One day, Dale took Les for a routine walk. Unfortunately, I met a policeman riding a horse in the park. He couldn't wait to show his authority, so he said majestically:
"Why do you let your dog run around without a chain or a mask? Don't you know it's illegal?"
"Yes, I know," Dale replied softly, "but my dog never bites."
"You said don't bite, it won't bite? If it kills a squirrel or bites a child here. Can you take responsibility? I won't pursue it this time, but if I see this dog in the park without a chain or a mask next time, you must explain it to the judge. "
Dell did abide by it-and obeyed it several times, but Les didn't like wearing a mask, and I didn't like that either. So they decided to take a chance. Things went well, but then they ran into trouble. That afternoon, Les and Dale were running up a hill. Suddenly-unfortunately-I saw the authority of the law, riding a red-brown horse. Les ran ahead and rushed at the policeman.
Carnegie knew that there must be trouble this time, so he decided to strike first before the police spoke. He said, "Sir, you caught me red-handed. I'm guilty, I have no excuses, no excuses. You warned me last week that you would punish me if you brought the puppy out again without wearing a mask. "
"Easy to say, easy to say," I didn't expect the police to answer in a soft voice. "I know that when no one is around, no one can help but take such a puppy out for a walk."
"I can't help it," Dell replied, "but it's illegal."
"But such a small dog probably won't hurt people?" The police excused him instead.
"yes. But it may kill the squirrel. " Dell said.
"In that case," he told Dale, "I forgive you for thinking that you are a first-time offender ... you just have to let it run over the hill where I can't see it ... and it's over."
Like ordinary people, the policeman also wants to get a sense of self-respect. Therefore, when Dell asked for punishment, his self-esteem was greatly satisfied, and finally he showed his compassion with a tolerant attitude.
If I intend to defend myself-well, have you ever argued with the police?
But he didn't confront him head-on. He admitted that he was right and he was absolutely wrong. Dell readily, frankly and enthusiastically admitted this. Because Dell stood in his position and spoke for Dell instead, the whole thing ended in a harmonious atmosphere.
If we know that we will inevitably be blamed, why not take the lead and confess ourselves first? Isn't it much better to hear yourself condemn yourself than to be criticized by others?
If you admit your mistake first in this situation, nine times out of ten you will be forgiven, just as the tolerant policeman treated Dale and Les.
Commercial artist Ferdinand Warren once used this technique to win the good impression of an irritable art owner. The following is a short story told by Mr Warren:
"The most basic requirement for drawing commercial advertisements and publications is to be precise and meticulous. Some editors are impatient and often ask them to finish their tasks at once; In this case, it is inevitable that there will be some minor mistakes. And some art leaders like to pick bones from eggs. Every time I leave their office, I feel uncomfortable, not because of his criticism, but because of the way he attacked me.
"Recently, I handed in an extremely urgent manuscript to an art group leader. He called me and asked me to go to his office at once. He said something wrong. When I got to the office, as I expected-trouble came. He is full of hostility and seems glad to have the opportunity to criticize me. He maliciously blamed me for a lot of problems-this is just the opportunity for me to use what I have learned to make self-criticism. So I said,' Your criticism is very correct, and my mistake is too big. I have written for you for so many years, and I really shouldn't have made such a low-level mistake. I feel ashamed.'
"My sad expression changed his attitude, but he defended me. Yes, what you said is not wrong, but after all, this is not a serious mistake. Just ...'
"I said,' You don't have to speak for me. Any mistake may be costly and uncomfortable. "
"He wants to interrupt again, but I won't give him a chance. I criticized myself for the first time in my life-I feel very good.
"'I shouldn't be so careless,' I continued.' You offered me many job opportunities, and I should satisfy you, so I plan to start again.'
"'all right! All right!' There was a smile on his face.' Don't bother.' He began to praise my work, telling me that he only needed to modify it a little, and that a little mistake wouldn't cost the company much; After all, this is just a small step-it's not worth worrying about.
"I once again severely criticized myself, making his anger disappear. As a result, he invited me to lunch. Before we parted, he wrote me a check and told me another job. "
A person who has the courage to admit his mistakes can actually get some satisfaction. Because admitting one's mistake can not only remove guilt and create an atmosphere of self-defense, but also help solve the problems created by this mistake.
Bruce Harvey of Albuquerque, New Mexico, missed an employee's sick pay while paying his salary. When he found this mistake, he immediately informed the employee that it would be deducted at the next paycheck. The employee said that doing so would bring him serious financial problems, so he requested to deduct his overpaid salary by stages. But in this way, Harvey must get the approval of his superiors first.
"I know that doing so will definitely make the boss very dissatisfied. When I consider how to deal with this situation in a better way, I find that only by completely admitting my mistakes can I recover the influence.
"I walked into the boss's office and told him that I had made a mistake, and then told him the whole situation. He lost his temper and said that it should be the fault of the personnel department, but I repeated that it was my fault. He loudly accused the accounting department of negligence, and I explained that it was my fault. He blamed two other colleagues in the office, but I repeatedly said it was my fault. Finally, seeing my sincere attitude, I had to say,' In that case, it won't happen again. Now solve this problem.' This mistake passed like this, without causing trouble to anyone. I think I am very good, because I have solved a helpless problem and have the courage not to look for excuses. Since then, the boss has trusted me more. "
It is human nature to protect yourself and defend your mistakes. But those who can admit their mistakes will gain the understanding of others and give people a humble and noble impression. Mike Zhuang, who teaches Carnegie course in Hongkong, said that some special problems brought by China culture may be more beneficial to apply a certain principle at some time than to abide by an ancient tradition. There is a middle-aged classmate in his class, and his son has ignored him for years. The reason is that the father used to be an opium addict, but now he has given up smoking.
According to China tradition, it is a great loss of face for older people to admit their mistakes to younger generations. He thinks that his son must take the initiative to make up with his father and son. At the beginning of the course, he talked to his classmates about his grandson, whom he had never met, and how much he longed to be reunited with his son. His classmates are all from China, and they understand the conflict between his desires and ancient traditions. The father thinks that young people should respect their elders, and he has got rid of bad habits, so his son should bow to him.
But at the end of the course, the father, who had learned a lot through study, changed his mind. "I have thought about this problem carefully." He said, "Dale Carnegie said,' If you are wrong, you should admit your mistake immediately and clearly.' It's too late for me to admit my mistake now, but I can always show my sincerity. I was wrong about my son. It was completely correct that he didn't come to see me and kicked me out of his life. I went to ask young people to forgive me, which certainly made me lose face, but it was I who made the mistake, and I have the responsibility to admit it. "
The whole class applauded his understanding and fully supported him. In the next class, he told with a big smile how he went to his son's house, asked for forgiveness, and how he began to establish a new relationship with his son, daughter-in-law and grandson who finally met him.
In the history of the United States, there is a wonderful record of General Lee during the Civil War, that is, he blamed himself for the failure of Picard's attack on Gettysburg.
Picard's attack was undoubtedly the most prominent and brilliant battle in the history of the western world. Picard himself is brilliant. He has long hair and shawls, and like Napoleon in Italy, he writes love letters on the battlefield almost every day.
On that tragic July afternoon, when his military cap was tilted over his right ear and he put his horse lightly and sprinted to the North Army, his loyal troops could not help cheering for him. They cheered and sprinted forward with him. The ranks are dense, the flags are flying, the sabers are shining, and the lineup is mighty, brave and strong. Even the northern army cheers for this brave and outstanding team.
Picard's team charged forward easily, through orchards and corn fields, across grass and over hills. At the same time, the North Army artillery never stopped bombarding them. But they kept on advancing and never flinched.
Suddenly, the northern infantry rushed out from behind the hidden ridge and fired at Picard's unsuspecting army one after another. The smoke in the mountains is like a slaughterhouse, and rows of people lie neatly on the ground like cut ears of wheat. In a few minutes, all but one of Picard's brigade commanders were killed, and 5000 soldiers lost 4000. Picard commanded the rest of the troops to sprint to the death, ran to the stone wall, put the military cap on the command knife and waved it, shouting: "Brothers, kill them!" "
They did it. They jumped over the stone wall, fought to the death with guns and bayonets, and finally erected the confederate flag on the position of the northern army on the ridge of the cemetery.
The flag only fluttered there for a while, even if it was only a short time, but it was a brilliant record of the South Army's military exploits. Picard's sprint-brave and glorious, but it is the beginning of the end. General Li failed. He can't break through the north, and he knows it.
The fate of the failure of the south has long been doomed.
General Li was shocked, and he was extremely sad. He sent his resignation to President Davis in the south, requesting to reassign "a younger and promising man" to command the troops. If General Li wants to blame anyone for the fiasco caused by Picard's attack, he can find dozens of excuses: some teachers have neglected their duties, and the cavalry arrived too late to meet the infantry. This is also wrong, and that is also wrong ...
But General Lee is too noble to blame others. When the disabled soldiers retreated from the front to the south, General Li personally rushed out to condemn himself. "It was my fault," he admitted. "I lost the battle because of myself."
Few generals in history have such courage and sentiment that they dare to bear the responsibility for the failure of the war.
Eber Heba is one of the writers with unique style. His acerbic satires often make a fuss all over the city. But Heba's rare skills in dealing with others often turn his enemies into friends.
Once an angry reader wrote to him, expressing disapproval of some of his articles, and at the end, he scolded him sharply, but Heba replied in this way:
In retrospect, I don't entirely agree with myself. What I wrote yesterday is not necessarily satisfactory today. I'm glad to know your opinion on this matter. Next time you are around, welcome to visit, and we can exchange views. I wish you sincerity.
In the face of such an open-minded and sincere person, you are full of hatred. What can you do?
When our opinions are correct, we should try to make the other side agree with us gently and skillfully; And when we are wrong-don't avoid it, let alone argue irrationally-but admit it quickly and enthusiastically. This technique can not only produce amazing results; Besides, believe it or not, under any circumstances, it is much better than arguing with yourself.
Please remember an old saying: "You will never get a satisfactory result by fighting. But with the method of concession, the harvest will be much higher than expected. "