Part 1

Baozi and noodles had a big fight, but because Baozi was too meaty, he was beaten to pieces by the noodles, so

when he left, the man on the other side Tiao left the next sentence: "Don't leave if you are so brave. I will ask my partner to teach you a lesson." Baozi went there

I made an appointment with fried dumplings, steamed buns, bread, etc., and was going to go find some noodles to talk about, and I was on the way. When they encountered instant noodles,

Baozi and others surrounded him and beat him severely. After instant noodles were beaten indiscriminately, they asked Baozi why he was beaten?

Baozi replied : Noodles, don’t think that if you perm your hair, I won’t recognize you!

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Part 2

After the instant noodles were smashed, I felt very unhappy, so I teamed up with rice noodles, udon noodles, Japanese buckwheat noodles and fried noodles to go find Baozi to settle the score. Unexpectedly, I met xiaolongbao on the road. The instant noodle finger looked at it carefully for a while and said: Brothers, come on! Use more force to make the instant noodles flat. After flattening the steamed buns, the tribesmen walked away. Later

Others asked about Instant Noodles and said: You were so hard to flatten just now. We didn’t know you hated him so much. Instant Noodles said:

I just wanted to have a little K. I didn’t expect him to pretend to be cute and wear children’s clothes... The more I think about it, the angrier I get.

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Part 3

After eating the instant noodles and eating the xiaolongbao, I became more and more angry because I wanted to renew the stall and join the crowd again

The noodlers went looking for the xiaolongbao again. I wanted to fall down and encountered a cut bag on the road, wow! Instant Noodles roared furiously, taking the lead

Bian Ya. The beating made Zhongmian feel a little cruel. Zhongmian pulled Instant Noodles away and asked it: "What are you doing?

< p>Why are you so angry?" Instant Noodles said: "It's too much. Just pretend to be cute and give me points in my hair..."

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Part 4

After Xiao Long Bao knew why he was beaten... he felt very wronged. ..... So I told them the situation

Cai Bao, bean paste buns, fried buns, pickled cabbage buns... 'You stay here. Let's go find the perm guy'... them

I was very angry and went to find instant noodles to settle the score... On the way, I met rice noodles... So I repaired the rice noodles severely

When I left... Said 'Man, your hair is permed. You should just stay at home and don't look at it

People are cute but they are mentally unbalanced...**!!'

1. Money is not the problem, the problem is lack of money!

2. The person burning incense may not be a monk, but a panda...

3. When I am drunk, I won’t accept anyone, so I will support the wall!

< p>4. Who said I am white, thin, and beautiful ~ I will be good friends with him ~

5. The effect of contraception: If it fails, you will become an adult?

6. During the day The water supply was cut off, the power was cut off at night, wages could not be paid, and noodles could not be bought. I opened Deng Xuan to find the answer. It turned out to be the primary stage of socialism. When I turned to the end, holy shit, it will not change for a hundred years.

7. A friend of mine was an intern at China Unicom. One day, an old man came up to me and said, "Get me a mobile card, okay?" Then my friend didn't even raise his head. Here's a sentence: "Master, someone is here to cause trouble!"

8. If eating more fish can replenish the brain and make people smarter, then I have to eat at least a pair of whales...

< p>9. The brothers in the dormitory decided to impose the following punishment on the roommate: make him hold a telephone pole covered with advertisements for old Chinese medicine practitioners, and shout with tears and affection: My disease is finally cured!

10. A male classmate’s signature: After watching all the AV in the world, there is no code in my heart.

11. Time is the same as cleavage, there is still room for squeezing.

12. Don’t be careless about an animal that bleeds for a week and is still alive...

13. A group of Japanese people visited our school today - to be honest, this is my first time See Japanese people wearing clothes!

14. Friends around me, please become famous quickly, so that my memoirs can sell well~~~

15. Chastity varies from person to person, such as Will praise a girl for being a virgin, but also laugh at a boy for being a virgin.

16. My sister and I went to Li Ning to buy shoes. My sister said, "Miss, how much do these shoes cost per pound?"

17. He is so handsome! In the end, he wasn’t eaten by pawns!

18. When a colleague went to meet a client, he might be nervous, but as soon as he opened his mouth he said: "Hello, Mr. Liu, may I ask what your last name is?" Oh~~~~~~

19. A college student’s goal in life: a peasant woman, a mountain spring, and some farmland.

20. A female classmate was too dark, and her boyfriend was too fair. One day in the dormitory, the venomous queen suddenly said to her: "You can't do this, you will give birth to zebras..." "

21. The doctor asked the patient how he had broken the bone. The patient said, I felt there was sand in my shoes, so I shook my shoes by holding on to the telephone pole. Damn, a bastard passed by and thought I had been electrocuted, so he picked it up. The wooden stick gave me two sticks!

22. The professor was talking about organic chemistry and polymers on the podium. He first drew a "phthalein key" on the blackboard and said to everyone, "This is a 'eunuch', let's press a 'methyl' key on him."...

24. When I was in college, I took an experimental class on analog electronics and used an oscilloscope to observe the waveform of the rectifier circuit. After I finished it, I was wandering around the laboratory. A girl pulled me and said, "Can you look at my wave?" I immediately blushed and realized She pointed at the sine wave on the oscilloscope.

I said in a panic: "Your waves are good, but they are not smooth enough." I adjusted them for her, and unexpectedly they turned into triangular waves. The girl immediately became anxious: "You Accompany my wave, you accompany my wave..." I ran away.

25. Two reporters, a man and a woman, went to the countryside to interview. An old farmer asked the female reporter: Which unit are you from? Female reporter: From the newspaper; the old farmer asked the male reporter: What about you? Male reporter: From a daily newspaper; Old farmer: Just say it’s a couple and that’s it!

26. Only when there is a long queue can we truly realize that we are "descendants of the dragon".

1. Woman: "As long as you have money, I can marry anyone." Man: "Will you marry a bank safe?"

2. When quarreling, men The difference with women is like the difference between a pistol and a machine gun.

3. My wife wants to lose weight, so she goes horse riding every day. As a result, Ma lost 40 pounds in one month.

4. Patient: "Doctor, you left the scissors in my stomach." "It doesn't matter, I still have one."

5. Judge: Why did you print a fake Money? The defendant said innocently: Because I can't print real money.

6. Wife: "Men are all timid." Husband: "Not necessarily, otherwise why would I marry you."

7. First couplet: Hahaha Haha, second line: Hey hey hey hey. Hengbiao: Mental illness

8. First year: He talks, she listens. Year 2: She talks, he listens. Year Three: They talk and the neighbors listen.

9. If the cold world we live in is still difficult to change, at least I still have your face to dissolve the ice and snow.

10. Thief A: "Quickly count how much money you robbed today?" Thief B: "No, I will find out by reading the newspaper tomorrow."

11 .Teacher: "Peter, do you know how many years a mouse can live?" Peter: "It depends on the cat."

12. The kangaroo said to the dog: "I can put the phone on In my bag, you can only hang your phone on your butt!"

13. Zhu Bajie: I changed my name to Sai Panan, many beauties are waiting for me! Sun Wukong: Could it be that you are online, idiot.

14. The daughter asked her mother: "Was Dad shy before?" "If he wasn't shy, you would be at least four years older now!"

15. Father: You are so old now , it’s time to find a wife. Zi: Yes, but in the vast sea of ??people, whose wife should I find?

16. Female: "Why are you always chewing candy when you talk to me?" Male: "How can you come up with so many sweet words if you don't chew sugar?"

17. Female A: "You Does your fiancé know your age? "Otome: "Yes, he knows part of it." 18. "I treat her like an arctic!" "How?" "She is as cold as ice. It attracts me like a magnet."

19. Difficult to achieve

Mahaha was driving his family on a country road when suddenly he noticed a frog crossing the road. . Mahaha quickly stopped the car, stepped out, and put the frog on the side of the road. The frog was very grateful to Mahaha and promised to fulfill one of Mahaha's wishes. So, Mahaha said to the frog:

"The 'Dog Selection Contest' will be held next week, and I want my dog ??to come first." The frog asked to see the dog, and Mahaha walked out of the car. Zhong took the dog out. The frog took a look and saw that the dog was stupid, fat, and only had three legs.

"I'm afraid this wish will be difficult to come true. You'd better make another wish!" the frog said with a guilty look.

"Then let's do this. Let my wife win the first place in the next beauty pageant!" Mahaha demanded.

The frog asked Mahaha's wife to get out of the car, looked at it and said, "Can I take a look at that dog again?"

20. Such an ugly woman< /p>

There was a woman who was so ugly that men avoided her when they saw her. The woman's biggest wish is to let traffickers **** her, and then... So, whenever night falls, she wanders on the sparsely populated country roads, waiting for that moment to come.

Hard work paid off. Late that night, she was finally forced into a car by a kidnapper. The kidnapper came to see the kidnapper leader with his "fruits of victory", ready to claim credit and receive the reward. However, when the kidnapper leader saw the woman's appearance, he couldn't help scolding the kidnapper for his lack of vision and ordered him to let the woman leave the car immediately. The kidnappers asked the woman to get out of the car according to the leader's order, but the woman had no intention of getting out of the car. There was a stalemate for a long time. The kidnappers used coercion, intimidation, beatings and other means to get the woman out of the car, but the woman never gave in. She just refused to get out of the car. Seeing this, the kidnapper leader shouted helplessly: "Forget it! I don't want the car!"

21. Unfair

A priest and a bus driver passed away at the same time. But the bus driver went to heaven and the pastor went to hell. It is quite unfair for a pastor to dedicate his life to the church but end up in hell.

So I complained to God. Pastor: "Lord! I have dedicated my life to the church and lead your believers in prayer every Sunday. Why am I not as good as a bus driver? Have I gone to hell?" God: "Yes! That's why you You just went to hell. You lead the believers to pray and preach the Bible every Sunday, but they are all sleeping underneath! But the bus driver rushes on the street every day, but his passengers are praying!"

< p>22. Poison

As soon as the customer came out of the pharmacy to buy medicine, the pharmacy clerk hurriedly caught up with him.

Guy: I'm sorry, you asked for a tonic and I gave you the poison by mistake.

Customer: Look, something big happened to you.

Guy: No, the boss will definitely scold me when he finds out. Poison is twice as expensive as tonic.

23. Avoid asking questions

A nationally renowned botany professor and his teaching assistant are researching new varieties of plants.

One day, the teaching assistant asked the professor: "What would you do if you were taking a practical class in the field and encountered an unknown plant?"

The professor replied: "I usually go Be at the front, and then trample all the unknown plants to death to prevent students from asking questions. "

24. Activity Director

A worker asked the factory director's secretary:

"Why does the director always sit in the front row when watching movies?"

"Leading the masses."

"But why does he sit in the middle again when watching movies?"

“Go deep into the masses.”

“When guests come, why is our factory director always at the table?”

“Represent the masses.”

"But he sits in the office every day..."

"Fool, just believe in the masses!"

25. Assassin

Two gangsters are lying in wait. Planning to assassinate someone, but that person is always missing. One of them said anxiously: "What happened? I haven't seen him come yet. I hope he doesn't have an accident!"

26. A tooth

John: "Your father looks like You're a miser, look, he's a shoemaker, and you still wear such shabby shoes."

Tom: "What about your dad? He's a famous dentist, but your little brother is. Only one tooth!”

27. Unbearable conscience

One day, a poet was drinking with his friends. They ordered four sparrows as a side dish. His friend ate three in a row, and when he was about to eat the last one, the poet hurriedly said: "Should I eat this one?" The friend sighed and said, "I wanted to give it to you, but... , I really can't bear to break them up, so let's reunite them." After that, he ate the last one. 1. In the first half of his life, he was rejected 3 times in 22 years. 2 times, currently leading 3:2...

2. If eating more fish can replenish the brain and make people smarter, then I have to eat at least a pair of whales...

3. If you want to get along with me, you must first live with me! After staying here, I became obscene, I am so crazy! I'll have sex again after I'm done with sex, I'll be so cool! After you're done, I'll dump you, and I'll just pull you!

4. On the west city, Zhuge Liang finished playing a piece of music, and the lingering sound echoed around the beams. The 150,000 Wei troops outside the city were mesmerized. Zhuge Liang: "Thank you everyone, please pay one tael for each ticket." Wei Jun was shocked. In a moment, 150,000 people fled without a single one...

5. The world was turbulent. A person who is good at cutting a bloody path with a sword is called a swordsman; a person who holds a long sword and makes a name for himself is called a swordsman; and in the time of water and wood, a person who likes to drink water with a ladle is called... haha :)

6. Buddha said, color is emptiness, and emptiness is color.

Tonight, I just want to free my mind for a moment...:)

7. They published the earliest book on the treatment of impotence in China - "The Diamond Sutra"

They published a This is the earliest book on physiology in China - "The Jing Jing"

They created the earliest Jing in China! --] Ziku - Zangjing Pavilion

They worship 500 exhibitionists - 500 naked men

They named a Bodhisattva after a perverted behavior - Guanyin

p>

They are: monks

8. He was wandering around the campus and she passed him by. Looking at the beautiful back, he couldn't help but shout: "You are so beautiful, please stay for a moment!" She looked back and he stared. As a result, both of them died together - she was so ugly that he was so scared to death; he was so ugly that she was so scared to death...

9. The negotiator sent by the school climbed up panting. On the rooftop of the main building, I pushed the "glock18" in my hand hard against the hostage's temple. He was so frightened that he took two steps back. "Please don't hurt the hostage. If you have any request, we can consider it!" "It's very simple. Xishan Repair the dilapidated road at the bridge, take care of the illegal shops on campus, improve the sanitation in the cafeteria, postpone the lights out time in the dormitory, and lower the water price in the bathhouse..." "Okay, okay, wait. Wait, I'll go back and ask for instructions." The negotiator went downstairs. After about one cigarette, he returned to the rooftop and shouted from a distance: "You'd better shoot, we won't kill you..."

10. Keep pace with the times , you and I are going to climax!

11. To judge the size of a school, you must first look at the number and types of contraceptive pills in the hospital at the school entrance...

12. I am kind-hearted, and I would even trample one to death. Ants can also chant sutras and recite Buddhist scriptures to transcend the souls of the dead and build tombs for them. They are even more afraid that they will be single and lonely after death, so they trample dozens of ants to death to keep them company. I hope that kind-hearted people will contact me~~~ (There are really everyone in this era!)

13. After the graduation ceremony, a Tsinghua student got into a taxi and said excitedly, "Hello, I am already "I am a graduate of Tsinghua University in 2002!" The driver said, "What a coincidence, I am a graduate of the 1966 class." Then he pointed to the old man selling sweet potatoes on the street and said, "He was not liberated when he graduated~"

14. Romance without money, I can hold your hand and walk on the beach full of white sand;

Romance with 1 yuan, I can make a caring call next to a deserted public phone booth. You;

For 10 yuan of romance, I can buy you a popsicle on a hot summer day to cool you down;

For 100 yuan of romance, I can buy a popsicle on a cold night Oden cooking warms your palms;

For 1,000 yuan of romance, I can go shopping with you and buy the clothes you like;

For 10,000 yuan of romance, I can buy you a mobile phone for both of us. The sound of happiness is nowhere near.

15. I want to know why. I want to know why. I want to know why. I just want to know why. I must know why. I must know why. (It’s impossible to break sentences here, because each way of breaking them has a new meaning)

16. When I didn’t go to college, I wondered why so many people still **** after going to college. Then I wonder why so many people are still alive after going to college!

17. Being a woman is “very” good, but being a man is “very” tiring!

18. Because I am too handsome, a director asked me to play the leading role in "The Hunchback of Notre Dame"...

19. When I was a child, my father taught me: "Chinese The male-to-female ratio in Tsinghua University is 107:101. If you don’t study hard, you will be the "6"!" When I grew up, I was admitted to Tsinghua University and found that the male-to-female ratio in Tsinghua University was 7:1, and I was still the "6"!!

20. On the way to Xi'an for a business trip, a Dalian man boasted about how good Dalian is, and then said that a grand celebration was held on the 100th anniversary of Dalian's founding. Then he asked the person next to him One person asked: "Are there any celebrations for the 100th anniversary of the founding of Xi'an?" Several Xi'an buddies nearby were stunned. After a while, they forced out a sentence: "I remember that there was one in the 600th anniversary of the founding of Xi'an." Let's play with the princes by beacon fire..."

21. My grandmother is still in the countryside. Since I was admitted to Tsinghua University, my grandmother always said to me every time I went back: "The pieces of land at home, this yard, and these chickens and pigs are all reserved for you." But seeing the employment situation this year, I finally realized my grandma’s foresight and good intentions...

In 22 and 21****, our new "four modernizations" goal is: to give the sun Install switches, install railings on the Yellow River, design reverse gear for airplanes, and put ceramic tiles on the Great Wall!

23. Every boy was once a demon from hell. When he meets the girl he likes, he will be tempted - and then become a mortal. So girls must not let down boys, otherwise boys will go back to that terrible hell!

24. Gouge your brother with a knife, and cut your brother with a knife for a beautiful woman.

Brothers are like arms and legs, beauties are like clothes, whoever wears my clothes I will cut off his arms and legs; beauties are like clothes, brothers are like arms and legs, whoever touches my arms and legs I will wear his clothes! ! !

25. From now on, I will only hate you. I will break everything I promise you. I will go against everything I say to you. I will bully you and scold you. , if I want to despise you, if others bully you, I will come out and bully you as soon as possible. If you are happy, I will make you unhappy. If you are unhappy, I will make you even more unhappy. I will always make you feel I am the most evil man in your dream! ! !

26. "Zhang Hua was admitted to Peking University; Li Ping entered a technical secondary school; I worked as a salesperson in a department store: we all have bright futures.

"——"Xinhua Dictionary" 1998 revised edition p673...

27. I am 1.45 meters tall. I participated in the Beijing University Men's Marathon last summer. Unexpectedly, I suddenly fainted halfway through the race! Wait for me When I woke up, everyone gathered around me and asked me with concern: "What's wrong with you? Are you exhausted?" I blushed and said ashamedly: "No... I was knocked unconscious by random sticks!" ”

28. If personality is a mistake, then I have made one mistake after another.

If being handsome is a sin, then I have committed a heinous sin.

< p>If being smart has to be punished, then shouldn’t I deserve to be cut down by a thousand swords

If being humble has to be scolded, how can I escape the mouth of jealousy

29. Girls rush Go to the "Great Northern Wilderness"

-------Beijing, older people, no one loves them, so they are left alone (I thought it was a talent shortage in Peking University, but it turned out to be a complete shortage, what a waste, sweat)