Why does love hurt in the end?

Because in every relationship, only when the lovers muster up the courage to peel off the shell of the defense mechanism layer by layer, show their pain to each other and gain the other's recognition and comfort, can love pass the independent stage and enter a new stage.

world.

Girl A had a quarrel with her boyfriend, and it had been a cold war for two days. Both parties were in great pain, but no one had the idea of ??showing weakness and trying to get better, because both parties believed that they were right and the other party was wrong.

What happened was the night before yesterday. Little A prepared dinner for her boyfriend. She was fully expecting the other person to happily say "Baby, thank you, it's so delicious!", but when she waited, the other party came and wanted to share the delicious food prepared by Little A with her friends.

"sad news".

Little A was very angry.

Little A was so angry that she grabbed the boy's arm and said, "Who is more important? Where do I rank in your heart?"

Boys think that Little A has a small belly and is being unreasonable. It’s just one meal, isn’t it?

So they quarreled, and the quarrel was very fierce. In the end, the boy rushed out of the door, leaving little A alone with tears recalling the happy moments between the two... Why is it easy to fall in love but difficult to stay together?

The next day, the two still did not reconcile. They no longer talked on the phone as before, and no longer cared about each other and greeted each other.

The boy didn't know that Little A was waiting for even a few words of goodwill from him, and Little A didn't know that the boy had been drinking alone all night after rushing out of the door.

Psychology believes that love is the establishment of an intimate relationship. The emergence of love may only take a moment, but maintaining love requires a hundred times more time and patience.

Love is not as perfect as everyone expects, and every love is inevitably hurt in the end.

The story of Little A and her boyfriend happens every day among countless couples and partners.

Of course, this does not mean that love is bad. This would be too pessimistic.

It has to be said that every relationship is beautiful at the beginning. Both lovers are attracted by each other's beautiful qualities. They modify themselves and beautify each other.

At the same time, they carefully opened up their private areas and curiously explored everything about each other.

Sometimes, in order to please each other, they become each other's ideal partner. This is the so-called passionate love.

However, love is not always sweet, and love is not always a wonderful circus performance. It is more about the adjustment of daily necessities.

The problem between Little A and her boyfriend is the worry of daily necessities.

Psychologists divide love into four stages.

The survival stage is the so-called love period. Love at this time is blind, but it is also beautiful. Girl A and her boyfriend also had such a time, and that period was their happiest time.

But now the love between Girl A and her boyfriend is in the second stage - the anti-dependence period. Both parties need some time to do their own things. The boyfriend now wants to have more time for his own independent control, while Girl A is being left cold.

, so, they have problems, but this is not the worst stage.

The independent stage is the continuation of the anti-dependence stage. Both parties in the relationship require more independent time to be busy with their careers, so as to prepare themselves to develop their lives.

Psychologist Hatfield even believes that love is the result of the interaction between physiological arousal and psychological labels.

In every relationship, only when lovers muster up the courage to peel off the shell of the defense mechanism layer by layer, show their pain to each other and gain the other's recognition and comfort, can love pass the independent stage and enter a new world.

, this stage is called birth.

For couples who have already established a relationship, why can't it be as sweet as the love stage?

Because for people close to us, people always tend to place too high expectations on the other person. When this expectation is not met, we will be angry because the other person has not satisfied us and because the other person "owes us something."

For example, women will take it for granted that their boyfriends should understand their hidden words and that they should compromise unconditionally when they are angry.

Therefore, in the process of getting along with each other, both parties will always detail what they have paid and sacrificed for each other, so as to tell the other party "you owe me", so as to control the other party to meet their own needs, but the result is often that the other half

Push further.

This way of expressing "you owe me" is the biggest hidden danger in intimate relationships.

The reason why many couples fail to make it to the end is because they try to control each other in this way but fail.

Therefore, in the process of getting along as a couple, we must understand that the person who owes us the least must be the person closest to you.

Just because someone treats you well, you cannot assume that he or she owes you something.

It is normal for others to treat you badly. You must learn to be grateful for others to treat you well. This will reduce a lot of friction in the process of getting along with you.