Adapting "The Big Bodyguard"

B (go on stage first, read a poem): The general is born with boldness, and his waist is horizontal. The wind blows the mountains and rivers-(beating the wood) lightning and flags are high. Students ×××× bowed on the stage. Today, I will give you a cross talk. This cross talk, two people say it's called mouth-to-mouth, and one person says it's just stand-up ... < P > A (playing, fuels): Yo, you work hard, you work hard!

b: (to party a, fuels) hard work!

a: are you talking about cross talk here today?

b: yes, I'll give you a performance.

a: your cross talk level is high!

b: oh, no, thank you.

a: I've been watching your cross talk for two years!

b: thank you. thank you.

a: gee ... you seem to have lost a little weight recently.

b: really? I really didn't care about that.

a: you must pay attention to your health. No matter what line of work you do, you have to be in good health.

b: that's right. thank you for your concern.

a: look at me, how strong this body is!

b: your figure is just so-so, just like mine, a little thinner.

a: me? General? Do you know what I do?

b: I don't know.

a: I'm a martial artist!

b: a martial artist? Ouch ... I really don't see it.

a: hey? You are also a person in the Jianghu. Can you not know that I am XXX?

b: I don't know.

a: maybe, my reputation is not very famous. Mention my sect, and you will know for sure!

b: are you ... a Shaolin Sect or wu-tang clan?

a: neither. My sect, when mentioned, you have to feel as if it was "click!" A thunder exploded in your ear!

b: huh? So awesome?

a: of course. My sect is-(positive color, fuels) Jiangnan Wufangzhai!

b: (laughs) Wait, wait ... Wufangzhai? By the way, is your "headquarters" in Jiaxing, Zhejiang?

a: ah, yes. I said yes, when it comes to our sect, you have to feel like thunder. But ah, your word is not very accurate. The sects in the Jianghu are not called "headquarters" but "general rudder".

b: still the "master rudder"? I'm glad I didn't say "head office"! Jiaxing Wufangzhai, Jiangnan area who does not know, Zongzi shop!

a: what zongzi shop! Listen to our master's first and last name. It's not for dumplings either.

b: who is your master?

a: my master-(fuels) my old man's surname is hong.

b: oh, master hong.

a: the surname is hong, whose name is Shang dou Xia sha.

b (stops a): stop "expressing words"! Red-bean-sand! Also mung bean soup! It's just zongzi!

a: you hate it! My master, the old man, has taught two disciples all his life, that is, me and my brother.

b: oh, brothers.

a: yes, according to the generation of our sect, my name is "egg yolk" and my brother is "ham".

b: well, you are salty zongzi.

a: yuck! What zongzi?

b: yes, there is no such thing as "egg yolk" or "ham" in martial arts.

a: we followed master and learned excellent martial arts.

b: what have you learned?

a: weapon and fist.

b: what has the weapon learned?

a: what do you mean by swords, spears, halberds, axes, forks, whips, maces, clubs, and abduction meteors? You put these eighteen weapons in front of me, and I can give them the same-

b: Sold them?

a: this sentence is mine! Why did you take it?

b: yes, if I don't answer it, the audience will have to answer it. From Zhang Shouchen to Ma Zhiming, it's all this baggage, and everyone has heard about it. What did you learn from your fists and feet? "Cats scurry, dogs flash, rabbits roll, eagles turn over"?

a: this is Ma Zhiming's kung fu.

b: what's your real kung fu?

a: real kung fu! Look at it-(swinging the palm rest)

B: This is-?

a: eighteen palms of dragons!

b: oh, Hong Qigong's kung fu.

a: look at it again-(reach out and snap your fingers)

b: this is-?

a: flick your fingers!

b: don't ask, Huang Yaoshi.

a: and-(sticking out two fingers)

b: is it-?

a: a yang finger!

b: Duan Zhixing, Nandi, who became a monk and became known as Master Yi Deng.

A: Do it again-(doing a kneeling position)

B: (helping the nails) All right, all right, all right, I know this is Ouyang Feng's frog work. You know a lot. How many years will it take to learn so much?

a: the system of our sect is like this: we are beginners, learn from many teachers, and practice basic skills for four years first.

b: this is equivalent to an undergraduate course.

a: and then, formally, I'll join the master. Generally, I'll practice for three years, and then I can start my career, or I can change my master and practice for another three years.

b: two three years add up to six years.

a: our brother has been practicing for a year and a half. master told us that we should just keep practicing with him, so that we can start in five years and save one year.

b: even those who make zongzi in Wufangzhai have a master's degree.

a: I'm in a hurry with you if you mention zongzi again!

b: ok, ok, ok ... what happened after your brother started his career?

a: after graduation, you have to travel in the Jianghu by yourself.

b: assignment is not included either.

a: as soon as our brothers discussed it, they arrived in Nanjing, rented a store room and put up a sign, "Jiaxing Wufangzhai Nanjing Branch".

b: a branch?

a: steer! Our brother was originally a noble disciple, and after starting his career, Master also wrote letters of recommendation to friends in the Jianghu, so someone came to us in a few days. We were practicing in the yard that day when we heard someone knocking at the door.

b: don't turn the page, just knock on the door.

a: as soon as I opened the door, a big man stood at the door and asked, "excuse me, are there any egg yolks and ham from Wufangzhai here?"

b: it's almost the dragon boat festival. here comes the order.

a: I said, I am the yolk, and the ham is in it.

b: wow, two zongzi.

a: the bearer said, "I'm from Longmen Escort Agency. I'd like to invite you two from the old shopkeeper Tong. I have something to discuss. Here's an invitation. The car is outside."

b: wait, wait! Longmen Escort Agency? Old shopkeeper Tong? Isn't that in Hanzhong, Shaanxi?

a: you don't know, old shopkeeper tong personally led a team to Nanjing to open a semicolon.

b: oh, business development.

a: as soon as I discussed it with my brother, I followed him to Longmen escort agency. When I got off the bus, the old shopkeeper was waiting there with a lot of people, holding his fist and handing him over: "Two brave men have arrived, but they have not met far away. I apologize face to face."

b: you are welcome!

a: I said, "How dare you? Our brothers came in a hurry and didn't bring you any local products."

b: yes, you should bring some zongzi.

a: make trouble.

b: (laughs) isn't that what you have there?

a: entering the gate, there is a wide yard with all kinds of weapons on both sides.

b: the escort agency.

a: there are five living rooms in the main room, with a restaurant above and a platform in the head, and the stairs are right behind.

b: oh, there are no stairs ahead.

a: the old shopkeeper walked under the platform and said, "Two brave men, drink with me upstairs!" " Go upstairs. He doesn't take the stairs.

b: how do we get up there?

a: well, it takes a little effort. After talking, such a short stature made him "pull onions out of the dry land", hey! Go up.

b: hey! That's really something.

a: I was bursting with joy.

b: hey, what are you happy about?

a: that's nothing!

b: oh? How do you get up there?

a: look at me! Show me my kung fu.

b: let's look at him.

a: (posing) hey! Go up.

b: did you go up too?

a: my shoes are on.

b: are your shoes on? !

a: I didn't tie my shoelaces.

b: ok, silly boy.

a: I said, "Somebody!"

b: why?

a: carry a ladder to get me enough shoes.

b: oh, no, you're full of kung fu, so why are you moving the ladder?

a: how can I practice without shoes? What if there is a nail on it and it pricks your foot?

b: oh, yes, yes, it's better to be safe.

a: when the ladder was moved and erected, I said, "all right, all right, don't bother a few people, do it yourself." Brother, don't stare, go! " Our brothers all climbed up the ladder.

b: that's easy!

a: I'll have a look up there. Wow! There are big banquets, such as steamed lamb, steamed bear's paw, steamed deer's tail, roasted duck, roasted chicken and roasted goose ...

B: OK, OK ... Don't name the dishes.

a: our brothers can eat it all!

b: eat!

a: after three rounds of wine and five flavors of food, the old shopkeeper said, "I invited two strong men for no other reason. Now there are people who dare to protect the east dart, the south dart and the west dart, but there are too many robbers in this north road. I wonder if you are willing to go?"

b: oh, ask your brothers if they dare to go.

a: I said, "old hero, don't be a thief."

b: yes!

a: "kill our own spirit!"

b: yes!

a: "isn't there a thief in the north?"

b: not afraid of him!

a: "let's go west."

b: ok, hey, where did the west go? !

a: go around.

b: if there is no detour, you have to go north to meet the thief!

a: meet the thief?

b: that's right!

a: what are we going to meet?

b: nonsense! What do you do? It's the bodyguard's!

a: tell a joke.

b: I'm talking about it!

a: the old shopkeeper said, "you two don't need to be modest. Please show your darts downstairs."

b: oh, let's see what martial arts you have.

A: Downstairs, the old shopkeeper stood up and walked to the edge of the platform. He made a "swallow three strokes of water" as light as a fallen leaf and went down. There was not even a sound when I landed.

b: it's called lightness skill.

a: at his age, how many years has he been practicing? It makes sense to practice at this point.

b: ouch, ouch ...

a: yes, yes, not bad.

b: then how do you get down?

a: I stood up, walked to the side and looked down.

b: what are you looking at?

a: wow, it's high enough!

b: that's right.

a: I make a ...

b: what?

a: I'll have one-oh, no! I'm holding my urine here.

b: hi ...!

a: I've gained weight. How can I practice this? I said, "Dude, take our brother to the bathroom. Where? Huh? Under the building? You lead the way. " Our brother followed the man down the stairs.

b: he dodged again.

a: show your darts in the courtyard. My brother stretched out his hand, swish! Took the big gun off the weapon shelf.

b: I need to practice my gun.

a: you don't understand.

b: really?

a: it's very particular.

b: what do you mean?

a (holding a fan to set up a gun rack): seven feet for the gun, Qi Mei for the stick, and the big gun is ten feet and eight inches. My brother is going to make a trip to liuhe gun.

b: what is liuhe gun?

a: inner triad and outer triad.

b: three in one?

a: heart, qi and gallbladder.

b: external triad?

a: hands, feet and eyes.

b: oh?

a: eyes and heart are in harmony, qi and strength are in harmony, and steps and strokes are in harmony!

b: ok!

a: my brother was just about to prick liuhe gun. I said, "Brother, you have just caught a cold. Be careful not to repeat it." My brother nodded: "That makes sense." Put the gun back in its original position and stand there. It's really angry, and your face doesn't change color.

b: nonsense! He didn't practice at all!

a: he didn't practice. I have to practice.

b: oh, you practice.

a: I'll go over, shh! Copy the single knife (set the knife rest with a fan).

b: oh, I need to practice my knife.

a: I'll give my left hand a knife and hold the moon in my arms. I'll do a "knife-hiding style in all directions at night". I was just about to practice my knife here when suddenly a black cloud came, there was a loud thunder, and it began to rain. Wow! I'm happy here.

b: why are you so happy?

a: that's when I show my skill!

b: yes?

a: just look at my knife. it's flying up and down. I can't see anyone. It's all wet. I don't even have a raindrop on me.

b: good kung fu! You practice knives in the yard?

a: I'm sheltering from the rain.

b: shelter from the rain! Where's the knife?

a: I threw it in the yard.

b: I mean, you can't see anyone unless you see the knife!

A: Old shopkeeper Tong said, "Forget it, forget it. I don't think you can wait. This rain won't last for a while."

b: I don't need to practice again.

a: "then please ask two people to check the darts in the backyard."

b: look at what you are escorting.

a: take a look at the back. there are sixteen dart cars.

b: that's quite a lot.

a: they are all so big (hands are about a foot in diameter), and they are from Huang Chengcheng-

b: gold bricks!

a: pumpkin.

b: pumpkins! Hey ... Don't hire a bodyguard, I can deliver it.

a: you?

b: I know.

a: you don't understand ~ ~

b: why not?

a: it looks like a pumpkin. it's hollowed out, and it's filled with gold and silver to hide people's eyes and ears-this is called a dark dart.

b: oh, there are so many stresses.

a: walk!

b: ok.

A: Our brother rode this escort car across the Yangtze River from Huilong Bridge, and went to the popular Sun, Taishan New Village, Taoyuan, Torch Road, Neighborhood Center and Keyuan Hotel ...

B: It was still 131!

a: when it gets dark, we can get to the foot of the Dragon King Mountain. I told my brother that the terrain here is dangerous and we can't stay long. Let's pass quickly. When we get to the other side of the mountain, we will stay at Tongfu Inn.

b: ah, ah ... Tongfu Inn? Tongfu Inn is also here?

a: semicolon, semicolon.

b: semicolon?

a: you don't know, right? This Tongfu Inn has acquired Yuelai Inn and Longmen Inn to become the largest hotel chain in the Jianghu, with semicolons all over the country. The shopkeeper of this Jiangbei semicolon is Lv Qinghou, the Great Warrior of Guanzhong.

b: don't ask, it's Guo Furong who runs the house. With her here, it must be safe.

a: besides, we bet on the escort car of the old shopkeeper of Longmen Escort Agency. The old shopkeeper gave us a VIP diamond and platinum card, and we got a 6% discount when staying at Tongfu Inn!

b: save money!

a: my brother nodded and said yes. So we moved on. Although the mountain road is rugged, fortunately there is a hazy night.

b: I can still see a little.

a: at midnight, we passed a Huangshagang, and there was a dense pine forest in front of us. At this time, listen to "soft-bang!" An arrow rang, and a bang bang bang bang bang gong rang delicately, alas!

b: what's the matter?

a: there is a "thief".

b: hi! Don't be catchy. Isn't there a thief?

a: yes.