Cold joke

1. "Ah, give me a cup of water to forget your feelings". Who gave this water to forget your feelings? It's from ah. Then who is this "ah"? "Ah, this person is mother".

2. A black horse is called a dark horse, a white horse is called a white horse, and a black and white horse is called a zebra. What is the name of the red and black and white horse? It's called "shy zebra"

3. A medium-rare steak and a medium-rare steak met in the street. Why didn't they say hello? (Assuming they can talk) Because …………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………… Trees and horses. You know why? Because "trees and horses are like chickens" (digital cameras).

5. To whom is Faye Wong's Legend sung? Nezha. You know why? Because when I miss you, you are in my mind (making trouble with the sea)

6. One day, my mother asked Xiaoming to kneel in front of the Buddha statue and said, "You can't leave until the Buddha statue says you can leave." Then I went out to do something for a while, and when I came back, I found that Xiao Ming was gone. After that, my mother took Xiao Ming back and said, "Did the Buddha say that I can go?" Xiaoming replied: "The Buddha said ok (ok refers to the gesture made by the Buddha)."

7. One day in class, Xiao Ming was listening to Liu Huan's Good Han Song. Then the teacher asked, "Xiaoming, let me ask you, where does the river flow?" Xiao Ming replied, "The river flows eastward." The teacher asked again, "How many stars are there in the sky?" Xiao Ming replied, "The stars in the sky join the Beidou." The teacher said, "Xiao Ming, are you sick?" Xiao Ming said, "You have everything I have." The teacher said, "Xiao Ming, get out." Xiao Ming said, "Let's go."

8. Why are ants' teeth black? Because "Ma Yi Ya Hey (ants have black teeth)."

9. Just after getting off Wudaokou Station on Beijing Line 13, an old man in rags came to beg, and I was just about to get my wallet. The old man suddenly said, "# ..............% ×%&" (Korean), seeing that I didn't respond, I immediately said, "RMB%&; RMB "(Japanese), seeing that I haven't responded yet, I said helplessly," China people ... tell me earlier! Come on, give me some money. "I'm dizzy ~

1. Once upon a time, a man answered a phone call, and then he hung up.

11. A fat man fell from the twelfth floor, and it turned out to be a fat man!

12. A piece of candy, walking in the North Pole, felt so cold that it turned into rock sugar.

13. Mother picked up her daughter from kindergarten and asked on her way home, "What English did the teacher teach today?" The daughter said, "Big Sprite." Mother was puzzled. She went to the kindergarten the next day and asked the teacher. The teacher said, "The capital letter' B' was taught yesterday." 14. Two bananas went shopping in tandem. Walking in front of them felt very hot, so they took off their clothes. Guess what? The banana behind them fell down.

15. A black cat rescued a white cat from the river. Do you know what the white cat said to the black cat later? It said, "Meow-"16. Once upon a time, there was a steamed bread walking on the road, and it was suddenly hungry ... so it ate itself ...

17. A polar bear was bored and pulled out his hair, one, two, three .......................................................................................

18. I had a matchstick, and when I was walking, I suddenly felt my head itch, so I scratched it, caught fire with too much force ... I went to the hospital for emergency treatment, and when I came out, it turned into a cotton swab ...

19. When will Chen Shui-bian want reunification? When buying instant noodles.

2. An egg went to a teahouse for tea, and it turned into a tea egg. An egg went swimming in Songhua River, and it turned into a preserved egg. One egg ran to Shandong and turned into a Lu (halogen) egg; One egg was homeless, and as a result, it became a wild egg; An egg accidentally fell on the road and fell to the ground, which turned into a missile; An egg ran into someone's yard and turned into an atomic bomb; An egg ran to the Qinghai-Tibet Plateau and turned into a hydrogen bomb. One egg got sick and turned into a bad egg. An egg got married and turned into an asshole; An egg swam in the river and turned into a nuclear bomb. An egg ran into the flowers and turned into a Hua Dan. There is an egg riding a horse and holding a knife. It turns out that he is peking opera blues. One egg is female and ugly, and it turns into a dinosaur egg as a result; There is an egg ...

21. What ice cream will Kirin become when it flies to the North Pole? .

22. A wolf came to the North Pole and accidentally fell into the sea of ice. What became when he was fished up? Betel nut ...........

23. Four people were playing mahjong in the house. When the police came, they took five people away. Why? Because the person they hit is called "Mahjong".

24. Bug: Xiaohua, did you use my pencil? Xiaohua: No, I'm useless. Bug: Are you really useless? Xiaohua: I'm so useless! Bug: Alas, you are the 17th person to admit that you are useless

25. One day Xiaoqiang asked his father, "Dad, am I a stupid boy?" Dad said, "Silly boy, how can you be a silly boy?"

26. Xiao Bai, Xiao Huang and Xiao Lan take a long-distance bus. Who will get carsick? Answer: Xiao Bai, because Xiao Bai can vomit (white rabbit)

27. There is a male deer, and it walks faster and faster, and finally it becomes a highway (deer) ~! ! ! !

28, Xiaobai+Xiaobai =? Answer: the white rabbit (two)

29. Five Fuwa get together to chat. Beibei suggested: Let's give ourselves a nickname. I'll call it Beva! Jingjing: Then my name is Jingwa! Huanhuan: My name is Huanwa! Nini: My name is "Niwa"! Yingying stood up and said: You chat, I have something to do, so I have to go first ... In 258, the five Fuwa got together to chat again. Beibei: Let's talk about our nicknames again. People respect me very much and call me "Mr. Bei"! Huanhuan: People call me "Huanye"! Nini: People call me "Grandpa Ni"! Yingying: People call me "Yingying"! Jingjing stood up and said: You talk, I have something to do, I have to go first ... < P > 3. Question: What are cloth and paper afraid of? Answer: cloth is afraid of 1 thousand, paper is afraid of one thousand. Reason: not (cloth) afraid of 1 thousand, only (paper) afraid of one thousand.

31. "towel" said to "coin": you will be worth a hundred times if you wear a doctor's hat. "Minister" said to "Giant": I have the same area as you, but I have three rooms and two halls. Jing said to Pin: Didn't you decorate your house? "Zi" said to "Mu": Did your company lay off staff? "Do" says to "Do": Balance is the last word. "Bing" said to "Qiu": Look at how cruel the war is, and both legs are blown up. "Zhan" said to "Dian": Did you buy a car? "And" said to "Dan": Timid, please hire a bodyguard? "Yue" said to "Yue": It's time to lose weight. "fork" said to "you": when is the whole time? What about that mole on your face?

32. Once upon a time, there was a mountain. There was a temple in the mountain. There were three children in the temple. The eldest was called a rogue. The second was called a kitchen knife. The third was called a trouble. One day, the trouble disappeared. The eldest took the second to the bureau of * * and said, "My name is a rogue. I brought a kitchen knife to make trouble.

33. What happened to a lovely pig when it went abroad? A: Pig (English for "pig")

34. In a history exam, there was a question for students to choose ten countries or regions and give a brief description. A student answered this question: Once upon a time, there was a Cambodia with an Arab in it. One day, he took Mexico to climb a mountain. When he climbed to Singapore, he suddenly came to Panama with a cape of good hope on his head. He was frightened out of Afghanistan and ran into Nagoya to shut the door quickly. As a result, he knocked off a Portuguese.

35. When Xiao Wang came home, his mother asked, "In this English exam, Xiao Yang scored 85 points. What's your score? "Xiao Wang:" I'm a little more than Xiao Yang. "Mom asked in surprise:" 86 points? "Xiao Wang:" 8.5 points. "Mom is furious!

36. Why does the rooster jump higher than the tree? A: Because trees can't jump.

37. What beans do mung beans turn into when they fall? A: Red beans (because mung beans are bleeding)

What beans do red beans turn into when they are punched? A: black eyed peas (black eye)

38. A rabbit is running. It jumps with its left foot, jumps with its right foot, and squats down to run slowly. Why? A: Because it is willing.

39. A cow, a pig and a sheep went to a convenience store. The cow went in to buy beer and was beaten by the clerk. It ran out and asked the pig to buy beer for it. Who knows that the pig was beaten by the clerk and ran out. Finally, it asked the sheep to help them buy beer. The sheep went in to buy beer and came out with beer in a short time. Why didn't the sheep get beaten? Answer: because it doesn't close for 24 hours (sheep)

4. Why do people go to bed? A: Because the bed won't come and let you sleep.

41. For example, there is a car with He Laoshi driving, Show Lo in the co-pilot and Nana in the back seat. Whose car is it?

A: For example ("for example" is a personal name)

42. A rabbit fell into a box and a duck came out. Why?

a: because there is a transformer (duck) in the box.

43. Of all the numbers, which two are the brightest? Answer: 1 and 3, because one (1) twinkles and the other (3) twinkles.

44. Question: How to make sparrows quiet? Answer: press it. Reason: silence (silence).

45. Two tomatoes crossed the road, and a car sped by. One of them couldn't avoid being squashed, and the other tomato pointed to the squashed tomato and laughed: dig hahaha, ketchup …46. The wolf said, "I'm going to eat you! ! ！” Guess what? As a result, the wolf ate the lamb.

47. Once upon a time, there was a pair of lovers who secretly agreed to live for life, but the boy needed to do military service, so they made a vow with the girl and gave her a diamond ring, and promised to meet her today in three years, and that ring would be used as a wedding ring. After three years, the girl waited for the boy, but she couldn't wait. She was so sad and desperate that she took it. In fact, the boy has been waiting for the girl, but the girl misunderstood the date place, so she became a regret forever. The boy was heartbroken … After a few years, the boy went out fishing. Guess what he caught? Rice cake! ! ! 48. There was a duck named Xiao Huang. One day, he was hit by a car. He shouted, "Gung!" From then on, he became a cucumber! ! 49. Asun and appa have nothing to chat about and tell each other that time and tide wait for no man. A Song: "Recalling childhood, the happiest thing is Children's Day." Appa: "Youth Day is in ten years." A Song: "Father's Day is in ten years." Appa: "It will be the Day of the Elderly in a few decades." A Song: "In a few decades." A Bo: "Tomb-Sweeping Day." 5. Jane Zhang said: "My fans say that my idol is Ying." He Jie said: "My fans say that my idol is Jie." BiBi Zhou said: "My fans say that my idol is Chang." Chris Lee said: "You talk, I'll go first!"

51. Unfortunately, a college student was caught by the enemy. The enemy tied him to a telephone pole and asked him, "Say, where are you from?" I'll electrocute you if you don't tell me! ! ！” The college student replied to the enemy's words and was electrocuted ... He said, "I'm from TV University!" " 52. Wang Xiaoya, the host of Happy Dictionary, interviewed a program audience and asked, "Which hostess do you admire most in your mind?" The audience said, "It's you." Wang Xiaoya asked, "Why do you say that?" The audience said, "Because you look a bit like Yang Lan!" 53. Do you know what color Spider-Man is? Red, wrong! It's white. Read spider man's English: Spiderman (it's white)

54. Why did Xiao Ming fall? Please think twice. . . . . Because the floor is slippery. 55. The glass and coffee cup crossed the road together, and suddenly someone shouted: Here comes the car! As a result, the glass was hit by a car, but the coffee cup was fine. Why? Coffee cups have ears

56. Celery was walking, and suddenly he felt a pain in his stomach. Then he "booed". What did you say he pulled out? That's celery dung (diligence)! ! ! What color is celery (vegetable) dung? Answer: yellow because: Qin Shihuang (Qin Shi Huang)