Text | Double Fish Li

Everyone has different mental problems, but some are invisible and some are explicit.

August 22? Tuesday? The sun has just risen

1

"Sister-in-law, sister-in-law, are you at home? Let's go to Hong Kong or Macau together, sister-in-law!"

"It's 11 o'clock, why are people still knocking on the door and shouting, go and open the door "Where are you?" said Mr.

"Okay! Okay, I'll go."

"It's Yaoyao, come in, come in, look for your sister-in-law. She's in the bedroom." , I called her." Mr. greeted warmly.

"I'm looking for my sister-in-law, I want to go out with her, I want to go to Macau, I want to go to Hong Kong, sister-in-law, sister-in-law!" Yaoyao shouted in the living room.

It was 11 o'clock on an early spring night, and the weather was still a little cool. I heard Yaoyao's cry, put on a coat, hurriedly found slippers, and ran to the living room. I heard Yaoyao's voice, roaring, looking very anxious!

"Yao Yao! What's wrong? I'm not at home to take care of the children at this hour! I'm not sleeping yet."

"Sister-in-law, I want to travel, sing, drink, go I want to go to Hong Kong, Macau, or Beijing." Yaoyao looked at me directly with deep dark circles, and stared at me with a dull look. It was indeed a bit strange to be looked at with such eyes. It's creepy, but I'm not afraid, because she is my best sister-in-law and friend in my husband's family.

Immediately afterwards, Yaoyao's husband Ayong also came to our house, and Ayong's brother followed closely behind. Ayong gently bit his ear, and he nodded frequently, and I seemed to understand a little bit.

She got sick again. I had only heard that she would get sick before. This was the first time I saw Yaoyao like this with my own eyes. It seems that the illness was very serious this time, otherwise why would there be so many people following him? She also seemed to understand that her sisters-in-law, who had been muttering recently, had closed their doors at home and did not dare to have contact with her.

"Sit down, why are you standing! Everyone, please sit down~~" I asked everyone to sit down, as the guests were here.

Yaoyao sat next to me. Because we usually meet and chat, we are the best sisters-in-law and friends. She did not feel any fear when she sat next to me.

"Sister-in-law, have you just come back from a business trip? You went to Shanghai, right? Is it a fun place? Is the Oriental Pearl Tower good-looking? You can take me there next week!" Yaoyao took my hand. Hand said.

I was thinking that I just went to Jinan for a meeting last week, and how could I go to Shanghai? Was she really sick because she was locked up at home and wanted to go out to play?

"Shanghai is okay. Let's go out and play together when I have a holiday. You went to bed late today. You are usually asleep at this time." I replied with a stiff smile.

"I can't sleep. I haven't been able to sleep recently, especially at night. I just want to go out for a walk." Shake shook his head and said,

"No. You'll have a headache if you sleep. You'll feel better if you sleep well."

Yaoyao’s husband was chatting quietly with his husband on the side, and I didn’t pay attention to listen. I saw Yaoyao's husband chatting and not forgetting to look at Yaoyao's state all the time. Sitting on the sofa, I felt that this Ayong was really good. The child was over 2 years old. When he saw his wife like this, he did not dislike it, but followed her all the time.

"I want to sleep, sister-in-law, but I want to go out and play more. I don't want to eat. I just want to walk around and look around.

"

Yaoyao was chatting with me casually. The husband quietly handed me 2 pills in my hand and whispered, "Give her to take them." (Afterwards, the husband told me that it was to calm her down. medicine)

"Yao Yao~~~Drink some water. I'll pour the water for you to drink. By the way, I have new skin care products that contain a variety of vitamin B and E complexes. You come 2 Take it, I’ve been eating it recently! "

I said, pouring water, a cup of warm water, and 2 pills, and brought them in front of Yaoyao.

"Eat it, I have been taking it recently, My skin looks much better and my condition is much better! ”

With a bang, a glass of warm water spilled all over the floor. There was also a lot of water on the sofa. The glass flew to the wall and shattered into pieces. There was a loud noise. There were many people here in the middle of the night, but The silence in the room was so deafening, and the sound was so crisp and harsh. Then the two pills in my hand flew out, and I shivered. This was the first time I had ever been rejected in this way. I'm a little scared.

"You bad guys, you know how to let me take medicine, you know how to let me take medicine, I don't take it, I don't take it, I'm not sick. "After knocking over the cup, Yaoyao sat calmly, while the others looked on in shock.

"Then don't eat, don't eat, drink some water, and I'll give it to you again. Pour a glass! "I said calmly and went to clean up the broken glass. I was afraid of other accidents.

The husband said while I was taking out the trash.

"Thank you! Ayong feels very embarrassed, thank you for your patience! She has already called the hospital. Her brother is on his way to pick her up and take her to the hospital. Don’t worry, he’s on his way here."

I thought to myself, I don’t dare to drive her away if I am in a hurry. What if I do something stupid? What should I do? Looking at Yaoyao sitting on the sofa, I feel distressed and anxious. I can't help her in my anxiety, and I feel quite incompetent!

I sat in the living room and chatted with her. What she said was incoherent, and I answered incoherently. As long as she was happy, I felt that she just needed someone to accompany her. What mattered was not what she said, but just being with her, watching. Staying with you can cure your illness.

After 20 minutes, the husband said that his brother was here and he was leaving. This 20-minute chat was the most nonsense and lies I had ever said in my life, but I couldn’t help it. If you don’t tell a lie, I don’t even remember what you said. That’s why, if you tell a lie, you have to use 100 lies to make up for it.

“Yao Yao, it’s 12 o’clock. Go to sleep. Do you want to sleep with me or go home? "This is the most hypocritical thing I have said, and I can't drive her away. I can only do this. I am really afraid that she will sleep in my house. I am really afraid that something will happen to her at night, or a personal safety issue.

"No, sister-in-law! I'm leaving. I'm going home to sleep. Excuse me. I'm leaving." Yaoyao was very normal at the moment. I even thought she was fine. The person who threw the cup just now was not the same person as her.

Yaoyao saw her brother at the door when she left. ~~~~~Ah~~~ I won’t leave, I won’t go to the hospital, my brother must have taken me to the hospital.”

He immediately collapsed on the ground, curled up, rolled to the left, and rolled to the left. She rolled to the right and screamed loudly. The people around her were too shocked to move. Yaoyao's husband and brother held her down as fast as they could, fearing where she would go and look for her in this late night. As for her, she held down her hands and feet and covered her mouth, afraid of shouting loudly, afraid of banging her head against the wall, afraid of making a loud noise and being heard by the neighbors, and afraid that there would be another after-dinner thing in this village. After all, the strength of two men is greater than that of a woman. Yaoyao was tired and was finally carried into the car by his brother, who drove Yao with him. Yao and her husband disappeared into the dark night together. My husband and I cleaned up the living room and quickly went back to bed. It was already past 12 o'clock, and the spring night was still very cold. The way the car disappeared, and the way Yaoyao looked back, were still there. My mind wanders.

"Which hospital did she go to?"

"Which one, the dedicated Fourth Psychiatric Hospital?" the gentleman replied

"When she is sick, according to common sense we should Go visit! How about going to see her tomorrow?"

"How do you treat this disease? Don't go to the hospital. You'll be scared if you go there. Go to sleep. I'll scare you tonight. Come on!" The husband said softly. It doesn't matter whether the wife is beautiful or not at this moment. The most ordinary and normal person is fine.

"I'm not afraid of her as a person, but the way she got sick really scared me. I thought she was really pitiful and didn't know how she looked when she got sick before. This time I saw it, and it was still creepy. !" I answered calmly.

This night, I couldn't fall asleep for a long time. In this relatively affluent village, every family lives in a bungalow and drives a car. They all seem to be very happy, but each family has a different story.

This is life. Every family doesn’t know other people’s stories, and every family has unsatisfactory things. When you find that your life is unsatisfactory and you look at those who are living a more miserable life, you will realize how happy you are. Without contrast, there is no happiness.

2

At night when I couldn’t sleep, my thoughts were floating in the wind.

When I married my husband, I only knew that this was a happy and harmonious big family. My father-in-law has several brothers, and the family members of each uncle and uncle are very easy to get along with. As a newlywed daughter-in-law, I will often visit the house and sit down to eat whenever I see which restaurant has delicious food. I am a very down-to-earth new daughter-in-law.

The one I go to most often is my husband’s second uncle’s house. His sister-in-law Yaoyao is about the same age as me. People of the same age always speak the same language when we get along. When I got married, , Yaoyao is already an 8-month-old pregnant woman. Pregnant women always absorb nutrients from the fetus in their belly. It is always easy to get hungry when one person eats the food of two people. For this reason, she has a lot of delicious food at home.

Yaoyao is one year younger than me, maybe because she got married early, and she is a pregnant mother, so she loves taking care of others. She always shares with me delicious food that is specially prepared for pregnant women. In the summer, all kinds of fruits, all kinds of snacks, all kinds of dried fruits, as long as I go to her house, my mouth can't stay. Fortunately, I am not easy to gain weight, otherwise I would really become a fat girl after eating them with pregnant women.

Chinese dinner parties have facilitated many things and produced many allusions. They are also a place where friendships breed. We often play together and share together. Yaoyao and I have become the best sister-in-law relationship in this family. I often give her clothes that I cannot wear. I am a person who loves to buy clothes. I often travel on business and I will buy all kinds of good-looking ones when I see them.

On the days when I wasn’t at work, we went shopping together, and she kept the delicious food at home for me, and she often went to her place to eat, happily.

At that time, I was also surprised that Yaoyao was such an enthusiastic and sincere person, why the other sisters-in-law didn’t give her a deep friendship. I don't want to have much contact with her. I knew the answer to this matter five months later, because everyone knew her past very well.

A woman lives as a princess for one day in her life, as a queen for ten months, and as a maid for a lifetime.

Yaoyao gave birth to a lovely daughter. I looked at the pink little baby, it was so adorable, so adorable. It’s so cute that I want to have a baby of my own. On weekends when I’m not working, I’ll help Yaoyao take care of her child.

Yaoyao often complained to me that "it is very tiring to take care of children, it is hard to take care of children, and I am too tired to sleep."

"Isn't the greatness of mothers just the dedication? Our mothers, the elders It’s not like this! You can’t complain, you are working hard now, what a blessing it is to watch Niuniu grow up day by day!”

I thought about what I said to Yaoyao after a long time. , if I had known that she had some such problems, I would not have persuaded her, but told the second aunt, Yaoyao feels tired of raising children, you should share more, maybe that tragedy will not happen.

She often complained, and I often comforted her, which was understood as the normal behavior of a girl to a woman and to a mother. But I didn't take these things as the same thing. Before we experience other people's things, we will never know the pain of others and cannot use our empathy to understand others.

Some things cannot be hidden, just as fire cannot be contained with paper, what should happen will eventually happen.

"Is it convenient to speak?" Mr. called me,

"Is it convenient to speak?" I walked to the conference room with my mobile phone

"Yao Yao, cut your wrists and commit suicide. "Oh~~~"

"Ah~~~Really!" I screamed in the conference room,

"It's not life-threatening~~~ How could this happen?" Continue to ask

"There was a lot of bleeding. Fortunately, it was discovered in time and the rescue was just completed. There is no major problem with my life. I am in the intensive care unit. My wrist was severely cut. Fortunately, I committed suicide at Yaoyao's parents' house. , otherwise Ayong really can’t explain it clearly!” said the gentleman.

"Why are you willing? How could Yaoyao know herself? How could she be willing to die, this woman! I don't understand, I can't accept it, how can she have the courage to die!" She asked in discomfort and incomprehension

"She has a mental disorder. She had it before marriage, but it was not obvious before marriage. Now that she has given birth to a child, she is tired of looking after the child and has relapsed again!" said the husband.

"What! Why didn't you tell me earlier? I have such a good relationship with her! ! She is a mental patient, why didn’t you tell me earlier?” I didn’t think there was anything wrong with it, so I didn’t say anything!”

“Why did you lie to me?”

“I can’t take the initiative to tell you that she is mentally ill. , this kind of thing. I think she is better, maybe she will never relapse!"

"Okay, let me digest this matter!" I hung up the phone.

When you are in love, everything is so beautiful. After marriage, you will find that everything is not the same as before. Maybe it's intentional, maybe it's unintentional, maybe it's because my state of mind has changed.

Yaoyao is a mental patient. Everyone in my husband’s family knows it, but I am the only one who doesn’t know. I felt as if I had been deceived, as if I had staged a farce. Everyone knew it was a farce, but I thought it was a true story. I was so stupid, so stupid.

When I returned to the office, I stood in front of the window for a while with a glass of hot water. My mood gradually calmed down. Yaoyao is what everyone thinks is a mentally ill woman, so what, does she want to be like that?

Who wants to be born with a disability or disease?

Would you like to? Unwilling, unwilling, everyone hopes to be perfect or to be born into a happy family. No one wants to be born into a defective family.

So what if I’m friends with a mentally ill woman! As long as this friend is sincere enough and everyone is happy enough to be together, no matter what I want, others can't care. I don't care about other people's opinions about my own life.

After get off work, my husband did not want me to go to the psychiatric hospital to see patients. I went to the hospital to see my friends. Why do I care about other people's opinions! I just want to go and no one can stop me.

When I arrived at the hospital, Yaoyao was in the intensive care unit and I didn’t see her. If she were a normal woman, I would definitely scold her,

"How do you have the courage to die, how can you let go of the people around you who love you, how can you let go of your children, how can you let go of you My parents, how could you let me go!" I could only think these words in my heart, but I couldn't say them out.

Looking at Ayong still sitting in the corner in the corridor, not talking, just sitting. I couldn't find anything to comfort him, so my husband chatted with him for a while. I stood quietly in the corridor for a long time. The hospital was a sad place, and I really didn't want to stay any longer. Since I couldn't see anyone, I chose to leave.

What I can do is go to my second aunt’s house after get off work to help take care of Yaoyao’s child. The child is only 100 days old and will no longer be breastfed. When the child was young, his vision was weak and his favorite color was red. After I learned this, I tried my best to wear red clothes and hug my children every day to make them like me more.

Although I am not a mother, my love can make up for her feeling of not having breast milk to drink. The child leaves the mother who smells of breast milk, closes her eyes, and cries with all her strength. When she is tired of crying, Get some sleep. She continued to cry while sleeping and refused to drink milk powder. The baby cried, and the second aunt also cried.

I don’t dare to say more. This is not the kind of cultivation that a rural grandmother should have. She cannot dare to speak out about her sufferings, let alone scold her.

There is no hard day. When the child is tired of crying, he drinks milk powder. The second aunt stops crying. I still visit Yaoyao’s child every day. The clock is turning day by day, no matter what you think or live, your life is over. Yaoyao was discharged from the hospital more than 20 days later.

After the patient returns home from the hospital, it is the custom in the village to visit the patient. The sisters-in-law all have to go to visit, but only to Yaoyao. Everyone was really being polite, and no one wanted to chat with her for a while. I still continue to get along with Yaoyao. She is not as talkative as before, and there is a long scar on her hand.

Wear a watch to cover up. A watch can only cover the superficial scars, but what can be used to cover the inner scars.

I still continued our play with her, but Yaoyao was not as happy as before. This was her first illness after marriage.

3

"Now that you know Yaoyao has mental problems, you still continue to be friends with her. I thought you would stay away from her"

" Do you think I am no longer gentle before marriage?" I asked my husband.

"Yes, I am not as gentle as before marriage!"

"Isn't it better to get divorced? I agree to the divorce."

"If you get divorced over this trivial matter, you won't get old if you don't get divorced 100 times."

"That's fine, friends find out. If you have a friend with a mental problem, you should break up with me. Now I am healthy. One day, if I am not healthy, I will have no friends. You people are vulgar!"

The gentleman smiled knowingly and said nothing. After a while.

"Let me tell you the story of A Yong and Yaoyao." The gentleman said.

The husband is a very non-gossip person, and there are basically no stories about his boss’s parents’ shortcomings in the Li family. Men may have few words to begin with, but he is the one who talks very little. He is really willing to listen to the stories he is willing to tell, especially the story about Yaoyao and A Yong before their marriage.

4

The second aunt’s family has three children, Ayong, an older brother and a younger sister. The elder brother is in college and the younger sister is still young. The second uncle and the second aunt did not have much source of income. Living in the countryside, farming, can only make you eat but not drink. My brother is in high school, and Ayong started working after graduating from middle school.

In rural areas, people without education, skills, or abilities can really only do ordinary jobs. Ayong has done many jobs, including factory assembly line work, delivery, and hourly labor. Working as a construction worker. It's like the construction workers who build buildings. They are very tired every day, so tired that when they get home, they just want to fall asleep.

Young people in rural areas are happy to get married early. A Yong is handsome and his physical work makes him strong. He seems to be a simple and honest man who doesn't have that much scheming. Although you won't have a rich life with him, you can still live a small life with enjoyment.

They started going on a blind date and met many times. After the blind date with Yaoyao, Ayong changed.

Yaoyao’s parents are from a remarried family. Some of her diseases are congenital and inherited from her mother. Her current mother was remarried by her father when Yaoyao was 8 years old, which is what everyone calls her stepmother (her brother was brought by her mother) ). But I think this stepmother is the most qualified stepmother in China. Every time Yaoyao feels uncomfortable, she is the first to run to Yaoyao's house. (I have never thought that her mother is a stepmother, even if she doesn't tell her.) She always takes care of Yaoyao by asking her questions. Yao.

A Yong's living conditions are average. Every time he goes to Yaoyao's house, his prospective father-in-law always prepares at least 4 dishes and entertains them with good wine. After a long time of visiting, he enjoys it from hard days to good days. happiness. It's hard to go back to the bad days after good days. A Yong's happy days in Yaoyao's house gave A Yong a feeling of running towards a well-off society.

Ayong is no longer a construction worker, and has gone to work as a manager in Yaoyao's father's factory. They also got engaged soon. The husband said that Yaoyao had been ill before the marriage, but Ayong never gave up and accompanied her to many places for medical treatment.

The doctor’s answer was the same: “It cannot be cured, it can only be controlled, it is a mental problem.” Even so, they still got married and had a child, Niuniu.

Every couple who can stay together is the result of their marriage in the previous life.

Everyone will walk many roads in their life. This road may be a spacious highway or a rugged mountain path. Every road must be walked, and every step taken is yours. The traces of life.

The same goes for friends. We will have many friends at different times in our lives, some poor, some rich, some beautiful, some ugly. No matter what she looks like, she is still my friend, no matter who she is. Nothing can be changed.

Yaoyao and I will continue to be friends, even if she ends up running around and needing someone to find her, I will still be her friend.

I am willing, no one is I can manage it.

——————————————————

From Zhang Yusheng’s friends, this is for you, it’s so nice

These Years, a person, the wind has passed, the rain has gone,

There have been tears, there have been mistakes, still remember, what to insist on,

Only when you have truly loved can you understand, you will be lonely, I will look back,

I will always have dreams, I will always have you in my heart,

Friends, we will walk together for life, those days will no longer exist,

One sentence , a lifetime, a lifetime of love, a glass of wine,

Friend, you have never been alone, call me friend, you will understand,

There are still injuries, there is still pain, there is still time to go, there is still Me,

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