Homophony is a kind of Chinese vocabulary, that is, using the condition that Chinese characters are homonyms or homographs, the original words are replaced by homographs or homographs, thus producing interesting figures of speech. The following are Chinese homophonic jokes I compiled. Welcome to share.

One day, honest Xiao Li made four big wooden barrels overnight, and the next day he had to transport them to town to sell them to subsidize his family. Early in the morning, Xiao Li got on the bus. After getting on the bus, Xiao Li saw that all the seats on the bus were full, so he took out a wooden bucket and sat down. After a while, the bus arrived at the next stop, but several people got on the bus instead of getting off. Among them, there is a beautiful lady in a one-step skirt. When she got on the bus, she saw that there were no seats, so she took out a bucket of Xiao Li and sat down. Seeing the market situation, Xiao Li wants to put away the bucket. Seeing that the young lady still showed no sign of getting up, I had to tell her, "Miss, please lift your ass. I want a bucket. " As a result, the whole car laughed.

When I was on a business trip with my colleagues, the local colleagues were hospitable and hosted a banquet in characteristic hotel's private room that night. After a dozen men and women sat down, they were chatting all the time, and only one person was ordering. After ordering, I asked everyone's opinion: "The food is ready. Is there anything else to add? "

In this case, in Beijing, we usually ask the waitress to report the name of our order. So a buddy in Beijing said, "Miss, report it."

Miss saw his one eye, nothing happened. "Miss, report it!" Dude, it's a little urgent.

Miss flushed, still nothing happened.

"What? Let you report that you didn't hear it? " Dude, it's really urgent.

A female colleague hurriedly dozen circle field: "Miss, please report one by one, ah."

The young lady mumbled and asked, "So, so ... just hold the woman and not the man?"

"poof!" A female colleague on the side just took a big sip of tea and sprayed it all on the avant-garde. A dozen people laughed, and the young lady was at a loss.

It's time to serve Let's do a mixed facial lift first. A large plate of skin-lifting vegetables was served, followed by several dishes of ingredients and sauces. Miss didn't pay attention when serving, and a drop of sauce spilled on a buddy's pants. That buddy is also deliberately teasing, pretending to be unhappy and asking the lady: "What should I do?"

The young lady said quietly, "Whatever you do."

"What do you say?"

"How do you want to mix?"

"What do you usually do here?"

"Why don't I help you mix it?"

"Very good."

I saw the lady holding chopsticks in one hand and a spoon in the other, and quickly pouring several dishes of ingredients and sauce on the rapier table with several brushes. Then he said to his little friend, "Sir, you can eat." The buddy stared at the plate for a long time without talking, and another colleague said "thank you" to the lady for him.

The main course came up-roast leg of lamb, a big plate of meat bones and a plate of salt and pepper. A Beijing buddy loves this mouth so much that he grabbed a leg of lamb unceremoniously. Click is a bite, and he wolfed it down. The young lady saw it and said, "Sir, this should be dipped." The little friend looked at the young lady doubtfully, and then at the local colleague. A local colleague said, "It tastes better when dipped in it."

The little friend then stood up with a leg of lamb and clicked again.

The young lady hurried over and asked, "Do you need anything, sir?"

"ah? No. "

"Then please sit down and eat."

The buddy sat down with a whisper, looked at everyone and was lost. Carefully put the leg of lamb to your mouth and take a bite carefully.

The young lady added, "Sir, you should dip this."

Buddy stood up, waved a leg of lamb and shouted angrily, "You have to eat standing, sit down and eat how!" " ?

The table was full and the leaders came. The house was full and there was a greeting. The waitress next to the party is beautiful, new, inexperienced and nervous.

Everyone sat down and someone called, "Miss, here comes the tea!" "

Miss hurried forward and pointed with her finger: "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, a total of seven!"

Everyone laughed, and the leader went on to say, "pour the tea!" "

Miss Busy is "backwards" again: "7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, or 7."

Someone asked, "What are you counting?" The young lady hesitated and whispered, "I am a dog."

Everyone was very angry and shouted, "call your manager!" " When the manager came in, he put down his hand and asked with a smile, "What do you want to tell me?"

The leader said, "Don't ask more questions, go and find out the age of this young lady."

The manager was very surprised and answered according to his order: "18 years old, a dog!" " "

The leader smiled and everyone laughed. It is not convenient for everyone to pursue it if the leaders are massive and do not pursue it.

Miss and manager are like falling clouds.

After 30 days of drinking, a dish came up: "stewed turtle!" "

Everyone was happy, but they didn't forget the rules. Someone poked Wang with chopsticks and said, "The leader moved, the leader moved!"

The leader looked at the turtle's crazy shaking head and was very unhappy. He didn't want to reconcile the ending of this statement, and he didn't want to go against everyone's good wishes, so he picked up the spoon and tasted the soup and said, "OK, OK! Please feel free. "

Someone said, "Yes-turtles should have soup!" " The leader almost spat with anger.

After a while, the soup was almost finished, and a round thing surfaced and asked, "Miss, what is this?"

The young lady quickly replied, "It's an illegitimate child." Everyone was surprised and happy: "Leaders eat first, leaders eat first!"

This time, the leader didn't hear the words of "bad luck" and was very happy. He called the young lady: "Give it to everyone!"

For a long time, the young lady didn't move, and the leader asked angrily, "Why, can't you tell me clearly?"

The young lady said awkwardly, "How to divide seven people and six bastards?"

Everyone looked at each other, full of delicious food, hard to swallow.

Respondents added 2010-01-3014: 44. 1. Donate officials and answer the boss.

One day, the boss visited and asked a donor, "How are people now?" The donor quickly replied, "There are only two white apricots, but there are many red apricots." The boss said, "Did I ask Li Shu?" Gonggong replied, "There are many pear trees, but the results are quite few." Donating officials is ignorance, but this homonym really confuses the audio-visual of donating officials.

Chinese homophonic joke 2 1. Ten bamboos and one leaf

There was a poet named Wang in the Northern Song Dynasty. He was very arrogant when he was young. I'm a little ignorant, and I always feel very capable. One day, he went to play in the garden and saw a bamboo forest. Bamboo is green and looks really good. Wang Qi saw it and immediately thought of a joint sentence. I began to write: Ye Chui Qian Jian; I am so angry. Wang Qi compared drooping bamboo leaves to swords and straight bamboo poles to spears, which is an image. He showed this couplet to his friends, and everyone praised him for his good writing. Wang Qi happily posted couplets on the wall of the house. He also boasted: "If anyone can change a word, I will give him twelve ounces of gold for free!" " "How crazy. A few days later, Su Dongpo, a college student, visited him and saw the couplets, but he didn't say anything. Pretend to say to Sue, "I wrote these two sentences. Please give me your advice. Su Dongpo smiled and said to Wang Qi, "This couplet is good, but it takes ten bamboos to make a Ye Er." "Come to think of it, Wang Qi, yes! I wrote Chiba and Wan Gan. There are few bamboos in Ye Er, and it takes an average of ten bamboos to grow a Ye Er. What is this called bamboo? Wang Qi's face looks like a big red cloth. She thanked Su Dongpo assiduously and said, "Well said, well said. "From now on, Wang Qi is no longer crazy, she is learning honestly. Since then, he has become a poet with real talent and learning. According to Wei Songqing's poem Jade Chips, Volume XI.

2. People in the Front is a wonderful game. Prime Minister Kou Zhun was a famous prime minister in the Northern Song Dynasty.

One day, he chatted with several senior officials and wrote a couplet for them to come: the days under water are the days in the sky; The sun in the water is just the shadow of the sun in the sky. Hearing this, these big officials stared at each other, and no one could compare with anyone. Just at this time, Yang Danian came in to discuss business with Prime Minister Kou. Kou Zhun and Yang Danian talked about business, so he told him the first part just now. Yang Danian stared at Kou Zhun's eyes. After a little thinking, he immediately replied: the person in the eye is the person in front of him. Kou Zhun is talking about the shadow of the sun, and Yang Danian is talking about the figure. When I stand in front of you, your eyes will definitely reflect my figure. This is called "the person in the eyes is the person in front of you". Readers, if you don't believe me, just stare into other people's eyes and try! According to Ouyang Xiu's Record of Returning to the Field, Song Zengmin published Duxing Magazine.

3. Yang Danian correctly scolded the traitor Yang Danian and became an academician, serving as assistant minister of the Ministry of Industry in the imperial court.

Yang Danian looks very energetic, especially his beard is thick and long, which covers his chest. It's really beautiful. It was early in the morning, and Yang Danian came out of the palace and happened to meet Ding Wei of the Song Dynasty. In Song Dynasty, Ding Wei looked at Yang Danian's long beard and joked with him: Neihan must sweep the floor to worship heaven; Neihan is Hanlin. It means that when you, a bearded academician, kowtow to the emperor, your beard sweeps the floor like a broom. Who is this Ding Wei Song Dynasty? This is a big shot! Ding Wei and treacherous court official Wang Qinruo in the Song Dynasty drove away Kou Zhun, the prime minister of northern Liao, and finally he became prime minister and Jin Wengong. Ding Wei, Wang Qinruo and three bad guys in Song Dynasty were called "Five Ghosts of the Imperial Court". Yang Danian hated "GREAT GHOST" in "Five Ghosts" for a long time. Song glanced at it and replied coldly: "Xiangzheng is sitting in the sky! "Xianggong" refers to Ding Wei, the prime minister of the Song Dynasty: the "curtain" is a big tent. Yang Danian is saying that you, the prime minister, crowd out good people and monopolize the court. You can really dominate the world! When Song Dynasty heard that Yang Danian turned to scold himself, he was very angry. But on second thought, I confessed it myself, and I couldn't be angry, so I had to laugh a few times. According to Song Ouyang Xiu's Return to the Field.

China homophonic joke Article 3 Eat a catty.

The teacher asked Xiaoming to make a sentence with "eat a catty".

Xiao Ming said: I was walking on the road and saw a pile of cow dung. I was shocked (a catty).

The teacher praised: "Massive, massive ..."

There is only one channel.

The boss of the dormitory has a new girlfriend, and her girlfriend gave him a new walkman. The boss looked at the instructions and said to himself while fiddling with them, "Anywhere is fine, but there is only one track!" " The third child watched martial arts in the upper bunk and asked, "Isn't one enough? "The boss said," I want to have an extra sound channel, which can be connected to the computer. "

At the beginning of the new semester, some students in my dormitory and I went to the department to pay tuition. A notice was posted at the door of the department office: this year, a unified fee will be imposed, and sexual intercourse will cost 4,600 yuan, and no accommodation fee will be charged.

How much is the sleep (including jiaozi)?

One day, a foreign friend and I went to a restaurant to eat jiaozi, and a beautiful waitress came to ask.

Friends always miss any chance to practice Chinese and say "Sleep (jiaozi)". how much is it?

The young lady was embarrassed and angry. I quickly explained that he was asking jiaozi how much it was.

Jiaozi served it, and I asked him if he wanted mustard.

He invited another young lady. Is there a "program"

The young lady said brightly, "Yes, what kind of program do you want?"

"It's the yellow one ..."

Can you tell me something about Jing Yue? I took "China Ancient Literature". In my first class, the teacher talked about Confucianism, main figures and masterpieces, including "Four Books" and "Five Classics". A few minutes before class, the teacher asked the students to ask questions freely. A girl in the front row stood up and asked, "I saw Jing Yue mentioned in some books. Can you tell me what happened to Jing Yue? " . There was a burst of laughter in the classroom.

Today is a big day for two students. When I joined the league at school, it was just me and another girl. When our League branch secretary presided over the meeting, he said without hesitation, "Today is a big day for two students …" The rest of the students laughed their heads off.

How much does it cost to sleep (bowl) in jiaozi for one night? Lao Dong, a native of Henan, came to the south to have breakfast. As soon as I entered the door, I asked, "Miss, how much is it to sleep (bowl) in jiaozi for one night?"

The waiter said unhappily, "No, only steamed bread."

Old Dong said, "Oh, just touch the bun."

The waiter was furious and scolded: "rogue!" " "

Lao Dong was extremely surprised: "Six hairs? Too cheap! "

Please believe me if you can. I want to see how long you are. Once, two girls came to our dormitory to play with tractors. A group of two girls, a group of five elder brothers and me. Girls always play stinky, but they are lucky. They won a few hands and began to laugh. Finally, once it was the fifth person's turn to sit in the village. They showed the hearts as their owners, and I turned them into squares. At this time, I saw the fifth strike table and said excitedly, "I finally got a pair!" " Let's drag them out first, and then take your time! "At this moment, a girl persistently said," If you have the ability, you can trust it! "! I want to see how long you are! "

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