2, the desolate world is chaotic, don't talk nonsense in front of me.

I advise you not to touch my bottom line, otherwise you can't bear the consequences.

4, always so rational, you will never get true love.

5. How can you get ahead without hard work? How can you know your parents' hard work without suffering?

6. If you don't have the potential to be a lady, you must have the consciousness to be a woman.

7. I'm not you, I can't be what you want, and I can't be as perfect as you think.

8. What's wrong with the woman? When I become a strong woman, I will also look down on you.

9. Do you deserve to say that you love you? I don't know how to repay you for loving you. What else do you know?

10, I drink because I want to forget the temporary pain, and I will realize it after I pass it.

1 1, even if you know what kind of person I am, you don't know what kind of heart I have.

12, stop pretending to be kind in front of me, I should have known your hypocrisy long ago.

13, always playing dumb, always naive, at least I look happy.

14, everyone has their own way to go, and all the sadness has nothing to do with others.

15, don't compare others with yourself, you never know what he has experienced.

16, whether you are here or not, I am here, waiting for you to turn back again.

17, hold my hand tightly, I lost everything, and I will have what I want when I let go of my hand.

18, remember that there was a person who loved you from the bottom of his heart, but you didn't cherish it.

19, I am your little monster, you never know how much it loves Altman.

20. Can you not mention to others that you once loved me?

2 1, I had no time to participate in your past, but I missed your future.

22. I'm not the one who wants it and gives it up if you don't want it.

23. What's the big deal about being in love? Get married if you can.

24, not all feelings are like family, never give up.

25. I'm relieved. I haven't contacted you since then. Finally, it's time to say goodbye.

26, no one will appear in your life twice, so you can't cherish it.

27, love is the most sad, don't say let everything become a secret.

28. The largest church in the world can't hold your sins.

29. Others don't take you seriously, so don't think too highly of yourself.

30. Sister is Datura, beautiful but also the most deadly.

3 1, truly brave people, dare to face dripping blood, dare to face life.

32. Don't pretend to be warm-hearted in front of my sister. My sister can freeze you into ice at MINUS ten degrees.

33. TM men don't break their promises. Don't let go when they say that they love and have the ability.

34. Your love for me is unworthy, and my love for you is even more unworthy of trampling.

35. Love is nothing. I just want my family to never betray me.

36. If I get too close to you, you will know that a knife will hurt me the most.

I will let you remember me for a lifetime, so I won't let you go easily.

38. Come and give me happiness in person, or don't interfere with my happiness from now on.

39, people don't love me, I don't love; If people love me, they are committed to each other.

40. Don't think that you draw an eye on your forehead. You are Yang Jian, and I am still in Bai Gujing.

4 1 As long as you still love me, I don't mind giving up the whole world for you.

42, I am not gentle, not a lady, but I am strong, and I have a style that you don't have.

43. Promise to be my lover, then you must be worthy of the word lover.

44. Even if you leave, what will happen? I will still be the same, and I will still be happy.

45. Do you know why I'm not in love? Because affection is more qualified to say forever than love.

46, your sister! Why suppress yourself and help others?

47. Everyone has his own destiny, and what does everything have to do with others?

48. your is doomed by heaven, but you can choose to stay or leave.

49. The man I like is not handsome or rich, but what does that matter?

You asked me what I like about you, and I said I like you to stay away from me.

Humor, humor, talk about the complete collection

1, God arranged fate for us, but forgot to give us instructions.

2. In college, one day in the dormitory, I saw my roommate playing games. I said to him, "Tomorrow is the exam. Don't you read?" The roommate calmly replied: "The day after tomorrow, am I wrong?" So I continued to argue with him. Just as we were quarrelling, another buddy in the dormitory asked in surprise, "You didn't go to the exam in the morning!" "

3. Time has taught me that I don't have to wait for anyone except express delivery.

4. When you are so big, you have mastered a special skill without learning other skills. You can sleep well without sleeping pills during the day and get excited without stimulants at night.

5. I warn you not to touch my bottom line, or I will have to change my bottom line again.

6. I don't know how to say it, but I hope everyone can stop forwarding porn in space. I think this behavior is quite bad and has really had a bad influence on others. For me, for example, you're going to make me climb out of bed to look for headphones in winter, which is too much!

7. I knew that this is a world of looking at faces. I took the money from school to have a facelift.

8. Girls generally don't have voice when chatting. Girls use voice when chatting with you. Your relationship with her is absolutely unusual. Delete the notes given to you, and she can see at a glance that you sent the message.

9. I have seen through what brothers and friends are, and I don't want to borrow my girlfriend to sleep for two days in such a cold day.

10, the mirror is installed in the school stairs to tell you that ugly people should read more.

1 1, my lover is a hero in the world. One day, he will flash into the tower to marry me. I guessed the leader, but I couldn't guess that Po Hou was a stick.

12. I have played with many men, such as Li Bai, Han Xin, the Monkey King, Hou Yi, Xiang Yu and Dian Wei.

13, seeing a person who looks like you, I chased him up, and suddenly remembered that there was no you in this city. I put down my brick and almost hit the wrong person.

14, there was no road in the world, and there were so many people wandering around that I didn't know how to get there.

15, "If Chinese, Mathematics, English, Physics, History, Geography and Politics teachers come into the classroom at the same time, what will you think of?" "Eight-Nation Alliance's war of aggression against China."

16, if you take a selfie as long as you do, why don't you have a boyfriend?

17, I hope that one day we can become strangers again, and then we can get to know you again. See how I kill you!

18, "What can make you put down your dignity and humble yourself?" "Copy homework"

19, I just saw a news that both mother and daughter are flight attendants. I don't know what's so good about this, just mother and daughter! Eighteen generations of our ancestors were farmers, and I never showed them off! Am I proud? Am I bloated?

20. The flowers and plants have been pulled out by others before they have time to philander.

2 1, I used to be scolded by my teammates every day when I was playing king. Slowly, I improved my fighting ability, and now I don't scold me, because they can't scold me anymore.

22, young only once, how to tell your son that year without madness.

23. When I was at school, I often did autopsies. I was used to the dead. At night, the dormitory was hotter than the steamer. My roommate had a whim and said, The mortuary has air conditioning. Why don't we sleep there? I have the key. The other one or two goods immediately said yes, and the two went. The next day, the janitor was hospitalized.

24. I am not good at liberal arts and science now, so I have to study magic.

25. When I was a child, there was an animated cartoon. I only listened to the theme song and thought it was about the legendary story of the thief and his son. The song goes like this: "The thief's son and the thief's father ..."

26. If you are lazy with me, you will lose, because I am too lazy to compete with you.

27. Dad taught me: "Don't be cheated by men. Don't believe what men say." For a while, I didn't know whether I should listen to my father or not.

28. When I found that all wifi had passwords, I deeply felt the malice of the world.

29. Some people say that "I'm hungry" is a very test sentence: tell my mother that she will get up at once and say "I'll get you something to eat". Tell dad that he will smile and say "OK, let's eat out". Tell your boyfriend that he will gently say, "What do you want to eat?" Tell your girlfriend that she will always answer, "Me too". Therefore, more and more boys choose to find a boyfriend.

30. I have seen countless hooligans, but I still don't like you as a scum.

3 1, quarreling with my wife, I roared: "Don't think that you are beautiful, I won't dare to hit you!" I thought she would be very happy after hearing this, but I didn't expect her to say, "Don't think that what you said is very reasonable and I will let you go!" "

32. The boy rode his horse to the edge of the cliff, turned to his beloved girl and said, "I finally ask you, will you marry me or not? If you don't marry me, it's meaningless for me to live, so I'll jump off this cliff." The girl was moved and shouted "marry" to the boy, and the horse rushed down the cliff with a scream.

33. I caught the bus in the morning, and by the time I got to the platform, the bus had already started. So I had to chase and shout, "Master, wait for me! Master, wait for me! " At this time, a passenger leaned out of the window and said to me, "Wukong, don't chase."

34. Violence can't solve the problem, but it can relieve the anger.

Since you borrowed money from me, I have been thinking about you every penny.

36. Many aunts said that I am handsome today, so why don't you introduce your daughter to me!

37, a little want to cry, and then it began to rain, hurriedly ran to ask my mother my life, I am the princess of dragon three in the East China Sea, why did you keep it from me for so many years.

38. Always remind yourself that life is too short to eat, drink, and sleep with those who want to sleep.

39. There is a reason why I don't return every second. There is a time difference between us in the celestial world and the human world, so I may often fail to return every second.

40. "How do girls feel about boys' filth?" "Those who get along can go along with it."

4 1, in fact, I quite like mathematics. It has no circuitous language, no English grammar, no historical and political complexity and information, but it just can't do, can't do and can't do.

42. A fat girl dared not take the elevator because she had no confidence, so she insisted on taking the stairs to work every day. So, after nearly a month's hard work, she was fired because she was often late.

43. Please pay attention to parents: In recent days, there has been a new type of fraud in the society. Liars will forge a report card with a low score, falsely claiming that it is the children's achievement in the name of e-school, WeChat and the class teacher, and sow discord among them, causing serious family discord. Please delete it immediately after receiving the text message about the achievement. Don't believe it. Forward positive energy at will.

A complete collection of humorous jokes

A complete collection of humorous jokes

1. A few days ago, I met a Jianghu elder brother. A carp was tattooed on each side of his calf. The color was red and black, and the fish head on the left side was facing up and the right side was facing down. His face was ferocious and terrible. At dinner, someone finally asked about the meaning of the tattoo. Big Brother lit a cigarette and said, I was born on1March 5, 976 ... We all pricked up our ears and waited for the story that was destined for blood shed. The eldest brother took a cigarette and then said, I am Pisces (@ Memory vest).

2. There was a fire in a hospital. After the firemen put out the fire, they reported to the dean that the fire had been put out. We found three injured people in the basement, two of whom were saved by artificial respiration, and the other was not saved. Hearing this, the dean fainted, and everyone began to save the dean again. Finally, the dean woke up and said, Our basement is a morgue. . .

3. The priest's daughter was sleeping upstairs and crying. The priest went upstairs and asked her why she was crying. Dad, I'm scared. Not afraid, little baby. God is with you. Dad, why don't you come and be with God, and I'll go down and be with mom, okay?

At the graduation ceremony, the headmaster announced that the first student in the whole grade came to the stage to receive the prize, but after several consecutive calls, the student slowly walked onto the stage. Later, the teacher asked the student, What's the matter? Are you sick? Or didn't you hear clearly just now? Student: No, I'm afraid other students didn't hear you clearly.

The kindergarten teacher is asking questions to the children. After asking one question, ask the next, but a child has been holding his hand high! When it was finally the child's turn, he put his hand down. The teacher asked: You waited so long, why did you put your hand down when it was your turn? The child replied: it's too late, it's already peed.

6. All-inclusive hairy leg stockings are necessary for women to prevent sexual harassment in summer.

7. Go shopping with my girlfriend to buy clothes today. After entering a women's clothing store, I sat on the sofa. At this time, I saw a six-or seven-year-old shota running around. He suddenly ran to the door of the fitting room and shouted: It's time to witness the miracle! The curtain in the fitting room was lifted in one fell swoop.

8. Men and women have been married for half a year, and women insist on drinking red wine for four months. One day, I asked the man, "Everyone says that drinking red wine is good for beauty. Do you think I am getting younger?"? Are you almost a girl? M: I think I'm talking about IQ. I can go to kindergarten in two months.

9. The reason why you can see a woman's manly side is because she doesn't like you at all. . .

10. Today, I took my four-year-old daughter to see the pantomime Cinderella. She asked me, Mom, what is a stepmother? I said stepmother. After reading it for a while, my daughter said to me with tears in her eyes: Mom, how can this stepmother be worse than you?

A complete collection of humorous jokes

1. Ge Fa's talk: Today, I specially arranged my home romantically, and the sofa was filled with roses. Hold your girlfriend on the sofa for a shot. . My girlfriend is breaking up with me now. . Shit, I forgot to pull out the thorn on the rose. . I silently made up a knife: did it leak?

2. Several things that people from China seem to particularly like to do when they come to the United States: 1) Buy a pornographic magazine. 2) Go to the driving range to play with guns. 3) Hold a sign in front of the White House and shout: Obama steps down. 4) Log on to Google to search for domestic banned words. 5) go to outlets to buy clothes. 6) I visited a famous school and found that there was not even a decent school gate. 7) Find a way to go over the wall and download songs. 8) Say something bad.

There is a widow with hundreds of millions of assets, who is nearly 50 years old, but her charm still exists, and she looks much younger than her actual age. Later, she married a handsome man who was only 30 years old. How can he marry you when you are so different in age? Asked the widow's best friend. I lied about my age. Replied the widow. You said you were only 30 years old? The friend asked. Wrong. The widow said, I lied to him that I was 70 years old!

4. Just saw a scraping accident, the two car owners were calmly discussing the reasons and compensation issues, and the two next to them fought with excitement. The reason for their fight turned out to be an argument when discussing who was fully responsible, and then they fought. Now the two car owners are regardless of the car, and they are in the middle of a fight. . .

Sometimes, I suddenly hear the news of love between XXX and XXX, just like hearing the news of love between Meng Po and Yan. What do you mean? Only God knows how they got together. (@ Xia Zhengzheng)

6. Classmate A: This word was written by Xin Qiji. Classmate B: How should I know? Sunday.

7. A girl in the fifth grade of primary school, who was laughed at by her classmates for her breast development, went home and cried to her mother. Her mother comforted her: Never mind, they will laugh at you for two years at most, and you can laugh at them for at least twenty years later!

8. When the bell rang, the students rushed out of school. On the way to the Internet cafe, two students are particularly eye-catching. Because, these two students rushed to the front. Suddenly, one of the students fell and rolled on the ground twice, and his forehead was stained with blood. Another student stopped and turned to help him. Who knows, the student who fell rudely opened his hand and shouted at him, Leave me alone! Go and start the machine quickly ..

9. It is said that the zongzi eaten by astronauts is sweet, and the sweet pie said: As the first zongzi to enter outer space, it determines the standard of the future cosmic zongzi. The salty faction countered: This is what sweet zongzi means to get out of the earth, you don't understand. [

10. Mother and daughter watch The Journey to the West together. Mother asks: Why does the Monkey King pass out every time he blows the monster? The daughter thought for a moment and said, because she hasn't brushed her teeth for 500 years, she has bad breath! Mom said that if you don't brush your teeth, you will get bad breath.

A complete collection of humorous jokes

1. Memorize the words. Besides various skills, it is more important to repeat them. Look at your child. He usually paints Weibo, doesn't he? Then you change his Weibo password into words every two days, such as ichthyology, Crytoscope and so on. He has to lose once on the computer in Weibo, once on the mobile phone client, and once on the ipad. Just look, within a month, he can definitely quit Weibo!

2. There are gun battles and brotherhood. A dangerous cartoon ~

3. Just saw a scraping accident, the two car owners were calmly discussing the reasons and compensation, and the two next to them got into a lively fight. The reason for their fight turned out to be an argument when discussing who was fully responsible, and then they got into a big fight. Now the two car owners don't care about the car, and they are in the middle of a fight. . .

4. The girl got married when she promised her boyfriend to go abroad, and the boy's phone messages never stopped. When the girl had a high fever, he was burning with anxiety. The girl got a master's degree in more than a year, but married someone else. The girl said to him: Your love moved me! But when I walked out of the classroom on a snowy day and was shivering with cold, it was my husband's car that stopped in front of me in time. He said helplessly, Is that why you're going to marry my driver? !

5. The first time a child flew by plane, he lay prone on the window and looked out and said excitedly, Mom, mom, the plane is flying so high. Look, the people below are as small as Jing M.Guo. Mom smiled and said, silly boy, the plane hasn't taken off yet, and that's Jing M.Guo. . . .

6. Dragon Boat Festival is coming soon. . . Send you a fat zongzi in advance!

7. Today, in a fast food restaurant, a child grabbed a pile of coins and paper money and excitedly asked for this dish and that dish. Suddenly a woman came in, grabbed him and shouted, It's cooking at home, come back with me! Then the kid gave a hysterical meal: your cooking is terrible! I saved my pocket money for two weeks just to eat a fast food. Don't drag me back to help! ! Help! Her mother is blue in the face, and she is decisively beaten!

8. My family set up a wireless network after moving last time. When I came home for the first time after moving, I found the wireless password posted on the wireless router: 1234567, and then I asked my mother what to do if the password was so simple that the neighbors could guess it after searching it. My mother said with a disdainful face, Guess? Let them guess, they will not guess if they are exhausted, and neither will the colon in front of me.

9. At noon, my cousin asked his six-year-old son to take a nap. The child was too playful to sleep. My cousin said, You can pretend to sleep for a while and cheat me. The child thought it was reasonable and said, then I'll pretend to sleep for half an hour and get up to play. Cousin said: OK. The child lay in bed and began to pretend to sleep. He looked at it two minutes later and was already asleep.

10. I have a friend whose myopia is over 400. When he was a soldier, he had to have a physical examination, and he knew the back of the chart thoroughly in advance. When the physical examination was over, the doctor pointed him out which line? The doctor replied, get out! /(ㄒㄒ o ㄒ)/~ ~ It's a shame. . .

Funny talk about jokes, the funniest jokes.

1.Yesterday, I visited Taobao and saw a knife seller with a bad review. I clicked on it and read it. It said: I ordered the knife from the owner's house and made an appointment to go one-on-one on the third day. The knife arrived on the fourth day! I must save money well in September, go to bed early and get up early, run every day, and change my bad temper and lose weight by the way. If I can't, I will send it again in October. 3. There was a teacher's home visit. When I got home, the teacher said to my father, Hello, I'm your son's head teacher. My name is Jinlian. Dad said: hello! Hello! Teacher Pan, please sit down. Head teacher: I'm sorry, my surname is Jin. 4. The beautiful woman took the bus and wore tight denim shorts. The thief slowly approached her behind her. The thief pulled out the phone of the fart pocket and suddenly turned to shout: Plug it back for me, mine is so tight. Do you think I wouldn't know if I pulled it out? There is a man who goes to school. He is a freshman. Because his head looks like a brick, his classmates call him a brick man, which makes him very angry. One day, he wanted to see if his head looked like a brick. He went to the well and looked down. Suddenly, there was a voice from the bottom of the well: Lie in the trough, throw it down and try. 6. The daughter-in-law is doing housework at home, and her husband is crossing his legs and lying on the sofa playing with his mobile phone. The child suddenly said: Dad, you are really amazing, I really admire you! Dad asked: Why? The child said: You are really capable of marrying such a good wife, who can cook, do housework, and make money. The beautiful meal is very flattering. Dad is proud of it. The child looked up and said to his mother: Mom, you can't do it. You see what you married ~ 7. On the Naihe Bridge, a man said sadly to Meng Po: Meng Po, have another bowl! You have finished 20 bowls, and I have none here. Tears glistened in the man's eyes: but she is still there! Meng Po: Damn it, black and white are impermanent. Someone is smashing the venue! 8. Yesterday, the school was looking for puppy love, and I found my girlfriend's head. I thought it would be over, but it turned out that her boyfriend was not me. 9. I was an alumnus with my husband. I first met him when I found his meal card, contacted the school supermarket and returned it to him. He insisted on buying me a drink and pulled it into the supermarket to buy me a bottle of water before leaving. Later, I asked him if he loved me at first sight before buying me a drink. Without thinking, my husband said, I'm afraid you'll use your meal card secretly, so I'll take you to the supermarket to buy something to see the balance. 10. My boyfriend and I are both stubborn people, so no one will admit their mistakes when we quarrel. Later, I saw a saying that couples quarreled and made up after a meal. This move really worked, so I quarreled with him every now and then. After a long time, he knew that he had admitted his mistake. 11.Just now, the roommate made us wash the fruit, and happily brought us a pot of fruit, and a group of people rushed to grab it in an instant. I didn't move! Not like Kong Rong, but he took my fucking footbath. Watching them gobble, hiding their merits and fame! 12. I went to the movies with my husband at the weekend. There were two girls sitting in the front row. One of them was holding a big bucket of popcorn and had been eating it since the beginning of the movie. After eating, the two took out a big bag of melon seeds and began to eat. To tell the truth, I was so bored that I wanted to curse the street, but I held back. I said to my husband: Take off your shoes. ! 13. Today, I strolled in the community and saw a buddy professing in the community. I shouted downstairs: XXX, I love you, please be my girlfriend. I saw him shouting downstairs for a long time, but there was no response upstairs. I guess the woman didn't like him, but I was shocked at the next scene. I saw that the buddy made a phone call and shouted, "Damn it, I ran to the wrong neighborhood." 14. A: Do you like my gift? B: Thieves like it A: Then why not wear it? B: I told you, thieves like it. 15. We were arranged to meet each other on a blind date, and we were not satisfied with each other, so we made excuses and left, and hurried to the next scene. It was amazing that we met the same person at the same time and place.16. When I was a child, I cried in the middle of the night and woke up my parents. My mother asked me what was wrong. I said I wanted to eat cookies. My mother jumped up and wanted to beat me. My father stopped me and said forget it. I'll buy it. I knocked on several shops in the middle of the night, bought cookies and handed them to me. I continued to cry and said, I don't want to eat round ones, I want to eat square ones, and then I will have a mixed doubles! 17. I also sent red envelopes, flowers, rice, wine, room and TT. Now you tell me that I'm having my period, and my mouth is still ulcerated, and my chrysanthemums have hemorrhoids, and I have athlete's foot, and my hands have onychomycosis! Hey18. When my northern friend went to the southern vegetable market for the first time and saw that I bought all a carrot, a tomato and a handful of bean sprouts, a complicated expression of shock, disbelief and fear suddenly appeared on his face. Later, he walked home with me in silence and said, I thought the boss would strike the table and cut you off just now. 19. When I was half asleep, I heard the sound of marbles from the ceiling. It was so annoying. Why didn't the children upstairs sleep? I turned over to go back to sleep, but my wife next to me pulled my pajamas and asked, honey, don't we live on the top floor? I was so scared that I bounced out of bed. When did I get a wife? ? 20. Once upon a time, there was an isolated island. I don't know why everyone disappeared, but there were only two men and an ugly woman. One couldn't help marrying the woman! The other waited for eighteen years, and he smiled because those two people had a daughter, which was quite beautiful!