Suffering from mental illness for many years, I have had countless suicidal thoughts and tried to self-harm; Sometimes I really feel that I can't live, and I'm disappointed that I can't live what others and myself expect.
Seeing the news of braised potato leaves and watching the warm messages everyone gave him, I found that I was not only in pain; It is not easy to be alone. So we are the majority.
We are all the same, we have unknown hard times, and we are all struggling to move forward.
It's easy to die and difficult to live, but we still have to live and continue to fight against fate.
It is really difficult to be understood, so you don't need to be understood, just understand yourself.
The world has been teaching us how to succeed, but no one has taught us to accept mediocrity.
I have read this sentence many times these days because of the death of braised potato leaves. This is a good point. From the beginning of school, we knew that only by getting excellent grades and being admitted to key universities can we find a good job and live a good life.
Society has been urging us to grow up and become useful people to society, and no one cares whether we are happy or not.
Probably in their view, living decently is success.
I don't know how many people, like me, have pushed themselves into a dilemma in order to live the life others want.
I was worried for a long time because I was afraid to find a job after graduation. I'm afraid I can't adapt to the society and have a little social phobia.
Many times, I will blame myself for not working hard enough in high school and not being admitted to a good university; When I went to college, I blamed myself for not learning professional knowledge well; Looking for a job after graduation, blaming yourself for not being able; After working for several years, I blamed myself for not achieving much in my career.
I thought about it carefully, and the reason why I became like this is because I have been struggling to live the life that others want and live the life I want.
On the one hand, I want to do what I like, but I can't support myself at present; On the other hand, I am afraid that others will say that I have nothing to do.
So, I chose to support myself first.
In these five years, I have changed several jobs, and I am still on the verge of supporting myself, and I have not made any satisfactory achievements. On the contrary, I am getting farther and farther away from my dream, which is unacceptable to me; As far as I'm concerned, I've made a temporary compromise on reality. I'm living seriously and I deserve more.
I am so desperate that I don't care about my life and I can't get any comfort in my mind.
Life has lost its meaning, which is terrible.
You will doubt your ability, your choice and persistence, and the malice and warmth of the world.
When you can't reconcile with yourself, guilt and despair come from all directions, which makes you unable to cope.
It's really hard. It's too hard to live.
It's braised potato leaves, which makes me decide to live on.
Anyway, the world is still warm and worth looking forward to.
I will gradually accept this not-so-excellent self and mediocrity.
However, in mediocrity, we will continue to pursue our dreams.
I will keep writing, keep moving forward and try to be what I like.
A message shared with braised potato leaves:
@colosse
# Dalian University of Technology #
In fact, many people in our generation have no future.
When you feel failure and despair, there is no default "safe haven".
There will be no feeling of "just going home" and going back to the house with my parents for the rest of my life. Or get up again and start over.
Many people actually don't regard home as a retreat. At the bottom, family members will even give more pressure.
I saw many young people standing in the middle of the road, just standing and crying. There is no light in the back, and it is foggy in front.
When I saw the last sentence, I remembered that I was looking for a job in Shenzhen on 20 16.
At that time, I had just resigned from a foreign trade export company, and that was the only time I looked for a job related to my major.
Unfortunately, I didn't insist on staying.
That day, I wandered aimlessly in the street, and I deeply realized the word "confusion" for the first time.
The world is so big, but there is no place I can go.
That day, I stood in the middle of the road, just standing there, looking around, trying to cry.
However, instead of crying, I continued to walk aimlessly.
I wish I had cried loudly. If I learn to release my emotions boldly, maybe everything will be different.
Therefore, emotional release is too important.
If you keep everything in your heart, your heart will be too big to bear one day.
So, don't be like me, don't put too much pressure on yourself.
When life is really hard, just stop and have a rest, give yourself a vacation, put everything down, and find a place to make peace with yourself slowly.
There's nothing to be afraid of starting over. Find a job you like, treat yourself as a newcomer who has just stepped into the society and start over.