Wen/Zhuan

About a year ago, I met a girl T. She was very good-looking. She smiled with curved eyebrows and soft words. Every time she saw her, she enthusiastically came after me and called me "Demon Sister".

I always thought T was the kind of child with a particularly happy family. She was good-looking, sought after by many people, and was often given expensive gifts by people who liked her. She always looked smiling and harmless.

Until one day, I couldn't sleep in the middle of the night, and I was bored browsing my circle of friends and saw her newly updated status: sometimes I really felt that I didn't deserve to live in this world.

I was shocked. This is not T's style at all. I wanted to talk to her privately and ask what happened, but I hesitated to think it was wrong.

ten minutes later, she deleted the circle of friends.

I met her on various occasions later, and she still smiled happily. I saw everyone I knew hugging hard, and she spoke loudly in the crowd, showing herself properly without being too ostentatious.

Later, at one or two o'clock in the middle of the night, I saw her send many similar messages: "I really want to die" and "If I die, will you be happy?" "Ha ha, this world is disgusting with indifference" ...

Every one of them is biting cold, and when you look around, it is despair that goes deep into the bone marrow.

each article will be silently deleted after ten minutes of publication.

I didn't ask her why, but later, by chance, I heard something about her through someone who knew her well:

When I was a child, my parents divorced in his primary school and left him with his grandparents. The only way for him to get in touch with them was the phrase "Did you get the money?" Telephone number;

She spends money desperately because she has no reason to call them when she runs out, but when she is an adult, her parents will leave her alone.

She has had many boyfriends, and they all broke up because he wanted too much money.

She dropped out of college, changed many jobs, sold wine in a bar, and now this job in a public relations company was introduced by the boss she met in a bar ...

I never asked T, which of these rumors are true and which are false.

In T's circle of friends, the daily situation is that there are all kinds of photos with exquisite makeup and decent clothes. She shuttles through all kinds of parties and activities in Beijing, knows many famous online celebrity or starlets, likes to pout and take photos with them, likes to share chicken soup in the circle of friends, and shares purchasing and Haitao website ...

No matter from any angle, she is a beautiful and optimistic girl in her twenties, who is favored by everyone.

Few people know that she has had those friends who have only existed for ten minutes.

Almost no one knows about her dark and broken past, which is hard to distinguish between true and false.

I always think that the circle of friends is a great invention. We have added a person as a friend, and we can roughly tell what kind of person TA is by browsing the circle of friends of TA.

Most people who like to send food pictures are foodies;

Maybe he is a young artist who likes to send all kinds of scenic photos with filters.

Most people who like to take selfies write about beautiful girls who are clear and simple;

People who like to post beautiful scenery around the world are more likely to be donkey friends ...

Even from the article links and websites they shared, we can know what fields TA is interested in, what content he is more focused on, what values he agrees with, and what world view he opposes ...

The photos that quietly exist in the circle of friends, the links to websites, and a fragmentary sentence ... are all like.

With a circle of friends, it is not so difficult to know a person. Sometimes, even secretly watching the circle of friends of people you like becomes one of our secret pleasures-it seems that after reading the fragments of his life, he enters his life itself.

However, those friends who exist only at midnight for only ten minutes are another world.

@ Please fall in love with me who is a loser

At one time, I used to say a word or two in the middle of the night, complaining or complaining, sympathizing or encouraging myself, and then after a few minutes, I quietly set it to be visible only to myself.

Later, when I browse these sentences or pictures, I will think of those bad moments. I was treated rudely by my customers but I couldn't get angry, and the project I followed for a long time suffered a sudden change. The person you like is thinking about others; My period is so painful that I collapse, and there is not even a cup of hot water in the room where I live alone ... < P > Those very bad moments have also occurred, and I am so tired of living that I simply don't want to continue this fucking life.

But there is no one to tell these tiny emotions.

secretly send a circle of friends in the middle of the night, hoping to be seen, come and care about yourself, but afraid of being seen, which will lead to unnecessary speculation. More often, I am afraid that the person you want to let him care about you will never turn a blind eye to you, and the one who carefully asks you what's wrong is not rare.

If you think about it, you can only delete that circle of friends or make it visible only to yourself.

then pretend that nothing happened, go to bed, get up and go to work.

I remember watching Fuck off! Tumor jun! ",Xiong Dun's good friend was bullied by the leader, and she took people with a bang to scold the leader. The scene was spectacular and hearty. She thought her good friend would be happy, but unexpectedly, she was ungrateful.

The reason is very simple. Xiong Dun is a dying person. She can be desperate and do things without any retreat. However, the living one still needs to live carefully in this world, and addiction is very cool. But for a small white-collar worker with no background and qualifications, what is the confidence to fight against those surging lives?

maybe everyone has had bad moments.

But at the worst time, we can remain rational, endure all the sadness and anger, and solve all seemingly intractable problems in silence.

those emotions that are not understood and cared for become a circle of friends that hides in the middle of the night but quickly disappears.

No one remembers my 24-year-old birthday. I bought myself a cake in Weiduomei at the subway gate, ate it while crying, and then walked 2 minutes back to the small room I shared with others. In that midnight, I could only send a message "Never mind, I will be fine in the future, I will always remember today's tears" and then quietly delete it.

Get up the next day, continue to squeeze the subway, then transfer to the bus to go to the company, sit at that station, and work tirelessly for the meager salary and unpredictable future.

The circle of friends that was deleted after posting is our occasional release and short-term indulgence, allowing ourselves to have this moment of collapse, and then cleaning up those emotions that are not very good or extremely bad, in exchange for more courage to resist the more difficult and busy daily life.

if one day, when you see that person in a circle of friends, and make a remark that is completely different from TA's usual performance, please don't take the liberty to ask what happened to TA. Give TA freedom and time to digest those negative emotions. The next day, you will still see the same TA who is full of energy and looks invincible.

it turns out that the perfect and powerful TA in your eyes, like you, has had so many moments of weakness that she refused to show others.

You finally believe that you are not alone in this world.