First, introduce the touting class:

1, in fact, I am a well-proportioned and personable trickster who has changed the social atmosphere, charmed thousands of girls, stimulated the film market and enhanced the connotation of young people. My name is Gu Jing, and my English name is Gu Jing!

I want to introduce Pizad's boyfriend to you. His hairstyle is bad and ugly, he has no money, he has never studied, and his sexual ability is average, but he is a good-looking talent. Ha ha laugh ..

3. Ashui is famous for picking up girls countless times and is the thorn in all our men's side. His elegant posture exudes charming charm, which makes all girls irresistible. His heartbreaking eyes, no matter how indifferent and proud a woman is, will be melted by his gentle eyes. He is recognized as a neighbor lover and the soul of a tea restaurant, and everyone knows him-Prince Egg Tower!

He is arrogant, but kind-hearted. He kept a low profile, but he was admired by thousands of people. He can create a super dish called "the art of fire" with the fire that God gave to mankind. Is he the immortal incarnation? Or the Hellscream? No one knows, but what is certain is that everyone gives him a title-food ~ ~ God!

5. Is this true? ! What I said can't be broken! Not bad! I am the embodiment of beauty and wisdom, hero and chivalry: Tang Bohu!

6. Sweeping the floor is only our superficial work. My real identity is a research monk.

7, I left Qinglong, right white tiger, the old cow is at the waist, the faucet is at the chest, people stop killing, and the Buddha stops killing!

8. The poor monk is the abbot of Shaolin Temple, whose legal name is wet dream. Amitabha, I came and went with the wind. ...

9. Wow, yeah, yeah ~ ~ ~, OK! To tell you the truth, my name is Zhou, and I am a prostitute nicknamed "Plum Blossoms Beat Begonia".

10, with my wisdom, how can I lie to you?

1 1, I'm not afraid to tell you, since I ate chicken shit, I've seen UFOs, which is what the world calls UFOs and UFOs. You got it? When I was 4 years old, I saw the legendary Loch Ness monster again, chatting with bigfoot in the Himalayas and guessing boxing. In addition, I play roller coaster every morning, pirate ship at night, pirate ship in the morning, roller coaster at night and pirate ship many times at dusk. I'm telling you!

/Mr. kloc-0/2, you have sky-high bones on your forehead, light in your eyes, immortal reincarnation, immortal descent. I finally waited for you. Don't move. Although I let the cat out of the bag and disaster is inevitable, it's my destiny takes a hand. Even if I have to take a big risk, I'll show you a photo.

13, ah! The master's thinking, as expected, is like sailing against the current, amazing! Worthy of being a king with ideas.

14, ok! He slipped it in without thinking. What a soul-stirring man. I love you! ! !

15 Do you think you can't be found if you hide? It's no use, D. A good person like you is as bright and outstanding as a firefly in the dark, no matter where he is. Your melancholy eyes, sparse beard, superb knife skills and that cocktail attracted me deeply. However, although this is so excellent, there are rules and regulations. Anyway, you have to pay for last night's accommodation. Don't you have to pay that woman?

16. Eliminating violence and safety is our obligation as citizens, and doing good deeds and accumulating virtues is also my own interest. Therefore, I help the old lady cross the street once a week, and I will help her three or four times on Sundays and public holidays.

17, wrong! This is not an ordinary box, it is the god in the box, referred to as the box god!

18, good is rewarded with good, evil with evil, justice is free from people's hearts, and heaven is true. I caught Longfeng by mistake. The emperor caught me today, which is really instructive. My admiration for the emperor is like a raging river. It is like the Yellow River flooding out of control.

19, Zhou: martial arts is called nine days and ten places. Bodhisattva shook her head in fear and split the golden lightning palm! Within less than 100 mile from Fiona Fang, people, animals, shrimps, crabs and fleas all flew to Huasong! But this man's whereabouts are erratic on weekdays, and he has only seen half of him in his busy schedule!

Tea drinker: I've either seen it or I haven't. Which one has only seen half?

Zhou: Haven't you heard that she hides half her face behind the guitar from us? Have you really never read a book? Stupid pig! Ha ha ha ha. .

20, I tell you, to deal with this kind of woman, we must use condescending eyes and powerful arms to save her from the ocean of desire!

2 1, I've already drunk the wine and my head is knocked off! From now on, you are my cow!

Second, shame for mercy:

1, with your wisdom, it is difficult for me to explain to you!

2. You are a piece of shit. Life is cheaper than ants. I drive a Mercedes, you pick your nose. Eat! ? Eat shit!

3. The surface of alkaline water has not been cooled with cold water, so the surface is all alkaline water. Fish balls don't smell like fish either, but in order to hide it, you specially added curry juice to make curry fish balls. But it's naive to do so, because you didn't cook it long enough, and the taste of curry is only on the surface, and it doesn't go deep into it at all, so the fish balls are diluted when they are put into the soup. A good curry fish balls won't let you taste fish or curry. Defeat Never picked radish, too much muscle, failure! The pigskin was so badly cooked that it didn't bite the head. Defeat Pig blood will rot when it is cut, a failure in failure! The worst thing is the large intestine, which is not cleaned at all, and there is a lump of shit. Are you mistaken? Hey, shit. Hey, shit. Did you get a look at him? Hey, shit!

4, ridiculous! I dare say that in front of me, no one dares to pretend, please be quiet!

5, cut hair, don't look at how others cut it, it will be crazy and popular, you must cooperate! Look at your hairstyle, it doesn't match your face, it doesn't match your face, it doesn't match your figure and your hairstyle, it doesn't match at all! ! Brother Huan! What exactly do you want?

6. What did you say? You can tell such a lie? Do you have a conscience? I'm sorry about your parents, right? Is it worthy of this country? Hold a press conference to clarify, or I will skin you, tear your bones and drink your blood!

8, you have no problem at all, it's your parents who have problems, that's what you are!

9. Do you want to? Have you thought enough? When is it my turn to think? !

10, don't blame me for being too frank! You are killing me just because of this, which is too serious! ! !

1 1, it's really disappointing. Hearing your voice, I think you are a very emotional and imaginative person. Look at your whole body shape, you will know that you have no connotation!

12, proprietress in Counting Dead Grass: You have a son who has no asshole, your father sells asshole, you suck asshole yourself, and you like to eat chicken asshole. Big ass, you don't have your own business, and you bother me? You don't have to make trouble. I will reveal my life. My father died at the age of three, my mother died at the age of four, my father died at the age of five, six, seven and eight, I seduced a man at the age of ten, and I seduced a man at the age of eleven, and your man was hooked up by me.

13, Bao Longxing: You have a lemon head, mouse eyes, a hooked nose, eight eyebrows, ears, a big mouth, old Qiang teeth, a wick neck, high and low shoulders, long and short hands, a chicken breast, a dog's stomach and a useless waist. If I were you, I would kill myself through the beam!

Tang Bohu (Stephen Chow): Go ahead! Did you lose the bet again and come to me for help?

Zhu Zhishan (Chen Baixiang): Very insightful! It is really worthy of being "my parents who gave birth to me and raised me, and my Tang brothers who understand me!" I'm desperate this time! I lost my life for three hundred and twenty pieces of silver! I came to Tang Xiong for help this time. I hope you can help me!

Tang (Zhou): 300 cars! Stop dreaming! Even if you kneel this time, I can't save you!

Zhu Zhishan: Bohu, don't be so awesome, okay? I swear that if I gamble again in the future, I will let the ugliest woman in the world gang rape every night until she is shattered and crumbling. Is it okay?

(Zhou): Really? ! You can make such a solemn and stirring oath! Hey. . . ! I can't help you

15, two girls, have pity on me, my family of six died all night. I am infected with 10 consumption, you can buy me!

16, why do you treat me like a pig! Let me sleep as soon as you see me! ~

Third, the narrative category:

1, you go first, and I'll wait until my legs are less shaky and my heart is less chaotic!

More than 30 years ago, when I was in middle school, I really thought about her all the time. Sometimes I suddenly stop urinating, and then I think of her, and my heart is sweet, and then I forget the rest of my urine!

The bullet entered my thigh bone, pressed my aorta and blocked my trigeminal nerve. Now the left brain is paralyzed by hypoxia and the right side is paralyzed. I have to cut the wound with a knife and take out the bullet.

I mean that my method is a distraction method used by Hua Tuo, an ancient imperial doctor. In ancient times, Guan Yunchang was addicted to playing chess and scraping bones to cure poison. Today, I was addicted to watching porn to dig bones and get warheads, and I started-

5. Cut your head from your forehead to your nose as soon as you cut it. That (referring to the stall) is in front of his stall. The tail keel was cut several times, and two tendons were broken, which inhibited the trigeminal nerve and affected the central brain system. I lost my teeth.

6. After beheading the head of a chicken, burning yellow paper, and bleeding for the alliance, Wei Xiaobao, you are the brother of my heaven and earth society, and temporarily merged into Aoki Hall. We have ten rules, twenty rules, thirty commandments and eighty commandments. If you break one of them, even if you are my apprentice, you will die by the sword.

7. But in this way, I am a person with complicated feelings. If a person with complicated feelings only loves you, he will become emotionally defective. Even if you have a person with emotional defects, it's no use.

8. Opponent: (crying) Wang Cai ... Wang Cai, you can't die. Wang Cai, you have been with me for so many years, and you are affectionate and sincere to me, but now I haven't even let you eat a full meal. I feel sorry for you, Wang Cai!

Poor servant (Zhou Shi) (weeping): Xiao Qiang! Xiao Qiang, what's wrong with you Xiao Qiang? Xiao Qiang, you can't die! You and I live together, share weal and woe for so many years, and have been teaching you to raise you as your own flesh and blood. Unexpectedly, today, white-haired people send black-haired people!

Fourth, long sentences:

1, Zhou (knocking on the bowl with both hands, singing): Wife, I used to live in Suzhou City. I have a house and a field at home, and my life is very interesting. Who knows that Tang Bohu, who is outrageous and heartless, colluded with officials to overlook the sky, occupied my big house and occupied my land. My grandfather opposed him. He hit him with a stick. My grandmother accused him of cheating good people, but he caught Tang Jia and raped him a hundred times, a hundred times! Finally, she hanged herself and hated the world! He also drove my father and son out of their homes and drifted to the river. In order to support my father, I had to beg alone in front of the temple. Who knows that Tang Bohu, who is so insidious, sent someone to plot against him and beat my father and son in front of the whole city! Fortunately, the little man is strong and powerful, and the remaining life is preserved. Poor old father, he's dead! This kind of hate is harder to fill. In order to bury my father, I had to sell myself as a slave to make myself cheap, work hard and read articles at the same time, vowing to show my fame and fortune, and my enemies would be strong! Since then, Tang Yin's poems have been with me, and I remember this hatred is bitter, bitter! ! !

2. On a dark and gloomy night in a month, I am the treasure, and you are Bai Jingjing. Wonderful love begins with this fire on the bridge. As soon as I turned around, you suddenly pointed at me and my whole hand caught fire. You have to fight for me, fight for me, fight for me, fight for me, fight like this, fight like this, fight like this, yes, fight like this, do you see? I can describe the future development in twists and turns, because A Niu Wang Mo suddenly appeared. At that time, after you had a fight with Niu Wangmo with a bone in your hand, you took me back to Pansi Cave. The so-called time flies, it is really good, because it is just a highlight moment in the blink of an eye. On the broken rock, when the feelings broke out, I desperately touched you, and you desperately touched me and vowed never to part. Unfortunately, happiness is always short-lived, and what you get is infinite pain and sigh. Why did you die? I only used the moonlight box to turn back the clock and find out the truth. Finally, I know that you committed suicide! At the last minute, I hope to save your life! But the last time I went back to the past, the Moonlight Box was broken, and I "sent Weibo" saying that it went back to 500 years ago ... That's it!

Verb (abbreviation for verb) dialogue category:

A: It has been ten years. I thought this country had forgotten me.

No way. Even a pair of underwear and a piece of toilet paper have their uses.

A: Really, if I lie to you, make sure my son doesn't have an asshole!

B: If you look like this, you must have no asshole when you have a son. Even if there is, it's a deformed asshole!

Who are you?

B: Jianghu is dangerous. I never leave my name easily.

A: Since you refuse to leave your name, you should leave your head!

I have been lonely all my life. The only person who lives alone is this head. I'm afraid it's not that easy for you to take it away!

A: OK! You forced me to do this, and I will dye this sea with your blood.

B: I've been wandering all my life, just like a lonely boat in Wang Yang, and I've already put life and death out of my mind.

Six, other categories:

Sorry, I'm undercover.

You can't see me, you can't see me. . .

Surprised? Are you happy? Are you happy?

Sorry, director. Hmm (expressing hesitation, etc.) ... According to the background and personality of the role, I think it is a little naughty in rhythm, but it has some contradictions. what do you think?

Stanny Slavski, a master of Russian drama theory, takes Pain as an example. It should reflect from the outside to the inside and then from the inside. Come on, you try again now.

Impossible, the son of the eldest brother of the elder sister's old mother's brother-in-law said there was!

Talking about money hurts feelings! But the way, our brothers have no feelings for you. Let's talk about money directly.

It doesn't matter whether you have money or not, but at least be a respected person! (Change the subject) I'd rather have money. ......

You are all women, why do you want to kill each other? Even chickens are patriotic!

You'd better go back to Mars as soon as possible. The earth is very dangerous.

If you want to scare me, you can't fall to the ground. I'm afraid of everything and ghosts!

Wonderful dialogue of A Chinese Odyssey:

What's your mother's name?

You scared me again!

Be careful! It thundered! It's raining. Go and collect the clothes!

Talk to me? Are you talking to me? Wrong person!

Wukong, how can you talk to sister Guanyin like this?

Alas, literature is no good, and martial arts is no good. You don't want to be a thief. Do you want to be a champion?

Oh-! If you talk like that, I can sue you for slander, ha!

Save it! Change your image and be a promising mountain thief!

I am a western soldier after all. If you want me to kiss you, I will kiss you. Then my image is not completely ruined!

Brother, how can a rational person like me accept such a ridiculous thing?

Why did you shave off your beard? Do you know that you have no personality without a beard?

It's been a long night and I don't want to sleep. I thought I was the only one who couldn't sleep. It turns out Jingjing can't sleep either!

Cut the crap! You chased me for three days and nights, and I won't kill you because you are a woman. Don't think I'm afraid of you!

Look at you, sneaking around, making a fool of yourself, wearing long hair and putting on airs. How can you come out with me to wander the rivers and lakes?

When watching the moon with me, I used to call others Britney Spears, but now the new one is better than the old one. I call them Mrs. Niu!

I just woke up and didn't do anything outside, so I stopped by to learn from my teacher. You suddenly told me you were getting married ... I haven't brushed my teeth yet!

Who said I was cross-eyed? I just focus on one thing to change my previous view of things. Why? I can't make a rumor. Do you want to sit in my seat?

In your mind, is Xia Zi an exclamation point or a period? Is your mind full of question marks?

Do you need a reason to love someone? Don't you need it? Need it? Hey, I'm studying with you. Why are you so serious?

How many brothers and sisters do you have? Are your parents still alive? Say something. I just want to make one more friend before I die.

People and goblins are born of mothers, but different people are born of mothers, and demons are born of mothers. ......

Therefore, being a demon is just like being a man. You must have a kind heart. With a kind heart, you are no longer a demon, but a shemale.

I can't stand you! You are so ugly, do me a favor, everyone is a fairy, and stop sexually harassing me, okay?

As far as wisdom and martial arts are concerned, I have always been a little taller than him, but now there is a Xia Zixian, and I'm afraid he is a little taller than me. It is because of you that he is a little taller than me!

Wukong wants to eat me. This is just an idea. It hasn't been realized yet. You have no proof. What crime did he commit? Why don't you wait for him to eat me, so you can prove it, so it's not too late to convict him!

Wukong, you can stab me to death. There is no sorrow in life and no pain in death. When you understand that you have given up your life for justice, you will naturally come back and sing this song with me! Amitabha, Amitabha, Amitabha. ......

Be sure to explain! So I have to get the Moonlight Box back and take you back to explain it to them. I don't care what others say about me, and I'm not afraid that thousands of people in Qian Qian will abuse me in the future. I want to go alone.

Did everyone see it? This guy talks about his mother-in-law all day, as if there is a fly, hum … sorry, not one, but a group of flies around you, hum … hum … flying to your ear, help!

So I caught the fly, smashed its belly, pulled out its intestines, and then grabbed his neck with its intestines and pulled hard, oh! The whole tongue is sticking out! I'll start over! The whole world is clean. Now everyone understands why I killed him!

Wow! Dude, you call yourself the Monkey King in this makeup? Give me some professionalism, will you? You see, those hairs are split, and they look like they are wearing two pieces of rice cakes on their heads. Going out to eat needs some money! what are you reading? Your makeup is disgusting! Angry at me. That's what I said!

Do you want it? Wukong, if you want to talk, how can I know what you want if you don't tell me? Although you look at me sincerely, you still have to tell me what you want. Do you really want it? Then you can take it! You don't really want it, do you? Do you really want it?

Hey hey hey! Don't be angry, everyone. Anger will offend you! Wukong, you are too naughty. I told you not to throw things around. Why did you ... you threw the stick away before I finished! Moonlight box is a treasure. If you throw it away, it will pollute the environment. What if you hit a child? Even if you can't hit children, it's wrong to hit those flowers and plants!

Alas, the size of that diamond ring is too bad. The front is heavy and the back is light, and the left is wide and the right is narrow. He is very uncomfortable after wearing it, and he can't sleep all night, which will bring me trouble! Although he is a monkey, you can't do this to him. The government will accuse me of animal cruelty! Speaking of diamond rings, I met a blacksmith in Chenjiacun last year. His craftsmanship is exquisite and the price is reasonable. He is innocent. How about I introduce you to order another one?

You should do this. I should die. Once there was a sincere love in front of me. I didn't cherish it, and I regretted it after losing it. The most painful thing in the world is this. Cut my throat with your sword! Don't hesitate any longer! If God can give me another chance, I will say three words to that girl: I love you. If I have to add a time limit to this love, I hope it is ... ten thousand years!

This should be the most classic, if you are satisfied, let it go, we are real!