperor Bean was addicted to women and ignored politics,

So, he invited the four generals of Spring, Summer, Autumn and Winter (known as the Four Seasons Bean),

to prepare for the southern expedition to the Red Bean Country

The two armies fought by a stream, and the Bean died of numerous injuries and death, and their corpses were strewn all over the stream.

The process of corpses rotting is called tofu

The corpses of these warriors The bodies of these warriors were exposed to the sun, and one by one they all turned into dried beans

Later generations called these warriors who died by the stream Daxi Dried Beans...

-----------------------------------------------------------

Speaking of the Red Bean and Green Bean Civil War~~

As the Emperor Bean had neglected his government for too long, he lost the war continuously

So he decided to marry the Red Bean Princess to the Green Bean Kingdom in order to make the Red Bean Kingdom a better place to live.

The king of the Green Bean Kingdom, Perak Bean, has heard of the beauty of the Red Bean Princess

So he agreed to a truce, and took the Red Bean Princess as his concubine (commonly known as Nadu), and the Civil War finally subsided

Perak Bean, since he got the Nadu, was very fond of it, and visited the Nadu every day

Two years later, the Princess of the Nadu gave birth to a son, who had purple skin (mixed blood), and the Nadu princess had a child, and the Nadu Princess had a son, and the son had a son with purple skin (mixed blood), who had a son with purple skin. (

Two years later, Princess Nadu gave birth to a son with purple skin, who was quite like an emperor

Thunderbean was very happy to see this son, and named him "Purple Thunderbolt" because of his purple skin color

--------------------------------------------------- --------

Zi Perak loved animals since he was a child, so when Zi Perak was five years old, Thunder Bean gave Zi Perak a gift of his own horse that he had used in his battles around the world, which was the Dragon of the South

known as the Doudou Dragon.

There was a historian in the Golden State named Doudou,

Doudou liked to enjoy flowers very much so he was called Doudou Hua,

This Doudou, he loved wine very much, simply to the point of alcoholism

One night, Doudou got drunk,

while drinking, came to the stables, and saw Doudou Dragon

As a result, he was drunk and talked to Doudou Dragon,

and he was very drunk.

Three months later, the dragon gave birth to a son,

with a bean shape and covered with long hair, the purple thunderbolt thought it was a child of the gods,

specially named: Maodou ~~

Maodou was born and did not like to drink milk, and Maodou was getting thinner and thinner,

the purple thunderbolt was very worried, and asked the people of the world to work together to find a solution.

The world's people were hired to think of a solution,

Later, a bean invented a recipe for adding honey to milk, and only then was Maodou able to be sound

Purple Perak named this recipe: Honey Bean Milk~~

------------------------------------------------------ -----

That said:The Emperor Bean, who was almost wiped out last time, was depressed because of his defeat

Every night, he was alone drinking mulled wine and looking at the moon with a long sigh... Alas...

The people who saw this all thought that Emperor Dou was sighing because he didn't like the moon

And so the rumor spread, and the story has been passed down since then

Some people even wrote a song about it, called ~~: "Dou is the trouble of the moon"~~

------- ----------------------------------------------------

One day, Satan felt that there was not much business lately, and wanted to create a bit of turmoil

Satan asked around and learned that Emperor Bean had been trying to invade the Mung Bean Kingdom from the north

So he sent a demon to help the Emperor Bean.

The devil was immediately employed after he arrived at the Red Bean Country

The Emperor Bean named him the Devil Bean and ordered him to lead his army in the northern expedition against the Green Bean Country

The Purple Thunderbolt was furious when he heard the news and immediately sent the Four Season Bean to meet him

The two armies once again fought on the two sides of the Daxi River, and the Devil Bean saw that the Four Season Bean was courageous and

thought that he should use his best move.

The two sides again fought on the banks of the river,

The devil beans saw the four seasons beans brave,

think should make a masterstroke, so the mouth recited the words,

Make magic from Brazil to summon a demon out,

Instantly the four seasons beans swallowed into the stomach, the mung bean army was routed and fled,

The later people called this demon for ~~: Batou demon

----------------------------------- ------------------------

The Red Bean Army, with the help of the Badou Demon, was invincible.

The Purple Thunderbolt was very nervous when it learned of the battle, and immediately convened a military meeting to discuss strategies

At this time, the Sacred Bean Star Shite, who has always been preaching in the name of the Holy Spirit, was voted in as the general, and the helpless Sacred Bean Star Shite was voted out as the general. Generals, the helpless St. doudoune moncler outlet, had to hard bean skin to march

Red and green beans two armies again, the battle has been a stalemate, the magic beans for a speedy solution

So once again summoned the Batou Demon out of the St. doudoune moncler outlet, the St. doudoune moncler outlet, the back line to see the Batou Demon has been eating mung beans,

scared a great deal, exclaimed: "wow, the Batou Demon. "

After a while, St. Beans star shit a little calm, also not willing to show weakness to bring out the messenger of justice ~ ~ gadou la

gadou la once appeared on the scene, and immediately make the Cambrian era's masterstroke, ten thousand years of freezing air wave,

Ba Dou Demon sliced into a strip of lollipop ice, the red bean army all frozen

The later people called the frozen red bean army as: bean stiff

-- ---------------------------------------------------------

Since the death of the Badou Demon, the Red Bean Army didn't dare to act rashly, so they retreated back to the south bank of the Big Creek

The Demon Bean, who had tasted defeat for the first time, suggested to the Emperor Bean that he should build an earthen wall along the south side of the Big Creek to prevent the Green Bean Army from attacking. Mung Bean Army

Emperor Bean think very reasonable, but the long war, the treasury is empty, really can not pay the huge costs

At this time, the red bean country, a landlord, heard of the emperor's bean difficulties, voluntarily funded to help the country to build

Emperor Bean heard the bean heart was very happy, then he was appointed as a ~~ Potato

Potato's heart of gold, so that the people of the red bean country is very grateful.

The people of the red bean country are very grateful,

The descendants are honored to call him ~~ Potato Jen~~

-----------------------------------------------------------

Potato Jen did not like to study when he was a child,

Every time he went to school, he secretly sneaked over the wall and went to play.

Once outside the school came to sell silkworm babies,

Potato Jen bought two silkworm babies home to raise,

I did not expect to raise more and more, more and more knowledge,

Finally, Potato Jen because of the operation of the business of selling silkworms and become rich,

Growing up, Potato Jen will be the experience of silkworms into a book,

From then on the generations passed on to the next generation,

The book was published by the Ministry of Education, Science and Technology. p> From then on, it was passed down from generation to generation, and became a family heirloom, known as the "Book of Silkworms"

-----------------------------------------------------------

One summer, the weather was so hot that the people of the Red Bean Country and the Green Bean Country went to Daxi for a dip in the water

The people of the Red Bean Country and the Green Bean Country went to Daxi for a dip in the water.

But the sun was getting bigger and the weather was getting hotter and hotter

Even the water in the Big Creek boiled over

So the people of the Red Bean Country and the Green Bean Country were all boiled into a red bean and green bean soup

So they all turned into a red bean and green bean soup

A German, a Frenchman, and a Japanese man wanted to work in the mines. to work in the mine.

The boss, an American, says to the German, "You're in good shape, you're in charge of the hard labor."

To the Frenchman, he says, "You say you're an engineer, you're in charge of the mine plan."

And to the Japanese he said, "You are small. You are in charge of supplies."

Then every other week, they started working.

A few days later, the Germans and the French realized that the Japanese had disappeared, and after searching for a long time, they decided to go back to work.

As the Germans started to work, the Japanese suddenly jumped out at them,

shouting:

"Surprise!"

During World War II, a German officer asked a Swiss officer, "How many men do you have available to fight?"

"Half a million, I think."

"What would you do if I sent an army of a million men into your country?"

"Then we'd have to fire two shots each."

A foreign student took a driver's license test in the U.S. The road sign ahead prompted a left turn, and he wasn't quite sure, so he asked the examiner:

"Turn left?"

Answer: "right"

And so ...... Hang up...

There was an old woman in the neurological hospital,

who wore black clothes and carried a black umbrella every day and squatted in front of the hospital.

The doctor thought: to cure her, we must start from understanding her.

So the doctor, also wearing black clothes and holding a black umbrella, squatted there with her.

The two of them squatted for a month without saying a word.

Finally, the old lady spoke up:

Excuse me...

You... Are you a shiitake mushroom too?

One day a female drug offender was arrested at the police station

The police saw a tattoo on her hand

So they asked her why she tattooed her boyfriend's name on her hand

His name is Liang, isn't it...? Ah... Is it. Speak up

Speak up... Is he a drug addict? Speak up

The female drug addict looked up with angry eyes

and said to the police

.

.

.

.

.

.

This is hate. ....

This story tells us ...... After the tattoo, it's best not to gain any weight -_-!!!!

Little White, Little Yellow and Little Blue sit on a long-distance bus, who will get carsick?

A: White, because White will vomit (white rabbit)

A high school boy, called his girlfriend in the middle of the night to talk about love.

Unfortunately, the girl's mother received the call, and after asking for clarification, his girlfriend's mother asked, "What's your last name?

The boy said: "My last name is Wei."

The mother also asked: "Wei what?

At this point, the man replied nervously, "I don't know why. My dad's name is Wei too."

"I can't see too far," the patient told the ophthalmologist.

"Please come with me," the doctor asked as he took the patient outside and pointed his finger at the sun in the sky, "What do you see there?"

"The sun." The patient replied.

"Well, how far do you want to look!"

One day the animals smelled a very bad odor in front of the temple of Guan Gong.

The snake said, "I wouldn't fart so stinky if I were so small, it must be a cow."

The cow said, "I'm a grass eater, I can't fart that bad."

The pig said, "The person who farted must be blushing.

Suddenly, Guan Gong rushed out and knocked the pig away, saying, "How many times have I told you, I was born with a red face?

One day, a man came across God and said, "How many times have I told you that I was born red?

God was suddenly very kind and intended to give the man a wish ....

God asked...

What is your wish?

The man thought for a moment...

I heard that cats have 9 lives...

The man thought...

I heard that cats have 9 lives...

Then please give me 9 lives...

God said...

Your wish has come true. ....

One day, the man was bored...

One day, the man was bored and wanted to die...

He had nine lives anyway

So he lay down on the railroad tracks. ....

And then a train came by. ....

And the man dies...

Why is that?

Because that train had 10 cars...

Someone in the country once traveled to Spain on business.

One night, there was a ball, and the man brought his wife to attend, but when he arrived at the venue

, the ball had already started, so he pulled his wife to the empty dance floor,

and the two of them danced! When the music ended, he realized that the entire crowd was on the dance floor, staring at the two of them with wide eyes

People .... He then asked his Spanish friend, "Why don't you guys dance together?"

His Spanish friend said: "... It was the Spanish national anthem just now!!!"

There were three mosquitoes showing off their flying skills,

and they were all red in the face and red in the ears,

but they couldn't decide whether to win or lose, so they decided to show each other.

The British mosquito first attack, only to see him fly to a frog,

near him a few turns,

back, only to see the frog's tongue tied a live knot,

he proudly said: tell you!

In my old country, if you don't have this kind of skill, you will be finished immediately!

The American mosquito sneered twice: Humph! Sculpture, not enough to worry about!

So he flew to the two frogs,

between them back and forth a few times,

back, the two frogs' tongues knotted into a dead knot,

he said: Humph! That's what it takes to survive in my old country!

The Chinese mosquito replied with disdain: just kidding!

In our hometown, we have not seen such a bad technology said!

Britain and the United States mosquitoes are very unconvinced, said: speak so! You think you have much ability ah

So, the Chinese mosquitoes flew to a group of frogs, in which the shuttle a few times,

back, only to see the frogs' tongues pulling together,

then became a ... "Chinese knot" ...