What I wrote before:

A short time ago, someone commented on one of my articles and left a link to a post. Through that post, I learned that the other person is a 41-year-old middle-aged comrade. After communicating with it, after collecting and sorting, I got this tweet. The following contents are about the author's work, life, family, love and attitude towards the future. The words are plain and simple, and there is no tortuous story, which shows and records the most real life and state of mind of a middle-aged single comrade.

The full text is as follows:

The Spring Festival in 2121 is unforgettable. Traffic control, boring at home, eating and sleeping, sleeping and eating, I think people will go crazy like this, so I decided to do something. Finally, I wrote this article on a whim. As for the purpose, I regard it as a tree hole, hoping to say something innermost and most self-centered.

Personal introduction

I am a 41-year-old middle-aged uncle. Male sex, male sexual orientation.

After graduating from college and working, I got a postgraduate degree. Now I work in a state-owned enterprise, engaged in technical management.

Southerners with average appearance are not tall or fat.

working and living in a fourth-tier city in Hubei province.

I have a car and a house, a stable job, economic independence, and live alone.

I should never leave this city again in my life.

has come out to his parents. If a 41-year-old doesn't get married, he must give his parents an explanation.

other people, whether colleagues or friends, don't know my sexual orientation.

So until today, there are still enthusiastic people who want to introduce me to someone. Of course, I will skillfully screw up these things.

single and unmarried.

Because I like men, I won't harm women, so I have no intention of getting married. Unless one day our same-sex marriage in China is legal and I find the right person.

it's hard to estimate.

both are difficult.

Work experience

In fact, the majors in universities are not completely matched.

But people always have to bow to the society, and they have to have a stable job before they can talk about professional things.

Fortunately, I entered a state-owned enterprise with stable work and good benefits. Unfortunately, this state-owned enterprise didn't give me a position in this major, or there was no opportunity for me to engage in this major.

then I changed careers.

In this process, I went to graduate school to adapt to my new job.

Because my post is a technical post, and I am not a person with long sleeves and high emotional intelligence, I will take the technical route with peace of mind.

there is no progress in the position. But I ask myself to be ahead and professional in business. At present, he has obtained the title of senior engineer.

in my spare time, I will also take some professional certificates, which can also bring me extra income to make up for the economic losses caused by my position.

with the increase of age, learning becomes more and more difficult, but we can't relax. Last year and this year, I will continue to study, which is also very distressing.

emotional experience

I am a person who is relatively late in self-awareness and slow. I didn't understand my true sexual orientation until I was 31 years old.

I talked about my girlfriend when I was studying.

After confirming my sexual orientation through online forums such as QQ, I experienced panic, guilt, regret and even looked down on myself at first. Finally, make sure you have done nothing wrong. But I am a minority, different from ordinary people, and in order to protect myself, I may never announce my sexual orientation to the society and friends for life. At the same time, I made up my mind not to get married.

I am me, fireworks with different colors.

It took about five years to know yourself, and several years to accept yourself.

I really belong to the kind of person who is a little behind the scenes.

by the way, I'm Aquarius. Aquarius man.

I'm a little hesitant, dragging my feet, and need to think about it for a long time. But once you make up your mind, you won't regret it easily.

Strictly speaking, I only talked about one boyfriend. But I had an emotional entanglement with two men.

the first one is the first time I really met a gay man in my life, younger than me. When two people are together, they are completely groping and adapting to each other. But this relationship lasted for a short time, and it wasn't long before he decided to leave my city. When I'm with someone, I always want to know his news and see him regularly, even if it's just a movie, a meal and a walk.

neither of us can be public, but we should be able to have frequent contact. In fact, I have also reflected on whether I am a little sticky.

when he left, he offered to have a long-distance relationship. I thought about it for more than a month and finally chose to refuse. I can't accept a long-distance relationship,

After all, there is more than 21 hours' drive between us.

The real boyfriend is my ex-boyfriend. We have known each other for more than two years and have been together for more than half a year. Later, the reason for breaking up was that the three views did not agree.

I broke up.

I am a person with a clear plan for the future.

I don't marry because I think it's immoral to marry a woman because I don't like her. Similarly, I don't approve of marriage. I think my future partner must be free from moral pressure when he is with me. I am single, and so is he.

My two emotional entanglements were both single.

Being single is my basic requirement for the other half.

Because I may have no family or children in my life, since I knew my sexual orientation clearly, I have started to make plans for my life, especially my old age, such as going to work hard, such as keeping a certain amount of savings and taking exercise.

Fortunately, my company is a relatively stable company with good benefits and good benefits after retirement. No matter whether I live alone or I have my own partner, I can take care of my future pension, and I can reimburse my medical expenses after I get sick. I have planned everything.

and my ex-boyfriend, who is the same age as me, has no plans in this respect. He belongs to the kind of person who wants to live the most chic day in his adult life every day, and his idea is right, but we can't get along.

Let's just say that I have a plan every year, I have to travel 2-3 times a year, and I have a clear plan for what kind of progress I want to make in my work every year. He belongs to the kind of person who lives one day at a time and has no obvious plan in work or economy.

In fact, no one is right or wrong, just getting along with each other for a long time will make you very tired and finally break up peacefully.

what feelings fear most is to make do.

Two emotional experiences tell me that, firstly, it is important not to have a long-distance relationship, and secondly, it is important to have similar views.

Lonely, empty, and cold single days are also about sex. If it is a one-night stand, I don't care whether he is single, whether our three views are consistent, and whether his plans for the future are consistent with mine. I only care about his appearance and body.

the last relationship has ended for half a year.

single so far.

love view

I think our comrades' love view is actually the same as that of heterosexuals. But our road may be more difficult and tortuous.

Be brave when you are young. You can keep trying to get along with others. It doesn't matter if you fail, start all over again.

But at my age, I will be more cautious about a relationship.

Maybe the older you get, the more precious your feelings are, so you can't squander them easily, or you don't have much courage to start all over again.

It may also be because my attitude towards feelings has changed. When I was young, I might care whether the emotional process is sweet or not, and the waves are not romantic. I am particularly tempted by small details, and I am also particularly demanding of small details.

Now I will pay more attention to an emotional future, his direction, his purpose, his plan and what direction he can achieve. On this premise, I will take the initiative to stop the loss for the emotion that is impossible to go on. Even if it hurts again, I know it very well. Anyway, it's a tragedy. Long pain is better than short pain.

Let's talk about what kind of two people can last.

first, we should be economically independent.

second, each other's personalities are independent, that is to say, they are mature.

third, the three views are similar. Two people chat well and communicate with each other. They have the same views on some things, or even have different views. After communication, they can reach * * * knowledge.

here is a special point. Disagreement of three views does not mean who is right or wrong. Maybe both sides are very good people and excellent people. Just because everyone has their own way of life and life philosophy. I said the sea was beautiful, and your first reaction was that many people drowned there. So many small examples come together, how much happiness can two people have left together?

fourth, we should have bright spots to attract each other. Personally, I am more concerned about the highlights of personality and personality. Of course, if it is attractive in terms of money or work ability, it is also good. However, the five senses and figure attract the shortest time, burn quickly, and turn into ash quickly.

actually, there are many more, but the first four can screen out many people.

At present, we don't have a legal guarantee when the society can't accept it openly and gay marriage can't be legal. But I think we should at least have each other in our hearts, understand and care for each other, and be together often.

in fact, love, the real implementation is the usual dribs and drabs, daily necessities.

hobbies

1. games. I liked role-playing games when I was young, but now I prefer strategy games. I have been obsessed with werewolf killing in recent years.

2. Read. Mainly read some light novels, mainly short stories or novellas. I prefer to read suspense mystery novels.

3. film and television. I have got membership cards in all three cinemas nearby. If it is not too cold or too hot, I will go to the movies once a week. Of course, I also watch a lot of movies at home, which tend to be horror, suspense and science fiction. TV plays are mainly English and American.

4. delicious food. After the age of 35, I suddenly began to understand and learned to make food by myself. Of course, this is inseparable from the help of the omnipotent Du Niang. I am a foodie. I have a favorite dish in a restaurant. I will definitely inquire about its practice and then go home to do an experiment. I have a sense of accomplishment that I won't be able to win the appreciation of my colleagues from the very beginning to what I have done now.

5. study. The reason why I put it last is because I really don't want to study any more unless it is necessary, but we live in an era of increasingly developed technology, and my professional skills will be introduced with new laws and regulations every year, and the achievements of various scientific research will be constantly updated. At this time, if you want to stay up to date and keep a certain lead in your major, you must continue to learn. So I've been taking an exam for two years, which is very difficult in my major. Learning is a painful thing for me, but it is also an unavoidable thing.

6. keep fit. I'm not a muscle man, and I haven't been to the gym, but I want to have a relatively healthy body, so I insist on walking for an hour every day and do some cycling activities on weekends.

7. party. Basically, I will have a party with my colleagues and friends every half month. Generally, it is AA system. I prefer to go out for parties, such as a spring outing and an autumn outing. Of course, there is a new restaurant, and it is also good for everyone to try some food together. What we eat is not that important, but it is important to see that all our old friends are ok.

About parents and coming out

Personally, I think coming out is a decision, not just a result.

everyone must have their own reasons when deciding to come out.

On the one hand, my parents brought me up and never got married when I was 41 years old. They will introduce me to each other continuously. And I have decided not to marry for life, so I am doomed to live up to their kindness.

on the other hand, they are old, and I don't want to make up any reason to deceive them.

when I decided to be single all my life, I was already laying the groundwork for coming out.

I will only tell the truth to my parents, because they have the right to know the truth.

how long have I been laying the groundwork? More than five years.

I think most parents really love us. Although we won't get married, they will have a hard time, but the main thing they want is for us to be good. In their minds, getting married and having children and having a stable family is a basic way to live a good life.

For more than five years, I have been slowly letting them accept the reality that I can live well alone.

although I have reached the age of no doubt and am single, I have not fallen, wasted my time, made friends with friends, failed to make progress, or made myself unkempt and haggard.

The premise is that you are an economically independent person, a self-disciplined person and a person with a planned life.

Of course, a person can live a good life, but he still can't reassure them.

Because everyone has to face a reality: aging. What should I do when I get old? Without the company of children and family, it will be very lonely, and even sometimes life will be inconvenient.

this problem is more difficult.

I read a passage on the Internet:

I asked my mother if it's okay not to get married. My mother only said, "If there are fireworks outside, the neighbors' food smells overflowing, and the family is walking hand in hand in the street, you can just hold back from crying."

I admit that this passage touched me.

I am not as strong as I thought. I may cry, but I will hide in the corner and cry silently, or cry in my heart.

everyone is vulnerable sometimes.

So I really don't have any good way to make my parents accept that I will live alone for life, but their kindness finally helped me solve this problem.

I said that I don't love women. I married a woman only for the sake of children, or for the sake of having a nominal family. This woman will not be happy, which is unfair to her.

My parents were silent, and they accepted this view. Your own problems can't be passed on to others. You have no right and qualification to hurt others.

Because my parents are kind, they are forced to accept the fact that I am single.

at the same time, I feel guilty myself.

there are three kinds of unfilial, and the last is the greatest.

So, I will work hard to earn money and provide adequate preparation for my retirement. I want to have a plan for my life and start now; I will try my best to find the right partner, hoping to find a like-minded boyfriend, and then show them aboveboard and tell them that although I am not married, I have a partner.

Actually, my parents can't accept it until now.