2, the other day in the home of a friend, the cell phone do not know where to put it can not be found, so borrowed a friend of his girlfriend's I'm not sure where I'm going to be able to find my cell phone. Input my number, a press the dial-out button, the screen showed her saved my name: SB3 (and then feel relieved, fortunately, is a quarterback ...)
3, today in the school group meeting, suddenly accidentally sneezed, raised his head and found that the snot Biao to the front of the girl's back, the woman did not realize, so secretly want to help her wipe off, just put his hand up, next to the girl found out, shouted "how do you wipe snot on the body of the others ah! "
4, bought an ipod touch, I have a friend and I said that the screen is very hard, do not need to paste film, the key scratch are fine. Then I scratched it with my key...
5, on the college that will be students dinner, drinking a cup after a cup of dry, a moment in the stomach on the reaction.
Rushing to the toilet, not yet stood firm on the gushing out, full of a ground ah 。。。。 The first thing you need to do is to get a good deal of money to pay for the services you need. After a while, my friend got up and said he wanted to go to the bathroom, I kindly advised: "Do not go, just someone vomited, too disgusting."
6, the afternoon on the bus, out of the bus card bam into the coin hole ....
7, middle school, a homework is not good, the workbook on the teacher gave me 2 words, redo,
The second morning I went to buy breakfast, and then the workbook to the table asked him to help me hand over,
The most classic place appeared, his old man in the redo behind wrote a, do not do. Handed over,
Next, a tragedy ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, more tragic is almost graduated, he just told me ,,,,,,
8, walking in the crowded streets behind the sudden sound of a sharp overbearing siren, not yet reacted to a Buick commercial vehicle hit my shoulder; I did not get angry, just gently took out the keys! I bought 30 pairs of .....
This is how the two days were changed...
The result after almost two months, my desk really can not stand to see, said: lazy you, how two months you even socks do not say change a pair of
I: ....
10, recently cooled down, saw a strong man on the highway, drove a convertible sports car, wearing a motorcycle helmet.
11, on the spur of the moment, to take their own photos as a computer desktop ... and then my computer was poisoned ...
12, high school a classmate said in his sleep
"Consort, consort, don't leave me"
I am petrified ......
After a while
"Dang Qing Dynasty so perished, I am not willing to na, I am not willing to na"
I directly collapse ... ...
13, say a my wife's thing
The day before yesterday, my wife to find a financial software online, I let the computer to her, I look at the side, my wife skillfully open the www.google.com, in the search field enter "Baidu", and then in the search results open Baidu, continue to find her! The results of the open Baidu, continue to find what she wants - - +
Now, I have to find something will say to my wife, go to Google Baidu ......
14, said a classmate's parents.
His parents just started a relationship. One day to go shopping, his mom looked at a down jacket, but a look at the price of his father to go.
His father said: "We can't afford it, but we can't try it. The first thing he said was, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
His mom changed out, his father looked around, pulled his mom to run, said: run! The sales clerk was not there!
His mom was wearing the down jacket, the label floated outside, was dragged by his father to run out, just past a pillar, his mom hugged the pillar and cried. His dad looked back and said seriously, "Run! Are you waiting to be caught?
His mom cried more fiercely . Then his dad laughed: hahahahaha ...... clothes money you went in when I paid.
15, the approval of homework, see students do not draw a map of geometric problems, hand annotated: no picture, no truth ~
16, girlfriend wants to check the phone bill, to 10086 text message: my phone bill is still how much left
17, classmates A car accident, foot fracture, hospitalization
We played a few good classmates went to see him
Once he was admitted to the hospitalization unit, he met his parents.
I went up to him and asked him about his condition
And he said, "Auntie and Uncle, how did A die?"
His mom and dad were green in the face.
18, in high school, the most hilarious thing
that will be no money, we often get together to buy cigarettes, that day I bought a box of cigarettes with my buddy
just ready to go to the bathroom to smoke, the results of the class, it is the classroom teacher's class, forget about it first class
class when I saw that guy sneakily write a note and then kneaded a big ball, to throw me over
This is a good idea, but I'm not sure what to do.
The teacher saw it, and she came down and took it away, stood on the podium and started to read it
Sweating, if I had known what it said, I would have swallowed it rather than give it to her
The teacher opened her mouth and said, "Yak (my nickname, if you have any of my classmates on Humblebee, you'll be able to recognize me)". ", the class burst into laughter ......
"This pack of cigarettes first to ZJ to take two" the class continued to burst into laughter ...... in addition to ZJ
"In to the boss (a classmate nickname, not really what the boss) take two" the class continued to burst out laughing ...... except ZJ and the boss
"The rest we two equal share" The class has laughed their stomachs hurt ......
The most classic appeared
"If you want the box, less one, do not want the box if more one" the class directly laughed down ... ...
I am completely speechless ...... embarrassed RZ
19, my roommate to play tricks on me, put my wallet hidden in a small box, MD problem is that small box is a gift I want to send to guanzou a female net friend, I'm too good to send out two days before I realized my wallet is gone. I realized that my wallet is gone. I'm in Wuhan, my ID card, bank card, girlfriend's photo all in the hands of guanzou's female net friend.
20, yesterday in Walmart, suddenly upset stomach, forced to rush into the bathroom, just squat down on the start of the shocking eruption, the results next door to the child cried out, her mother asked her how she said, stink ~ ~ ~
21, arrived at the coast, unloading is complete. Exercise task is assigned to a garrison division for anti-landing maneuvers, the guys immediately prepare the vehicle. I am using a grease gun to the weight wheel oil, fat division political commissar stood behind me for a while, concerned: small comrades, hard work! I did not realize that the tank has 12 wheels to pump, tank soldiers really not easy ah!
I was moved to tears.
22, when I was in high school, I always got together to smoke after class
That day I happened to have a relatively proud thing to say to everyone, and as a result, I smoked slow
Everyone else smoked, I still have half a stick left, and look at the class soon, took two big puffs
Suddenly the homeroom teacher came in, and I threw the cigarettes on the ground, and stepped on them with my feet
But the two that had just inhaled the cigarettes were not enough to make me feel good about my life. p>But the two puffs of smoke that I just inhaled had to hold my breath
The homeroom teacher had already seen it and came over to me and asked me if I was smoking
I shook my head
The homeroom teacher: Speak up
Continue to shake your head
The homeroom teacher was furious: You give me the words to speak up
Me: I...didn't...I'm not.... ... smoking ... smoke ... (accompanied by smoke from the nose and mouth constantly gushing)
The class teacher also did not hold back laughter ......
23, today, off work and coworkers to go to dinner together, we both ordered a plate of Pepper scrambled eggs, found that there is a hair, and then colleagues will use chopsticks to pick up the hair, shouting, boss ~ ~ you see what this is? The boss took a look and said, "Oh, come on, let's get a new pair of chopsticks for the lady. To the lady for a pair of chopsticks
24, spent 50 dollars online to buy a handmade face soap, with no two days, and then want to use the night when I found that it has been half thin, above the soap bubbles, so angry that I spit blood.
My dad also said, you this soap is really good, after the bath all slippery.
25, the first time to eat Italian pizza, do not know what to eat, ordered a 38 yuan plus 8 yuan to send a cheese package.
Meals, found that there is something missing, a thought, the original less cheese,
So shouted: waiter, my share of cheese how not on ah? I've already eaten it all, so why don't you let people eat it?
Waiter: Sir, your cheese is already on your pizza...
Me: It's okay, go ahead and get busy...
26, midday back to the dormitory, saw my cup of Coke, directly a mouthful of all drink. After drinking my face is green. The original dormitory that buddy to eat dumplings bought a bag of vinegar, no place to pour, with my cup loaded.
27, the teacher lectures like to plunge which, one day the teacher lectured: "my bottom radius is 20cm, my high is 50cm, then I ..." below someone said: "is a rice bucket ..."
28 "
28 、我这人比较丢三落四的，昨晚洗澡完又忘了关煤气....
Then my mom helped me clean up the mess while saying: so you absolutely can not commit a crime, because it will certainly leave evidence of the crime ...
29, a day after gym class, hungry, ran to the restaurant to eat, crowded, too crowded, but also messy, I'll be playing rice aunt shouted: "My rice speed point ah!" I shouted to the woman who was cooking, "Hurry up inside! Wanted to rice waiting anxious ```"
30, I pulled out my pocket time, a key fell, did not find, and then went back to find!
There was a young couple there by the side of the road, the man suddenly said excitedly: Whose is it? I'm not going to be able to get a good look at it, but I'm going to be able to find it.
I thought it was the key and said, "Mine, mine!
Later, I realized that the woman was pregnant 。。。。. I'm not sure how much I'm going to be able to afford to pay for this, but I'm sure I'll be able to.
31, my sophomore next door like a true story....
A certain A in class sleeping... The teacher found
He was furious.... He told A to go to the front of the blackboard to solve the problem .....
If he couldn't write, he was going to humiliate A in public
In fact, A didn't even get to the blackboard before the teacher started to sour him...
How dare you sleep in class when your grades are so poor? All you do is sleep...
I never thought... He can actually write... And he did it beautifully...
The teacher was a bit embarrassed... So she told him to go back to his seat and leave him alone. ....
Unexpectedly, he even choked with the teacher ....
I'm going to sleep for a while
You can ask me again later if you don't know anything
32. My brother went to an elementary school to play basketball, and I heard a girl in the lower grades ask a boy in the lower grades, "Do you love me or not?" The boy said helplessly: "My mom gives me three dollars a day, of which two and a half let you take it to buy snacks, you say I love you or not ...
33, said, my girlfriend to play the summer job, in a cell phone plaza to sell cell phones
One day at noon, lunch time, almost no one in the store, my girlfriend next to the counter to an uncle level people look at the phone, it happens to be that section of the counter of the MM has not yet eaten, breathless, look at the uncle is not like the Lord of the phone, did not get up to the counter with an arm on the support of the head, because this MM chest (River Crab) is relatively large, the uncle looked at the look suddenly realized that you can see MM breast (River Crab) ditch, eyes are looking straight, my daughter-in-law found, want to remind the MM, the results of the MM did not respond, a few minutes later, the MM open: brother, see enough? See enough to buy a cell phone it ......
The results of the uncle did not say anything, bought a cell phone and fled out of the door ......
34, listening to friends, a colleague of his relatives to Xiamen, the relatives gave a Xiamen e-cartoon, the bus. bus, this person to the driver to see the e cartoon, want to go to find a position, the driver called him, said: "read the card ah", he picked up the e cartoon, read aloud to: "Xiamen e cartoon ~ ~", the driver said: "to the side of the read", the person actually walked directly to the driver pointed to the place, with all its strength read: "Xiamen e cartoon", ...... car
35, one day I was in the toilet (school dormitory toilet, squatting) poo, squatting time is too long legs a little numb, so the hand on the door to maintain balance, and then feel another poo to come out, so began to force, do not know the hand also used the force, the results of 。。。。。 The door lock broke and I rolled out.
Can you think of the scene your classmates' classmates who were outside at the time saw? A bare (river crab) butt classmate suddenly rolled out of the toilet, accompanied by a poop jetting out of his PP, absolutely shocking!!!! And everyone on the same floor basically knew each other, my X! I can't hold my head up in front of these classmates for the rest of my life...
36, in the morning, my husband sent me to the unit on the go, and then I suddenly received a text message from him: "I just sent that bitch (River Crab) away, and will go to you right away, honey."
37, the morning bus sitting next to a MM with a mask and is by the window position, now is not the influenza is very fierce, so I do not think there is anything. We all know that now in winter, many bus windows are closed, the car's odor naturally worse some people are frowning. But the MM's demeanor to a very natural only to see her from the pocket took out a straw on the corner of the mouth and open the window a gap, greedily sucking the outside air 。。。。。 This behavior is not ordinary people ah =.
38, our math teacher always like to pretend to be humorous and say a joke that no one laughs
We talked about spoofing him as a class, and when he said his first words in class, we all laughed out loud
The day he came in, he was silent for a moment, and said that his father had passed away
I immediately let out a big laugh and the others were silent.
39, shopping in the supermarket
Saw a cashier counting a bunch of coins very seriously
A child ran past, while running and singing: "A flock of ducks swam under the bridge in front of the door, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.
Then the cashier was very depressed and put the half-counted coins back and recounted them ....
40, high school when living in school, a classmate went home to let him help me take some things, then sent a text message: burn me some clothes and money.
41, and his girlfriend on a date, see a front and my girlfriend is very similar to the up, went up to shoot her ass.
She turned her head and gave me a slap.
Then someone tapped me on the shoulder...
I turned my head and my girlfriend slapped me.
42, the day suddenly received a phone call: "Guess who I am? I'm not going to be able to get a good deal on a new one."
I guessed all the possible people, but not right. Then I got angry and asked, "Who the hell are you? If you don't tell me, I'm hanging up!"
The result of that person said: "I am a courier, you have a parcel ......"
Then I vomited blood
43, yesterday morning, a twenty years have not met the comrade suddenly called my I'm not sure if you're a good person, but I'm a good person, and I'm a good person.
Of course I don't know who he is, he is from Shexian, Anhui Province, working in a local foreign-funded enterprises. Recently, a vegetable dehydration enterprise here and their company jointly develop a new product, he as a foreign enterprise technical staff stationed in this enterprise in our Xinghua.
This news is really too sudden, we two in the army when we talk to each other, especially good feelings. A few years ago, we lost contact with each other, and I can't believe that he suddenly came to our Xinghua. I told him on the phone that I would immediately go to their collaborative unit to pick him up and get together at noon.
I went to their collaboration unit, good guy! The company is really elegant, the management style is all foreign investment mode, just into the company's door, the guards interrogated a gas, registration, signing particularly strict, probably my comrade is stationed in the unit, the guards agreed to me into the company.
I walked to the workshop that my old friend said, my old friend saw me, nodded at me and made a face. The meaning of that I read, it is not yet time to finish work, not allowed to meet the guests, let me wait on the side for a while.
I was bored and wandered around the workshop for a while, pulling out a newspaper from my bag and reading it by the workshop door. Suddenly a boss-like man came up behind me with a security guard standing next to him, he looked at me, tapped me on the shoulder and said, "What's your monthly salary?"
I smiled politely and said, "Not much, sixteen thousand." Without saying a word, the boss-like man counted out sixteen hundred dollars from his bag and flung it at me, saying, "This is your salary for this month, you're fired, please disappear from here immediately." With those words he walked away without looking back.
The security guard pushed me out of the front door of the company very nonchalantly, I struggled and asked, "Who was that guy?"
"Who is it? That's the boss, you don't even know him and you're still hanging out here." ...
44, I am a nurse, one day on the night shift, in the middle of the night, suddenly want to get up to planted vegetables to confiscate, for fear of being stolen by others, on the phone to my sister so that she helped me to collect, and by the way to steal some of the other people's, after the phone call to the patient to send oral medication, I gently into the room, gently patted the patient wake up and gently said: moncler outlet store, get up to steal vegetables it!
45. Last night I cooked crabs, and when the water boiled, I threw them into the pot one by one. The crabs were fresh and moving around in the pot.
Wife hit a small good, can not see this, so hide behind me to cover their eyes do not dare to see.
I relieved: Jiajia, we are not too cruel?
Wife: Well ............ put salt?
46, today on the bus, there is a stop the driver asked: "Close the back door ah!" No one answered, so he closed the back door and started. This is the carriage issued a girl's weak voice: "Open the door!" The driver braked in annoyance, banged open the back door, and yelled, "Get off if you want to!" The car people are looking at the back door, half a day but no one down, face to face do not know what's going on.
Then the woman on the car TV let out another cry, "Open the door!"
47, I farted a fart on the bus,
See around them have waved their hands, the expression of pain,
I also waved their hands.
The lady next to me turned her head and said: you do not pretend
48, Dragon Boat Festival is coming, the unit issued a box of milk and a bag of good Thai rice, unit a female colleague after work so that I can help him to move home, to the downstairs, the colleague said: "call no one to pick up, you downstairs and so on me, I went up to see, if my husband in the If my husband is there, I'll ask him to come down to move, if he's not there, then I'll have to trouble you to help me move up." We are all friends, I nodded and didn't say anything.
After a while, the female coworker stood on the balcony of her house and called downwards, "You come up hey!"
I didn't hear it the first time and didn't react. Then I heard my female colleague shouting, "Hey! My husband is not at home, come up quickly!"
The words came out, alarmed the neighbors, are just home from work, home are people, everyone ran to the balcony to see. I've been in full view of the public on is not, down is not, go more is not, NND, there are a lot of people in that neighborhood know me. I would like to remind her not to shout: "What did you say?". I'm not sure what I'm talking about. Who knows that my female colleagues not only did not react, but also thought I did not hear clearly, hands made a trumpet shape on the side of the mouth louder word for word called: "Hear it? My husband is not at home, come up quickly, wait anxiously!"
49, Wuhan University scandals, I do not know if this counts - Wuhan University has a weekly class, the teacher came in with a compass, around the classroom God chattered around, and then, spit out a sentence: students, today is not suitable for classes, dismissed
50, one day at four o'clock in the middle of the night, a friend called! I'm not sure if you're going to be able to get a good deal on the way to the next level, but I'm sure you'll be able to get a good deal on the way to the next level, and I'm sure you'll be able to get a good deal on the way to the next level.
I was speechless
51, elementary school, I a male classmate, walking on the time to pick up a piece of paper, open a look at a great, is a piece of paper written with the words of the curse, which says that if you don't copy the contents of this piece of paper to send it to someone else tomorrow for 50 times, it will be a very ugly death and so on and so forth. My classmate was so scared that he went home and copied 50 copies of the paper overnight. The next day to send to others, at first sent out a few, but then we know what it is, say what do not want him to hand over the paper, so the morning passed, his hand also accumulated dozens of copies.
The first music class in the afternoon, the teacher happened to point to his name to let him sing, only to see the little boy teary-eyed stood up, said quietly: "are dying people .... Which mood to sing ah ...." .
52, I a high school classmate after graduation to the highway intersection as a toll collector. One day, a Japanese man came to his window to ask for directions. Japanese fluent English let him did not understand a word, but a strong patriotic heart told him not to Japanese people in front of shame, so he smiled and nodded: "yes, yes, yes ~!" Then the Japanese man rode his bike onto the highway!
53, my wife and I went to the Wolverine Temple to play, my wife could not walk on the road, so I carried her.
An old woman saw, said seriously: see you are also a person who has read books. Wife is sick or early to the hospital, worship Buddha is useless
54, students outing, climbed to the top of the mountain, a girl especially excited to stand at the top of the mountain shouting: motherland ah, my mother! And then a crush on this girl's boys special exhilaration shouted: motherland ah, my mother-in-law!
55, my house is rented to a Japanese guest, one day, the guest called me a phone, with a mouth is not very fluent in Chinese, said: "Chen Gong (sang), the home of the natural gas is almost gone, can you help me to add a little!" Since guests seldom bother me, I hoped that the house would not cause him any inconvenience, so I asked, "Kurokawa Miyagi (sang), are you out of gas now?" @#......percentage￥@#, words as soon as they left my mouth felt wrong, fortunately, is a Japanese, do not understand the "essence" of the Chinese language, actually returned a sentence: "Now is not out of breath, I estimate that within three days to be out of breath! " (o!o)
56, elementary school every day only a few cents of pocket money, once saved for a few days, it was hard to buy a packet of five spice melon seeds, class secretly all knocked, melon shells all in the desk drawer,
The afternoon came to the class when looking at the melon shells and craving, and so the melon shells and put in the mouth are contained once again, the feeling of the flavor is good ah.
A classmate asked me what to eat, I had to say eat melon shells, specially bought five spice melon shells, only shells without meat, is to eat the flavor. As a result, that afternoon a bunch of students gathered around my seat to eat the melon shells I licked twice 。。。。
57, when I went to school when the school is a cottage, September opening, came a lot of newborns. One day a freshman seemed to be a class representative holding a pile of homework, asked me: "Where is the math office?"
"By the men's room." The math office was indeed by the men's room, but to the left.
The guy went to the right side of the men's room and yelled "report" at the door.
There was a pause, and a voice from inside said "no one is allowed in"!
58, when I went to school when the school is a cottage, September opening, came a lot of new students. One day a freshman seemed to be a class representative holding a pile of homework, asked me: "Where is the math office?"
"By the men's room." The math office was indeed by the men's room, but to the left.
The guy went to the right side of the men's room and yelled "report" at the door
There was a pause, and a voice from inside said, "No one is allowed in."
59, high school military training, the first day of class, is a language class.
The same table did not rest over, sleep in class.
The teacher saw, "The student who slept,
Please answer the question."
The same table woke up with a jolt, "I won't ......"
The teacher: "Pay attention to the lecture, don't sleep anymore,
Sit down! Then student number 53 will answer this question."
The table stood up again:
"Teacher, I can't ........"
The teacher swooned, "Sit down, then student xxxxx will answer the question! "
The table then stood up: "Teacher, I really can't! "
"Sit down! The representative of the language class will get up and answer me! "
The same table stood up again: "Teacher, I am the language class representative ......."
60, down the carport to get a car, see no one around, it is very bold put a P, the results caused by the next electric motorcycle immobilizer loud
61, take the bus, I sat in the front row by the window seat.
After half an hour, I put my head out the window.
There was also a brother in the back row with his head out the window.
I yelled at him, "Put your head back in."
The guy, who didn't look like he was in a good mood, crossed his eyes and said, "Go on, it's none of your business."
I retracted my head back and so did the brotha, I turned my head and said to him very politely, "Please don't stick your head out the window again."
I stuck my head out the window a second time.
I guess the brother, who has a lot of pride, thought, if you can reach out, so can I, and stuck his head out the window once again.
I couldn't hold it in any longer, so I threw up and got a face full of dirt.
The man screamed, and my friend, who was next to me, said to him, "What are you screaming for?
62, high school when you like to play soccer, GF often watch me play, once I was practicing shooting post, she ran over and said: "I stand that you can kick me down?" (about 15 meters) I said try it!
The result is that I don't know what kind of scripture I've got, but I've got a great shot, and I've got a head shot!
Crying on the spot, he didn't talk to me for a week!
63, I told my friend that I lost my bike, I bought it less than a week ago, sad.
Friends said you that counts for something, I bought a bike, just look at the loss:
Friends entrusted others to buy a bike, more than twelve o'clock at noon, he was in the kitchen frying, only to hear someone downstairs shouted: "X chief of the car bought back!"
The friend poked his head out of the window and said, "Put it there, I'll be right down, thanks ah!"
Turns off the fire, wipes his hands, and goes downstairs.
NND, the car is gone ......
64, once, after the bell rang, a boy stormed into the classroom, rushed to the last row, the teacher issued a message: some students are late, from the back door, do not affect others! The boy sat down, that out of the bun, took a bite. He realized that there was a pretty MM next to him, who kept staring at her. He thought that MM hadn't eaten breakfast either, so he gave her the bun attentively. The teacher spoke again, this time ugly face: some students late even if, but also in the classroom to eat breakfast, they eat also forget, do not give the buns to the teacher!
65, my parents said, when I was small and they stayed with them in the hotel, get up in the morning they found me very well behaved to take a toothbrush to brush their teeth, the problem is that the hotel sink is higher than my people, they asked me how to fill to the water, I took them into the toilet, pointing to the toilet bowl ......