Times Edition: This is an era when BMW owners abandoned their cars and fled after they knocked down the cake-cutting car.

Deep version: first steam the cake, put it in a strong wooden trough while it is hot, cover it with planks, press some heavy objects, or find some fat people to stand on it. In this way, the cake was pressed tightly, and water also flowed out with the cracks at the bottom of the wooden trough. Two days later, after removing the weight, a strong cut cake was born.

Bacon bacon pork belly: A poor boy asked a rich man: How did you get rich? The rich man said: I was poor when I was a child. I only have one apple. I cleaned it and sold it. This money can buy two apples, and then ... the poor child said: I know, and then I put two apples ... the rich man said: of course not. Later, my father taught me to cut the cake.

Pan Gou: The cake is handsome and rich.

Unbelievable: Obama announced that he would return more than one trillion national debt to China in the form of 200 kilograms of cut cakes.

: "Do you love me?" "Of course!" "Then you sell the house and buy me a cake to eat ~"

White rice: people are inherently mortal, either as light as a feather or as heavy as cutting cakes.

Natural curly silver hair cures small flowers: a cake is cut into a square, and a cake is cut into a suite.

Crispy chicken flavor: gold is not as good as cutting cakes.

Butterflies can't fly over the sea 1224: Super-large, super-hard and overweight brand Sacchi code.

Miss Tus Xiaoqi: If the cake goes down completely, it will go bankrupt. Do you believe it or not?

The dragon in my heart: Gates, Jobs and a cake seller came to the gate of heaven. The doorman said that only the richest people can go in. Gates said he was the richest man, Jobs said he had apples, and the latter said, I have cut cakes. Just say that finish, the first two immediately turned around and rushed to hell.

Miss Maruko, who works hard in the technical house: In the future, men will send cakes to cut if they want to chase girls. Those who can afford to cut the cake are all living Gao Fushuai.

Worry: real estate speculation is not as good as frying and cutting cakes! One catty of cake cuts the inner ring of Beijing to buy a house, and two jins of cake cuts the first-line stars to go to bed.

Ice-free: It is said that the top three things with the highest density in the universe are black holes, neutron stars and cakes.

Angel of War: A little girl selling cut cakes, carrying a big bamboo basket. Then. . . "Robbery" "People stay, put down and cut the cake" "Cut the cake and stay, people can go.

Advertising version: if the cake is cut for a long time, everything will go bankrupt. Give me a fulcrum and I can knock on the whole cake.

International Edition: Recently, at the White House press conference, Obama officially announced that China's national debt exceeding one trillion yuan will be returned to China in the form of 200 Jin of cut cakes.

Practical version: I put on a yellow rear-end sticker, and there are cut cakes on the car. You hit me.

I'd rather cry in the cake-cutting car than laugh in the BMW.

Blind date edition: Do you have a house? No, do you have a car? No, what did you get close to? My family has a car to cut cakes! Alas, you damn fool, I didn't say so earlier.

What do you mean by cutting the cake? On February 3rd, 20xx, Weibo @ Yueyang Public Security Bureau, the official of Yueyang Public Security Bureau, Hunan Province, announced that a villager Ling had a misunderstanding due to poor language communication when buying Xinjiang walnut candy, and the two sides had a quarrel, which led to a group fight. Two people were slightly injured in the incident, and walnut candy was damaged by about 1.6 million. Plus damaged motorcycles and injured people * * * 200,000.

The most popular funny quotations in 2020

1. Brother is either in the Jianghu or on his way to the Jianghu. 2, reading a book cramps, Si Wen is like a diaper collapse!

When you die, my mother will burn a seat in Hongyi Courtyard to see you off.

The world is too crazy to regard shamelessness as noble.

This is a world where wages don't rise and prices soar.

6, look silly, don't say anything about you.

7. I regard money as dirt and my father regards me as a septic tank.

8. When I love you, I will try my best to protect you.

I can't sing out of tune. I just like singing my own songs.

10, when I miss you, my heart will tremble and my tears will flow, so you don't understand.

1 1. Being pregnant is like being pregnant. It takes a long time for people to see it.

12, why not wear boxer shorts, because it wastes money and cloth.

13, I miss it for a while, so I choose old and gone.

14, I look thin when I am fat, so as not to look ugly when I am thin.

15, don't ask me where I come from, my hometown is the morgue.

16, I just want to be as gorgeous as fireworks, not like wind and dew.

17, I am not persistent or single-minded, but I only do it for you.

18, I am ordinary and simple, but I am brave at heart.

19, fell and stood up, and then fell in a good posture.

20. Remember, only mosquitoes will never leave you this season.

2 1, eldest brother, is your nickname Gao Qiu? I'm completely pissed off by you.

22. The moment I met you, my world suddenly lit up.

23. I want to be fat into a sea and drown all the dead skinny people who show off.

If you don't mind my being out of tune, I'll give you a unique love song.

25. The sky didn't fall on me, so it broke my heart and hurt my bones and muscles.

26. I'm sorry that my sister is so straightforward and can't say what you like to hear.

27. The so-called holiday is to be scolded at home, go out without money, and live a special day.

28. Don't think you are a gourd doll.

29, don't try to teach pigs to sing, not only there is no result but also make pigs unhappy!

30. If you are here, the four seasons are fine. Without words, it is a good scenery.

3 1, the worst thing in the world is: no radiation, too much salt!

If you don't push yourself, you will find that all the friends around you are beyond your power.

33. What you can't put down is chopsticks, but what you can't get out is the bed.

34. Sometimes, the most direct feelings inside are often the most difficult to say.

35. Life is full of coincidences, and two parallel lines will intersect one day.

36. Fallen is not terrible. What is terrible is that when a person falls, he is sober!

37. The most romantic thing I can think of is watching you grow old alone.

Fear not that your life will come to an end, but that it has never begun.

39. Smiling is my most extravagant expression, which I have only overflowed in my life.

40. Every year is Tanabata. Go out and have a look. Break up a couple is a couple!

4 1, every heartless person has his heart cut out for someone.

42. There are only two possibilities of disappointment: choosing the wrong person or expecting something that should not be expected.

43. I, wandering alone in the corner, will never have you in this corner again.

44. Just like my world, the sun suddenly disappeared. Isn't this just in line with the despair at that time?

45. There are two ways to conquer women: please your mother and surpass your father.

46. I'm sorry if my joke hurt you. I thought we knew each other very well.

47. If you know me, but you don't know Wu Shixin, it means that you are not familiar with me.

48. You get my heart too easily, so you must waste it.

49. Maybe it's just to cover up a lie. After a long time, I will get used to it!

50. My family was poor when I was a child. I can't afford a bike, so I go to school by taxi every day.

5 1, tell yourself that you can't be crazy and lazy now, and the future is very important.

If you are not happy to sleep, let him go. It's okay to be sad, but it's not good to hurt your stomach

53. They originally planned to love for a lifetime, because in the end, they only loved for a while.

Being burned to death is the most painful thing, because I can't eat the smell of barbecue.

Everything in this world needs money, even if you say a few words, you should move the money.

56. Learn to turn a blind eye, choose to ignore disgusting things, and choose to block disgusting things.

In fact, if you hug me during an argument, you will find that I never leave your power again. .

58. After an English listening class, the only thing you can understand is the first few words of Chinese.

59. What qualifications do women have to cry in front of men? Do you want us to tell her how much she saw?

60. I left quietly, and I came quietly, so elusive that I didn't bring a girl.

6 1, I don't like to visit the supermarket when the clerk never leaves, and I feel like a thief.

62. I don't want to move or talk, so I don't move, even if China moves.

63. When to build a love school, couples will enter school, homework will be halved, and exams will be free.

64. When you really care about a person, how trivial the details are, they become important.

65. It is said that women are clothes and brothers are brothers. Whoever touches my hands and feet, I will touch his clothes.

66, who took my hand and gathered my half-life madness; Who, kiss my eyes, cover my half-life displacement.

67. If you want to praise a person's appearance, you can say that there is no pS trace; So is hurting others.

68. I like my six-pack ABS best! This is why they are protected by a thick layer of fat.

69. Don't always compromise yourself by accommodating others. There are few people worthy of bending over in this world.

70. My future husband is definitely a road idiot, otherwise he would not find me now!

7 1, when women look at the sky, they don't want to find anything. She is just lonely.

72. Although sometimes your world falls apart, I will continue. This is just tenderness for you.

73. Be sure to live well, grow old slowly, get sick late and die quickly.

74. Teacher, it's not that I don't study. Because I have been afraid of the dark since I was a child, I have been afraid to look at the blackboard.

75. If there are too many fragile mental trauma, friend, pursuit is the best medicine to cure your trauma.

76. A sign of maturity is that you can actively accept things in the world that you can't understand.

77. Although some people wear perfume, they can still vaguely smell the scum.

78. Do you know what year it is? We are all people who have lost time, cutting and cutting until we are beyond recognition.

79. Telling a girl that I took off your makeup is far less deadly than saying that I took off your makeup.

80. This world is neither the world of the rich nor the world of the strong, but the world of the volunteers.

8 1, those who forward their horoscope features all day long are calling themselves bastards who despise me!

82. Growing up means underestimating what was originally valued and attaching importance to what was originally underestimated.

Even if life has a thousand reasons to make you cry, find a reason to make you laugh, because this is life!

84. Once I was playing on the ground, the male god patted me from behind, and then I farted loudly.

85. Constantly growing and losing, leaving only a cold heart to freeze all feelings.

86. It's hard to love someone. Loving two people is fun, loving three people is annoying, four people capsize and five people are completely finished.

87. I often tell myself that tears should be swallowed when I am wronged. Tears are for yourself, not for others.

88. Not beautiful, but also out of shape. That's the reality. It looks hypocritical. If you feel uncomfortable, so what.

The most classic online funny quotations

1. If you see a shadow in front of you, don't be afraid, it's because there is sunshine behind you.

Many people say that marriage is the grave of love, but love that can be buried underground is better than a corpse in the street.

There are two tragedies in life: one is not getting what you want, and the other is getting what you don't want.

Life is like a cup of tea, it won't be bitter for a lifetime, but it will always be bitter for a while.

Anyone can become vicious, as long as you have tried to be jealous.

6. People are tired because they can't put down their shelves, tear off their faces and solve their plots.

7. What is the worst job? Is to do something he doesn't like. What is worse than the worst? I want to work all my life!

8. God decides who your relatives are. Fortunately, it leaves room for you to choose your friends.

9. If the heart has no place to live, it wanders around.

10, the biggest sorrow in life is not that you can't get anything, nor lose anything, but that you don't know what you want at all.

1 1, don't always tell me the story of the common people in 2B society! Why can't Baidu search you again? No matter how tough you are, you can't hold your urine, can you?

12, time is the best teacher, but unfortunately-in the end, he killed all the students.

13, I'm a white-collar worker: I got paid today, paid the rent, paid water and electricity, bought instant noodles with oily rice, felt in my pocket, and felt that I was a white-collar worker again this month …

14. As a monster, my wish is to destroy at least one Altman.

15. Live the blues spirit of hip-hop like erhu.

16, people without medical insurance and life insurance, don't try to be brave after dark. ...

17, I'm not RMB, how can everyone like me? !

18, you have to find out the script of your life-not the sequel of your parents, not the prequel of your children, nor the foreign story of your friends.

19, do you want a discount? Say my name and I promise to break your bones!

For people who always like to talk about what they used to be, our boss said, "You used to wear open-backed pants. Do you still wear it? "

2 1. My colleagues like playing mahjong very much. She said: "I 10 years ago never played mahjong. When I saw someone playing mahjong, I thought he was an animal. Now when I see someone who doesn't play mahjong, I think he is an animal. "

22. A friend works as a temporary worker in a government agency, and the unit asked her to write anti-corruption materials. She thought of her rich and powerful colleagues and wrote: "Fighting corruption and promoting honesty, they are corrupt and I am honest."

23, China is full of disasters and nothing is normal, so the China football team is normal!

24. Drink Besunyen slimming tea, and your chest will be gone.

25. Do you think the sourest feeling is jealousy? No, the sourest feeling is that you have no right to be jealous.

26. When the pain comes, don't always ask "Why me?" Because you didn't ask this question when happiness came.

27. People, it is better to be beautiful than to live beautifully!

28, the same bottle of drinks, convenience stores sell 3 yuan, five-star hotels sell 60 yuan, many times, a person's value depends on the location.

29. Everyone is "primitive" at birth. Sadly, many people have gradually become "pirates".

30. When most people care about whether you fly high or not, only a few people care about whether you are tired or not. This is friendship.

3 1, like a person, very happy together; To love someone is to want to be together even if you are unhappy.

32. I can't bear it, I can bear it again.

33. There is always a gap between ideal and reality. Fortunately, there is still a gap. Otherwise, who wants ideals?

34. Not every sentence of "I'm sorry" can be exchanged for "it doesn't matter".

35. A friend is someone who sees through you but still likes you.

36. Love is like sand in your hand. The tighter you hold it, the faster it will be lost.

37. Let the future come and the past pass.

38. Beauty can only provide eyes for others, but it may not bring happiness.

39. Nonsense is the first sentence in interpersonal relationship.

40. Taiwan Province Province, your mother's 60th birthday! Tell you to go home for dinner!

4 1. The man was away on business and suddenly went home early. He heard the man snoring at the door. The man walked away silently and sent a text message to his wife: divorce! Three years after the divorce, his ex-wife said to him: It's Rising's little lion.

42. If handsome can be a meal, then my handsome can feed 654.38+03 billion people.

43. The fat man got a girlfriend and broke up in less than a week. When a friend asked why, the fat man said, "She said ... she was tired of watching me for a long time ..."

44. Looking at beautiful women in the street is appreciation if you look up, and hooligans if you look down.

Internet funny quotations

1. I grind my teeth when I sleep (my wife said, I don't know). One day, my daughter-in-law asked me, what dreams do you have when you sleep at night? I always gnash my teeth and answer, I dreamed of you. I dreamed about you. It's your turn! ! !

After making a beautiful girlfriend, she confessed to me for the first time, and I gave a cucumber. Seeing that she was so honest, I told her, well, I don't care, I will go in the future. But one day, I suddenly found a cucumber in her mobile phone address book, and I was blocked instantly.

It happened in the army at that time. A comrade-in-arms is a little sissy and asked me to go to the bathroom together. I came directly to say that you are sick and call me when you go to the bathroom. At this time, a fellow villager in my class called me, buddy, to go to the toilet for a cigarette. (Note: Smoking is not allowed in the army recruits' class), the landlord immediately shook his body, and he was so happy that only Xiaobing was left alone in the wind.

4. Take a shower with your husband. Just after undressing, my husband said "Hattie" in surprise, and then counted it like a child who just learned to count. 1, 2. I was curious to ask my husband what he was counting. The husband said in surprise, I'm counting the swimming rings on you. Get out of here. Your math class is taught by your Chinese teacher, right? Only three were returned to my mother, and one was missing.

A colleague took a wedding photo, and the photographer said, Come on, handsome boy, put your hands in your pockets. Colleagues put their hands into the pockets of jackets and suits.

6. There is a roommate in the university, which is very funny. On the way to class in the afternoon, he has been practicing long jump and took a big step in running. When gc reached the corner of the building, he jumped again. That's all he heard when he split his thigh. More interestingly, several girls from the corner still know each other. Finally, he borrowed a classmate's coat and went back to the dormitory.

7. Just now, my seven-year-old son ran to me: Dad, I just learned a poem called Ode to Dad. Shall I recite it to you? Me: Ah! Son can recite poems? Or a compliment to dad. Tell dad. Son: Dad, Dad, with a thin neck and a big head, sleeps dishonestly, wets the bed and talks in his sleep. Don't run, boy. Let's try stick education.

LZ was on the night shift last night. Have dinner with colleagues in the evening. I sat next to a goddess, and I was embarrassed to say hello. Colleagues suddenly saw rice grains on the mobile phone that the goddess put on her lap, so they quietly told me that LZ had a brain pumping and said a sentence directly. I am full and hungry. No wonder the goddess looked over and said nothing.

9. My little nephew is over two years old and loves to talk. Ask me one day, uncle, why don't you get married? I teased him and said, will you help your uncle find an aunt? He said yes ~ I'll go to the playground to find an aunt for my uncle. I heard tears in my eyes. My little nephew is too sensible to talk about with excitement. He added, I will go to my uncle when I grow up. When you grow up, when you grow up, I cry even more.

10, one day my wife asked me: I finally sent my son to kindergarten, and I should look for a job. Please show me a bright way! Me: That's easy to say. Just sweep the street. You are good at sweeping the floor. The road you sweep must be Guangming Avenue!

165438+ ! Let's go to the hospital at once. This child must be saved!

12, a girlfriend came to my house to play and changed clothes in my room, but the curtains were not closed. I quickly reminded her, and she said disapprovingly, Change clothes in your room, and the person opposite thought it was you when they saw it! Hey, why should I make this stupid good friend? Do you want to make friends?

13, I saw a beautiful woman in a food stall today. Beauty: Does the proprietress have any paper? The beauty seems to be in a hurry, and the proprietress is also generous. She took a few pieces on the dining table and gave them to the beautiful woman. The beauty ran to the next toilet. I asked the proprietress in my heart, can you please give your sister a good piece of paper after you catch the pepper? I wonder what will happen if your sister comes out.

14, Husband: I heard that someone died and wanted to drink Meng Po Tang, so forget about me. Me: Then I don't want to drink it. Husband: Don't you want to forget me? Me: I asked her to give me the biggest bowl.

15, I went to the park with a buddy at the weekend and saw a dog taking a shit. When my buddy passed by, the dog barked at him, and the buddy was angry at that time: Cao Ma, what do you mean, what do you mean, I can still steal your shit? When I heard the domineering language of my buddy, I instantly felt that my buddy's back was also high.

16, I went to the barber shop with my sister, because my sister's breasts were bigger, and the guys in the barber shop rushed to wash my hair. Why didn't anyone grab my hair? Shit, I also understand why the reclining chair for washing hair is designed like this, not just for the comfort of customers.

17, the athlete was bedridden due to illness, and the team doctor took his temperature in his lethargy. The athlete asked: How many degrees? Answer: Close to 40 degrees! The athlete asked again: How far is it from the world?

18. Just now, on the way back to the company after shopping with my colleagues, a beautiful woman in front was walking in the middle of the road on the phone. She is in a hurry, as if looking for someone. A car behind us honked its horn and stopped slowly among us. The landlord looks at K5! White! Colleague's car! Open the back door conveniently, sit down and do it at once! I will never forget the confused eyes of my sister holding a mobile phone at the landlord and the co-pilot aunt after another door was opened!

19, I still remember that year, I went to the station to meet my wife, specially cut my hair and wore a white shirt that I didn't usually wear. When I arrived, I asked her cheerfully, wife, do you think my whole body reminds you of an era and a period of youth? My wife pointed at my chest: The story of Uncle Sloppy? When I looked at it, I didn't know when a big lump of Chili oil appeared. What about the agreed 17-year-old bike and white shirt? Why not let others be wind chasers?

In the office, the English teacher helps a student with learning difficulties to improve his oral English. The teacher helped him practice oral dialogue first. Hello! As soon as the teacher said, the boy opened his mouth and came: cool dog! Alas, I have listened to too many songs on the Internet!

2 1, someone in the group sent a red envelope, and the result was spontaneous. Some people are very angry and say, no, how can you eat alone? I quickly agreed: Yes, spit it out and eat it together!

22. In high school, the class teacher liked to check posts outside the window. Once I was playing with my mobile phone at the same table, and the class teacher was talking on the phone outside the window. When he saw his deskmate, he rushed over and asked you to play with his mobile phone in class without saying anything. As a result, he dumped his phone. The deskmate looked messy, and the class teacher silently picked up his Nokia battery and shell. .

I went swimming for the first time last summer. As a result, the locker room and the cabinet are not on the same floor. I changed my bathing suit and put all my clothes in the cupboard. I found that I couldn't find my underwear when I came back. Later, I had no choice but to put on my pants and pretend that nothing had happened. I went to the door and heard that someone had found a pair of underwear and claimed it. . Have no courage to go. That pair of underwear was silently abandoned by me in the lost and found. .

24. Once my girlfriend came to see me, I asked her to wait for me at a certain intersection. It's close. She said she didn't know the way. I told her to walk in the past 100 meters. As a result, she said, there is no sun today, and I don't know how to get there! God, I was immediately impressed by her IQ.

25. After self-study, I pushed open the dormitory door and found my roommate sleeping on my upper bunk. He pointed a flashlight at his ear in one hand and an ear shovel in the other, and asked him what he was doing. He said: You can only see clearly by pulling out your ears! See clearly? Your eyes will be busy!

26. One day, while walking on the road, two people quarreled. One person can't beat the other, just say, I spit in your face. Another person worships instantly!

27. Last night, I spent 10 to buy more than a kilo of mango (one kilo in 5.5 yuan) ~ ~ Passing by the fruit stall downstairs in the community, the aunt selling fruit asked: How much did you buy this mango? Tell her, after all, let me weigh it for her and say I lost money! The result is put on the scale, and the price shows: 14.5 yuan! I vaguely floated a sentence: Did I miss two pounds before _ I saw her green face messy in the wind, and she would not die if she didn't die!

A few days ago, my friend gave birth to a son. I called on the road today to ask about the situation. I asked her, do you have any milk? Here comes the point. Just finished, I calmly walked past a boy, and instantly felt ashamed to see anyone.

29. Tell an interesting story. One day I took the bus after work, and there were two beautiful women talking next to me. One of them said, hey! Nowadays, men are more and more colorful and always bother me around me. It's really annoying Another sister said: You are right. At work, almost every day there are several men around me, like flies, I can't get rid of them. At this time, a 2-year-old child across the street asked, Dad, what is a fly? Dad said: it's the bugs you see outside, revolving around garbage and shit.

30. I flew with my colleagues, with four seats in the middle and two beautiful women next to me. I'm really sorry that my colleagues started pretending to be B: X when they got on the plane. We had an accident. I didn't book first class. This is my dereliction of duty. I will do it well next time. He looked humiliated, asked the stewardess to bring me a blanket, and then chatted with the beautiful woman next to him. In order to cooperate with him, Lao Tzu lived for more than two hours, pretending to be deep. He missed the opportunity without saying a word. Now I think wearing that grandson is really smart. I really want to help him several times.