1. Dear customer: As you send and receive yellow short messages at will, your mobile phone will start the self-destruction program ten seconds after receiving this short message. To avoid hurting innocent people, please throw your mobile phone ten meters away!

2. The drunk walked into a shop to buy a vase, and saw an upside-down cup on the counter. He picked it up and looked at it and said, Why does this vase have no mouth? Turn the cup upside down and say, how come there is no bottom!

3. The criminal was taken to the gallows and asked to put the noose around his waist instead of around his neck. He said: my neck is very ticklish. If I put a noose around my neck, I will laugh myself to death.

4. The last completely correct weather forecast may be that God told Noah that the probability of heavy rain is 1%. Four reasons for being in a bad mood recently: the stock is falling every day, several issues of the Football Lottery are not won, the position is not high for several years, and the beautiful girlfriend is running away!

5. Grandfather chatted with his five-year-old grandson and said, When I was your age, I didn't have TV at all. Grandson asked: So what does your mother forbid you to watch when you are naughty? The football player's wife said: I hate it when my husband calls eating leftovers playing overtime.

6. Football fans: "For football, you should be as entangled as a lover. It would be great if a pair of feet could stick to a football like candy. "

7. The presidential candidate told his opponent in the debate that there are thousands of ways to make money, but only one is honest. "What kind?" "Just the kind you don't know."

8. The science teacher asked: Why is the body cold after death? Nobody answered … Teacher: Nobody knows? At this time, someone at the back of the classroom said: That's because the mind is calm and naturally cool ... < P > 9. Zi: What is honesty? Father: Honesty is to deliver the goods to the customers today knowing that they will go bankrupt tomorrow. Zi: Then what is wisdom? Father: Don't do such a stupid thing!

1. Son: Mom! There are often male and female counterparts in movies. What is this? Mother: Maybe the man is dying, so he wants the woman to catch her breath. Or if the woman is dying, the man will take the gas for her.

11. Catching the thief means that you have recovered the loss; Catching up with your girlfriend means that your loss has just begun! On a whim, Zhuangzi wanted to close a book with others, and Sun Wu readily cooperated. Thus, there is one more knowledge in the world: Zhuang (pretending to be a grandson)!

12. Brick and tile factory director: Is this a pastry factory? Pastry director: Yes, what is it? Brick and tile factory director: We want to learn from the scriptures. How did your's cakes make so hard?

13. I wish you a high position with light responsibilities, more money and less trouble, stay close to home, sleep until you wake up naturally every day, get cramps in your salary, and get a raise if others work overtime! I wish: I don't have small peas on my face and streaky pork on my body. 2 this year and 18 next year will always be "red flowers".

14. The attending doctor told the intern: You are not allowed to bring fruit in the future. The intern asked doubtfully: Why? The attending doctor said: I just accidentally implanted a litchi into the eyes of the patient.

examiner: if Shakespeare were still alive, would he be a great man? Student: Yes, he will. No matter what, there is no one living over 4 years old in the world.

16. examiner: what should I do when I meet the green light? Candidate: Drive past. Examiner: What should I do when I meet a red light? Candidate: Stop. Examiner: What about the yellow light? Candidate: Fight with him!

17. If I were a fox and you were a hunter, would you chase me? If I were tea and you were boiling water, would you soak me? If I were a car and you were a driver, would you drive me? If you are money and I am a passbook, I will definitely take yours.

18. I am a bird imprisoned by you, and I have forgotten how high the sky is, but I can't tolerate my delusion in this dazzling city. Tears are my only luxury.

19. How many times have I told you, go to bed early at night and don't go out, but you just won't listen. No, I came to my dream again last night, which made me unwilling to wake up!

2. M: Every time I miss you, the star drops a tear. That's how the sea is formed. Woman: I fart every time I miss you. That's how the ozone layer is formed.

21. It's beautiful to think of you. I stuffed the leg of roast lamb in Xinjiang. Missing you is fat, but it carries weight in my heart. It's late at night, the birds are asleep, and the mosquitoes are out. I miss you and look forward to you. I am doomed to insomnia tonight. The dream is lost, the soul is holding, why don't you return the heart you stole?

22. A lover will eventually buckle meat, but a pig's pocket is out of the lover's eye. If the relationship lasts for a long time, it is not in pork and pork. That we wished to fly in heaven, two birds with the wings of one, I would like to be a pig.

23, yeah! I accidentally sent you "I love you" by mistake. If you accept it, save it. If you don't accept it, send these three words back to me.

24. I'm a little vulgar and strange, a little boring and cute! A little lazy, a little bad, a little smart and a rogue! Say rogue is rogue, slick love! You want to love me, then love me.

25, no matter where, thousands of miles or Wan Li, no matter when, ten years or a hundred years, I deeply miss you and love you. Although I deny the existence of all gods, I will always believe in you as a "new God!"

26. You are bread in the morning, ice cream in summer, garlic from Shandong and pepper from Sichuan. My heart beats faster when I meet you, but I don't see your mood getting worse. I dream that your time passes too fast. I hope it's not a long wait to have you.

27. personals: Male, undergraduate, only a few points short; Working in a multinational organization, McDonald's cleans the table; There is a house, and many people own it; Have a car, non-motorized; Looking for beautiful young people * * * went to the grave, a few years later.

28. The craziest thing in my life is falling in love with you, and my best hope is to have you to accompany me crazy all my life!

29. You are the sun in my heart, but it's a pity that you have gone down. You are the moon in my dream, but it is covered by clouds; You are the most beautiful flower in my heart, but it has bloomed; You are the Chang 'e in the sky, but your face landed first!

3. Lovely you stole my love and my heart. I decided to sue you to court. What should I convict you of? The judge searched all the criminal records and cases, and finally the jury unanimously passed: I sentence you to be mine for life.

31. You and I are both angels with one wing. Only by embracing each other can we spread our wings and fly. It is said that people came to this world to find the other half. I finally found you after all kinds of hardships. Shit! Only to find that our wings are on the same side.

32. I can't eat in the morning because I miss you. I can't eat at noon because I miss you more; I can't eat at night because I miss you madly; I can't sleep at night because ... I'm hungry.

33. Dear, for you, I will cross the ocean without hesitation and jump into the abyss. I will overcome any difficulties! I'll find you on time on Sunday, if it doesn't rain!

34. The hot and scorching sun is long in summer, and there is nowhere to hide the rolling heat wave. My eyes are black and my heart is in a panic, and my head is sweating. Miss you in your heart, just like eating cool candy, my heart is cold, no matter how hot it is, it is like an air-conditioned room!

35. If you are a lovely red apple, I would like to be a lazy bug and chew you!

36. I miss you. It is a morning glory that keeps growing day by day, stretching bit by bit.

37. If the whole Yellow River is poured out, the flame of my love for you will be extinguished. Can all the water in the Yellow River be poured out? No way. So I still love you.

38. I prayed for 5 years in front of the Buddha, just to be a blooming little flower on the road you must pass.

39. I never regret loving you. I miss you forever. I miss you so much that I can't sleep. I can't learn if I forget you. A little pig is intoxicated with the mobile phone!

4. You are the most beautiful in my eyes: a hooked nose, a toad's mouth, a mouse's eyes with round legs, and a mouth under the nose, dripping with saliva.

41. Love is not afraid of darkness. The darker the corner in the park, the more lovers go there. Love is not afraid of heat, even if the temperature is 4 degrees, lovers will stick together; Love is not afraid of the cold, but lovers still date outdoors in ice and snow.

42. Dear, I've always wanted to learn from the Monkey King, so that I can take good care of you on Halloween. All monsters and monsters come on!

43. I want you to know that as long as you run away, I will chase you, no matter where it is, even if it is hell, no matter where you go to the ends of the earth, I will chase you.

44. Yesterday, the male ticket WeChat said: Remember that you are mine, and it was quite touching at that time. As a result, he sent another small apple.

45. Yesterday, I went out to play with a sister paper. Suddenly, she said that she had been bitten by a snake on her chest and told me to suck the poison out quickly. I laughed when I heard it: How can you be such a person? What if I suck it out and I'm poisoned? You think I'm stupid! Go, take you to the hospital. Shit, and then she said it was okay. Is this sister crazy? Stay away from her in the future.

46. Dear users, since most of your short messages are sent to the opposite sex, which has a very bad influence on society, we have suspended your short message function. Please learn your style knowledge!

47. Attention: Stand in front of the mirror, gently hold your chin, blink your left eye three times, blink your right eye three times, then blink and blink with a smile, and you will vaguely see a fool winking at the mirror!

48. On this full moon night, Chang 'e said to me: She is going to go down to look for you, give you a beauty treatment and restore your original beauty! Are you ready? Pig, stop texting and ask you a question!

49. You have worked quietly in the film circle for many years, and only you know the bitterness best. However, your efforts have finally been recognized by people, and you have been nominated for the Golden Bird Award: Best Animal Star Da

5, a buddy fell in love with his sister in this class, and a sister in the other class wrote a love letter, and the buddy cheated decisively. My sister-in-law of this class was furious, and she went to see Xiao San's theory. * * * came … My sister-in-law of this class came back in a while and asked her how it was. Sister paper roared: damn, it is much more beautiful than me. I'm a man. I chose her, too. Why bother?

51. A young couple are quarrelling. The woman said: You haven't paid your salary this month. Are you raising a mistress? Man: If I gave it to you, I wouldn't say you don't want it ... Then my daughter-in-law became angry and shouted: I said I didn't want it before I went to bed. How did you know to climb up ...

52. Little comma was dumped by his girlfriend and was heartbroken. Friend comfort: forget it, forget her, it's no big deal! Small comma cried: I can't forget it. I bought her many things, all of which were paid in installments.

53. Wukong, clean the glass; Friar Sand, mop the floor. Bajie, the master knows your situation very well. After careful consideration, he decided to give you a chance to show it-after you read this message, you should hurry to clean the girls' toilet

54. I worked as a female teller in the bank. Yesterday, after quarreling with my boyfriend, he called our bank customer service phone and complained that I treated customers badly. .

55. I am a person who has a crush on you. At the first sight, I decided that you were the right person for me in this life, but my only regret is that ............ is sorry, I sent the wrong person.

56. I went to his campus to ask him to look downstairs, and he sent me a message saying, * * * There is a crazy woman standing under the building. I said, come down, psycho woman wants to talk to you.

57. My boyfriend said, Baby, your skin is so white. After a few seconds of silence, he sighed, It's really a white cover!

58. My boyfriend and I were walking in the community and saw a couple hugging each other tightly. I said enviously, it's so sweet. Please give me a hug. My boyfriend looked around and pulled me into his arms: it was cold and warm to hug.

59. I told my wife that I dreamed of going to Beijing to eat roast duck with her in the evening. She asked if she ate in the dream, and I said you didn't eat, just watching me eat. She immediately slapped me in the face and said that I was not good to her, so she went back to her mother's house in a rage. What's even more ridiculous is that Big Uncle specifically called me to lecture me and asked me to do it again. Can I do it again?

6. In previous years, I prayed to God for my happiness. Now I have you by my side. I know, happiness, I have got it. I love you!

61. Although you are eager to follow me, and I don't want to refuse you, I still have to say, puppy, don't follow me. I really only have a white radish in my hand, not an extended version of the meat buns!

62, it is real gold, never afraid of fierce flames; Is a pine, never afraid of the long cold; Haiyan, never afraid of lightning that cuts the sky; It's an idiot, still staring at the text message!

63. With you in life, life is full of infinite vitality; With you along the way, I'm afraid of lightning strikes; Just because of you, happiness and satisfaction are always overflowing; Without you, who would feed the good pig food?

64. When I was at school, I cried and called him as a science man to make up lessons for me. It was better for Dunima to sit on his thigh (again) to learn (once). When I was studying (once), I suddenly lost my temper and made him stop reading. I was scolded by him immediately and poisoned calculus all afternoon ...

65. You are the best in the whole country, riding. The world belongs to you, and you can blow it best. You don't need a cup for drinking. From ancient times to the present, you are the best, and going out shopping is scary; What you said is nothing, the Nobel Prize is waiting for you!

66. Dear Yong, having your sincerity is my greatest happiness in this life. No matter how the world changes, you are the only one and the favorite in my heart.

67. My wife stood at the door and talked with her neighbors for more than three hours, and she came home screaming tired. The husband said, why don't you invite her home and sit and chat? The wife sighed and said, Yes! I invited her to sit at home and she said she didn't have time.

68. W: You are so excellent that you will be liked by more and more people. What shall I do? M: I like it.

69. My boyfriend wants to break up with me, and he swears: You are so self-righteous all day! Why the hell did I blind my eyes to you in the first place? What the hell is wrong with you! I was silent in the face of his accusation. He turned to leave. I quickly grabbed him and said, Please don't go! I am counting!

7. That night, I hugged you and told you to wear that thing in your ear. You said it was cool enough not to wear it. Now it's a safe period, nothing ... What should the traffic police do if they catch you without a helmet?

71. Every time my girlfriend and I slam the door after quarreling, I will silently boil a pot of water, and then when the kettle breathes, I will point to the water and angrily denounce it: You give it to me.

72. My wife always thinks that married life is not romantic enough, so she says to her husband, How about we talk about love again? Who knows, my husband hurriedly waved his hand and said, Forget it, I don't want to go back to the evil' old society'!

73. Today, I ran to a bar to drink, and happened to see a girl drinking there silently, as if she were single. So I walked over and accosted: Beauty, are you alone? The beauty gave me a look and said warily, No! I am angry: since you are not human, why are you sitting in the seat where people are sitting?

74. Yesterday