After going through the last critical stage of my senior year in high school, my personality collapsed.

It happened in high school. When I was a freshman in high school, I left the impression that I was a positive and helpful person. I could mingle with my classmates and teachers and get along very harmoniously. In the minds of teachers and classmates, I was the image of a good student full of positive energy. But this good trend did not last for a long time. Due to the influence of the outside world and the bad thoughts of my family since childhood, my mentality became unbalanced, and my mood was sometimes optimistic and sometimes negative. My original image of a good student also began to disappear, and I no longer wanted to chat with others. I only liked being alone, singing, and reading to relieve the depression and worries in my heart.

When I reached my third year of high school, I was overwhelmed by the intense preparation work. There was no time to rest. I was immersed in the tactics of the sea of ??questions every week. The ruthless score ranking made me exhausted physically and mentally. I was fed up with the noisy learning atmosphere in class self-study classes, I was fed up with the silence when no one participated in the class activities, I was fed up with the lack of respect between classmates, teachers and students... So I changed I had to exclude the outside world, wanted to find another way, wanted to study hard, and worked hard for the last month, but the grade's exam preparation policy that "discriminated" against poor students tightly locked my feet and hands, making it difficult for me to move forward.

In the second semester of my senior year of high school, the class teacher decided to run for class leader again. The class teacher was not present at the time. I was so excited that I wanted to change the bad atmosphere in the class and at the same time improve my abilities. When the whole class was silent, I finally took heavy steps from my seat and walked along the narrow seat. He walked to the podium and spoke passionately about the class leader he wanted to run for - squad leader. There was an uproar. No one thought that the person who originally liked silence would choose to run for the position of monitor. Although he usually only serves as the representative of the mathematics department, the representative of the physics department, and the study committee member, that's all! Why did he suddenly want to be the monitor? That was something no one expected.

I looked at the seventy-two pairs of eyes in the class, and the whole class also looked at me. My heart beat rapidly, and I held the podium with both hands to prevent my trembling legs from getting sore and weak at the next moment. On the ground.

In this way, I became the monitor. I thought I could take this opportunity to change myself, but I was wrong. What I didn't expect was that my withdrawn personality made me lose completely in the end. I am used to being lonely and don't like to communicate with others. This has led to a layer of separation and a barrier between me and outsiders, which cannot be broken. I can only watch through the gauze of my soul.

As the leader of a class, the monitor often needs to communicate with others. He is an important bridge between the school and classmates and teachers, between classmates and teachers, and between classmates. In the days that followed, when I was tired of communicating and tired, I still remained silent. I didn’t speak when something happened, and I just worked hard. Later, because the college entrance examination was approaching, he simply fell into silence and became completely silent. He lay on his seat and frantically worked on the questions from morning to night without speaking to anyone. The job of monitor was naturally given to another female monitor, but I was immersed in the contradiction between studying with all my heart on the one hand, and communicating with others and doing my duty as a monitor on the other. Obviously I chose the former because at that time I was very selfish and had no sense of responsibility.

I had private conversations with my class teacher many times and mentioned that I wanted to resign from my position as class monitor, but the class teacher seemed to deliberately avoid the issue and had no intention of letting me resign. When I thought about it carefully, it seemed that I had not been the monitor for less than a month. Including my previous silence, it actually counted as less than a week. A monitor who had only been a monitor for a week really shouldn’t have resigned. The impact was not good. I guess it was the head teacher’s fault. mean.

But what I didn’t expect was that the root of depravity hidden deep in my heart began to explode. I became less and less talkative, even if I was talking to others about anything, including studying. , life or not, I don’t want to. I just worked hard, studied hard, got up early and stayed late, and even before going to bed at night, I had to finish a few math problems with the light green light of my watch before I fell asleep. In terms of study, I have gone crazy. In terms of communication, I am a fool. In class, I use my bad mood as an excuse to refuse to take the initiative to deal with class affairs. Then I sit at the table and become a lunatic. study.

Just like "paper cannot contain fire", what should happen still happened.

Because of my emotional reasons, I was noticed by the subject teacher and reported to the class teacher. The class teacher chatted with me and asked me how I was doing. I said I just wanted to study quietly. Later, when I really had no choice, I called my parents and asked me to go out and have a heart-to-heart talk. I still used this reason to reply to them.

When my parents picked me up, it happened to be a physical education class (it was changed to a self-study class because the exam was approaching), and what was even more coincidental was that it happened to rain. The rain is pouring down all the time, irrigating the withered flowers and plants in June. For the trees, everything is about to usher in life and hope. The head teacher tactfully told my classmates about my resignation, and I was having a heart-to-heart talk with my parents outside the school. Looking at the sudden rain outside, I seem to be looking forward to my tomorrow, just like this rain, it will wash away all the stuffy heat, leaving only a comfortable and quiet soul.

A few days after I came back, I wanted to tell my classmates about my thoughts of leaving my job, but I learned from my classmates that the teacher had already told my classmates when I left school. The tone was very tactful when he said it. I knew that the head teacher wanted to minimize the negative thoughts about me. I imagined the scene where the head teacher helped me tell my classmates about my resignation in the physical education class. I still remember it clearly, unforgettably, and was very moved.

I kept my original silence and continued to study quietly, neglecting communication with my classmates, and gradually developed a gap that was irreparable.

This state lasted until I graduated from high school. I know that after preparing for the exam in my senior year of high school, my performance was extremely bad in the eyes of my classmates and teachers, and my personality was completely shattered.

Later I understood that placing one's emotions on others is the most insecure manifestation. Only by understanding what you want from the depths of your soul and taking action can your soul be enriched and wonderful. Someone once said something like this: "We once longed for the waves of destiny so much, but in the end we discovered that the most beautiful scenery in life is inner peace and calmness. We once looked forward to the recognition of the outside world so much, but only in the end did we realize , The world belongs to you and has nothing to do with others!” I was deeply touched.

Now that my previous persona has collapsed, I have to create a new image, a new and unique persona that only I and my future friends know.