Not because of parents' opposition, nor because of worldly ties, no third party, no misunderstanding, but I haven't had time to be lovers, but I'm already familiar with them.
Then support each other, but why not love?
It seems that I never had it, but I have to spend the rest of my life slowly losing it.
Recommended for this novel: "I love you as a teenager"
Text: Lu Xiaohan
0 1
In the air in June, she opened a package and two packages of instant noodles, which were the cheapest ones a few years ago.
June is the season of wheat. In Li Jiaoran's hometown, the wide roads at this time have been covered with this harvested plant, which is silent, heavy and dry. After the car was crushed, the fragrance of grain overflowed. This breath is deeply rooted, which makes her vaguely smell the homesickness in the air from January to June in a distant foreign country.
Homesickness is silent, heavy and dry.
She once loved a person like wheat, long-term, gentle and quietly. Just like standing in front of a peach blossom, she can only be quiet.
In this June air, Li Jiaoran unpacked a package and two packages of instant noodles, which were the cheapest ones a few years ago. There was no information about the sender on the parcel, but she immediately knew who it was. Red eyes, almost crying.
It was her former feelings, so good that she never really had them, so good that she would spend the rest of her life slowly losing them.
When they fought side by side in the most difficult time, the noodles they ate had been discontinued on the market, and Du Wei wasted his painstaking efforts to find them for breaking the ice.
Think about it this way, how long has the original time passed?
02
In the good times of his life, he earned all the money to satisfy his ambition and made love to all the girls he liked.
Li Jiaoran first met Du Weibai when she was in her senior year. At that time, as an assistant, she accompanied Mr. Zhuang, director of the film and television department, to attend a salon in the film and television investment plaza. During the intermission, he came to hand over his business card. In the well-dressed crowd, he is simple and casual, T-shirt cowboy, without shoes. He said, "Hello, Du Weibai, here is my business card."
It is said that if a man has not learned to wear leather shoes by the age of 30, then he is either mixing too badly or mixing too well. That year, Du Weibai was just 30, belonging to the latter.
He is very famous, and Li Jiaoran also heard about it. He is a senior of several years. He pays equal attention to talent and personality. He was dismissed by the school because of his serious absence from class. At the age of 22, he owned his first company, and sold it a few years later and made a sum of money. At the age of 30, I had a second company, doing film and television, and invested in two projects, which made me famous in the circle and made me happy.
Such a person, Li Jiaoran looked at him. His face is shaded by the sun, like a sketch.
She said, "I don't have a business card."
"Then you can write your mobile phone number in my hand." He spread out his palm.
Wide, like a sea.
It was a week before I received his first text message, calling her to go down to the girls' dormitory. He leaned against the two trotters of black copper ash, waved to her, and took out a box of sweet cakes from the car.
"Go to Shanghai on business, where girls love to eat this. I think girls in Wuxi should also like to eat. "
Li Jiaoran doesn't understand the amorous feelings. "I'm not from Wuxi."
"That beautiful woman loves to eat." He stuffed the cake into her arms, hit the accelerator and left. In 2008, Du Weibai made all the money to satisfy his ambition and hit on all the girls he liked in the good times of his life.
Li Jiaoran is just one of them.
Gradually, he took her out for dinner and attended his friend's party. A group of grown-ups sat on the terrace of the bar street, opened a bottle of Amarone awake, drank a few barrels of German stout, and called each other brothers and talked about business. And business is a topic that only belongs to men, and it is nothing more than making hundreds of thousands of people talk about millions of projects and have a mouth addiction. At that time, Li Jiaoran, thin and small, followed Du Weibai and was booed by a group of big men, asking her to drink. Du Weibai, like a hen guarding her young, stopped every glass of wine handed to her, called the waiter and ordered her a pile of juice. Li Jiaoran drank juice through a straw and listened to these guys bragging.
They also pay attention to smoking. They dredge the cigarette body with a thin wire, insert thin agarwood, and light it again. The smell of smoke is mixed with fragrance. Li Jiaoran stares at Du Weibai, who closes his eyes slightly in the white fog, and his heart suddenly winces, and goose bumps appear all over his body, and there is a warm current to Fushun them.
In Chinese, this physiological reaction is called heartbeat. Song ci is more beautiful, that is, "I remember Xiao Ping's first meeting, and her two focuses are on Luo Yi."
It's midsummer, and she's as young as fresh fruit, showing her fat white and strong thighs and dragging her toes with cold. Du Weibai slapped her leg. She called him a rascal, but her mouth was smiling.
Later, Li Jiaoran recalled more than once what would have happened to her and Du Weibai if the variables of that summer had not happened. Whether there will be love, but it has only happened. She may just be a girl he has been with, and then she moved on, and then the stars scattered, and there will be no later obsession.
03
He can't offer attractive conditions, and his only bargaining chip is his kindness to her in the past.
But fate suddenly took a turn there. At the end of that summer, Du Weibai's company suddenly plummeted, and the former fans were scattered. After a few days of chaos, the world around him suddenly became quiet. At the age of 30, he returned to nothing when he was 20.
There is only one more Li Jiaoran to deal with all the trivial matters of company liquidation and industrial and commercial cancellation for him; Carry him back from the bar door and put him in a clean and warm bed; Hide all the sharp things in his house for fear that he will get over it. That year, Li Jiaoran was not a hero to save the earth, but only a superwoman.
Gradually, Du Weibai also slowed down, contemplating that there is still a set of real estate that can be sold and started again. People like him are not afraid of failure. They are afraid that boiling frogs in warm water will wear off all their vigour. He asked Li Jiaoran if he was willing to stay and help him. When he asked, he was uneasy. He couldn't offer attractive conditions. The only bargaining chip was his kindness to her in the past.
Li Jiaoran was cooking porridge in the kitchen and agreed without saying anything. "We all have a pair of hands made from scratch. What are we afraid of?"
They went back to Du Weibai's original job and set up a small media company. In July, the fire broke out, and the two men ran around looking for an office place, and finally found a desirable house in a civilian villa area in the old city. The inside is broken enough, and the rent, water and electricity are cheap; The geographical location is moderate, and the public transportation is convenient.
However, it is really a house in great need of lifting. The surface of the wall falls off in a large area, holes left by nails are everywhere, and the ground is so dirty that the original color can't be seen at all. Only that balcony is the only soft pen in the dilapidated background, with bright sunshine, a tall magnolia tree, dark green Parthenocissus covered with cement railings, and red wild roses dotted.
In countless bright afternoons, when Li Jiao Ran stood on this balcony overlooking the traffic in the street, her memory would go back to the early morning in 2008, when she and Du Weibai walked in here with the key that they had bought with all their last money. The house is bleak, and only the sunshine brings some vitality. She leaned against the door frame with cobwebs and watched Du Weibai walk into the sunshine. His back was solid, and they just stood in tandem, silent for a long time.
That may be the initial happiness in this house, which is old and white-haired. It is a flower in ruins.
04
She said, "I still like you. I still like it after so long. "
In 2008, Li Jiaoran squatted on the ground, holding a brush and wiping the ground clean and shiny.
She and Du Weibai's years in 2009 and 10 can be recalled by some smells: the toilet water of Liushen, the instant noodles boiled late at night, the white gardenia kept in a tea bowl in summer, and the bedding basking on the balcony in the dead of winter in December ...
What happened to them? Of course, I turned over later.
In the first year, they all moved out of the office building, and Du Weibai found a good place for Li Jiaoran. When her parents came to visit Wuxi, he specially borrowed a car from a friend to carry the family of three, and the host and guest enjoyed themselves for two days. Only in these two days, Li Jiaoran suddenly realized the beauty of this city that has stayed for several years: the fog at dusk in Lingshan, the night view of Luding Mountain, the osmanthus trees in Zuile Hall, the cherry blossoms in Bogong Island, and the tea in Huishan ...
She had a good time, but Du Weibai felt guilty. "Xiao Jiao, thank you very much."
Li Jiaoran looked at him with eyes. "It was my own pleasure."
When they were catching up with the progress of the project, they stayed up day and night. Li Jiaoran was so tired that she could hardly straighten up when she finished drawing the design draft. He hurried to help her. She was wearing his old T-shirt. From a distance, they looked like a brother and sister.
In those two years, the longer they grew, the more similar they became. The love that didn't happen turned into another nutrient to breed into their lives. Li Jiaoran sometimes quietly looked at Du Weibai and felt sad. She knew they had missed it. That summer, when she followed him and was full of beer fragrance, passed forever.
The next year, the company got better and better, and invested in several projects. Du Weibai gradually returned to her former appearance, and still liked the girl who was as thin as a clam. I bought a car and occasionally took Li Jiaoran out for a ride. There is a road that passes through a very long bridge. The sunset there is particularly beautiful. In winter, it is a yellow reed, and in summer it becomes straight and green. Under the bridge is a mild lake, as if people can drive into such a warm and calm embrace.
They didn't talk much, and Du Weibai held her cold hand. At that time, Li Jiaoran had some physical problems, and her long-term insomnia made her fragile and sensitive. She looked at the scene outside the window, only to feel desolate. She said, "Du Weibai, I still like you. I still like it after so long. "
He was a little startled, as if he suddenly knew her thoughts. After a long pause, he said, "Xiao Jiao, it's over between us. I regard you as a lifelong friend, the most cherished friend and business partner. Without you, there would be no me today. "
Li Jiaoran tilted her head and smiled slightly. "I know, I just want to tell you what's in my heart."
They were embarrassed for a few days after that evening. After that, nothing happened. However, Li Jiaoran still couldn't sleep. Du Weibaituo brought back some natural ingredients of Melatonin to her abroad. The next day, she looked much better and said, "The medicine is very mild. After taking it, she can fall asleep for a while and still have a beautiful dream."
That gentle and beautiful feeling, like being slowly covered by the warm lake at dusk, like a gentle quilt, like his broad palm, like Na Pianhai in his hand at first sight.
05
There was only one thought in his heart, and he wanted to see her again while his eyes were still clear.
"I got up several times to go, but I didn't make it. But I tried to hug you several times, but I couldn't. "
Li Jiaoran is finally leaving. After so many years, like a lonely boat tied in sadness, she was finally released from the rope. Du Wei sent her abroad for further study. She chose Brussels to study art and philosophy.
Before going abroad, they made an appointment to have dinner together and chose a new restaurant halfway up the mountain. He arrived a little late, watching her lazy on the sofa through the floor-to-ceiling window, watching a movie on the iPad, wearing a long white sweater, and her hair was much longer and scattered on her thin shoulders. Du Weibai stared at her through the window for a long time, and her heart was sad. Think of these years, they are also teachers and friends, such as brothers and fathers, but they have no fate to be lovers.
She turned her head and looked at him through the window, with tears in her eyes.
Even if I have a nostalgic memory, I know that I can't trace my past.
It was several years before she had a chance to tell him that the movie she saw on the day of parting was called Love Actually. There was a story about a man who fell in love with a woman hopelessly, so on Christmas Eve, he took a tape recorder and played her favorite music, and made a silent confession to her with a drawing board. The last sentence was: "My deserted heart will love you forever."
He finally shook her hand, like holding a piece of ice. There is a deserted moon hanging in the sky, and it is also awe-inspiring to ask. He said softly, "Go upstairs and have a good sleep tonight. I'll pick you up at the airport tomorrow morning. "
He didn't leave that night. He sat quietly in the car all night, and he didn't feel tired, thinking that this might be the last thing he did for her. It rained for a while in the middle of the night, and the dead leaves covered the window. He didn't know why he was so sad, as if he had sent away a whole youth.
In the four years when Li Jiaoran left, they also had little contact, only saying Happy New Year or Happy Birthday. Du Weibai didn't know if she had ever been back to China, but she never came to meet him again.
The ancients wrote that Camellia thanked her for falling flowers like decapitation, but nothing happened in the world. It seemed to come and go like a canoe, and it was as easy as lifting weights. In fact, in the end, it was still like this, which made people feel desolate, but they insisted that things were ordinary.
He has had several affairs in recent years, but all of them have no results. But I miss Li Jiaoran gradually, and my heart is like a fig tree planted by hand. It has never bloomed, but the fruit has matured quietly.
He wouldn't have made up his mind to contact Li Jiaoran if the doctor hadn't said that he was suffering from a fading vision. There was only one thought in my heart, and I wanted to have a look at her again while my eyes were still clear.
After four or five years of meeting, Li Jiaoran was late for a while. Seeing Du Weibai sitting in a cane chair not far away, his eyesight probably declined a lot, showing presbyopia symptoms, so he held his mobile phone far away and spelled word by word. Soon, she received a message asking where she was and whether she was lost.
She looked at him from a distance, and the face that she had put in her heart since she was in her twenties was a rich and touching face.
The grievances that have been stormy in recent years are in the sound of whether they are lost, such as morning fog, and gently dissipate. She walked up to him and sat down gently.
What should we talk about after years?
Let's start with their first white hair.
Editor /moyo Illustration/Teacher Niannian