Dedicated to the August 1st Army Day: One of the Veterans' Stories to the 21st

One of the Veterans' Stories: "Three Don't Smoke"

I stopped smoking a few years ago because of vocal cord surgery, but I finally got over the pain and started smoking again.

This reminds me of a platoon leader who served in the army. If smokers can "smoke" like him, it is almost the same as "quitting smoking".

This platoon leader has "strict" requirements for his smoking, which can be summarized as "three don't smoke": one day, cigarettes that cost money-don't smoke, that is, don't buy them yourself; Second, cigarettes are not good-if you don't smoke, that is, if others let you smoke, it must be good cigarettes; Third, don't give up-don't smoke, that is to say, the person who gives up smoking has to cry and beg him to smoke.

Listen, I don't care if I don't buy it myself. If someone else buys it and asks him to smoke, it must be a good cigarette. Besides, I have to die and beg him to smoke. This is not sick!

just like this, how many cigarettes can he smoke a year?

according to my four years' observation, I only saw him smoke once, which was a Zhonghua brand cigarette brought back by a comrade-in-arms in Beijing. It was a great "Greater China"! It can be seen that the standard of "good smoke" he asked for is really high enough.

Ladies and gentlemen, if you can also "three no-smoking", this smoking is almost "quit".

antithetical couplets as evidence: "Father quits smoking, son quits smoking, and father and son don't smoke; Mother is happy, wife is happy, and the whole family is happy. "

the second story of veterans: "Let's have a bowl of meat"

After reading this topic, it's hard for you to think that this is a person's nickname. This is something that our army just implemented the military rank system in 1955.

Three fellow villagers from Shandong Province stationed in a certain unit in Tonghua, Northeast China, were awarded the rank of captain at the same time-that's happy!

"Let's go to a restaurant" is one of the suggestions. "Well, it's time to solve the problem!" The other two echoed.

The three men came to a decent restaurant in Tonghua City and settled down. When the waiter saw three officers, he enthusiastically sent a "menu": "What do you want to eat? Please have a look at the menu first, and I will come right away!"

three people stare at each other with big eyes and small eyes, and three people are illiterate! I can't recognize a few words together. How can this be good? You can't tell the waiter, "We can't read"!

one of them pointed to the two biggest words in the cookbook and said, "These two words are the biggest, and 81% of them are' stew-meat'. Shall we order it?" The other two also said, "Good!"

The waiter suddenly returned to the table and asked politely, "Comrade of the People's Liberation Army, have you watched it? What to eat? "

Our officer held out his big hand and pointed to the first line of the cookbook: "That's it!"

The waiter smiled: "You're so funny, you can't eat this, it's the word' menu'".

the three men looked at each other, blindsided. At this time, I can't think much more. It was this guy who had a brainwave and thought, the front one can't be eaten. I will point from the back and point to a line of fine print at the back and say, "Take this!"

the waiter asked, "anything else?"

I wanted to order something more, but I was afraid I made a mistake. Fortunately, the waiter didn't say "I can't eat it" this time. The man replied, "That's it, three bowls!"

the waiter has left.

after a while, the waiter brought three bowls of radish soup.

in front of the waiter, the three men looked at each other, trying to laugh but not daring to, and bowed their heads to drink soup.

After three bowls of soup, the waiter came to ask, "What else do you want?"

Our buddy, full of confidence, thought: I can't believe that we can't touch stew next to the brand. Thinking of this, he pointed at the bottom of the line just now: "That's it! Three bowls, too. "

The waiter brought back three bowls of soup, this time egg soup. None of the three people said anything, so they bowed their heads and drank soup again, thinking: I can't eat stew today!

At this moment, the waiter seemed to see something coming, and hesitated to leave immediately, then asked, "Would you like something to eat? Each of you has drunk two bowls of soup. "

The guy who ordered the food just now, no, it should be said that he ordered the soup. He finally couldn't hold back this time and thought, "If we don't say anything, there will be no chance today!"

I saw him, and he seemed a little excited. He struck the table hard and shouted at the waiter, "Why not have a bowl of meat!"

the waiter understood completely this time. He just wanted to eat meat after all this trouble!

naturally, the three officers returned to the barracks full of food and drink, but since then, the man has been nicknamed: "Let's have a bowl of meat!"

When I was a soldier, this guy was already the deputy head of our regiment. Of course, we dare not call him that, but his comrades-in-arms (some of whom are already higher-level leaders) still call him that when they meet.

This is a specific story left by a specific era. Today's soldiers will never have such a "lens" again.

the third story of the veteran: "I am an exhaust artillery"

In p>1975, a new soldier came to our mortar class, who was from Tianchang County, Anhui Province. It is said that he had studied at home for several years. Of course, it's not surprising what books were read during the "Cultural Revolution".

when I came back from the first live-fire training, I saw him writing a letter with excitement and ignored it. After writing a few lines, he showed it to me, saying that he asked if it was a leak.

I had a hard time reading it (although it was only five or six lines), and there were about ten or eight typos. It is inevitable that some people say that "Rarity, Chairman Mao's badge, is pinned to his head" (it should be "pinned to his chest"). What I will never forget is that, after working as a mortar soldier for several months, he didn't know the pronunciation of the weapon he used every day, but told one of his relatives in a letter: "I was assigned to an exhaust artillery squad, and today I shot a gun (target) with live ammunition, which really (shocked) my ears."

When I saw this, I actually didn't care about some typos, but this "exhaust cannon" made me angry. I asked him, "Who told you that our cannon was called" exhaust cannon "? He said plausibly, "I heard that you are all called' exhaust cannons' and' exhaust cannons'"?

once I heard it, I see. Maybe we speak too fast at ordinary times. He did hear it as an "exhaust cannon". I'm speechless.

originally, this matter was stopped here, but I didn't expect the monitor, who had never opened his mouth, to get angry with him: "You don't want to think about where this gun is exhausting, it's just fart!"

The recruit was unambiguous and said slowly, "Monitor, this fart is exhaust!"

ouch!

the fourth story of veterans: "Liu Bei was my foot"

In p>1976, our army was in Tangshan for "earthquake relief".

One day, we just buried the dead in the suburbs. Everyone had not put down their tools, some were holding shovels, some were holding pickaxes, and they were resting by the roadside.

At this moment, an Anhui soldier seems to have made an important discovery. He poked the ground with a shovel and said to his comrades present, "Guess where I am standing now?"

Everyone thought that he was ill, because he usually made some jokes from time to time. I also added, "Are you drunk?"

Seeing that everyone couldn't understand his meaning, he was anxious. He seemed to announce an important news to everyone: "Let me tell you something, I stepped on Lao Liu!"

I was anxious when I heard it. "Don't make fun of me!"

when he saw that I had misunderstood, he explained to me, trying to be more specific: "Hey, Lao Liu, I didn't mean you, I meant that I stepped on Liu Bei"! He also bit the word "Liu Bei" very clearly.

everyone is happy. Criticizing him, someone said, "Are you still standing on Liu Bei? Didn't you step on Zhang Fei? "

at this moment, he realized that it was all caused by his southern accent of Mandarin. So, I saw him working hard in the same place, and the land under his feet seemed to be really shaking. But everyone still didn't understand what it meant, so he used a shovel to pull open the floating soil where he was standing, revealing yellow fur. At this time, we knew that he was stepping on a buried ox.

the truth is clear: what he just said was "Liu stepped on his foot", but it was actually an "old cow"; "Liu Bei" is actually "Niu Bei".

"We all come from all corners of the country", but sometimes there are misunderstandings in language communication between different regions. Fortunately, this is nothing important. If a scout like Shenyang found a man in front, but reported to the head that he found "a silver", but the southern operator heard that "there is a battalion in front", that would be terrible!

The fifth story of veterans: Stalin said, "China soldiers are powerful"

This is a real veteran, a volunteer fighting hero, who was already the head of a regiment in our army in the early 1971s. At the end of 1951, in the second campaign to resist U.S. aggression and aid Korea, he led a platoon of soldiers to wipe out more than 211 enemies, seized 6 guns and 58 cars, but there was no casualty in this platoon. For this reason, he was awarded the title of first-class hero and the third-class national flag medal of the Democratic People's Republic of Korea in June of 1952.

this comrade has a legend: when he visited the Soviet Union with our military delegation, there were many war heroes in the delegation, and he was one of them. Stalin was still alive at that time. After arriving in the Soviet Union, Stalin invited the China delegation to watch the Soviet military performance, including a parachute jump performance. Just listening to the thunder rolling in the blue sky, several planes were in a downwind formation, passing lightly through the ceremony area with a distance of only 5 meters and a height difference of only 1 meters. The plane kept changing formations in the air. Various formation movements make up a beautiful "air ballet". Suddenly, from an altitude of 811 meters, a dozen Soviet parachutists floated down, like spring buds in full bloom in the wind, like fairies dancing, umbrellas flying all over the sky and fireworks flying in the sky. The stunt of the Soviet paratroopers made the soldiers in China clap their hands and cheer.

Stalin asked proudly through an interpreter: Can any friends in China skydive?

The whole audience was silent. At this moment, our buddy (forgive me for calling him that) wanted to earn some face for the soldiers in China, and also thought this thing was probably quite interesting, right? Just rashly say: let me try!

All the members of the delegation present were shocked and thought: When did you learn to skydive? However, because all the troops were together and they were not familiar with each other, everyone didn't reply. Stalin had this guy taken to the plane, put on his umbrella bag and the plane returned to the blue sky.

When the plane flew to the specified height, paratroopers accompanied by Soviet troops began to jump down one after another. The Soviet officer in charge of commanding and leading the team signaled that he could jump. Our man looked out from the cabin door: his head was dizzy-not as romantic as he thought just now. Because of the language barrier, he shook his head and did not jump. The Soviet officer thought that he didn't fly high enough, so he ordered the plane to continue to rise. Finally, he and the commander were left in the cabin. Our old man couldn't jump. When he gritted his teeth and closed his eyes, he fell into the blue sky and white clouds. He only heard that he had to open the umbrella bag after jumping, but he really didn't know how to open it-scratch it casually!

I saw him whizzing past all the Soviet paratroopers who jumped before him just now, and countless pairs of eyes on and off the stage of the viewing platform have recognized him: the soldier who jumped the latest and came down the fastest is China! People are getting restless. I wonder when this guy is going to open his umbrella. Who are you worried about?

It's too late to say it. I saw our hero. Just about 111 meters from the ground, the umbrella bag suddenly opened! Ah! All the people present in China and the Soviet Union breathed a sigh of relief.

The hero landed, and the audience applauded. Comrade Stalin said: China soldiers are really amazing! What a "war hero"!

The sixth story of the veteran: "Watching movies"

When I was a soldier, there was a company manager in the company, who was from Sichuan. This comrade always used the sentence pattern of "doing what is what".

once, there was a movie on the big playground in the regiment, and our company happened to be the company's purser on duty to lead the team. After everyone gathered, he still had to talk about matters needing attention. At the end, he involuntarily said in Sichuan dialect, "Next, we will go to the playground and watch the movie." When he said this, he paused, perhaps aware of something inappropriate, but because he had already said the sentence of "to what", he continued to say "go ahead and watch" with clenched teeth.

After that, I often use this nondescript sentence pattern when joking.

note: when reading this whole sentence, you should read it with a Sichuan accent, otherwise, the taste will not be authentic!

the seventh story of veterans: whether the stove is warm or not?

A comrade-in-arms loves to wrangle. Once a stove was being built in the dormitory in winter. He didn't know what was wrong with him and asked everyone, "Do you think it's warmer to have a stove or not to have a stove?"

everyone knew that he didn't suppress good words, so he ignored him.

At this moment, a comrade-in-arms just said to him, "Of course, the stove is warm!"

he said solemnly, "I said, I'd rather not keep the stove warm."

This time everyone was in a hurry, and several people scrambled to ask, "What's the matter?"

The buddy replied, "Look, there are no stoves in summer, but people wear shorts and vests. Now that the stove is on, you are all wearing cotton-padded jackets and trousers. So I said-still don't warm the stove. "

hey! What nonsense! ?

The eighth story of veterans: Password

When the troops just moved to Hebei, they were nervous to stand guard at night, and all of them were live ammunition. A Henan soldier stood guard at the barracks gate after midnight.

The sentry was very close to our camp house. Suddenly, he heard a noise. He was very alert and looked around. He found a black shadow standing next to the stable beside the camp house, coming towards him.

he thought, I can't see if you stand in the dark? Quietly asked the shadow: password?

the other party didn't answer. As time goes by, the shadow is still moving forward. Our buddy picked up the gun and asked again, "Password? If you don't answer me, you will shoot! "

The shadow still didn't answer, and continued to approach. At last, our comrade-in-arms pulled the trigger: "Bang" a gunshot, and the shadow didn't fall down, and he was no longer silent. Instead, he gave a scream and ran towards the training ground!

All the cadres and soldiers who were awakened by the gunfire ran out, and the battalion commander came out with a pistol and asked loudly, What's the matter?

not good! He understood: this is the donkey raised by the division of the battalion!

wait for a bang! Fortunately, I was too nervous-I missed it!

the ninth story of veterans: opportunity

when we arrived in the company for more than three months, the division designated our company as the "training pioneer company" of the whole division. Now it is called "pilot company", right? The two chief of staff of the division and regiment are all in our company-in order to sum up experience and promote it to the whole regiment and division.

A very good comrade-in-arms of the new recruits in the same class, a Sichuanese, is taller than ordinary Sichuanese soldiers-about 1.76 meters? People look very smart, long and handsome, nose is nose eye is eye, I call him "small S".

at the end of more than a month's training, the chief of staff of the regiment took Xiao S away-ready to be a guard. Unexpectedly, Xiao S was left by the head of the regiment on the same day, and said to the chief of staff: You are familiar with Sanlian, so choose another one.