As soon as Guan Yu's voice fell, Zhao Yun stepped forward and said, "Don't take it amiss, fart comes from the clouds!"
No sooner had Zhao Yun said it than Zhang Fei went on to shout, "Just now, fart came from!"
Everyone burst into laughter. Liu Bei has also returned to normal.
Cao Cao didn't laugh. He felt deeply about it. After seeing Liu Bei and others off, Cao Cao said to his subordinates: "When Liu Bei's subordinates saw the master's mistake, they all rushed to take responsibility and make up for it. It is really loyal. If it's your turn, can you do it? "
Everyone was indignant and thought, "It's nothing, what's the difficulty!"
A few days later, Cao Cao invited Liu Bei to drink again. During the dinner, he wanted to fart and see how his men reacted. Suppressed along while, finally hard to suppress a Xiao Pi. Everyone has been waiting for a long time. When they heard a "goo", the general Xu Chu quickly shouted first: "The fart was put by Chu (pig)!"
Wang Lang, the waiter, immediately said, "Lang (Wolf) farted!"
As soon as Cao Cao stared, others thought that Cao Cao was too slow and rushed to take it on himself. Xiahou Dun contended, "The fart came from Dun!"
"No!" Xu Huang heard a loud retort, "Fart is shaking out!"
Xun You said: "The fart came from you!"
Man Chong said: "Fart is a pet!"
Jiang Ji said: "Fart comes from the economy!"
Guo Tu said: "Fart is a picture (vomit)!"
Zhong You said: "The fart is coming!"
Here we go. .
Jin Niu: "Fart is gold!"
Cao Hong: "Fart is red!"
Zhang Nan: "Fart is south (blue)!"
. . ..
Cao Cao was already flushed and was about to get angry.
Counselor Guo Jia shouted, "None of them are right, none of them are right! Everyone is wrong! " . .. worthy of being my number one strategist. Cao Cao secretly thought.
Guo Jia went on to say, "The fart came from Jia (clip)!"
Liu Bei and others have been laughing stagger. . ..
Cao Cao fainted with anger.
2. A joke about fart. Haha, you've found the right person. This is a joke I typed word by word before, and I think it's funny.
Unexpected birthday celebration
Today is my birthday. My girlfriend called early and said that she would go home to celebrate my birthday in the evening. And surprise me! Hearing the good news! I began to look forward to this wonderful night, and I worked very hard, and I ran away from more than a dozen customers at once! Back to the company. It's three o'clock in the afternoon. When I went to the canteen, I found only a miserable dish and a soup, three beans fried with meat (fried soybeans, green beans and peas) and radish soup. No way, after running all morning, the customer's stomach growled early, so he had to order a big plate of fried three beans with meat and a big plate of radish soup and eat it! I didn't expect to get off work, and my stomach was like an engine of a cross-country jeep-I started a violent piston movement! In a flash, spurts of gas rushed out of my body! I rushed to the place where no one was there, and my stomach began to sing softly, but it immediately turned into a rapid-fire poop-poop! My stomach is so swollen! While sleeping, my girlfriend called and said that she had arrived home. Told me to hurry home. Alas! I have no choice but to go home. I hope she won't see me in such a mess.
I farted a lot on my way home. I'm almost home, and my stomach feels much better. I don't think there should be any more problems. I saw my girlfriend waiting at the door from a distance. She looked a little excited. She shouted, "Dear, I have prepared a wonderful gift for you tonight, which will definitely surprise you."
Before I entered the door, my girlfriend covered my eyes tightly with a piece of cloth, saying that she wanted to give me a surprise! He led me to the chair in front of the dining table and made me swear not to peek. Suddenly, I feel like farting again. Just then, my girlfriend's cell phone rang. This saved my life! I made an excuse that it was too messy and asked her to answer the phone in the other room! She insisted that I couldn't open the blindfolded cloth and made me swear! Then I ran to another room to answer the phone. As soon as she left, I seized the opportunity, moved all my weight to one leg and let my fart out. This fart is not only loud, but also smells like rotten eggs. I could hardly breathe, so I touched the chair cushion and fanned it around hard, trying to fan off the unpleasant smell. Just when I felt better, another fart came again. I raised my leg again and started to release it! It sounds like the rapid rotation of a diesel engine, and this time the smell is even worse. In order not to suffocate myself, I climbed up with my arm waving the chair cushion, hoping that the smell would dissipate as soon as possible. When everything is about to return to normal again, another fart can't wait to rush out. So I stood up, bent down and pushed * * * back up! Let it out. This fart is really first-class, and even the newspapers behind it are blown to the ground.
I listened to the voice of my girlfriend talking in the other room, because I didn't dare to open the blindfold because I had to keep my promise not to peek. I could only fart in the dark, in order to get rid of the gas in my stomach quickly without making the room worse! I untied my waistband, faded * * * and trousers below the mourning clothes, exposed * * *, and groped for the balcony door behind me, almost extending the whole * * * to the balcony, and began to fart crazily. . . . . . Ah! I felt much better. After that, I danced around the house with cushions, praying that the stench would dissipate quickly. . . . In this way, in the next ten minutes, I kept farting and fanning the chair cushions. Finally, when I heard her say goodbye on the phone, the air in the room and my stomach were much better! I quickly tied my pants, tidied my hair, and began to wait for my dear girl to surprise me gracefully and with a smile.
When she came near, I had a satisfied smile on my face and a warm look. My girlfriend first apologized for calling me for so long, and then asked me if I had ever secretly opened the cloth. After I assured her that I didn't peek, my girlfriend removed the cloth covering my eyes and said to me, "What an accident! My girlfriends insisted that I bring them to see you today. They said you were very graceful in the photos and handsome! You see, the five people sitting at the table are all good sisters in my unit, and the six people standing on the balcony are my best friends at school! " At this time, I was extremely shocked and frightened to find that there were a lot of girls sitting at the table opposite me, while there was another pile standing on the balcony behind me. They all came to attend this birthday party that surprised me very much.
Now, each of them is looking at me with a speechless expression on her face. . . . . . . . . . . . . .
How to distinguish the authenticity of RMB?
Prepare 100 yuan. Fold it in half and then fold it in half, put it on the ground and step on it for n times. Pick it up and see if the person above has nosebleeds. If it does, it's true. If it doesn't, it's false.
A county magistrate with a strong accent went to the village to give a report: "Rabbits, shrimps, pig tails! No pickles, pickles are too expensive! ! 」
Comrades and villagers, pay attention! Don't talk, the meeting is now! ! )
After the county magistrate finished speaking, the host said, "Sausages and pickles are invited! 」
Now, please speak to the township head! )
The head of the township said, "Rabbits, the dog ate today's meal, and everyone is a big bastard! 」
Comrades, today's meal is enough. Let's all be big bowls! )
No pickles, I'll pick up a piece of shit and lick it for you.
Don't talk, I'll tell you a story.
3. The joke about fart was killed by fart
One day, a teacher of a school near Yagada, India, asked 21 female students he taught if they had farted. These girls were punished for diving because they refused to admit farting. These girls were forced to jump into the rapids of the Opak River, resulting in the tragedy of 15 deaths.
Warm fart
Xiaoqian is a beautiful and moving woman, but her digestive system is not very good, so she often farts. On this day, Xiaoqian farted again on the bus ... Xiaoliang, a classmate standing next to her, immediately said, "I'm sorry, I farted just now", which immediately won Xiaoqian's grateful attention.
However, after a while, Xiaoqian came to another one ... Another classmate, Xiao Jiang, went on to say, "I just put that one. I'm really sorry!" " Xiaoqian also gave Jiang a grateful look.
However, she couldn't help letting out a loud and smelly fart ... At this moment, another classmate, Xiao Chen, hurriedly said, "Ladies and gentlemen, the fart put by this young lady in the future is mine."
Who farted?
One day, there were too many people on the bus, which was very hot and stuffy. I don't know who farted, which made the environment worse. My friend can't stand it, and I don't know who it is. I can't help it. As it happens, the conductor is asking, "Who didn't buy the ticket?" My friend suddenly had a plan and said loudly, "The fart didn't buy a ticket!" " Suddenly, a particularly fat woman, holding the ticket high in her hand, said loudly, "I have already bought the ticket!" "
Loud fart
Principal: Why are you outside the classroom? Why don't you go in for class?
Johnny: I ate too many beans in the morning and couldn't digest them. I just farted for a long time, and the teacher kicked me out as a troublemaker!
Principal: What are you laughing at? What's so funny?
Johnny: Because the students are still inside!
Fart fragrance
If someone pays tribute to a noble person, the noble person will occasionally fart and say, "Where is Gannanxiang?" noble
Shame; "I smell fart is guqi, and smelly is right. Today's anti-fragrance is not a good omen. " Man
That is to say, "it stinks a little now."
Cao Cao's anecdote
Cao Cao invited Liu Bei to dinner. During the dinner, Liu Bei farted, which was very embarrassing. Behind him, Zhao Yun quickly said, Don't blame me, fart comes from the clouds. Guan Yu stepped forward and said, "Fart comes from feather (rain)." Zhang Fei shouted, "Farts come from flying." Cao Cao used this to educate his subordinates. A few days later, Liu Bei invited Cao Cao. During the dinner, Cao Cao held back for a long time and finally released a Xiao Pi. Cao Cao's men have been waiting for a long time. Xu Chu said first: "The fart was put by Chu (pig)." Cao Cao stared with anger. "Xu Huang said," No, it's a fart. " Cao Cao was about to get angry when Guo Tu, the counselor, saw that Cao Cao was angry and shouted, "None of what you said is right. Farts are made out of pictures."
4. A fart joke Cao Cao fart (classic)! ! ! If you smile, please reply.
One day, Cao Cao and Liu Bei drank wine to discuss heroes. After a few drinks, Liu Bei suddenly farted, which was very embarrassing. When I was embarrassed, I heard Guan Yu behind me calmly say, "Don't take it amiss, fart comes from the feather (rain)!"
As soon as Guan Yu's voice fell, Zhao Yun stepped forward and said, "Don't take it amiss, fart comes from the clouds!"
No sooner had Zhao Yun said it than Zhang Fei went on to shout, "Just now, fart came from!"
Everyone burst into laughter. Liu Bei has also returned to normal.
Cao Cao didn't laugh. He felt deeply about it. After seeing Liu Bei and others off, Cao Cao said to his subordinates: "When Liu Bei's subordinates saw the master's mistake, they all rushed to take responsibility and make up for it. It is really loyal. If it's your turn, can you do it? "
Everyone was indignant and thought, "It's nothing, what's the difficulty!"
A few days later, Cao Cao invited Liu Bei to drink again. During the dinner, he wanted to fart and see how his men reacted. Suppressed along while, finally hard to suppress a Xiao Pi. Everyone has been waiting for a long time. When they heard a "goo", the general Xu Chu quickly shouted first: "The fart was put by Chu (pig)!"
Wang Lang, the waiter, immediately said, "Lang (Wolf) farted!"
As soon as Cao Cao stared, others thought that Cao Cao was too slow and rushed to take it on himself. Xiahou Dun contended, "The fart came from Dun!"
"No!" Xu Huang heard a loud retort, "Fart is shaking out!"
Xun You said: "The fart came from you!"
Man Chong said: "Fart is a pet!"
Jiang Ji said: "Fart comes from the economy!"
Guo Tu said: "Fart is a picture (vomit)!"
Zhong You said: "The fart is coming!"
Here we go. .
Jin Niu: "Fart is gold!"
Cao Hong: "Fart is red!"
Zhang Nan: "Fart is south (blue)!"
. . ..
Cao Cao was already flushed and was about to get angry.
Counselor Guo Jia shouted, "None of them are right, none of them are right! Everyone is wrong! " . .. worthy of being my number one strategist. Cao Cao secretly thought.
Guo Jia went on to say, "The fart came from Jia (clip)!"
Liu Bei and others have been laughing stagger. . ..
Cao Cao fainted with anger.
Ask a joke about farting. Today is my birthday, and it coincides with the good day of Mid-Autumn Festival. My girlfriend called early to say that she would go home to congratulate me on my birthday at night and surprise me! Hearing the good news! I worked hard today, and I ran away from more than a dozen customers! Back to the company.
It's three o'clock in the afternoon. When I went to the canteen, I found only a miserable dish and a soup, three beans fried with meat (fried soybeans, green beans and peas) and radish soup. No way, after running all morning, the customer's stomach growled, so he had to order a big plate of fried three beans with meat and a big pot of radish soup and eat it! I didn't expect to get off work, and my stomach was like the engine of a cross-country jeep! -started the intense piston movement! In a flash, spurts of gas rushed out of my body! I rushed to the place where no one was there, and my stomach began to sing softly with embarrassment, but it immediately turned into a rapid-fire puff! My stomach is so swollen! Just then, my girlfriend called and said that she had arrived home and told me to go home quickly.
Alas! I have no choice but to go home. I hope she won't see my mess! ..... On the way home, I deliberately tried to fart a lot. I'm almost home, and my stomach feels much better. I don't think there should be any more problems.
I saw my girlfriend waiting at the door from a distance. She looked a little excited. She shouted, "honey, I have prepared a wonderful gift for you tonight, which will definitely surprise you."
Before I entered the door, my girlfriend covered my eyes tightly with a piece of cloth, saying that she wanted to give me a surprise! He led me to a chair in front of the dining table and made me swear not to peek. Suddenly, I feel like farting again.
Just then, my girlfriend's cell phone rang. This saved my life! I made an excuse that it was too messy and asked her to answer the phone in the other room! She insisted that I couldn't open the blindfolded cloth and made me swear! Then I ran to another room to answer the phone.
As soon as she left, I seized the opportunity, moved all my weight to one leg and let my fart out. This fart is not only loud, but also smells like rotten eggs.
I could hardly breathe, so I touched the chair cushion and fanned it around hard, trying to fan off the unpleasant smell. Just when I was feeling better, another fart came again.
I raised my leg again and started to release it! It sounds like the rapid rotation of a diesel engine, and this time the smell is even worse. In order not to suffocate myself, I fanned my chair cushion with my arm, hoping that the smell would dissipate as soon as possible.
When everything is about to return to normal again, another fart can't wait to come. So I stood up, bent down and pushed * * * back up! Let it out.
This fart is really first-class, and even the newspapers behind it are blown to the ground.
I listened to the voice of my girlfriend talking in the other room, because I didn't dare to open the blindfold because I had to keep my promise not to peek. I just kept farting in the dark, in order to get rid of all the gas in my stomach quickly without making the room worse! I untied my waistband, faded my * * * and trousers to the lower abdomen, exposed my * * *, and groped for the balcony door behind me, almost extending the whole * * * to the balcony, and began to fart crazily ..., ah! Much better! After that, I danced and fanned the chair cushions all over the house, praying that the stench would dissipate quickly ... In this way, in the next ten minutes, I kept farting and fanning the chair cushions. Finally, when I heard her say goodbye on the phone, the air in the room and my stomach were much better! I quickly tied my pants, tidied my hair, and began to wait for my dear girl to surprise me with an elegant smile. When she came near, I had a contented smile on my face and a warm look.
My girlfriend first apologized for calling me for such a long time, and then asked me if I had ever secretly opened the cloth. After I assured her that I didn't peek, my girlfriend removed the cloth covering my eyes and said to me, "What a surprise! My girlfriend insisted that I bring them to see you today. They said you were very graceful in the photo and handsome! Here! You see, the five people sitting at the table are all good sisters in my unit, and the six people standing on the balcony are my best friends at school! " At this time, I was extremely shocked and frightened to find that there were a lot of girls sitting at the table opposite me, while there was another pile standing on the balcony behind me. They all came to attend this birthday party that surprised me very much.
Now, every one of them looks at me with an indescribable expression on her face, just like discovering Martians.
6. First, please write a joke about skin and fart. Classic joke: Wu Dalang was king and said that Wu Dalang was very angry after Pan Jinlian fell in love with Ximen Qing, but there was nothing he could do.
Go ahead, but you can't beat Ximen Qing. Go ahead, Pan Jinlian won't listen. Men can be killed but not humiliated. In a rage, Wu Dalang decided to commit suicide by throwing himself into the Yellow River.
He floated in the water and was swept to several islands by the sea. The local fishermen fished him up, found that there was still breath, and did artificial respiration at once, saving the dying Wu Dalang.
The fishermen are overjoyed and tell each other that a tall, handsome and powerful man has come to the island. Our ancestors have been so short, so we should use this gentleman's height advantage to improve our race and make him our king. So Wu Dalang became king.
Seventy-two concubines in three palaces and six hospitals, Wu Dalang soon had a large group of princes. These princes scattered among the people and married the women of the common people, so since then, the height of the local residents has been significantly improved.
Wu Dalang, as king, was quite diligent at first. Every day is "play early when you have something to do, and leave early when you have nothing to do."
After a few days, he found it very boring, and officials had to talk about trivial things for half a day. So he said, in the future, you will write the important content of the matter as a memorial and show it to me.
The officials were surprised. What do you mean by "writing"? We can't read or write. Wu Dalang said, well, I'll give you a cram school to sweep away illiteracy.
So with his limited knowledge, he opened literacy classes for officials to learn writing. But Wu Dalang is a seller of baked wheat cakes. He only knows a few words, and many words only remember some radicals.
When officials study and spread abroad, they forget some parts of some words, so this forms a kind of "fake" words: hiragana, katakana and so on. This is an important part of the country's culture.
After carrying out this reform, Wu Dalang gained more support. One day he found that his subjects had no names.
So he said, this can't be done, everyone has to have a name. Of course, you can't call Qiansun Zhao Li. You can take your surname wherever you live.
So there are surnames like "Tanaka", "Matsushita" and "Yamaguchi". As for the names, just "one, two, three, four".
But the boss can't be called "Dalang", which violates my taboo and can only be called "Taro" and the second one can't be called "Jiro", which violates my brother's taboo and can only be called "Jiro". You can call the rest in order, which is fine with me.
So this country has names such as "Yamaguchi Taro" and "Jiro Tanaka". After Wu Dalang became king, he was always tired of eating delicacies.
He remembered that when he was drifting at sea, he had nothing to eat, so he had to catch fish and eat it raw. Looking back now, it tastes quite good.
So when he asked his chef to cook fish, he must only cook it raw, not cooked it. After its popularization, this dish has been warmly supported by the people of the whole country and has since become a famous dish in this country.
Wu Dalang also found that the local people, like China people, slept in their beds. He was very angry, thinking that since Pan Jinlian and Ximen Qing had an extramarital affair, Ximen Qing often came to his home, leaving him with no place to sleep, so he had to sleep on the ground.
I can only sleep on the ground when I am king, and you can only sleep on the ground! Only in this way can we not forget to take away the shame of our wife! So he issued a decree according to this meaning. From then on, the people of this country can only sleep on the ground covered with a mat, which is called "tatami".
Wu Dalang thought, in China, when the king is called style, crowding round, flags flying all over the sky. In this country, we don't even have a sign, so it's boring.
So he took out his apron when he was selling sesame cakes, told the eunuch to wash it, and it was still white, so he used it as a flag. There must be a sign on the flag.
All the impressions in Wu Dalang's head are only the baked wheat cakes that have been sold. So he branded a red and round sesame seed cake and stuck it in the middle of the apron.
This became the national flag of that island country. Wu Dalang was king for several years, but he died.
On his deathbed, he was still upset because he couldn't beat Ximen Qing and couldn't avenge his wife, so he left a legacy and asked future generations to take revenge on Ximen Qing. Later, his descendants practiced day and night, and went to Shaolin Temple to steal a few kungfu moves. In memory of King Wu Dalang, it was named "Bushido" (later, it was called "Bushido" because the people who learned Kung Fu had a low level of education and the country's writing was "fake"), and these kungfu moves were also called "Karate" because Wu Dalang had won the world from scratch.
In the early Ming Dynasty, the descendants of the Wu clan began to send people to Chinese mainland to seek revenge for Ximen Qing, but they were driven into the sea by our hero Qi Jiguang, which was the "anti-Japanese war" in history. In the 20th century, the Wu people crushed most of my rivers and mountains from north to south and from east to west in China, but they still didn't find their enemy Ximen Qing.
So they actually want China people to learn their "fake" characters, China people to take their names, and China people to realize "Greater Asia * * * glory" under the banner of "Apron Baked Sesame". This really made China people who couldn't win on the battlefield laugh their teeth off.
Recently, Wu Dalang's descendants are said to have reliable information, suspecting that Ximen Qing lives in seclusion in Fujian, so it seems that there are people selling baked wheat cakes on Diaoyu Island opposite Fujian all day.
7. Interpretation of "Doing Fart" in classical Chinese, note "Ode to Fart" is a short article created by the ancients, which can be described as a unique flatterer, telling the story of a scholar who gained ten years' life because of flattery, and criticizing the image of corruption of flattery in society.
original text
When a scholar counted all ①, he went to see the King of Yan, who occasionally farted, and the scholar immediately presented a fart eulogy saying, "The golden buttocks are towering, the sound of silk and bamboo is vaguely similar, and the smell of musk orchid is similar. I have set the wind, which is beyond the heart." Yan was overjoyed, increased his life span by ten years, and immediately put it back in the dead. At the end of ten years, goodbye to Yan. This scholar's ambition stretched, and he watched the Senluo Hall swing up. When the king of Yan asked who it was, the kid replied, "It's the scholar who wrote fart articles."
Praise said, "This scholar, who heard the fart and offered flattery to the doctor, survived his life, which was even worse than Guo Ba (4) in the Tang Dynasty, who tried to get rich by tasting dung. This is also a so-called legacy.
translation
A scholar ran out of luck and went to meet the king of Yan, who accidentally farted. The scholar immediately presented an article "Ode to Fart", saying, "The golden buttocks are raised high, and the precious breath is promoted, which seems to be the sound of music and the smell of musk. I stand in a downwind place and can't bear the fragrance." Yan was very happy, and gave the scholar a ten-year longevity, which was put back to the dead at that time. When the ten-year period expired, the scholar saw Yan again. This scholar was so proud that he saw the Senluo Hall swaying up from a distance. The king of Yan asked who this was, and the kid said, "It's the scholar who made fart articles."
He said with admiration, "It's too much for this scholar to suck up when he smells fart, and it's too much to linger on. In order to surpass Guo Hongba in the Tang Dynasty, he earned wealth by eating dung. He's really a man who has a long history!"
annotate
(1) exhausted: the due life is over.
② Silk and bamboo: strings and wind music.
③ Musk orchid: musk, orchid.
④ Guo Ba: refers to Guo Hongba, the courtier of Wu Zetian. For the sake of wealth, he once tasted dung for Wei Yuanzhong and Lai Junchen.