1 Watching the sunrise can make people feel alive.

no one should look down on anyone with a small IQ.

3 When a man comes to his senses and a woman comes to her senses, the world will naturally be at peace.

4 The third person is not the later one, but the one who is not deeply loved.

5 you don't have to say anything, I understand everything. You want to say that my sister is beautiful,

6. I watch that conversation every day. My mouth unconsciously rises.

7. I want to make a phone call. I open the phone book, but I don't know who to call.

8. I need to sleep for a long time when I am born, but I will sleep after I die.

9. Because I insist, I am not afraid of regrets.

1 You are a pig. A pig who doesn't understand my heart.

11 if you don't want to live, then die, and if you can't die, live well.

12. I really don't want to say that you look forward to the scene of the accident.

13 Altman counts as a ball, and Pig Bajie is the cutest

14 Those who always say that others pretend to be forced, you are not even forced.

15 I'd rather get drunk and make him uncomfortable than let him feel wronged without drinking.

16 You are a Pacific policeman? That's quite a tube.

17 What was once was once, and now is now

18 I'm not pretending to be crazy ... but I don't want to sleep ...

19 Where there is sun, there is me, Zhang Ruofei.

2 days, 2 days, 2 days, 2 days, 2 days, 2 days, 2 days, 2 days, 2 days, 2 days, 2 days, 2 days, 2 days, 2 days, 2 days, 2 days, 2 days, 2 days, 2 days, 2 days, 2 days, 2 days, 2 days, 2 days, 2 days, 2 days, 2 days, 2 days, 2 days

23 what can be taken away is not a thing.

24 Nd people really can't care too much about men, so he will be like a crazy dog.

25 If his wife is gone, he can find another one. Mom, there's only one.

26 boring mother, crying with boredom: bored to death ...

27 To be a good monster, you must beat Altman at all costs.

28 Look at yourself. It's really better than garbage.

29 Hey, demo. You're still out of breath when you say you're fat.

it's 3: . when are you hugging each other? Yang is watching the fun.

31 With the engraving printing machine. Making money is fast

32 I would like to be a lovebird in the sky and a pig in the same circle on earth.

33 Just like you, you are too ugly to be an example. Weibo tells a complete collection of funny stories

Weibo tells a complete collection of funny stories

1. My roommate didn't know where she got the folk prescription. When washing her hair, she used egg white as a conditioner and the water was too hot to wash an egg flower. So the whole dormitory didn't sleep at noon, and helped her choose egg flowers together ~

2. It took almost a year to finally learn the beep of swiping the bus card. I went out to take a bus the day before yesterday, and as soon as I got on the bus, I beeped. As a result, the driver uncle said, Beep your sister! This is a bus!

3. Today, I took the bus, and lz was surrounded by a beautiful woman, listening to songs and playing games with headphones. When the beauty received a phone call, lz took a glance and saw the caller ID, which was a long word. Take a closer look at the face smaller than her and the chest bigger than her

4. When I first came to my period. . Get your pants dirty at night! Then soak it in a plate and get ready to wash it. . . My brother came in and said in horror, Sister. You killed someone? You wait. . I'll give you my pocket money, so run for your life.

5. Beauty, I'll give you 1, yuan if you take off your clothes. Beauty, why don't you touch it ten minutes later? I have no money

6. Today, I met the village chief's wife practicing driving at the entrance to the village, as if she wanted to take a driver's license test. She drew a line and backed up again and again. I quickly say hello, sister-in-law, and move to Uniqlo? The village chief's wife looked at me and hesitated for a moment. She said shyly, Brother, we rural people don't have to pay so much attention to it, just pile firewood in the back ~ ~ ~ Sister-in-law, what are you thinking?

7. A female colleague resigned. The manager asked her why she resigned. The female colleague growled, I have been in this company for 4 years! No male has ever chased me!

8. I dreamed of fighting cold-blooded killer all night, but I woke up in a daze in the morning and we were still stuttering. MD, my temper immediately came up, and I immediately asked for leave to go back to sleep, and I will kill you! ! ! It is so capricious!

9. My wife's practical ability is too strong. When she is away, no one mops the floor at home, brushes the bowls and washes the clothes. As soon as she came back, the housework inside and outside was put in order. Specifically, if I don't do anything, she will play until I finish.

1. In the hospital, I heard a woman say loudly, "Doctor, I want to take the ring you pressed for me yesterday. The doctor asked why. She said, "Stab people. The doctor asked how to tie it? She said, prick her husband. Then I saw her husband looking for a crack in the ground.

11. The quality of sleep is not good recently, and I always wake up suddenly after a short sleep. The doctor's advice to me is to drink a glass of milk before going to bed. I tried it, and the effect was good. Now I can sleep for three classes in a row.

last night, dozens of people in the food stall counted down at the end of the year. Five! Four! Three! Two! One! Happy new year! Everybody cheers. There is traffic ~! Another voice came from the corner

13. On the weekend, my father watched Xiaoming play games for another day, and he earnestly said, "Son, what will you do for a living if you keep doing nothing like this?" Xiao Ming bowed his head and pondered for a while. Suddenly his eyes lit up and he took out a bottle of 52.

14. Husband, in order to commemorate our 1th wedding anniversary, do you want me to buy you a pearl necklace as a gift, or do you want to travel to Japan? Wife, I want to travel to Japan. I heard that pearl necklaces there are very cheap!

15. A buddy said that his junior high school teacher always arranged beautiful girls for him to sit at the same table, and he was very grateful to the teacher. As a result, when he graduated, the teacher told him the reason, saying that it would prevent beautiful girls from falling in love.

16. My dad was taken to the bus by a liar when he was a child, and happened to sit next to a neighbor's house. Didn't the neighbor say that this was not a XXX child? Who are you to him? As a result, the trafficker said, I don't know. I don't know what you got. You gave it to me and I sent it back. Then my neighbor sent my dad home after work. I was still a liar and stupid.

17. Today, the two goddesses of the company came to see me at the same time and had dinner together at noon. What happened to me today? It's not a dream to pinch off your thighs quickly. Goddess, a new restaurant has opened downstairs. Those who weigh more than 22 kg will get a 1% discount on this table. 18. Today, for a car model beauty. I got rid of Lamborghini, who accompanied me for two years. Actually, it's not because I'm horny or willful. It's just that the picture is so beautiful that you will always get tired of watching it for a long time. So the wallpaper must be changed frequently.

19. Ask a buddy. Do you know Aoi sora? I don't know. What about Maria Ozawa? I don't know. What about Wu Tenglan? I don't know. What about Amami Tsubasa? I don't know. What about Zhang Ziyi? Is that what she does?

2. Today, in the elevator, two Germans were chatting about the weather. I didn't expect that I understood everything. It seems that studying hard is still very effective, otherwise how could they speak Chinese so fluently!

21. At the end of the year, I was embarrassed to ask my friend to pay back the money. I suspected that I thought of a way to remind him that you had just paid money into my card. I didn't expect him to say, well, yes, I just wanted to call you, but I heard it was messy.

22. Dad told me, look at you, you are either playing mobile phones or playing computers! I, I play mobile phone to let the computer have a rest; Playing computer is to let the mobile phone have a rest. My dad,. .

23. Master, I am different. People around me don't accept me. They all look at me with different eyes. . The man said sadly. I saw the master slowly close his eyes, and the man had an epiphany. Master, are you telling me not to care about the eyes of the outside world? Master scolded, Mom, put on your clothes first!

24. I went to the supermarket with my friends to buy shrimp, and asked the shop assistant if it was fresh. The shop assistant said that the shrimp was not dead but hibernating, and then asked us how much to buy. I said to my friends, let's go and don't disturb them to rest. .

25. My colleague Xiao Wang's job is very difficult. Every day, he has to sit outside the leadership office and try to tell whether the leader is playing landlord or calling him in.

26. I asked the master: Master, my wife has been abducted. I don't want to live. The master closed his eyes and pointed to the opposite mountain. Does the master mean to make my mind as broad as the opposite mountain, and not to die for a woman? You think too much about Sao Nian. The monk opposite me showed off his female friend yesterday. Go and see if it's your wife, and help me cut him off.

27. The young man asked the Zen master, Will love transcend gender? Zen master, this is a grand proposition, sometimes it will, sometimes it won't. Close the door, close the curtains and put out the candles. Let's elaborate.

28. After checking the ticket by train, I got on the bus and walked to the edge of my seat. I saw a beautiful woman in a slim skirt sitting on my seat. I said to her politely, beauty, I'm sorry, you're sitting in my seat. The beauty growled at me with her ticket, you are blind, this is my position. Then he turned his head and said, now men are so fond of chatting up. So I kept silent and waited until the car started. I told her that you had a good seat, but you got on the wrong bus

29. Actually, when I was a child, I wasn't afraid of injections, but later I found out that children who cried badly would get candy from doctors, so I cried with them. As a result, my dad got up with one foot.

3. When others got on the bus to practice driving, the first sentence was to whisper, strike a light, step on the clutch, shift gears, loosen the clutch and start. And when I get on the bus and practice driving, the first sentence is usually to shout loudly first and get out of the way! Get out of the way Get out of the way

31. A couple, a man and a woman, said let's get married. The woman said, "Do you have a room?" The man said, "why do you girls have to have a house when you get married?" The woman said, isn't it necessary to get married in a bridal chamber? Since I'm out of the hole, why don't you leave the room?

32. In the restaurant, a bachelor said to me, I'm so envious. When can I have a chance to eat the set meal for couples? I comforted him and said, don't lose heart. As long as you have money, like me, one can buy a couple package.

33. There is a beggar in a street, begging for a living there every day. One day, someone suddenly found a bowl beside the beggar, but no one was there? Curious. Then he went up to him and asked, Why did you put two bowls? The beggar smiled and said, I don't know why business has been particularly good recently. So I opened a branch.

34. After going to the toilet today, I accidentally fell into ten yuan. I tried to pick it up, but I couldn't get it down, and I was a little reluctant to leave. After a struggle ... I decisively took out a hundred and threw it in. Damn it, I can finally pick it up with peace of mind.

35. Today, I went to the kindergarten to do security work. I was accompanied by more than 2 female teachers by a big man, and I felt the country of my daughter. One by one, I was embarrassed. I was just a security guard.

36. Friends come from the countryside, but they never buy or wear double-breasted clothes or down jackets. I showed her my favorite double-breasted trench coat that day and asked her how she felt. She frowned and said, "Don't you think double-breasted clothes look like sows?"?

37. In junior high school, the Chinese teacher was very young and beautiful, and often wore short skirts, so we often put the mirror on the ground to feast our eyes, until the day when she saw me in the mirror, she began to wear pants.

38. When the school was on holiday, I dared to send a short message to Goddess, I miss you! The goddess replied, have you always missed me? I miss you straight or not.

39. I told my husband that I had never been in a car with more than 2, after he followed me. This idiot took me to the construction site today and let me spend a day in the cab of an excavator with him. Ask me, are you excited about your daughter-in-law? This car is more than 1.4 million. .

4. A sister was trapped by love and committed suicide by choking her neck. After the emergency room doctor treated her, she said, "Girl, people kill themselves by cutting arteries. How about cutting the trachea? Do you feel more ventilated?"

41. My best friend chatted very well with her boyfriend, and I was extremely upset. Once, I asked my best friend: Why does your boyfriend occupy my boyfriend every day when he doesn't talk, so I don't have time to talk to him? My best friend said a long sentence, I can take away his time to talk to you, which proves that that time doesn't belong to you.,, Well, I have nothing to say.

42. On the bus, an uncle took a steel pipe and sat upright. It was quite long, almost reaching the roof. Later, he got on a group of sister papers, and one of them kept holding the steel pipe as an armrest. During the bus, all kinds of shaking sister papers bowed his head and played with his mobile phone to concentrate on it. In order to hold the steel pipe firmly, the driver suddenly braked, and the uncle's hand loosened, and the sister paper almost flew out with the steel pipe. A busload of people laughed.

43. My cousin lived in my house recently. Yesterday, when we were cleaning the room and sorting out books, we accidentally dug up the black-and-white photos (like Kawaii's) printed by my computer a few years ago. Then I said, throw them all away. It's no use. My cousin said, Why throw them away? It looks good when you buy a photo frame. I immediately went to the top. It's black and white. .

44. Usually, at noon, we usually go by bike. Just when it's okay, several of our male colleagues walk to eat, and we go by the path when we leave the factory. Just when there are two women in front, one of our colleagues blows a whistle to attract attention. At that time, I heard one of the women loudly say that our sisters are striding forward, regardless of the dogs behind. . . Ouch, I'm so angry. . . Finally, the phone number is coming.

45. The younger brother and sister were fighting, and when they were fighting, their father came. When my father saw it, he yelled at his brother and scolded him: you can't let your sister do everything! Then I slapped my brother. My brother buried his face in tears: Well, you haven't hit me for so many years, but today you hit me for a woman.

46. Teacher, this class is over. Do you have any questions? Xiao Ming (hands up), teacher, teacher, this classmate, what's your problem? Xiao Ming, teacher, what is this class? Teacher, Go out!

47. I went to the hospital and passed the gynecology department. I saw a man standing there shouting: I finally scored after four years. At this time, I got a cramp in my head and said, the ball is scored, but you may not be the shooter.

48. The landlord has a sister-in-law who is two years older than me. Besides, in our university, can you imagine that when I see her in the restaurant, I call her Little menstruation, and people around me look at me like a monkey?

49. I went to the grocery store to buy things in the morning, and the boss said, "Your five dollars are too bad, so I need a new one.". Then I changed one.