Chapter 1

In fact, it happened a long time ago, but we didn’t find out until we had breakfast on Easter Sunday last year. At that time, I only heard a snapping sound, and I thought something had fallen over in the kitchen. Mom ran into the kitchen to see what was going on, but when she came out she was shaking, and we...

Oh, I might have to tell you who we are first. We - just grandpa, mom, dad, Martina, Nikki and me.

My grandfather is nearly 70 years old. After his last stroke, his legs became stiff and his mouth became crooked. However, his crooked mouth always said something rude, even better than many people with non-crooked mouths.

My father is 40 years old and works as a section chief in an automobile insurance company, but he is only a small section chief. Mom said she could only speak loudly to at most three people in the company. Grandpa said that's why he always yelled at people at home.

My mother is also 40 years old, but she looks much younger. She has golden hair and weighs only 50 kilograms. Normally she is very happy, but sometimes when she gets angry, she will curse and say that she has become our maid and she must go out to work again, so we have to take care of our own chores.

Martina is in fifth grade at a liberal arts middle school. She was thin and tall, and her hair was blond, real blond. Her vision was not very good because a lock of hair fell over her eyes. He likes Alex the Berger in his class. Dad said angrily, "That's not okay. Alex has long hair." But her mother said that it didn't matter. After all, Martina was the top student in the class. No one would get married on the first love anyway. Martina is not a stupid girl among the female classmates in the class.

Nicky is my brother, I often call him Nick. He is learning in elementary school what 2 times 2 equals. Although he already knew this stuff three years ago, he still has to learn it. Not long ago, during math class, he suddenly stood up, said "goodbye" and walked away, making the whole class noisy. But instead of going home, he went to old Huber, the carpenter, and helped him sweep the shavings into a pile. Nick wants to be a carpenter when he grows up. The teacher called her mother and told her that Nicky might get 2 points in the character class this semester (in German-speaking countries, 1 is excellent, 2 is good, 3 and 4 are passing, and 5 is failing).

My name is Wolfgang, I am 12 years old and in the second grade of a liberal arts middle school. Martina said, I look really ugly. But I didn’t care at all. Anyway, I couldn’t look the way I wanted, so I didn’t wear the orthodontic braces I bought for fifty shillings (the name of Austrian currency). Rabbit teeth are not the most important issue to me now. I had always been an excellent student before, but now that Haslinger has become our head teacher, he doesn't like me. My math and geography scores have been marked down by five points one by one, which is simply unreasonable. I like swimming the most. I am a member of the Swimming Association. The coach said that as long as I work hard, I will definitely become the national youth backstroke champion in two years.

We bought a house with a garden and have lived here for three years. Mom said that by the time Dad pays off the loan to buy the house, he will be senile. So we had to save like crazy. Our shoes, trousers and Martina's dress were all bought by Grandpa with money from his pension. Happily, Grandpa had no objection to wearing fancy clothes and never bought pants three sizes too big for our bodies. Last summer, he bought Martina a crocheted bikini. It was said that it was so revealing that my father lost his temper over it. He yelled and said: "Now my daughter is going out naked!" Grandpa chuckled and said: "My son finally has an enlightened idea." The father was very angry after hearing this. But he didn't say a word because he didn't want to argue with grandpa in front of us. He walked into the kitchen to find his mother, cursing, but her mother said that every girl now has a bikini like this.

This is enough about our situation. I believe we can start again with what happened on Easter Sunday.

At that time, last year, during breakfast on Easter Sunday, my mother came out of the kitchen, shaking all over. She was shaking so violently that Martina was so frightened that she dropped the egg into her coffee cup.

Grandpa asked: "Daughter-in-law, what's wrong with you?" (Grandpa always calls mother "daughter-in-law")

At this time there was another bang, and dad shouted : "Nicky, stop knocking!"

Whenever there was a banging or knocking sound, Dad said: "Nicky, stop knocking!" In most cases He was right, but this time the voice came not from Nicky, but from the kitchen. Nicky cried loudly and said it wasn't him at all. Martina fished the eggs out of the coffee cup. Mom was shaking and muttering: "In the kitchen, in the kitchen..." We all asked, what is in the kitchen? But my mother was speechless. At this time grandpa stood up and walked to the kitchen. Martina, Nick and I followed. I thought maybe a water pipe had burst, or there was a mouse behind the gas stove, or maybe there was a big spider, so my mother was very scared. But it wasn't a burst pipe, nor a rat or a spider. We were all stunned, even our father who came in after us.

It turned out that there was something about half a meter high sitting on the kitchen table. If it had no eyes, nose, mouth, arms, and legs, anyone would think it was a thick cucumber, or a medium-sized flat pumpkin. On his head was a golden crown with rubies on its teeth. The hands were wearing white thread gloves and the toenails were painted with red nail polish.

The "cucumber" wearing the crown bowed to us, folded his thin legs, and said in a low voice: "Our (my) name is King Cumioli II, who was born on the stairs. The Dayton family!”

I can’t describe the scene in detail because I didn’t pay attention to other people’s expressions. That cucumber totally freaked me out.

I didn’t think at that time: This thing doesn’t exist at all! I didn’t even think: This thing looks weird! I didn't think about anything, my mind went blank. My friend Huber Jo said that in this case "the human brain stops thinking"!

I only remember that my father said "no" three times. The first sound is very loud, the second sound is average, and the third sound is very low. Dad always said, if I say no, it means no. But this time he said no, it didn't work at all. That cucumber is still sitting on the kitchen table. He crossed his fingers on his belly and said repeatedly: "Our (my) name is King Kumioli II, born in the Stairton family!"

Grandpa was the first to stop being stunned. The ground stared blankly. He walked up to King Kumioli, bowed and said: "Nice to meet you (you). My name is Hogelman, and I am the grandfather of this family!" Kumioli stretched out his right hand forward. , stopped under Grandpa’s nose. Grandpa looked at his gloved hands and wondered what Cumioli was going to do.

My mother said that maybe his hand hurt and needed a wet compress. Mom always thought that everyone needed wet compresses, chest compresses, or medicated powder.

But Cumioli does not need wet compresses, his hands are normal. While waving his little gloved hand under Grandpa's nose, he said: "We (I) are used to kissing hands!"

Grandpa said that he would not kiss Cumioli under any circumstances. hand, because he only did that to pretty ladies, and Cumioli was not a pretty lady.

Kumioli's green cucumber skin had yellow spots, and he screamed angrily: "Call us (me) Your Majesty!"

Grandpa treated him like He stared at the Cucumber King like someone he didn't usually like. At this time, King Cucumber stopped waving, straightened his crown and said: "We (I) were driven out by the rioting subjects, and we (I) temporarily requested asylum!"

He then said: "We (I) were driven out by the rioting subjects. (I) felt very tired due to the unusual restlessness!”

Later, he yawned, closed his red round eyes, and shook his head, just like his grandfather did when he was about to fall asleep while watching TV. At the same time, he murmured: "We (I) want to cover ourselves with quilts and pillows!"

Nicky ran into his room and pushed the old rattan toy car as fast as he could return. Martina took out the miscellaneous items that should not be in the car: a piece of dry, buttered bread, three batons, a moldy vinegar cucumber, and a pair of Nick's socks. Thank goodness I still had my student ID card, I'd been looking for it like a needle for three weeks. I supported King Cumioli because he was already asleep and would fall off the table if I didn't support him. It felt strange to the touch, like dough inside a plastic bag.

Disgusted, I reluctantly put the sleeping Cumioli into the toy car. Mom covered him with a napkin and put the bejeweled crown in the refrigerator. This doesn't surprise us at all. From this point of view, how confused we are.

Only Nick was not confused, but he was not surprised either. He even said that there were six lions, an elephant, and ten dwarfs living under his bed. If ten dwarfs live under a man's bed, a Cumioli will certainly not confuse him.

Nick pushed the toy car to the balcony, sat next to it, and sang the Cucumber King: "Sleep, little baby, sleep, your father is an earl."

King Cumioli II slept the entire day. He snores peacefully and evenly.

Dad called the editorial office of the newspaper he had been ordering from. Because it was Easter, the editorial office was not working, only the janitor was there. When the gatekeeper heard this, he smiled and said that Dad should keep this story until April 1st next year.

Dad roared: "This is too presumptuous, you will pay a huge price for it!"

He put down the microphone with a bang, and then said, now he wants to give it to the editor Make a phone call to your home because you would rather talk to your boss than to your subordinates all the time.

I had to fetch him the newspaper, and Martina had to check for him whether there were really two "OU" in the name Dukupil, because that was the name of the editor-in-chief.

Later my father looked through the phone book and found ten Joseph Ducoupil listed there. Next to the names, one says seamstress, one says exporter, one says barber, and one says doctor. There were two others who lived in West Mering, and Dad said it couldn't be them, because those who lived in West Mering were low-class people. So Dad called the other four people. Two people didn't answer the call. The third person who answered the phone was a lady. She said that Joseph Ducoupil was her son and he went fishing. If he became the editor-in-chief, then he really wouldn't object, but he was just a family member. The pianist at the bar. The last one was the Dukupil that Dad was looking for, and he was also at home. Dad told him everything about King Cumioli and asked him to send a reporter and a cameraman quickly so that he could get a top story. But the editor-in-chief, like the janitor just now, didn't quite believe him. Dad turned pale with anger and suddenly put down the phone.

"What on earth did you say?" Grandpa asked with a gloating smile.

The father said that he could not repeat it in front of the children because the words were too obscene. In fact, we all heard it because the editor-in-chief spoke very loudly.

Grandpa pretended to be angry and said that he could not believe that an elegant gentleman from an elegant newspaper would say such inelegant words. But he wasn't really angry, he just wanted to make his father angry because they kept arguing about the newspaper. Grandpa didn’t like the newspaper that Dad read; Dad didn’t like the newspaper that Grandpa read.

At this time, my mother wanted to call the newspaper that my grandfather was reading, but my father objected and so did my grandfather. Grandpa said that the editor of that newspaper had more important things to write about than the cucumbers being kicked out.

Mom was so frightened that she forgot to barbecue. She forgot to turn on the oven, and by noon the pork was still raw. We had to eat sausage bread and overnight potato salad.

Dad has 5 cameras, and playing with cameras is his hobby. The new camera he bought can spit out color photos in half a minute. He took this camera and quietly went to the balcony to take pictures of King Cumioli. He planned to send a photo of King Cumioli to the editor. But the photo that came out only showed an empty cart and a table leg, but not King Cumioli. Dad took the photo again and again, but the photo still showed an empty car. So he brought a Leica camera, a Rolleiflex camera, and a Japanese camera and started shooting wildly. Sometimes with flash, sometimes without. Sometimes I use black and white film, sometimes I use color film, sometimes I use 9mm film, sometimes I use 23mm film. Then he went into the laundry room to develop the film, dry the negatives, and enlarge the photos. But no matter how big he zoomed in, there was no trace of Cumioli.

By evening Dad had taken photos of a basket full of empty carts and table legs. Grandpa said that Cumioli cannot be photographed.

Mom said, we don’t need to call newspapers and TV stations anymore. If a top news story doesn’t even have a photo, the public won’t

Chapter 2

While eating dinner, Cumioli was still sleeping. After dinner we watched detective movies on TV. The guest sleeping soundly in the toy car made Dad so dizzy that he forgot to forbid us from watching detective movies.

The detective on TV was raising the cover of the sewer in order to track down the thief from the sewer... At this time, the toy car on the balcony shook, and the Cucumber King woke up. Nicky pushed him into the living room. Grandpa turned off the TV.

Cumioli cried: "Where is our (my) crown? We (I) want the crown!" He grabbed his head in horror.

At first we couldn’t figure out where to put the crown, but then Nicky suddenly realized that her mother had put the crown in the refrigerator in a hurry. Nicky took out the crown, but it was cold. When Martina put the crown on Cumioli, he screamed loudly, so Dad quickly used a lighter to warm the crown, but it was too hot.

During the time that the crown was cooling down, the Cucumber King kept shouting that the crown should be given to him immediately. Without the crown, he would be finished, unable to think or live. After he lamented for a while, the crown was finally neither cold nor hot, and the temperature was just right for the Cucumber King's head. Cumioli put on the crown and climbed into the chair where his father sat while watching TV. He folded his thin legs, crossed his fingers on his belly, and asked his father: "Is he (you) surprised? Do you want us (me) to tell you who we (me) are and what we are doing here?" ?"

Dad nodded.

Martina asked: "Why does he always say 'we'? He is the only one here!"

Dad said that the honorific title for His Majesty should be in the plural, but Mary Tina couldn't understand.

My mother explained: "A king is more important than ordinary people, so he doesn't say 'I', but says 'we'. When you call him, don't say 'you', but say 'you', he When addressing ordinary people, don’t say ‘you’, but say ‘he’!”

Martina still doesn’t understand, and neither do I. Grandpa whispered to us: "Because he is stupid, that's why he said this!"

Now Martina understood it, and so did I.

Cumioli cleared his throat and began to speak. The way he spoke was very strange and difficult to understand, and of course we asked some questions, so it took a long time. It wasn't until midnight that everything became clear.

It turns out that King Cumioli II came from the basement of our house, the basement below. We have two basements. The upper cellar was where potatoes, pears and jam jars were stored for the winter, and where Nick's old tricycle was stored. Later, grandpa’s tool box was also placed there. Of course there is a door in the basement, and behind the door there is a narrow and steep staircase leading to the lower basement. Dad strictly prohibited us from using this staircase. In fact, it's not dangerous at all, just a little damp and slippery. Before he bought the house, my dad came to check it out and he slipped on this staircase and sprained his ankle. He had sprained his ankle so he wouldn't let us go down to the basement, otherwise we might have discovered that Cumioli was there.

It turns out that King Cumioli, his princes, ministers and subjects still lived in the basement of our house. Those subjects now no longer want to be his subjects. King Cucumber told us that he and his princes and ministers had always treated their subjects with kindness, friendliness, and kindness, but the subjects were ungrateful and rebelled. The princes and ministers were so frightened that they fled away, leaving King Cumioli II alone. The man responsible for the whole rebellion was a bad prince who had been eccentric and fomented discord among his subjects. Now alone, King Cumioli sought refuge in our kitchen.

Later, Cumioli also said that he would definitely be taken back this week, because the subjects could not survive without him.

"Why can't the subjects survive without His Majesty?" Grandpa asked.

"Because they don't understand anything and are very stupid. We have to tell them what every subject should do."

"That's it," said Grandpa, "they are very stupid." Stupid! Then why are they so stupid?"

Cumioli shrugged.

"Dear Your Majesty, then let me tell you (you) why your (your) subjects are so stupid!" Grandpa bent forward in his chair and shouted loudly.

"Dad, I beg you, please stop talking." Dad shouted, "These words are meaningless! Don't repeat the same old tune!"

Mom said, Grandpa shouldn't It's not good for his heart to get excited about political issues.

Cumioli then said that there were cucumber subjects living in the basements of all the old houses, and they all had a cucumber king. In the great old palace there even lived the Cucumber Emperor. He said that recently, the subjects had become restless and even rebelled.

Grandpa said, this is not called rebellion, but revolution.

"No!" said Cumioli, "No! They are rebelling! Rebellion! Rebellion!"

"Revolution!" Grandpa shouted.

"Rebellion! Rebellion! Rebellion!" cried Cumioli.

“Damn it,” Dad said, “It’s the same thing anyway.”

Martina said: “If a person leads troops to blockade Congress and kills those who don’t like him, If people are locked up and the newspapers are not allowed to write what they want, then this is a rebellion. If the subjects drive out the king, open the parliament, and announce elections, and everyone can write what they want in the newspapers, then this is a revolution!”

Dad asked where she heard all this nonsense. Martina said that this was not nonsense. If she had known it earlier, she would not have received a 2 in the recent history exam, but a 1. Dad said that if he had the chance, he would express his views to his trusted history teacher. Cumioli thought he was right.

At midnight, Cumioli said that he was tired again, but he could not sleep alone in the room for fear that his subjects would track him down and find him. He also can't sleep in a toy car because it makes a squeaking sound that wakes him up and scares him. He said: "We (I) want to sleep in the same bed with one of them (you)!"

"Don't sleep with me!" I shouted because I thought of the Cucumber King touching The feeling of going up there, I don't like sleeping on the same bed with the same piece of dough.

At this time, Dad said that Cumioli could sleep with him. This was already unusual, but what he said next was even more unusual. He said: "Your Majesty can sleep in my bed with peace of mind. I will take care of you while your Majesty sleeps!"

He didn't laugh at all when he said this. I found that he was not smiling at the same time. The Cucumber King joked.

Would be interested.