A similar experience happened to several friends. Nowadays, more and more people choose to live alone. According to the latest data released by the Ministry of Civil Affairs, there are more than 77 million people living alone in China, and living alone has gradually become a social reality of concern.
Living alone always seems to be labeled with some solidification. Some people describe them as empty nesters, and describe them around loneliness and isolation from the perspectives of "problem" and "rescue". Some people regard a person's life as something to be proud of, preaching that one should also love oneself, and occasionally showing the feeling of chicken soup touched by me.
In fact, living alone only provides a life choice, a choice that allows us to spend more time with ourselves, so it adds more emotional experience and life exploration. So, what is the real life of living alone? How does everyone who chooses to live alone feel and understand? We talked about this topic with several lonely people.
0 1.
"All good imaginations are based on self-discipline."
Last June, I officially packed up my school things and left. Although I am desperate for college life, I am still full of yearning for the transformation from a student to a social person. I hold my favorite discount in one hand and rent my new house in the other (even if it is only a one-bedroom apartment below 40 square meters).
At the beginning, I planned a person's life very well. Get up early every day to make a healthy breakfast, start a vigorous life, read books regularly and recharge without being disturbed by others. I bought a lot of fitness equipment at home, and eight-pack abdominal muscles are definitely just around the corner. After work, you can go to the supermarket downstairs to buy fresh ingredients and treat yourself to a big meal. Finally, I can stay away from the crowded dormitory for eight people, and I don't have to put up with the "strange" smell of the boys' dormitory anymore. You can laugh if you think about it.
But when I really started working and living alone, I found that all these things were submerged in busyness, fatigue and laziness. My imaginary self-disciplined and healthy living alone has turned into a happy and fat house and free indulgence in reality.
In order to sleep for one more minute in the morning, I always go out in a hurry and run to the subway station at the speed of 1.5 times. I have never made my own breakfast, but I solved it in the convenience store downstairs. Go home from work and lie down, and still have the strength to cook. I deliver takeout to support myself. Apart from exercise, the only thing that supports me to sit up is probably playing games. Because no one cares, it is normal for clothes to be piled up for weeks without washing, and no one will dislike it anyway.
It's nice to stay at home for a while, but it's always nice to stay at home. Until this year, I haven't seen the shadow of eight abdominal muscles, but I have a little belly (sigh), which is really a greasy road to middle age.
My flag fell completely. In fact, all illusions about a better life are based on self-discipline, and living alone intensifies this challenge. In one's life, you can enjoy one's convenience, but you also need to fight against one's laziness. If you only have plans and imagination, then life is likely to run to the other extreme.
02.
"There is a kind of growth, which is to understand the essence of life from triviality."
I have been living at home since I worked, and I don't have to worry about food, clothing, housing and transportation. If I hadn't moved to another city to live alone, I might never have known that real life is far more trivial than I thought.
In this small space, everything, big or small, is responsible for itself. Finding a house is my first problem. I need to consider the transportation hub, the calculation of commuting time, the farmer's supermarket and other supporting facilities, and then the age, orientation, payment method, price comparison and so on.
Do you think it is here? No, it was only after renting a good house that the official road of fighting monsters began. I set up a network, regularly hoarding daily necessities, changing sheets and bask in the quilt, buying medicine, connecting sewers, mopping floors and cleaning windows, and paying water, electricity and gas bills ... These things are completely like a new world to me, which I never noticed when I lived with my parents.
On the one hand, I lament that life is not easy, on the other hand, I am very grateful to my parents for their hardships. In those places where we can't see them, they seem to "take it for granted" to pay for us and this family. These things are ignored because they are too trivial, but once they are superimposed and repeated, it is also a very energy-consuming thing.
Although a person's life is very hard, I am glad that I have been "forced to acquire" various skills, so that I can slowly get in touch with the whole picture of real life. Maybe everyone needs to live a lonely life. It may not take long, but it is enough for you to understand the triviality and hardships of life, learn to be grateful to your family, and have tolerance and confidence to live with another person in the years to come. 03.
"While enjoying freedom, you must also bear loneliness."
I changed houses three times in five years. At first, I shared a room with my roommate (one room with two beds). Later, I shared a room and had my own independent room. Now, I finally have the ability to move to a room and live alone. It's really cool to feel free in space.
There are many practical conveniences in life. You don't have to go to the bathroom in the morning, and you don't have to worry about disturbing others when you get home late. Friends can call home at any time, and everyone can cook, drink and chat together. Late at night, they all fell asleep in the living room and didn't get home.
And I feel much more comfortable psychologically. Sometimes I may have nothing to do at home, but I always feel that I can completely let my guard down and relax in a space where I am alone (being in a daze is more refreshing).
However, I never thought that I would feel more and more lonely in such a life. Without the noise of roommates, the room will feel lonely and even a little lonely and terrible if it is quiet for a long time. There is no place to tell the usual depression and happiness in life. Cooked rice is always thrown away after eating. What is depressing is that even two cups of milk tea are required.
I am alone in Beijing, with no family and no friends. Living alone magnifies the loneliness of wandering several times. I used to yearn for an independent space, and sometimes I hope to have one more person at home, so I can rest assured a little.
Maybe there is no absolute life. Freedom and loneliness are twins, and there are always mottled shadows in the dazzling sunshine. However, since we enjoy the pleasure of the former, we should also have the courage to undertake the latter, that's all.
04.
"Living alone is a perfect psychotherapy."
I used to think that living alone was particularly miserable, especially when I was alone, female, and abroad. But when I look back on those days, I find that living alone is actually a treasure that I haven't noticed for a long time.
Being sick abroad is a very troublesome thing. It is difficult to buy medicine, and I can't understand it when I go to the hospital. In order to avoid this situation, a corpse-loving me will force myself to start fitness exercises.
Eating out is very expensive. I spend most of my time thinking about recipes at home, but I am fat in vain. Probably because of exercise and healthy diet, I feel much better than before going abroad, and even my severe neurasthenia has gradually improved.
Not only has the body become better, but the heart has become stronger and stronger because of long-term solitude. I live in a big country (laughs) and have little entertainment. Outside school, I spend most of my time with myself. I left a corner at home to bask in the sun. When I'm free, I just sit there reading or going for a walk in the grassland. There is less pollution in the outer suburbs, and bright stars can be seen at night.
If you leave the complicated interpersonal relationship before, you can have deeper and more focused thinking and be closer to your feelings and emotions. Although the days are light, there are also fewer distractions and troubles, which is an unprecedented peace.
Perhaps it is the solitary environment that makes me really learn to love myself and become healthy, practical and stable both physically and psychologically. People's life and emotions, if pinned on external stimuli, may feel flustered and helpless at any time, and what you have to do is spend more time facing yourself, simply breathing and surging strength. And when a person can live a healthy and satisfied life and feel inner joy, he is fearless of everything in the world.
05.
"The closest people also need distance to create illusions."
During the half-year stay at home with my parents, we quarreled constantly and even got bored with each other. Sometimes it is because of different lifestyles, such as diet, work and rest, that there will be disputes. Sometimes it is because of inconsistent concepts, and I keep urging marriage to persuade me to listen to these words. In short, I feel depressed as long as I go home.
After enduring it for half a year, I finally made up my mind to move out. There are many arguments about this, because the place I rent is actually very close to home, and adults think it is a waste of money. But for me, moving out is not to stay away from them completely, but to keep a suitable distance and have my own space.
Life is really much quieter. Without quarreling and chanting, my mood is not as agitated as before. The biological clock and habits are based on yourself. Play when you are tired, sleep when you are sleepy and eat when you are hungry. Maybe sometimes it's really unhealthy (I admit it), but don't mention how comfortable it is.
Instead of living together, we will miss each other, and distance produces beauty. Therefore, we usually go home once on weekends, so we spend less time together and become particularly cherished. My relationship with my parents has eased a lot.
Many people are taught to communicate and understand the contradictions between different generations, but I think it is difficult to bridge the gap in this era. Instead of trying to get along with each other, it is better to keep a proper distance, which not only avoids the deterioration of contradictions, but also makes the connection between them more precious. The family needs to be guarded, but it needs to be guarded in the right way.
06.
Please put safety first before making any decision.
I am a person who values the quality of life. For me, the house is not only a place to sleep, but also carries most of my leisure time, so when looking for a house, I chose a one-bedroom apartment without hesitation. Although the rent will be much more expensive, you can have a good rest and satisfy most of your imagination of life.
But then I realized that the idea was still too young. Only the comfort is considered, but the danger of living alone is ignored, especially for girls, which is a great hidden danger. I have experienced some terrible things myself. The most serious time is to work overtime and come home late, and I have been followed into the community. I was so scared that I ran all the way upstairs into the house and locked the door. The other party even tried to open the door. Finally, I knocked hard a few times before I stopped. Call a friend the next day to make sure no one dares to go out at the door.
When girls live alone, they must raise their awareness of self-protection. On the one hand, they should pay attention to prevention, on the other hand, they should accumulate more self-defense skills. For example, when the take-out is coming, you can shout "My husband's take-out is coming" and pretend that there are other men at home. It is best to have friends when you go home at night. If not, you can pretend to make a phone call and learn some simple tricks when you are free, which may become your amulet when you are in danger.
However, the best way is to reduce the danger, try not to let strangers know where you live alone, and don't go home too late alone.
Indeed, living in a small nest built by yourself can be a good rest and restore energy, but before that, avoiding unsafe factors and learning to protect yourself are the guarantee for enjoying the benefits of living alone for a long time. Disaster may be fate, and we can't avoid it. We can only try our best to reduce the risk of encountering it.
The author said:
Mr. Fei Xiaotong once described China society as a pattern of difference order, which is different from the western society as a group pattern of bundling firewood. In China, the relationship between people is like "ripples in circles when a stone is thrown on the water". Every network is centered on the "self", spreading outwards and thinning, and the ripples of different cores touch each other to form a new relationship.
But living alone breaks this pattern to some extent. It means that individuals break away from the relationship between blood and geography, reshape their values and pursue an ideal life. This way of life has gradually weakened the dependence of individual and family structure and kinship in traditional society. In other words, we are more "willful", but also braver and full of possibilities.
In fact, whether you choose to live in groups or live alone, solitude is an important ability for your own development and one of the most important signs of individual emotional development. Whether a person can enjoy solitude depends on the relationship between ta and its internal objects and ta's confidence in its internal relationship. Internal relationship can bring life satisfaction to ta, so he can rest temporarily and contentedly without external objects/stimuli.
The core of a happy life is to find your true self, stick to it and embrace it. I can be silent in the noise, or I can be in full bloom in my life alone.
Above.
KY author /47
Editor /KY creator