Mr. Qian Zhongshu made such an evaluation of Ms. Jiang Yang, which was later regarded by sociologists as a model of ideal marriage: 1. I never thought about getting married before I met her. After being with her for so many years, I have never regretted marrying her. I never want to marry another woman.

You save 4.5 dollars, I save 4.5 dollars, and we can get married in the Civil Affairs Bureau.

Personally, I feel "slow" on the Internet. The faster the information, the more days it will take for the facts to surface. There is no need to eat human flesh for the first time, condemn it for the first time, and cry for the first time.

My father expressed his opinion on my obesity: Han Hong didn't die, but Han Hong was ill.

Some people are as smart as the weather and changeable; Some people are as stupid as the weather forecast, and they can't tell when the weather changes.

Constantly missing, easy to live up to, unconsciously strange.

The story of the stone tells us that all the things you really love are finally scattered, and all the things you mix and match are finally reunited.

If you don't often encounter setbacks, it means that what you do is not very innovative-Woody Allen.

In love life, what is more terrible than not finding a sense of security? I can't find a condom.

When two people are together, it is more about accepting than changing each other, so it is inclusive. If you just want to change, it is not life, it is war.

All problems are ultimately a matter of time, and all troubles are actually asking for trouble.

People never know who inadvertently said goodbye to you and then really disappeared.

Many things are between "no injustice" and "melodramatic".

The road to success is always under construction.

Do you like my angel's face or the devil's figure? I like your sense of humor.

When getting off the bus, the tour guide said, "Please take valuables with you." He took my hand and said, "Let's go, valuables".

I won't go to hell. Whoever loves me will go to hell.

I never hold grudges, but I usually report them on the spot.

Don't cry at my grave. Dirty my path of reincarnation.

I spent my whole life looking back on my youth and doubting my life.

Well, Mr. Zhang. You can't press CTRL+C on your home computer and then CTRL+V on your company computer. Not even the same article. No, no, it's not even an expensive computer.

If you were a flower, cows wouldn't dare to shit in the future.

I thought you were just a number between 1 and 3, but I didn't expect you to be a combination of 1 and 3.

I saw a comment on Netease: I pointed to a pot of flowers and simply said: grass. I pointed to the sky and said simply: God.

Firstly, zg is unhappy, then why zg is unhappy, and secondly, why zg is unhappy, why zg is so unhappy, why do you say zg is so unhappy, why should I say zg is so unhappy, why can't I say zg is so unhappy? How the fuck do I know zg is so unhappy?

Say: when we are in the minority, we can test our courage; When we are in the majority, we can test our tolerance.

Shepherd, life is in a hurry; Taurus, keep for a lifetime; Gemini, wandering all his life; Cancer, waiting for a lifetime; Lions are in control all their lives; A virgin, who has been preparing all her life; Libra has been weighing all his life; Scorpio is suspicious all his life; Shooter, playing all his life; Capricorn, struggle for a lifetime; Aquarius, dreaming all his life; Pisces doesn't know what he is doing all his life.

In the workplace, I should, like Conan, have a domineering attitude of letting others die wherever I go.

A cannibal went to work, and the manager repeatedly told him not to eat his colleagues and agreed. A few days later, I couldn't help eating a detergent and was immediately discovered. The sentiment is: never eat people who really do things.

Li Bihua said: What is redundancy? Cotton-padded jacket in summer, cattail leaf fan in winter, and your hospitality after I was cold.

Forever young, forever act young, forever ingratitude, forever tears.

Share 30 funny phrases with laughter on the spot.

Introduction: A buddy told me that our school is famous because a classmate went to an Internet cafe as a minor and was interviewed by an unannounced reporter. The reporter asked which school, and the classmate proudly said the name of the school ... By the way, this row is all my classmates. ...

1, a mosquito flies around in the middle of the night, which annoys me to death. In a daze, it slapped my wife and didn't expect to beat her to sit up. I realized my mistake and pretended to sleep decisively, pretending to be talking: don't kill me! . When I got up in the morning, my wife made fun of me and talked in my sleep. My heart said that I had escaped again!

When my wife and I went out to work, I happened to see my aunt coming out to exercise and asked me, "Hey, this girl is really beautiful. How old is she? " I smiled and asked my wife, "Do you have 20?" The wife said happily, "Bah!" I asked again, "Do you have it or not? I didn't bring change when I took a taxi. "

3. A buddy visited his girlfriend's house for the first time. But when his girlfriend was talking at home, his buddy found that he couldn't get in a word. Everyone stared at someone when they broke the deadlock. To hide his embarrassment, he picked up the apple on the table and took a bite. Unexpectedly, this apple is actually plastic. ...

I drove the car stagger, and the traffic police stopped it immediately! After I got off the bus, I threw up very black! The traffic police gave me an alcohol test, and there was no abnormal reaction! A group of traffic policemen were puzzled. I complained, "I really didn't drink, just got carsick."

A girl was late for class and was fined for running laps. Soon it rained heavily. Suddenly, the girl thought the rain had stopped. Seeing a boy running with an umbrella next to him, the girl blushed and said, "I have a boyfriend." Unexpectedly, the boy said, "If I don't come, your boyfriend will come. How can I bear his pain? "

6, this summer is so hot! At noon, I went to KFC to buy drinks. I just said to the waiter, "I want medium potatoes …" A waiter rushed up and knocked me to the ground, tried to pinch my people and sprayed cold water on my face.

7. Several colleagues went shopping together, visited several stores, and finally took a fancy to a pair of shoes, but still wanted the boss to reduce the price. One of them said, "Boss, make it cheaper. There are many of us." Hearing this, the boss stood up and said, "Why, there are many people, and I am still afraid of you!" " "

8. A female friend, dressed as a man, usually looks like a boy. My period is never normal. When his period doesn't come for several months, he goes to see an old Chinese doctor. The old Chinese doctor asked him kindly about his illness. A friend said he hadn't had his period for two months. As a result, the old Chinese doctor said with a dignified face, "Young man, you are here to have fun." . . "

9. A friend is a hothead. He just graduated from college and went to look for a job. The interviewer made things difficult and said that he should be experienced. I wish you an experienced wife, so turn around and leave. . . . That's good! !

10, I went home at night and heard crying in the alley. When I got closer, it turned out to be a disheveled woman crying. Asked what happened, the young lady replied, "I was attacked by a pervert!" " Me: Are you all right? "The young lady replied," He suddenly grabbed my chest from behind and let me go ... "I said," Why are you crying? "Miss replied," because that pervert actually said, "It's bad luck to have a man.

1 1. A man and a woman are making counterfeit money in the mountains. They accidentally made a bill with a face value of 15 yuan. They were very sad, so they decided to spend it in a remote mountain village. After walking for a long time, they found an old man selling candied haws. Her boyfriend used to buy one. On the way back from eating Sugar-Coated Berry, they cried again. The old man gave them two seven-dollar bills. ...

12, remember that we didn't live in high school. They are all cheap houses rented in neighboring small villages. Because it was too hot at night, a classmate slept on the ground at the door covered with a mat. When I woke up the next day, I was shocked. A dozen old hens raised by the landlord squatted beside him, and several others were on him. Another classmate lamented. Really the most beautiful man in the world. I slept a dozen chickens a night.

13, I played mahjong with several colleagues all night last night. Go to work directly in the morning. At the morning meeting, the manager said, "There are three issues that need attention." My colleague who lost money last night said half asleep, "Wait a minute, I want to touch three ..."

14. My boyfriend filed a lawsuit in England and asked a British lawyer to give a gift to the judge. The lawyer said: "never, if you give it, you will lose!" " Finally, the boyfriend gave the judge a gift, but the lawsuit won. The lawyer was puzzled, and her boyfriend said, "I mailed the parcel to the judge, but I wrote the other person's name!" " "

15. Last week, I was hospitalized for infusion and played mobile games. Time flies. When I looked up and saw the bottom of the bottle, I panicked and shouted, waiter, it's full! Recently, I became a celebrity in this clinic. ......

16, shopping with a sister and discussing her ex-boyfriend. Sister said: "I wonder how he is now?" Did you share it with that woman? " My sister looked at the distance and said indifferently, "How can I watch them break up? I want to watch them get married, quarrel, intrigue, mistresses, domestic violence, infertility ... "

17, I am a miserable programmer. I worked overtime last night, and now I'm so sleepy that I can hardly open my eyes. The female boss was very concerned and asked me if I wanted to go to lunch. I said grumpily, forget about lunch and just let me sleep. The female boss blushed and said that she was bored, and then she sat next to me motionless, as if she was close to me, which made me very serious. Did she find a Bug in my program?

18, there are six people in our dormitory. The four of them went to play ball this afternoon, leaving only me and a fellow villager. The fellow villager caught a cold and lay under the bed, holding a lot of paper towels. I'm changing my pants. Just then, four players came back. I didn't expect them to see me lifting my pants as soon as they opened the door. My fellow villager was on the bed and there were paper balls on the ground. They said they were sorry, so they came back early and closed the door.

19, several girls are discussing what kind of husband they will marry in the future. One of them said firmly, "I won't marry unless I am a soldier!" " "The other girls asked," Why? " "Because he not only learned to wash and cook in the army, but more importantly, he learned to obey orders! "

20. One or two cargo feet in the dormitory are smelly and often don't wash their feet. The whole dormitory is suffering every day. At noon, they moved into their freshman year. The goods wanted to torture freshmen, so they took off their shoes and sat on the bed silently gloating. After taking off his shoes, he calmly went to bed and lay down for ten minutes. The idiot walked up to the freshman with a respectful face and said, Brother, let's discuss something. Can I give you hot water to wash your feet?

2 1, landlord male, one day at work, a colleague did dozens of push-ups to show off his strong body. The landlord originally wanted to praise him for his strong body, but as soon as he said it, he became, xxx, your waist is very strong. . . . Later, when people in the whole department saw me, they all asked, how do you know that he has a strong waist? You did your best. . . Give me back my honor. . .

22. I just read my husband's palm and found that his lifeline is very long, so I found that my lifeline is very short, so I looked at my husband kindly and said, "I can only live to be in my 50 s!" I hope he can say something touching, but Hall paused and said, "Then don't pay the old-age insurance, you won't get it anyway!"

23. My friend invited me to a restaurant for dinner and asked me to bring money. I asked him, "Why did you ask me to bring money?" He said, "I pay, I buy, but I buy." When it was time to pay the bill, I knew I had been cheated. He asked for the bill, and then I said I'll do it. He said, "all right". I bought it because I saved face. Am I being cheated?

24. There is a boy girlfriend in the dormitory who is darker. One night, he dated his girlfriend in the school Woods and kissed under the tree. Afterwards, I went back to the dormitory and found that there was a lot of food on the table, so I ate happily. At this time, the person in charge of the room came over and said slowly, "Brother, please let us know if you have any difficulties. I saw it just now when I was studying by myself. You are holding a tree and gnawing at the bark! " "

25. Today, a teacher caught a fighter in the toilet and stood at the door of the director's office. The math teacher came over and saw them and asked, what's the matter? The director said: Why fight in the toilet when you have nothing to do? A classmate on the side said faintly, I like the taste. I love it.

26. Drinking with my buddy, he asked me, "Everyone says you are poor. You can make me feel desperate in one sentence? " "Your wife has a mole on her left hip" ... His face suddenly changed: "Yes, I am in pain and despair now. Can a word rekindle my hope? " ........ "She and I are deskmates in kindergarten." ......

27. I played lol with a female Internet cafe last night. After playing until midnight, she said it was not fun and asked me to go to her house to play. I also stressed that she lived alone, damn it, I was angry at that time and knocked her down with two slaps ... What could be more fun in your family than lol?

28. A buddy grabbed the steering wheel nervously while taking a driver's license test. The female invigilator looked at it and said, "Don't be nervous, relax." When this buddy was excited, he said something that he regretted for the rest of his life: "There is a tigress sitting next to me. Do you think I can relax? "

29. My boyfriend taught his girlfriend to drive and pointed to the car and said, "This is the gear lever, the brake in the middle and the accelerator on the right ..." His girlfriend said angrily, "Don't talk so much at once, okay? Teach me to drive first, and then teach others slowly! "

30. Girls want to break up with boys, and boys say that if you like others. Girl: "Don't worry, I will still accompany you." Boy: You want to play two roles. Girl: "Wrong, I want to be your stepmother!" " "

Editor's note: My colleague received a cactus and I asked him if it was from his girlfriend. He answered yes and explained that they had a big fight, and she might have sent an apology. He asked me to read the words on the card to him. When I saw it, it said in big red letters, "Sit on it!" " "

If you don't love ordinary people, your lover is different.

1, hold your hand and walk into the coffin.

We are all farsighted, which blurs our recent happiness.

3, the real force, dare to face the face without thickness.

I won't do anything that I regret. I only do things that you regret.

I am blind only because I saw you one more time in the crowd.

6. Why do I often cry? Because I ordered eye drops.

7. I only have one heart Look at the injury.

8. Women are made of water. Don't be too cold to her. Once it turns into ice at zero, it will only frostbite you in the end.

9. If you have money, you will lose your home; if you have no money, you will worship God.

10, I have been fighting for single girls; I never give up married women.

1 1, the most tiring thing in this world is to see your heart broken and have to stick it on yourself!

12, I stayed in a nervous crowd for a long time, and I found that I was normal.

13, many people think they are thinking when sorting out their prejudices.

14, I am a bird. I can't fly high because the cage is too high!

15. When I was a child, I liked to play hide and seek. I went home when all my friends were hiding.

16, you will never spit it out after eating it, so think twice before eating it. So is love.

17, we have all grown up, but Xiaoming in the math problem has always been so big.

18, some people make you feel bad seriously, and some people owe you a toothache!

19. If you want to pick the moon, please look at your height first.

20. Spending money is as simple as shit, and making money is as difficult as eating shit.

2 1, talking and farting are all in one breath.

If you go first, don't blame me for turning my back on you.

23. The road to success is always under construction.

24. Everyone says I'm fat! In fact, I am thin!

25. Love is just pulling a beautiful calf when you are lonely.

26. The happiness of an ostrich is just a pile of sand.

27. Faced with high oil prices, high housing prices and difficulties in making friends, housing is the lowest consumption level.

28. I generally don't love people, I don't love ordinary people, I love people very much.

I never meant to say good night, but it's not ordinary people who can hear me say good morning.

1. You broke my heart and left. When I get well, don't blame me for stabbing you to death

In order to catch up with the best meeting, someone should always be allowed to miss you.

It was easy to make up, but it was too difficult at first. Instead of mutual suspicion, it is better to go their separate ways, laugh generously and walk generously.

Please don't get to know me from other people's mouths. I am one in a million.

No one can predict the next moment, so there is no need to persist, let alone be so stubborn. Let nature take its course, just like holding an umbrella when it rains, covering yourself with a quilt when it is cold, laughing when you are happy and crying when you are sad. Quite simply, if you don't love me, I will love myself.

6. The most emboldened thing in the world is not respect and equality, but being loved.

7. It doesn't matter if you like waves, just don't drown.

8. The gap between ideal and reality is far away, but I keep going.

Let's drink to the past and never look back. I wish you a bright future and love others more.

10. Tempers vary from person to person. I look like you.

1 1. May you sleep with a pillow for the rest of your life without waiting; Determined to let go, turn around immediately and never look back.

12. Don't ask me about my feelings. I am single. I suggest breaking up.

13. Take care of yourself when it is cold. I can't give you a coat or a hug.

14. I don't know what is just right. I just don't want to disappoint anyone, and I don't want to disappoint myself. Don't flinch when it's time to hug, and never cry when it's time to laugh.

15. I never meant to say good night, but it is not ordinary people who can hear me say good morning.

16. Don't be like fire, but don't be like wind.

17. I listen to the arrangement of the wind, but unfortunately it never plays cards according to common sense, just like you.

18. Some people stay in bed because they have money, and they can sleep as late as they want. I stay in bed because I have no money, so I can save a meal.

19. If I don't pay, I will pay a dime. That's interesting.

20. You have only lived once. Why do you say that my path is wrong?

2 1. There are always things in the world that you can't expect anyway, so forget it.

22. Life is so long that you always need someone to talk nonsense with you.

23. For the past, what you should respect is your brave self. After all the disappointments and betrayals, you are still full of ambition and dare to love and hate.

24. I have only one youth. I don't want to disappoint anyone. You are sincere to me.

25. What's wrong with being short? I'm sure you can't lift your head when you see me. You are so proud.

26. I have a bad temper in the storm, but the person I love most is you.

27. Of all the separations, I was the first one to leave. Leaving before others leave is the only way to protect yourself.