Let me tell you a story. This is a long, long, long, long, long story. Well, go ahead! A: That's it! b:？
3. "A Zhu and Feifei are playing hide-and-seek." After a while, Feifei asked A Ju if she was hiding. O chrysanthemum agreed, Feifei went home.
4. A couple were walking when a strong wind suddenly blew. The man is busy holding the girl in his arms: this is going to hug you well! The girl was moved to tears! Q: Am I that important? Man: It's so heavy! If I hold you, I will be safe.
5. Nongfu Spring is a little sweet. Why? Because it's a bug. Really? As for whether you believe it or not, I do.
6.A P entered the hotel with friends for the first time. After dinner, the waiter brought a cup of tea, and A P swallowed it in one gulp, thinking that there was less Chata. After a while, the waiter brought a spittoon, and everyone else took a sip of tea and vomited in it.
7. There is a duck swimming in the Songhua River in the northeast, having a good time. I suddenly felt a stomachache and couldn't hold it. I accidentally laid an egg, and there was a preserved egg from then on.
8. Are there any promotions and advertisements in the mall? Buy a refrigerator to send air conditioning? Someone bought a refrigerator and was waiting for the air conditioner in the mall. The mall staff spoke. Sir, where is your air conditioner? So we can send it back to you! ?
9. In the evening self-study, a girl borrowed a mechanical pencil refill from a man. W: Do you have pencil lead? A man: Yes! W: Do you have a 0.7? Man: No, mine is zero zero!
10, a buddy doesn't even know Chinese, but recently he was stimulated to learn English. I asked:? Why do you want to learn that thing? ? The buddy said:? Learning English may be useful. When foreigners scold me again, I can not only understand, but also kiss him and scold him. ?
1 1, Xiao Zhang is most afraid of being called fat. One day Xiao Li saw Xiao Zhang and said, You have lost weight. ? Xiao Zhang is very happy. After parting, Xiao Li said to himself, I mean your sleeve?
12, Transformers Feifei, who is very popular now, also wants to see it. She insists on asking Ah Zhu to take her to the cinema. She keeps shouting: King Kong is a gorilla (there is a movie called King Kong, the protagonist is a gorilla). How is it deformed? It must be beautiful. ?
13, there is a man who never washes his hat when it is dirty, but wears it all the time. Do you know why? Because? Zhang (dirty) Guan Li (Li) Dai? Ah!
14, a couple traveling together. When their car passed through the long cave, the man said, if I had known the cave was so long, I would have given you a kiss! Oh, my god. The woman exclaimed. Didn't you just kiss me? ?
15, Year of the Rabbit, there is a rabbit, living happily, passing by a black box. Out of curiosity, it jumped in and became a duck. Do you know why? Because he got into a transformer.
16, coke, hamburger, French fries ready to jump off the building. Coke jumps first, and the floor at the bottom of the building is still coke. Hamburg jumps down again, and the ground at the bottom of the building is still Hamburg. The French fries finally jumped, so they became KFC together?
17, printed on a classmate's clothes:? Adidas? On the first day, I dropped an A and became Didas. I lost the word "Si" the next day, and finally. Finally. There is only one word left. There was also a Baiyun Temple.
18, one day when the math teacher was in class, the teacher asked Xiaogang: Do you remember the Pythagorean law yesterday? Xiao Gang: Of course I remember. Isn't this the nail hanging on the * *!
19, Zhu went fishing with his father and grandfather. O chrysanthemum see grandpa sitting there motionless, said to dad. Look at your dad, sitting there motionless, silly. ? A slap in the face from the giant dad; ? Your father is too stupid to pull a plane! ?
20. Spring is like first love, summer is like passionate love, autumn is like yellow love, and winter is like angel love. So, what is our love after four seasons? 360 degrees, the Sino-Japanese War of 1894-1895, spring, summer, autumn and winter, the cycle of the sun and the moon, life and death fall in love.
2 1, whose neck is longer than that of a duck or a goose, the goose is a little dismissive, and the duck is anxious. As a result, the meat on his neck became very strong, so he had a famous and delicious duck neck.
22. Little Red Riding Hood is walking alone on the road in the suburbs. She hurried home before the sun went down, but she met the wolf. Guess what? As a result, Little Red Riding Hood was eaten by the wolf.
23. One day when I was eating in a restaurant, I heard a man say, Boss, have a fried rice. Boss: What? Man: Oh, no, it's fried rice with eggs. Boss: OK! A scrambled egg!
24. Shrimp and tortoise date. The tortoise saw the shrimp blushing and said to the shrimp, why are you blushing? Hearing this, the little shrimp said angrily, is this shyness and blushing? Very hot, very hot.
25、? Sister, your Pharaoh is 70 years old and still follows other girls every day. Follow it. Look at that dog running after the car in the street every day. Even if it catches up, will it still drive? ?
26, holding a fishing rod and hook, silently fishing in rivers, lakes and seas, what is it called? Fishing game. ? Without fishing rod and hook, fishing silently in the sea of people in the city, what is it called? Fishing law enforcement. ?
27. What are leftovers? That is, people get together on holidays and eat leftovers from feasts. What is a leftover woman? It's a woman that Santa Claus can't send out after Christmas.
28. Why didn't the United States dare to fight North Korea? A: North Korea is very poor. If a missile is worth a million dollars, if you blow it up, there will be nothing. Q: What happened between the United States and North Korea? A: Adolescence meets menopause! One is in charge of everything, and the other is in charge of everything.
29. After the spring rain, the petals fell to the ground. Xiao Li and his girlfriend are walking under the begonia tree. His girlfriend looked at the falling petals and said, I'm standing here. It will be fun if you kick me! Only after breaking up did Xiao Li know that his girlfriend kicked a tree, not a person!
30. In geography class, a girl didn't listen and put on makeup at the bottom. The teacher stepped forward and asked, can you describe your face with two place names? The girl couldn't figure it out, so she asked him what it was. The teacher replied: Dalian, Taiyuan.
3 1. Passing a roast duck restaurant, I saw a sign saying:? Have a tearful sale, buy one get one free roast duck! ? So I asked for a fat duck to satisfy my hunger. ? Aren't you going to send a fat duck? ? Ask questions. ? Oh, buy a duck and we'll get a bottle of beer! ? Sweating.
32. One day when I was a child, I asked my father: Dad, am I the smartest child? ? Dad said: fool, of course you are the cleverest child! ?
33. Air conditioners, refrigerators and water dispensers tell cold jokes. The TV set saw it and scolded the water dispenser: can you compare with them? Are you out of your mind? ?
34. What is your husband's annual salary? ? 8 million days. That is much better than mine. I'm so happy. The friend said. ? What is this basic salary for? ? The friend asked again. ? Dreaming? friends.
35. I met a long-awaited girl who came out of the bathhouse and wanted to get close. She held back for a long time and said: You take a shower. Are there many men in it? ? Once I went to dinner, I said to my boss when I checked out: Husband! Have a look. ? The proprietress was nearby at that time.
36. Xiao Qiang went to the zoo to see the monkey. The monkey exclaimed: Second brother, long time no see. ? Xiao Qiang:? You must have mistaken me for someone else. I don't know you. ? Monkey:? I'm still pretending. Who doesn't know? Look at yourself in the mirror. ?
37. Sister:? The left eye should sleep, but not the right eye. What should I do? ! ? Brother:? Then you can close all the windows in your heart, and it's ok. ?
38. One day, Stone was thirsty and took an apple to fight. As a result, Apple got hurt. Si Tong picked up a cup and drank a glass of apple juice. Later, when the stone was hungry, he went to fight with the egg. The egg was kicked into the river by a stone. As a result, the stone has egg soup to drink again
39. A Liang is infatuated with Hong Kong, saying that everything in Hong Kong is fine, and even the moon is Hong Kong's circle. A Liang's father said: Everything is fine in Hongkong. How about Hong Kong foot? ?
40. When the mother was making a mask, she heard someone ring the doorbell and told her three-year-old son that the mother was making a mask and could not see anyone. Go and have a look! So the son opened the door and let the people inside in and said, My mother is doing something she can't see. Wait a minute!
4 1, Little Rabbit asks Little Snail, Little Snail, why are you walking so slowly? The snail said, can I walk slowly with my house on my back?
42. My grandson shouted as soon as he entered the door, which pissed me off! Grandma asked: What's the matter? Grandson: My food was almost stolen! Grandma: Then call the police! Grandson: What's the use of calling the police? I have to buy some dog food and let my Scottish shepherd bite him!
43. Xiao Wang has been a little upset recently, and people around him have derailed to find another true love. He also wants to cheat, just afraid of his wife. So I learned from the people around me until someone impatiently said, if you want to cheat, take the bullet train and keep your taste! ?
44. A gentleman connected the electric light under the lightning rod. The neighbor was curious and asked. What is this for? ? . The gentleman said:? The electricity bill has gone up again. ?
45. There was a farm that raised hundreds of chickens, but never got an egg. Why? They were all cocks.
46. A pupil tried to jump over a river two meters wide, but failed several times. But later, he achieved his goal without any tools. Because later, he grew up and realized his wish.
47. My wife recently finished watching The First Blood. I told her there was a second one and told her to search online. Half an hour later, she lost her temper and said she couldn't find it. I walked over and saw her looking for "the second drop of blood".
One day, my daughter asked me why Chang 'e wanted to go to the moon. I thought about it for a long time and got up my courage. I replied: Because Sister Chang 'e is hungry, watching big moon cakes hanging in the air, drooling and flying around?
49. Why did the little match girl freeze to death by matches? Because she sells matches instead of firewood, firewood can keep warm, but the matches are used up soon, so she froze to death.
50. Husband:? Why did you give that beggar so much money at once? He is pretending to be blind! ? Wife:? Didn't you hear what he said to me? Beautiful and kind young lady husband:? It seems that he is really blind! ?
5 1, the teacher asked, what does the arrow mean to the left? The student replied: Turn left! The teacher is very happy. What does the arrow on the right mean? The student replied: Turn right! Go on, teacher. What does that arrow mean? Take off!
52. You are fake. You are not only fake, but also empty inside. Not only is it empty, it's empty. There isn't even a mural. You are heartless, heartless and spineless. You are not alone, but you are an inflatable person.
53. There is a power failure in your place. In such a big summer, everyone else is hot to death. Why aren't you hot to death? Because you received my message.
54. When summer came, my son asked me to take him swimming. I am embarrassed to say: I can't swim. ? The son said angrily: Then how did Xiaoming's father? He always eats fish, so he can swim. ? The son pouted and said, but you always eat chicken. Can you lay eggs? ?
55. North Korea said that the American people are living in dire straits. On the front page of the North Korean newspaper, a photo of an American sunbathing on the beach was published, with the caption: Americans are poor, have no clothes to wear, do not have enough to eat, people are starving, and no one cares.
56. Always care about what others think of you, and you will always be a slave to others. If you don't care what others think of you, you will go your own way and eventually become a lonely loser.
57. Xiao Qiang is cute in movies, but hateful in life. One way to kill it is to take it alive, put it in an oxygen bottle, and then send it to the Japanese nuclear power plant for nuclear opening and radiation.
58. I was lucky enough to win a bag of rice in the online lottery, and I told my mother excitedly. Just as the rice at home was almost finished, my mother waited for the arrival of this bag of rice with me and didn't buy it. Finally, I was dumbfounded when I signed for it. Rice weighs 500 grams
59, a MM was lovelorn, and several attempts to commit suicide were discovered by relatives and friends in time. One day, while relatives and friends were unprepared to leave home, anxious relatives and friends looked everywhere. When they decided to call the police, they received a short message from her: You don't have to look for me. I'm on my way to the Dead Sea. I like the sea. I decided to end my life there.
60. Chatting online. Goddess: Do you know what you are in my heart? Male diaosi: What is it? Goddess: Half of them are male gods. The male diaosi was flattered and asked quickly, who is the other half? Goddess: The other half is sick.
6 1, there is a white cloud in the sky, and my son shouts: Dad, look, what a big cotton. ? Dad:? No, that's not cotton, that's cotton candy. I want cotton candy. Okay, wait a minute. It fell down. ?
62. Americans use Apple mobile phones and Apple computers. Because Americans eat beef and need apples to balance their cholesterol, American apple brands are more delicious.
63. I have a kitten named He Miaomiao at home. I bite at the sight of people. I have been to the epidemic prevention station several times because of my injury. I spent a lot of money, but I can't bear to throw it away. The whole family had to hide from it and let it go, so there was hide-and-seek
64. Roses laugh at roses: You see, they all say that flowers should be subtle, too leaking, but they just can't get on the table. Ross is unhappy: you are too cunning. If you wrap the fragrance and put on a hedgehog, it will be a thorn at best.
65. Feifei asked Aju: Zhu, do you like me? ? Ah Zhu was ecstatic: I like it, I like it, I like it! ? Feifei:? I like myself too. ?
66. Today, my daughter suddenly called me: Honey, he hasn't come back so late. Are there any women outside? ? I also drank some wine and said in a panic, don't worry, don't always think the worst, something may happen. ?
One day, when I was having a computer class at school, one of my classmates suddenly had something wrong with his machine and he shouted. ? Boss, change the machine! ?
There is only one reason why monkeys in zoos are rated as villains and dogs as gentlemen? A gentleman talks but doesn't do it? .
69. Three melons are chatting at a fork in the road. We quarreled after chatting, so we went our separate ways. A melon turns into a watermelon to the west, a melon to the east and a pumpkin to the south. There is no north road at the fork in the road, so there is no north melon.
News report: Now 70% of men want to have an extramarital affair. After listening, the husband said to his wife: I must be the 30% man! ? Then the news goes on: another 30% men have an affair.
7 1, Aju has an exam. Mother asked Aju if he had finished reading the book. Aunt said:? I finished reading it. ? The next day, my mother flew into a rage when she saw Zhu's failed test paper. You read all the books. Why did you do so badly in the exam? ? A ju:? Mom, what I said the other day was. I think it's over. ?
72. Feifei said to Aju: Ju, let's have a cocktail. ? A Ju is thoughtful. A few days later, Feifei saw Aju holding a glass of wine with a chicken tail hair in it.
73. There is an old man. Every time someone asks him the time, he just blinks with a gourd under the melon shed and immediately reports the correct time. Because grandpa has to push the gourd a little to see the clock in the distance.
74. There is a western proverb:? Life is to write your name on the beach. ? When the tide comes, the name is washed away. That's what people do all their lives. Dude, you want to write your name in the toilet, and it will be gone after you pee.
75. Wenzhou after 23. Every time you say goodbye to a friend, do you hear it? See you later. These four words are so crowded that I have to add: Do you fly or take the high-speed train?
76. One day, my girlfriend called: Look, look, there is a meteor shower outside. Did you get a look at him? ? I looked at it, and sure enough, I immediately replied: Yes, yes, and you? ?
77. A toad doesn't want to eat the latest tea, and doesn't even rob mosquitoes. The other toads are anxious to know what happened to it. The oldest toad said:? Catch a swan and keep it safe. Because toads want to eat swan meat. ?
Ducks are different from other ducks. It likes to drink salty water with strong taste. Over time, salty water changes in its body, and everyone calls it salted duck. I also changed my offspring, and the eggs I laid were called salted duck eggs.
79. A Ju and Feifei are both hard of hearing. Feifei saw Aju go out that day; ? Zhu, are you going for a walk? No, I'm going for a walk Oh, I thought you went for a walk?
80. A scholar has read a lot of poems, but his hands are weak. Someone asked him what he cherished most in his life, and he said it was four arrows, which made everyone confused. Answer:? How time flies. Ears!
8 1. On this day, the four masters and apprentices of Guanyin learn Buddhism, with white as a reward, and the person with the highest level of infinity can take advantage. Sanzang talks a lot and thinks he's the winner. Unexpectedly, the Bodhisattva finally gave the White Horse Dragon to Friar Sand. Sanzang refused and asked him why. Bodhisattva replied: Because of Shaqima.
82. The miser and his neighbor grow rice together, each half. After the harvest, the miser was very dissatisfied and asked for something else. The upper part belongs to neighbors, and the lower part belongs to oneself. The neighbor asked what to plant, and the miser said, radish! ?
83. Sister Chang 'e was eating when suddenly there was a flash outside. Chang 'e was surprised and went out to have a look. Come back and breathe a sigh of relief; ? Yang Liwei?
Can I ask you a question? B: All right, go ahead. A: I shouldn't have asked this question, but I didn't ask it when I wanted to, and it was hard to ask. Never mind, just ask. Can I ask you a question? B: Ask quickly! A: I have already asked!
My mother always tells me about the romance between her and her father. Every time my mother goes to work, my father says: Be careful on the road. ? Mom replied wittily:? You let go of 78 hearts. ? Dad said angrily, there are 22 left for me to hang up. ?
86. Q: Potato chips, iced tea and chewing gum are arguing, so please let the tortoise judge. Who does the tortoise agree with? A: I agree with iced black tea because it is unified! Have you ever heard of unified potato chips or unified chewing gum?
87. Dude, you are so talented. People are very talented people. You are eight barrels tall. You wear three clothes and eight pockets, and you sing to the height of 8 degrees, shaking all over.
88. I always tell my grandmother that it is convenient to use the computer now, and I can also see each other through computer videos. My grandmother said: your brain can remember the appearance, and the computer can really see it. It's amazing. Better than the human brain. ?
89. A tomato accidentally fell into the soup, so there was tomato soup. An egg saw it and wanted to save the tomato. I fell in, and there was tomato and egg soup.
90. The new colleague snores loudly, which is unbearable. He asked the boss to change rooms. Boss: Why? Xiao Wang: He snores at night. Boss: You don't sleep at night. Why do you eavesdrop on people snoring? Xiao Wang: OK, I was wrong!
9 1, playing a friendly match, two table tennis players are fighting for the score. One says 2: the other says 1: finally you can't stand it. While pulling, you said, I think you two are fighting. Well, it's only fair that you both do this!
92. "The beauty of learning lies in confusing people; The beauty of poetry lies in inciting men and women to cheat; The beauty of a woman lies in being stupid without regrets; The beauty of a man lies in lying. "
93. Eggplant A: Let's take a group photo together! Eggplant: OK, OK! Eggplant A: I'm calling one, two, three. Let's shout together: human beings! An eggplant asked curiously, why are you shouting? Humans? Huh? Eggplant A: Didn't they shout when people took pictures? Eggplant? Really!
94、? what is love ? Love is love, just like liking someone. Simply put, what is love? Two words. I don't know stupidity, love is you and me. How can it be that the song sings: love is you and me. ?
95. A mosquito stared at your face, and its mouth couldn't be pulled out. It's too late to regret. After he died, he told all the mosquitoes about it, and everyone knew that you were too thick-skinned
96. When I was in college, I was honored to attend a party with a beautiful woman from our Foreign Languages Department. Just entering the student affairs office, I was shocked by the secretary of the Party branch of the Student Union. The first sentence of their welcome meeting was:? Congratulations, today is your big day. ?
97. A person with good heart function and good liver, spleen and stomach is mentally retarded. Can you say that he is a healthy man? Dude, it's not you, it's your big brother, high-speed rail guy!
98. Once, a mobile phone shop posted it? Buy a mobile phone to send a camera? Advertising, go in and buy a mobile phone, ask the clerk after payment: where can I get the camera I sent? ? The clerk replied:? Oh, that camera is in the phone. ?
99. Once I went to a restaurant with 10 yuan, and I calculated it carefully with the menu: 7 yuan for a fried rice and 3 yuan for a draft beer, just right. Because of the lack of money, I am inevitably a little nervous, and I have been muttering: drink a draft beer, fry a rice, drink a draft beer, fry a rice. What are you eating? The boss asked me, and I replied: cook a rice and fry a draft beer. Boss: What?
100, Jinmei and Xizhi have never found a good home. One day, they saw Jinmailang and Xizhilang and got married separately.